To marry or not in the Catholic church?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage within the church offers graces to you as a married couple. I would encourage him to engage in the precana classes- what is there to lose?

So does marrying outside of the church.

Non-catholic here. What does this mean?

It means if heaven is full, a couple married in the church has priority on the waiting list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Biggest mistake I made was getting married outside of the Catholic Church. If you have any interest in attending the church after your wedding, receiving communion or baptizing your future children, do the Catholic wedding. I didn't really understand that when I got married.

Oh and to follow up, we were married in a protestant church, but we still did pre-cana like things. We LOVED our premarital counseling. We thought it was incredibly interesting and liked talking to the older couples. You do not have to go through RCIA to get married even though you weren't confirmed.

And secondly, NFP doesn't suck. We really enjoy it. We use NFP and pull out and it has worked for us for years. My body didn't like birth control and DH didn't like condoms, so it's the best choice for us. NFP is very similar to what you read in Taking Charge of your Fertility, which I see as female empowerment and knowing how your body works.

If your DH pulls out you are not really practicing NFP. In order to be "open to life" you are not supposed to use any form of contraception and that includes pulling out. NFP posits that if you only have sex during the infertile part of your cycle (and you figure out when that is by using NFP...charting your cycle, temps, physical symptoms) but use no method of contraception otherwise (including withdrawal) then you are still "open to life."

In being 100% perfectly honest here as a Catholic...if we did this, which btw I have no problems with being "open to life" but we could not feasibly afford it in this area. God's going to have provide in some huge way for me to be able to convince DH that we need to be "open to life" to be a good church abiding Catholic and get "credit" for being "open to life"

If I could pop out 5 kids while being "open to life" and be able to provide for all 5 kids I'd do it, but fact and reality is that in this area with the high cost of living that just won't happen.

So what's your practical suggestion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, was there ever an issue with communion not being part of the wedding rituals?

I'm a different PP, the one who provided the link to the FOCUSS questions. We also did not have a Nuptial Mass, which is what you'd call a wedding with a full Mass including communion. Instead it was essentially the first half of the Mass, through the Gospel and then moved into the marriage vows. The priest who married us said this is very common and not at all a problem. They prefer it when one half of the couple isn't Catholic as the priest wants to "focus on the unity and not on the division. Seeing only one spouse take Communion brings light to that one element of the marriage". Worked for us.

Only issue was that all my Catholic cousins groaned about having to get up and go to Mass the next morning since they didn't receive communion at my wedding. LOL

LOL, yes, because ignoring the problem during your wedding totally prevents it from being a problem the rest of your marriage. What a joke. They should require it during a wedding, so everyone can see what a divisive entity they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, was there ever an issue with communion not being part of the wedding rituals?

I'm a different PP, the one who provided the link to the FOCUSS questions. We also did not have a Nuptial Mass, which is what you'd call a wedding with a full Mass including communion. Instead it was essentially the first half of the Mass, through the Gospel and then moved into the marriage vows. The priest who married us said this is very common and not at all a problem. They prefer it when one half of the couple isn't Catholic as the priest wants to "focus on the unity and not on the division. Seeing only one spouse take Communion brings light to that one element of the marriage". Worked for us.

Only issue was that all my Catholic cousins groaned about having to get up and go to Mass the next morning since they didn't receive communion at my wedding. LOL

LOL, yes, because ignoring the problem during your wedding totally prevents it from being a problem the rest of your marriage. What a joke. They should require it during a wedding, so everyone can see what a divisive entity they are.

Aah, more Catholic bashing. Never was a problem in our marriage. When we did finally have kids, we decided to raise them Catholic. I know many families where even after decades one spouse never converted although they raised their family in one faith. In our case (I'm the PP you're talking about), it certainly wasn't ignored, as you say. It was a big part of our conversations during the pre-Cana sessions, and something we talked through together and with the priest. Don't look for trouble where there isn't any, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, was there ever an issue with communion not being part of the wedding rituals?

I'm a different PP, the one who provided the link to the FOCUSS questions. We also did not have a Nuptial Mass, which is what you'd call a wedding with a full Mass including communion. Instead it was essentially the first half of the Mass, through the Gospel and then moved into the marriage vows. The priest who married us said this is very common and not at all a problem. They prefer it when one half of the couple isn't Catholic as the priest wants to "focus on the unity and not on the division. Seeing only one spouse take Communion brings light to that one element of the marriage". Worked for us.

Only issue was that all my Catholic cousins groaned about having to get up and go to Mass the next morning since they didn't receive communion at my wedding. LOL

LOL, yes, because ignoring the problem during your wedding totally prevents it from being a problem the rest of your marriage. What a joke. They should require it during a wedding, so everyone can see what a divisive entity they are.

Aah, more Catholic bashing. Never was a problem in our marriage. When we did finally have kids, we decided to raise them Catholic. I know many families where even after decades one spouse never converted although they raised their family in one faith. In our case (I'm the PP you're talking about), it certainly wasn't ignored, as you say. It was a big part of our conversations during the pre-Cana sessions, and something we talked through together and with the priest. Don't look for trouble where there isn't any, PP.

Don't look for trouble where there isn't? Clearly you've never been denied a sacrament.

[Anonymous]

OP.

We have decided on having a catholic wedding and will be signing up for the pre-cana classes/meetings in January.

A question about wedding party involvement, can we have our siblings do the readings during the Mass?

The reason I ask this is because neither DF or I want to include our siblings in the wedding party, but we don't want to exclude them completely for fear of butthurt. Our alternative thought would be that if they can do a reading during the Mass then they could still be a part of the wedding without having to take up a spot in the wedding party. We have a limited wedding party because we are paying for our guys and girls suits/dresses. We don't want to increase the expense more than necessary by having additional wedding party participants that we don't absolutely "need".

[Anonymous]

Congratulations!

Yes. They can do readings. They can also carry the gifts if you are doing communion, provide musoc if they are musical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations!

Yes. They can do readings. They can also carry the gifts if you are doing communion, provide musoc if they are musical.

Don't they have to be Catholic to do those things? (maybe with the exception of providing music)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP.

We have decided on having a catholic wedding and will be signing up for the pre-cana classes/meetings in January.

A question about wedding party involvement, can we have our siblings do the readings during the Mass?

The reason I ask this is because neither DF or I want to include our siblings in the wedding party, but we don't want to exclude them completely for fear of butthurt. Our alternative thought would be that if they can do a reading during the Mass then they could still be a part of the wedding without having to take up a spot in the wedding party. We have a limited wedding party because we are paying for our guys and girls suits/dresses. We don't want to increase the expense more than necessary by having additional wedding party participants that we don't absolutely "need".

You should check with the priest. Can you have your siblings as usher/usherette, man the guest book at the reception, offer speeches at the reception.

[Anonymous]

My cradle-Catholic husband and I were married in the Catholic Church with a dispensation (I was not Catholic at the time). I later decided to go through RCIA and was initiated into the faith 6.5 years into our marriage. I was never baptized as a baby or child, so I received the sacraments of baptism, first Eucharist, and confirmation in one night at the Easer Vigil. It was explained to me that our marriage also became a sacramental marriage in the eyes of the church that night (in addition to the valid and legal marriage we had 6.5 years prior).

So, no you do not have to go through RCIA first.

[Anonymous]

OP.

Forgive the ignorance PP, but what do you mean by cradle-catholic?

23:47, Thank you! Posting on this forum and reading the feedback helped me realize that if we opted not to go through the Catholic church knowing we want to raise Catholic fundamental children would be a severe detriment.

Has anyone been able to marry in the Catholic church in under 6 months?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP.

Forgive the ignorance PP, but what do you mean by cradle-catholic?

23:47, Thank you! Posting on this forum and reading the feedback helped me realize that if we opted not to go through the Catholic church knowing we want to raise Catholic fundamental children would be a severe detriment.

Has anyone been able to marry in the Catholic church in under 6 months?

Yes, I know several couples who were married in the church in under 6 months - myself included (DH and I were married 4 months to the day after we got engaged). You might have to be willing to make sacrifices regarding the day, the priest, the time, etc. You need to present yourself as being willing to accommodate THEIR schedule, as opposed to making demands -- in which case they will say, well, if you just wait longer you can get your "saturday at 4pm" time slot (or whatever it is you are envisioning). Tell them you will work around any available slot, that you will do your marriage weekend prep ASAP and be very quick to satisfy any other requirements.

Also, and this is important but may be a difficult topic to broach....most (as in 99%) couples are living together or otherwise sexually involved. Priests love it when couple is actually dedicated to waiting for marriage, and might be more willing to work with you for a sooner date. Though I don't know, maybe this is not a huge issue for you....and the priest might not like you putting pressure on him in this regard.

Lastly, it can be difficult to put together a wedding in a short amount of time, especially in the DC area. You should keep a VERY open mind and be as creative as possible, and recognize that you just want to be married, and the other things are truly insignificant.....like making sure you have the "perfect" venue, dress, cake, photographer, etc. etc. My DH and I decided to use a lesser-known church, bring in an outside priest who knew us and was willing to say the wedding, and we used the church hall (my mom did the decorations) for a small informal reception. Flowers were from the grocery store (my mom and sister arranged them into bouquets), the caterer was just the one who was available as opposed to our first choice, bridesmaids dresses were off the rack at Ann Taylor, my gown was also just one off the rack, we bought boxed wine and beer and a friend took pictures. We didn't make programs and didn't hire outside musicians. It was all very low key and low drama - which suited me perfectly - but it wouldn't have worked if I had a dreamy-princess-vision of what my wedding should have been like.

Yes, you can probably have anyone you want participate in the Mass in whatever way you'd like. Talk to the parish wedding coordinator.

ps - "cradle" Catholic means someone who was born into a Catholic family and has been Catholic their whole life. As opposed to a convert or a re-vert.

[Anonymous]

Oh, I also wanted to say that the Catholic Church will always welcome you with open arms if it is your desire to participate in the church, raise your kids in the faith, etc. Yes, it will make the paperwork part of some things *easier* once you have kids, but you shouldn't feel as if you will have tons of trouble if you forgo the church wedding. Truly, the biggest reason you should have a church wedding is because you care about the faith, the tradition and the sacrament. If none of that matters to you, have your wedding wherever you like, and you can still bring your kids to the church for baptism if you decide to raise your kids Catholic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations!

Yes. They can do readings. They can also carry the gifts if you are doing communion, provide musoc if they are musical.

Don't they have to be Catholic to do those things? (maybe with the exception of providing music)

Maybe a particular priest or parish might be picky, but as a general rule they don't have to be. I'm Catholic, married a divorced Protestant in the church. His Protestant brother did the music. His agnostic sister did one of the readings. Typically the priest isn't going to dig into the religious backgrounds of the entire wedding party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP.

Forgive the ignorance PP, but what do you mean by cradle-catholic?

23:47, Thank you! Posting on this forum and reading the feedback helped me realize that if we opted not to go through the Catholic church knowing we want to raise Catholic fundamental children would be a severe detriment.

Has anyone been able to marry in the Catholic church in under 6 months?

Yes, I know several couples who were married in the church in under 6 months - myself included (DH and I were married 4 months to the day after we got engaged). You might have to be willing to make sacrifices regarding the day, the priest, the time, etc. You need to present yourself as being willing to accommodate THEIR schedule, as opposed to making demands -- in which case they will say, well, if you just wait longer you can get your "saturday at 4pm" time slot (or whatever it is you are envisioning). Tell them you will work around any available slot, that you will do your marriage weekend prep ASAP and be very quick to satisfy any other requirements.

Also, and this is important but may be a difficult topic to broach....most (as in 99%) couples are living together or otherwise sexually involved. Priests love it when couple is actually dedicated to waiting for marriage, and might be more willing to work with you for a sooner date. Though I don't know, maybe this is not a huge issue for you....and the priest might not like you putting pressure on him in this regard.

Lastly, it can be difficult to put together a wedding in a short amount of time, especially in the DC area. You should keep a VERY open mind and be as creative as possible, and recognize that you just want to be married, and the other things are truly insignificant.....like making sure you have the "perfect" venue, dress, cake, photographer, etc. etc. My DH and I decided to use a lesser-known church, bring in an outside priest who knew us and was willing to say the wedding, and we used the church hall (my mom did the decorations) for a small informal reception. Flowers were from the grocery store (my mom and sister arranged them into bouquets), the caterer was just the one who was available as opposed to our first choice, bridesmaids dresses were off the rack at Ann Taylor, my gown was also just one off the rack, we bought boxed wine and beer and a friend took pictures. We didn't make programs and didn't hire outside musicians. It was all very low key and low drama - which suited me perfectly - but it wouldn't have worked if I had a dreamy-princess-vision of what my wedding should have been like.

Yes, you can probably have anyone you want participate in the Mass in whatever way you'd like. Talk to the parish wedding coordinator.

ps - "cradle" Catholic means someone who was born into a Catholic family and has been Catholic their whole life. As opposed to a convert or a re-vert.

Your wedding and reception is similar to what we want. I have never been into big fancy weddings, and I think that in this case that sounds like it will help a lot.

Not sure if I had mentioned this previously, but we are not in a sexually active relationship. He had 1 previous partner, I've had none. It has been my wish to wait until marriage (yes, I realize how rare that is for this day and age esp because I'm 32! --- before I met him I was destined to be a cat lady, but turns out I have a cat hair allergy and God had other intentions ) and he has been 100% respectful of that. I wasn't planning to disclose that to a priest, but if its going to help us get in a sooner wedding date then I will keep that in mind.

Do you mind if I ask you how much was your total wedding costs between everything with the reception and the church since you DIY for much of it, and that is more or less our intention too?