Insanely attracted to my male opposing counsel...

[Anonymous]

You sound like a horrible lawyer. You should be focusing on your client and his case not banging opposing counsel. You should be disbarred.

[Anonymous]

Not an attorney so take it for what it's worth but I see two issues. One, the marriage which you should get out of - which is separate from 2) your career which you are jeopardizing.

I believe in divorce first, then enjoy the new fling but I really, really, really believe in not screwing over my client while completely embarrassing myself professionally at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:28 years old and already unhappy in your marriage? Yikes.
If you don't have kids, you might want to think this one older. It's only going to get worse.

I'm not sure if I agree. Is there anyone out there so happily married that they never get crushes on anyone, no matter how long they have been married?

OP, how long have you been with your husband?

We have been together since I was 16 and had an unplanned pregnancy and got married, been pretty miserable for most of the marriage but we both hide it pretty well and raise our kids in a mostly functional household that I don't want to ruin, so I have put my happiness on the back burner since 16 pretty much.

Have you tried marriage counseling?
Things might be able to be improved?
Sometimes an outside 3rd party can help with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not an attorney so take it for what it's worth but I see two issues. One, the marriage which you should get out of - which is separate from 2) your career which you are jeopardizing.

I believe in divorce first, then enjoy the new fling but I really, really, really believe in not screwing over my client while completely embarrassing myself professionally at the same time.

Yes, definitely not screwing over my client and have no intention of acting on my feelings, nor have I acted on any feelings or given any inclination of my feelings to anyone, except now DCUM. Just to clarify.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a horrible lawyer. You should be focusing on your client and his case not banging opposing counsel. You should be disbarred.

So what firm does your husband work for?

[Anonymous]

You are 28 years old and you are unhappily married?

Have you tried counseling?

The last thing I would do, if I were you, is waste my youth in an unhappy marriage. I'd fix it, or I'd get out. Do you want to look back in 20 years with regret?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:28 years old and already unhappy in your marriage? Yikes.
If you don't have kids, you might want to think this one older. It's only going to get worse.

I'm not sure if I agree. Is there anyone out there so happily married that they never get crushes on anyone, no matter how long they have been married?

OP, how long have you been with your husband?

We have been together since I was 16 and had an unplanned pregnancy and got married, been pretty miserable for most of the marriage but we both hide it pretty well and raise our kids in a mostly functional household that I don't want to ruin, so I have put my happiness on the back burner since 16 pretty much.

Have you tried marriage counseling?
Things might be able to be improved?
Sometimes an outside 3rd party can help with that.

I have begged for counseling and he is pretty content being miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are 28 years old and you are unhappily married?

Have you tried counseling?

The last thing I would do, if I were you, is waste my youth in an unhappy marriage. I'd fix it, or I'd get out. Do you want to look back in 20 years with regret?

He is very resistant to counseling, he is bad in bed, and I have no attraction to him. I have been with him since 16, so I already feel like I wasted a lot of my life with him, but in the interest of not putting our kids through a divorce I have stayed. I really don't want to be with him, but more than that, I don't want my kids in a broken home, so I've stayed.

[Anonymous]

Would you see a therapist by yourself?
You may learn ways to better communicate your needs to him that aren't so negative.
It could help you to feel better, not so sad and distressed.
Maybe he's resistant to counseling because he fears you'll do nothing but blame him and talk over him.

Also parents don't have to be divorced for kids to be from a "broken" home. Just something to think about.

[Anonymous]

She said that she was insanely attracted (in thread title) and also that it was getting to the point of being very distracting.


Definitely has not been affecting my work, in fact, I think that's the problem, I advocate zealously, we get into some heated debates about our case and I feel way too much sexual tension (though maybe just on my part, not sure), and after arguing with him I just want to rip off his clothes. As I said, I wouldn't act on it, I don't want to feel this way, and maybe it's because I am so unsatisfied in my current marriage.

Seriously, grow up. If you want or need to cheat on your husband or leave him, do what you feel best in that regard. But keep it separate from your work. I would imagine your clients are paying a high hourly rate for your services, and they do not deserve for you to be distracted by this nonsense.

[Anonymous]

So you feel like you've been wasting your time with your husband? I can imagine being pretty unhappy at 28 with the guy I dated when I was 16. Is putting your happiness on the back burner the example you want to set for your daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

She said that she was insanely attracted (in thread title) and also that it was getting to the point of being very distracting.


Definitely has not been affecting my work, in fact, I think that's the problem, I advocate zealously, we get into some heated debates about our case and I feel way too much sexual tension (though maybe just on my part, not sure), and after arguing with him I just want to rip off his clothes. As I said, I wouldn't act on it, I don't want to feel this way, and maybe it's because I am so unsatisfied in my current marriage.

Seriously, grow up. If you want or need to cheat on your husband or leave him, do what you feel best in that regard. But keep it separate from your work. I would imagine your clients are paying a high hourly rate for your services, and they do not deserve for you to be distracted by this nonsense.

Never in this thread have I said I plan on cheating, nor have I said I would ever act on these feelings, I actually asked how to stop them. I have been clear that I have been a zealous advocate, and the client is contingency, no hourly pay involved. Secondly, the distraction is very much in my free time, like tonight randomly sitting around thinking about him. It's certainly not to the point where I sit around daydreaming all day about having sex with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you see a therapist by yourself?
You may learn ways to better communicate your needs to him that aren't so negative.
It could help you to feel better, not so sad and distressed.
Maybe he's resistant to counseling because he fears you'll do nothing but blame him and talk over him.

Also parents don't have to be divorced for kids to be from a "broken" home. Just something to think about.

Thank you for this reply, this was comforting. I will definitely consider it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you feel like you've been wasting your time with your husband? I can imagine being pretty unhappy at 28 with the guy I dated when I was 16. Is putting your happiness on the back burner the example you want to set for your daughter?

I hadn't thought of what I would want for my daughter if she were in my position, thank you for that perspective.

[Anonymous]

Lawyers in love