To marry or not in the Catholic church?

[Anonymous]

My bf and I were born and raised catholic, he's confirmed in the church, I am not, we both attended catholic high school, and currently we attend church at least once a month. I'm the one who wants to go more often, but he considers himself non practicing. I don't want to force him to be there if he doesn't feel like it's within his beliefs. Now we're in the middle of figuring out where we would get married and to me the sacrament of marriage is important, and he understands this. He's okay with getting married in the church but he doesn't want to go through with pre-cana classes. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Marriage within the church offers graces to you as a married couple. I would encourage him to engage in the precana classes- what is there to lose?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriage within the church offers graces to you as a married couple. I would encourage him to engage in the precana classes- what is there to lose?

So does marrying outside of the church.

[Anonymous]

We didn't do pre Cana. We did have premarital advising/meetings with our priest. We were married with a full mass in the Catholix church. Look for a more liberal parish.

[Anonymous]

Isn't there a bigger issue here than just a wedding? precana may bring these issues to light. Faith, money, children, communication, sex- all of this was covered in my precana class.

[Anonymous]

If I were you, I would speak to a priest where you worship. Precana can be conversations (multiple meetings) with a priest or a weekend retreat.

Are you planning on getting Confirmed (speaking of Sacraments)?

[Anonymous]

OP: I don't want to go through the RCIA process because to do that, and do it in time for our preferred wedding time frame wouldn't really line up. Can we still be married in the catholic church without me being confirmed?

21:48: Do you have a rec. for a more liberal parish? Currently, we attend mass at a catholic parish in Rockville.

We have already discussed the aforementioned issues and we know how we would want to raise our children. We have ongoing discussions about money. We are not sexually active.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: I don't want to go through the RCIA process because to do that, and do it in time for our preferred wedding time frame wouldn't really line up. Can we still be married in the catholic church without me being confirmed?

21:48: Do you have a rec. for a more liberal parish? Currently, we attend mass at a catholic parish in Rockville.

We have already discussed the aforementioned issues and we know how we would want to raise our children. We have ongoing discussions about money. We are not sexually active.

More the reason to get the priest's good advice on sex once you are married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: I don't want to go through the RCIA process because to do that, and do it in time for our preferred wedding time frame wouldn't really line up. Can we still be married in the catholic church without me being confirmed?

21:48: Do you have a rec. for a more liberal parish? Currently, we attend mass at a catholic parish in Rockville.

We have already discussed the aforementioned issues and we know how we would want to raise our children. We have ongoing discussions about money. We are not sexually active.

More the reason to get the priest's good advice on sex once you are married.

OP: Think we're doing alright there! We opted not to be sexually active at this time because we are not ready for children yet. Translation: We have no interest in hearing about Natural Family Planning, As I mentioned I already went to a catholic school and learned all about the practice. I have been to seminars about NFP and we are not interested.

Not sure what a priest can tell us about sex that we wouldn't already know or will figure out for ourselves in marriage.

[Anonymous]

At all of the parishes we have lived in, pre canna classes are done by lay people, usually a married couple from the parish. When I did it (20 years ago, yikes), it was a two day retreat style weekend, with a host of speakers, break out sessions in smaller groups, and a lot of one onone time. Natural family planning was a part of this, but just one session and not the whole focus.

My sister was married recently, and her pre canna classes were more individualized couple sessions over a couple of weeksrun by a delightful elderly couple from the parish that had been married nearly fifty years. She and her non Catholic spouse ended up really enjoying their sessions and they (him especially) were VERY reluctant going in.

At our very conservative arlington diocese parish, I believe there are a handful of meetings with the priest but most of it is run by the layity.

I don't think I have ever actually met anyone who has done their pre canna counseling primarily or exclusively with a priest.

[Anonymous]

23:31 here, and from what I remember, very little of the classes was actually about sex. Most of it was about communication, nurturing one another spiritually and emotionally, discussing our expectations of how we were going to blend our families and expectations, etc.

[Anonymous]

My pre-cana was also a weekend (there were two options -- one was weekend crash course; the other choice was once a week for a few months). It was led by 2 lay couples, although a priest said mass and may have been there for one panel. There was only one segment on natural family planning, and it was interesting, although we never used it.
I guess I'm wondering what your objections to pre-Cana are.
I'm also a little confused by your statement that you're not sexually active because you're not ready for kids. I get if you're not sexually active because you want to wait until marriage, and I'd get that you're not ready for kids, but are you intending to get married and still not be sexually active? Maybe I misunderstood...but that would seem like a much bigger issue than where you're getting married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My pre-cana was also a weekend (there were two options -- one was weekend crash course; the other choice was once a week for a few months). It was led by 2 lay couples, although a priest said mass and may have been there for one panel. There was only one segment on natural family planning, and it was interesting, although we never used it.
I guess I'm wondering what your objections to pre-Cana are.
I'm also a little confused by your statement that you're not sexually active because you're not ready for kids. I get if you're not sexually active because you want to wait until marriage, and I'd get that you're not ready for kids, but are you intending to get married and still not be sexually active? Maybe I misunderstood...but that would seem like a much bigger issue than where you're getting married.

I posted earlier.

I agree that the science part of natural family planning was very interesting and explained a lot about fertility, conceiving and cycles that I was not really aware of coming out of college. I think that having that knowlege is a good thing, Catholic or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My pre-cana was also a weekend (there were two options -- one was weekend crash course; the other choice was once a week for a few months). It was led by 2 lay couples, although a priest said mass and may have been there for one panel. There was only one segment on natural family planning, and it was interesting, although we never used it.
I guess I'm wondering what your objections to pre-Cana are.
I'm also a little confused by your statement that you're not sexually active because you're not ready for kids. I get if you're not sexually active because you want to wait until marriage, and I'd get that you're not ready for kids, but are you intending to get married and still not be sexually active? Maybe I misunderstood...but that would seem like a much bigger issue than where you're getting married.

Apologies for the confusion. My SO is the one who doesn't want to do pre-cana because it's a pre-req. to get married in the catholic church. I'm not confirmed in the church and given we want to be married by late summer '16, I don't have time for the RCIA class and I'm not particularly interested in having to spend more money, find time, and find a sponsor.

YES, we are def. going to be sexually active post-wedding! One of us is sexually inexperienced, the other is not. It was a choice we made within weeks of dating that we would not be sexually active til marriage. Yes, I am fully aware how odd that might sound in this day and age, but it's a decision that we agreed upon with no reservations or contingencies.

How much did your pre-cana classes cost? Does it vary from church to church or is it set by the Arch. Diocese of Washington?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn't there a bigger issue here than just a wedding? precana may bring these issues to light. Faith, money, children, communication, sex- all of this was covered in my precana class.

Yes, these classes are a good idea for everyone whether or not they get married in a Catholic church or not.

BTW, my DH is not Catholic, so we got married by a protestant minister neither of us knew. He asked us to come for the requisite premarital chat. It was really weird though; he was in the process of getting divorced and kept saying oddly inappropriate things.

I wished we had done a run-of-the-mill pre cana class. I think your DH to be would just be rather doing something else on his Saturday mornings.