Is my dad taking advantage of me?

[Anonymous]

Give him a one-time finders fee of $10,000. Cut him out of your life.

[Anonymous]

Laywer up

[Anonymous]

OMG, your first tangible step towards releasing yourself from the mental hold your abusive father has on you is to SELL SELL SELL and get yourself out of ANY financial involvement with him. Get out ASAP, for your own mental health. If you left home at 13 due to his abuse, why for the love of God would you financially entangle yourself with him? Are you trying to win his love? Still? Please seek therapy to free yourself from this.

You are the legal owner, SELL, and give your father whatever you think is appropriate. He has nothing in writing with you. You do not have to get his agreement on this. Just get out of this. Maybe hire another lawyer to get you out of it, so you are not wrapped up in the emotional drama. Have your father talk to the other lawyer--say you are "too busy" to deal with it. And GET AWAY from someone who is clearly toxic to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he is taking advantage of you. No, the 25/75 split is not fair.

Sell it, OP. Sell it ASAP. Sell it before you get in some kind of huge legal trouble for things your father should not be doing in the clinic.

Sell it to disentangle yourself from a toxic person who does not have your best interest at heart.

Sell it to give yourself peace and space to earn honest money for your own family.

I would sell it and give him whatever you think is fair. Honestly, for what he has essentially stolen from you all this time, I think NOTHING is fair. But give him whatever will give you peace. If it gives you peace to give him 100% and be free of this, give that to him.

Don't expect him to be happy with whatever you give him. If you give him 100%, he will still be mad at you for selling his cash cow. YOU CAN NEVER MAKE HIM HAPPY. He will always blame his unhappiness on you.

It is not your fault. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

Please let yourself be free of this terrible, toxic situation and free of as much contact with your dad as possible. If you can get out of this deal without losing more time and any money, you will be well free of it at ANY price.

Thank you so much, I am honestly sitting here crying at your insight and kindness, thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I am in a pretty complicated situation with my dad, I know I really shouldn't have gotten myself into this situation to begin with, but that is done and there is nothing I can do about that.

Last year, my dad came to me asking me to purchase two medical clinics. He was managing the clinics and the owner was moving to California and selling them, they are located out of state. My dad could not purchase them directly because he cannot be a licensed owner due to legal troubles and felonies in his past. I agreed to purchase them, no one put any money up front, the owner is taking $8k payments per month (purchase price of $400k, owe about $300k now). I am on all legal paperwork, I am the sole owner, I am on all licensing, insurance, etc. I am also an attorney and do a significant amount of the legal work for the clinics, contracts, employment agreements, non-competes, etc. I spend maybe 10 hours a week on work for the clinics. I have tried to nail down the split of profit with my dad, but he refuses to put anything in writing and now that I am trying to nail him down on a number, he keeps lowering my "portion."

Basically, he has been taking all the profits and giving me $2k/month. I found out recently he has been taking $10-$20k/month. This month I made him allot for all monies and he took $15,000 and I took $4,500. He runs the day to day operation of the clinics, but really is not very good at is, is very abrasive to staff, causes high staff turnover, etc. He went to Europe for a month, still took $20,000k and no one missed him. He is also paying his wife a salary of $6k/month as a receptionist. I should also note that he was appealing the state board, who said he could not work in the clinics at all because of his background, and it appears that he will lose his appeal. If this happens, he will be totally unable to work in any capacity at the clinics, but he still intends on taking his full monthly salary, even if he is not working.

For context, he was very abusive, physically and mentally, for most of my childhood. While I feel I have mostly moved past this, he is still very manipulative and has some unhealthy mental control on me, I recognize this and am trying to work through it. He tells me that I am greedy and only love money, and I am taking too much money from the clinics, etc etc etc.

At this point, he said that I am entitled to $2k/month as salary, and he takes $8k/month salary. Then on any profits over and above this, I get 25% and he gets 75%.

We have an offer to buy the clinics for $1.5 million, after real estate fees and paying off the first owner, we would have about $1mil remaining, after taxes more like $800k. If we sell, he insists that he will receive 75% and I would receive 25%. Does this seem fair? Am I being unreasonable?

What should I do? My husband wants me to go down there, put in a reasonably priced manager, kick him out (he has no legal right to the clinics) and take all of the profits. I think it is too difficult to try and manage a clinic from 1500 miles away, and because it is mostly a cash clinic, I don't know who I could really trust.

If it matters at all, my husband and I have a very normal life, we make about $175k a year apart from the clinics, we have 4 kids, and while we do okay, we are not wealthy, and have a lot of expenses to pay (including $200k in student loans). We live a very modest pretty quiet life, no extravagant vacations or cars.

He has a 26 year old Russian wife who has a 5 year old son, they go on trips to Europe, take expensive vacations, drive expensive cars, etc. He did not support me financially for most of my life, I left home when I was 13 due to the abuse.

Thanks for taking the time to read and offer insight.

This is the answer to your question. He is a criminal. Yes, he is taking advantage of you.

Sell the clinics if you don't want to manage them. You don't need to tell him. The new owner will.

[Anonymous]

How can you be so educated yet so dumb ?

You already know what to do unless you're a glutton for punishment and want to go down with Daddy drowning together.

[Anonymous]

Based on your father's past history alone, I would be very concerned about what is going on at the clinics. You could be disbarred if there is malfeasance and corruption, especially with Medicare payments. That is reason alone to sell. And that is leaving aside whether you are personally being taken advantage of (probably).

[Anonymous]

If I understand this correctly, YOU are the owner, YOU pay 8k a month and you ONLY get 2k month, while your father is living the life? I can't believe you are a lawyer and so naive. He sounds very manipulative and the years of abuse have obviously left you vulnerable and he still has control over you. Trust your instincts, which are telling you he is taking advantage of you and sell so you let go of this toxic relationship.

[Anonymous]

Those are huge monthly profits for a medical clinic -- and your father has a record of being crooked. YOU and YOU alone are being set up to take the fall when the clinic is audited for fraud by insurance companies, Medicare, etc. Yeah, sell now.

[Anonymous]

Oh, OP, my heart just aches for you. I think you really need to take this offer and get out, because this is not healthy for you. As to how to split the money, my first question is whether the monthly loan payment has been coming out of profits before anyone gets paid, or if you've been paying it out of your own pocket and then getting only $2k back as partial reimbursement? If it's the latter, the very first thing that has to be done with the profit is to reimburse you (with interest) for everything you've paid out for the clinic. Out of whatever's left, it would be completely within your right to keep it all. After all, you're the one who took the legal and financial risk of owning it (no matter how your father may paint it as him having done you a favor by finding this opportunity, you did him a huge favor by buying the clinics and keeping him employed all this time). If you would like to give him something, give him $60k. That would be approximately 6 months severance, so plenty to support him while he finds a new job.

Then, please take the remaining profit and use it to pay for a therapist for yourself to work on this. As much as you may feel you've largely moved past your abusive history, if you'd truly healed from it you wouldn't have allowed him to abuse you again in this matter (which is what he's doing). Abuse by your parents is incredibly difficult to recover from, and a skilled therapist can do wonders for helping you establish a healthy sense of self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP, my heart just aches for you. I think you really need to take this offer and get out, because this is not healthy for you. As to how to split the money, my first question is whether the monthly loan payment has been coming out of profits before anyone gets paid, or if you've been paying it out of your own pocket and then getting only $2k back as partial reimbursement? If it's the latter, the very first thing that has to be done with the profit is to reimburse you (with interest) for everything you've paid out for the clinic. Out of whatever's left, it would be completely within your right to keep it all. After all, you're the one who took the legal and financial risk of owning it (no matter how your father may paint it as him having done you a favor by finding this opportunity, you did him a huge favor by buying the clinics and keeping him employed all this time). If you would like to give him something, give him $60k. That would be approximately 6 months severance, so plenty to support him while he finds a new job.

Then, please take the remaining profit and use it to pay for a therapist for yourself to work on this. As much as you may feel you've largely moved past your abusive history, if you'd truly healed from it you wouldn't have allowed him to abuse you again in this matter (which is what he's doing). Abuse by your parents is incredibly difficult to recover from, and a skilled therapist can do wonders for helping you establish a healthy sense of self.

The $8k payments have been coming out as an expense of the clinics, they have paid that payment monthly. Part of the problem is that he really does have very few skills, doesn't have a high school diploma, and was in a really rough point a few years ago, and I feel like I am responsible for keeping him employed or he may be destitute. The last time that happened he called me in the middle of the night threatening to kill himself. Thank you so much for your insight and kind words.

[Anonymous]

Wow. OP, please, please get a therapist and a lawyer now. Your father has done one hell of a number on you. You can't even see how bad it is.

Yes, your father is taking advantage of you. Big time.
No, a 75/25 split is not fair.
And you should realize that your father has NO say in this. He has no legal right to anything but a salary which YOU set as the owner. He has no right to any sale proceeds. Most importantly, he has no right to "insist" on anything. You are his boss. Not the other way around.
Honestly, your father is a huge liability. The lawyer in you should see this and know it could bite you in the ass. Your DH is 100% right.

Please, please, please seek therapy and legal advice. You do not have your head on right.

[Anonymous]

YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE for him being employed. You are NOT. Do not allow him to control you through threats of suicide. He is ABUSING you.

Inside you are still a little kid who wants his love and approval. But he is USING you and is clearly manipulative.

(1) Hire a lawyer and tell your lawyer you want to get out of this clinic thing ASAP. Sell, sell it at a loss if you have to, sell it ASAP

(2) Screen your calls. If it is your father, do not pick up. Tell your father to contact the lawyer for any clinic-related issues.

(3) immediately get a therapist to help you break the hold your mentally ill father has on you and to help yourself extract yourself from this entanglement. You need to learn new SKILLS and new ways of thinking. Take a break from your father until you have some months of therapy under your belt.

If you can't do this for yourself, do it for your family and your kids. You need to get away from this toxic influence on your life. Call a lawyer TODAY. Call a therapist TODAY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP, my heart just aches for you. I think you really need to take this offer and get out, because this is not healthy for you. As to how to split the money, my first question is whether the monthly loan payment has been coming out of profits before anyone gets paid, or if you've been paying it out of your own pocket and then getting only $2k back as partial reimbursement? If it's the latter, the very first thing that has to be done with the profit is to reimburse you (with interest) for everything you've paid out for the clinic. Out of whatever's left, it would be completely within your right to keep it all. After all, you're the one who took the legal and financial risk of owning it (no matter how your father may paint it as him having done you a favor by finding this opportunity, you did him a huge favor by buying the clinics and keeping him employed all this time). If you would like to give him something, give him $60k. That would be approximately 6 months severance, so plenty to support him while he finds a new job.

Then, please take the remaining profit and use it to pay for a therapist for yourself to work on this. As much as you may feel you've largely moved past your abusive history, if you'd truly healed from it you wouldn't have allowed him to abuse you again in this matter (which is what he's doing). Abuse by your parents is incredibly difficult to recover from, and a skilled therapist can do wonders for helping you establish a healthy sense of self.

The $8k payments have been coming out as an expense of the clinics, they have paid that payment monthly. Part of the problem is that he really does have very few skills, doesn't have a high school diploma, and was in a really rough point a few years ago, and I feel like I am responsible for keeping him employed or he may be destitute. The last time that happened he called me in the middle of the night threatening to kill himself. Thank you so much for your insight and kind words.

PP here, OP, I've been where you were, both with my father until he died, and now with my sister. You are not responsible for supporting your father. Not at all. Not only is that not something you agreed to as a condition of being born, but we are talking about a man who abused you and caused you to flee your home when you were 13. He did so much damage to you, any debt you might have conceivably owed him has been long since wiped out. With all of his years managing clinics, it's not true that he has no skills because that is valuable job experience. He certainly has enough skills to find a job as a stock clerk or something. If his wife doesn't have legal status to work, she needs to get moving on that as well. All that is to say, he can support himself if he wants to, he's just found it much easier to leach off of you. People like your dad land on their feet once they realize the gravy train is over and they have to figure out something else.

[Anonymous]

this all sounds made up