Insanely attracted to my male opposing counsel...

[Anonymous]

It's normal from time to time to have attractions that are inappropriate. It's part of the human experience. Power can be a strong aphrodisiac.

The larger problem is your marriage and being so unhappy, because it makes you more vulnerable to acting on these attractions, which would be a disaster both professionally and personally. The attractions are a red flag that you need to address why your marriage isn't working. For that you really cannot beat therapy. Find a therapist to talk to, OP. Together, you and your therapist can help you sort out what you need to do. The choices are work on your marriage or get out. As others have said, an appropriate choice SHOULD NOT be acting on your attractions to opposing counsel. (But you knew that already, right?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:28 years old and already unhappy in your marriage? Yikes.
If you don't have kids, you might want to think this one older. It's only going to get worse.

I'm not sure if I agree. Is there anyone out there so happily married that they never get crushes on anyone, no matter how long they have been married?

OP, how long have you been with your husband?

We have been together since I was 16 and had an unplanned pregnancy and got married, been pretty miserable for most of the marriage but we both hide it pretty well and raise our kids in a mostly functional household that I don't want to ruin, so I have put my happiness on the back burner since 16 pretty much.

It makes sense that you would be attracted to others. You never got to have other relationships as an adult, and you are with someone where the compatibility is not great. I respect your wanting to give your children a stable home. Would you consider an open marriage? I would imagine that your husband would be happy to explore other relationships as well, after 12 years in an unhappy marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Duh-older men, partners are going to look attractive. Money and power.

No offense but they aren't that high-powered if they are in their 40's and still on the road doing depositions against a 20-something, very immature adversary. Only a very immature, 20-something lawyer would see that as "high-powered."

[Anonymous]

Pro-tip, high-powered lawyers in high-profile firms are most often complete and utter d---s. Put them in your spank bank and focus on your client, career and yourself. Fantasies never tanked careers but major f-ups because your head wasn't in the game have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:28 years old and already unhappy in your marriage? Yikes.
If you don't have kids, you might want to think this one older. It's only going to get worse.

I'm not sure if I agree. Is there anyone out there so happily married that they never get crushes on anyone, no matter how long they have been married?

OP, how long have you been with your husband?

We have been together since I was 16 and had an unplanned pregnancy and got married, been pretty miserable for most of the marriage but we both hide it pretty well and raise our kids in a mostly functional household that I don't want to ruin, so I have put my happiness on the back burner since 16 pretty much.

It makes sense that you would be attracted to others. You never got to have other relationships as an adult, and you are with someone where the compatibility is not great. I respect your wanting to give your children a stable home. Would you consider an open marriage? I would imagine that your husband would be happy to explore other relationships as well, after 12 years in an unhappy marriage?

Thank you for the kind response, I have brought up an open marriage and he is 100% against it, likely because it would be much easier for me to find a partner than it would be for him. I really have no idea what to do at this point except keep my fantasies to myself and keep moving forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pro-tip, high-powered lawyers in high-profile firms are most often complete and utter d---s. Put them in your spank bank and focus on your client, career and yourself. Fantasies never tanked careers but major f-ups because your head wasn't in the game have.

Agreed. What's worse is that I know he is an arrogant prick, I have no desire for a relationship with him, just very attracted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's normal from time to time to have attractions that are inappropriate. It's part of the human experience. Power can be a strong aphrodisiac.

The larger problem is your marriage and being so unhappy, because it makes you more vulnerable to acting on these attractions, which would be a disaster both professionally and personally. The attractions are a red flag that you need to address why your marriage isn't working. For that you really cannot beat therapy. Find a therapist to talk to, OP. Together, you and your therapist can help you sort out what you need to do. The choices are work on your marriage or get out. As others have said, an appropriate choice SHOULD NOT be acting on your attractions to opposing counsel. (But you knew that already, right?)

Thank you, I will definitely consider it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lawyers in love

Pathetic, aren't they. Unfortunately, too many have contributed to the gene pool.

[Anonymous]

Better than me. I have to work with law students, and I occasionally crush on them.

That said, wait til your case is over, honey.

[Anonymous]

Wait til ur case is over and then bone them!

[Anonymous]

I often want to bang the sh*t out of hot female attorneys I see in court. But if she's opposing counsel, my job is to beat her in court, and nothing else. Then after the case is over, and I have her card, I can ask her for a drink.

[Anonymous]

OP, DESCRIBE what makes this guy so attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It could be one of these men is your true soulmate. It would be a shame to go through life wondering, What if?

You are evil! You always post the same advice, don't you?

[Anonymous]

OP, time for some personal reflection and introspection on some points perhaps. I disagree about "grow up" or ignoring your desires - I think it's worth asking yourself:

* are you having enough sex with your DH now ?are you sexually compatible in your drives/desires? who initiates sex? (e.g. is the affair fantasy one to fill a void in your sex life at home....)

* is your DH not an alpha man (e.g. are you attracted to the "power play" of the potential affair partner to fill a void of wishing your DH were more alpha)....

* is there anything else specific in your marriage bothering you that an escapist fantasy represents?

* if you really want to have sex with other people - would your DH agree to an open marriage?

Good luck OP! Life is short.

[Anonymous]

PP here -sorry, just reading the posts - I see.... hmm....well this is tricky....it's too bad your DH won't go with the open relationship aspect.... it sounds like your child is about 12 years old now? so this is really tough.... I'm sorry OP .... I agree therapy is best.... on one hand, you want to provide your child a stable household...on the other, you want your child to grow up with parents that are happy..... if you divorced do you think it would be amicable?