Is this really happening?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand. My DH lies about the dumbest things, and I just can't figure out what the hell he's thinking. It's over stuff I would never in a million years pick a fight over, but now, as they all add up, it makes me wonder why he feels the need to lie and they are taking on a life of their own. Big example that's happening now: I am a vegetarian. I couldn't care less if he eats meat or not, never pressured him, he just said years ago that he wanted to stop eating it because he didn't feel good. Last weekend, we're out of town at a hotel that included breakfast, and I literally watched as he hid a sausage patty under his eggs. And last night, he brought sandwiches home and told me it was tuna when it was turkey, plain as day and on the receipt. So why in the world does he think I give a crap?? I was taken off guard a few times where he's clearly hiding it, and now I'm prepared to ask him why he feels the need to lie about what he's eating. It's beyond strange to me. But also hurtful - he's choosing to lie to me over something so dumb, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter if it's over something dumb or not - he's choosing to lie to me.

He feels judged

Well, that's in his own head. I've never once chimed in about his diet in that way. He's lying, but it's my fault because I've judged him? This was just one example, by the way.

No one said it was your fault. The issue seems to be that he is feeling shame about something and dealing with it in a childish way. Shame is a very powerful emotion that people will do all kinds of neurotic things to avoid. This issue most likely long predates your relationship, and goes back to childhood.

If I were you, I would just sit him down and calmly explain what you have observed about his behavior and then offer your hypothesis as to the cause of his behavior. Then give him to explain himself. Don't be "threatening" about it, but also don't allow him to be evasive or sneak his way out of it with some more BS. Try to make it "safe" for him to be able be honest about what is probably going to humiliating for him to fess-up to, and then just get to a point where he can admit to the fact that he being inappropriate and that he needs to work on it. There is a famous book called "Crucial Conversations" that offers perfect strategies for dealing with this kind of situation.

Please ignore the "get a divorce" crowd. It's so easy to howl "get a divorce" when it's no skin off of your back. There is so much terrible advice doled out on DCUM everyday. I hope it's just vocal minority, for humanity's sake.

You seem to have a very hopeful, bordering on delusional, opinion of exactly the effect you can have on a lifetime of learned behavior. And a bit of a savior complex. And a rather kind of condescending attitude to people who are going through something that you CLEARLY have never, ever been through.

Please don't weigh in on what you don't know and haven't lived. And keep the "I know best" attitude to yourself. Thanks.

That same criticism can be levied at basically anyone who has replied to this thread. Everyone is offering their perspective.

But, go ahead. Just yell at the OP to get a divorce. That's so much more helpful than suggesting that she simply confront him about it. When a spouse has an issue, don't bother trying to work it out, even though it is something that can probably be improved. You deserve better. People are disposable. Men come and go. Why should you have to lift a finger to try to help someone when it inconveniences you, and they are behaving poorly? Why should you care about someone else's problems? It's not like you married the g-- oh wait. Oh well. Just get a divorce, kick him to the curb and let your kids spend the rest of their childhood being shuffled around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand. My DH lies about the dumbest things, and I just can't figure out what the hell he's thinking. It's over stuff I would never in a million years pick a fight over, but now, as they all add up, it makes me wonder why he feels the need to lie and they are taking on a life of their own. Big example that's happening now: I am a vegetarian. I couldn't care less if he eats meat or not, never pressured him, he just said years ago that he wanted to stop eating it because he didn't feel good. Last weekend, we're out of town at a hotel that included breakfast, and I literally watched as he hid a sausage patty under his eggs. And last night, he brought sandwiches home and told me it was tuna when it was turkey, plain as day and on the receipt. So why in the world does he think I give a crap?? I was taken off guard a few times where he's clearly hiding it, and now I'm prepared to ask him why he feels the need to lie about what he's eating. It's beyond strange to me. But also hurtful - he's choosing to lie to me over something so dumb, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter if it's over something dumb or not - he's choosing to lie to me.

He feels judged

Well, that's in his own head. I've never once chimed in about his diet in that way. He's lying, but it's my fault because I've judged him? This was just one example, by the way.

No one said it was your fault. The issue seems to be that he is feeling shame about something and dealing with it in a childish way. Shame is a very powerful emotion that people will do all kinds of neurotic things to avoid. This issue most likely long predates your relationship, and goes back to childhood.

If I were you, I would just sit him down and calmly explain what you have observed about his behavior and then offer your hypothesis as to the cause of his behavior. Then give him to explain himself. Don't be "threatening" about it, but also don't allow him to be evasive or sneak his way out of it with some more BS. Try to make it "safe" for him to be able be honest about what is probably going to humiliating for him to fess-up to, and then just get to a point where he can admit to the fact that he being inappropriate and that he needs to work on it. There is a famous book called "Crucial Conversations" that offers perfect strategies for dealing with this kind of situation.

Please ignore the "get a divorce" crowd. It's so easy to howl "get a divorce" when it's no skin off of your back. There is so much terrible advice doled out on DCUM everyday. I hope it's just vocal minority, for humanity's sake.

You seem to have a very hopeful, bordering on delusional, opinion of exactly the effect you can have on a lifetime of learned behavior. And a bit of a savior complex. And a rather kind of condescending attitude to people who are going through something that you CLEARLY have never, ever been through.

Please don't weigh in on what you don't know and haven't lived. And keep the "I know best" attitude to yourself. Thanks.

Hmmm. I'm the PP that person was responding to and I found that response to be quite helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you so much for the support and advice.
I have to say that I find my husband so unattractive because of this. I am not asking him questions. He is just saying things in conversation. It is bizarre. Whenever we have a conversation, I cringe.

Here is how the coffee incident went down:
me: Babe, do you want me to get you different coffee pods? (pods have been untouched for weeks)I can get you the Starbucks Dark Roast?
DH: The ones we have are fine. I make it before I leave for work.
Both of us awkwardly stare at the full pod holder.
me: I thought you were picking up Starbucks.
DH: Yeah, well, that's when I get off the train.

I don't have the energy to argue about this nonsense,
so it becomes fact.
s
there are so many lies, I could go on all day.

I just read this 3x and I don't understand why you would think he is lying. You asked him if you should buy different coffee pods and he said the current pods are fine.

I have had my own coffee frustrations with my husband but I won't get upset that he is lying to me. Yes, I often do think he is an idiot and we have a lot of miscommunication. I get mad at DH when he doesn't answer the question I am asking. DH is not defensive because he has nothing to hide and he says it is my wording that is almost trapping him into giving the wrong answer so that I get upset.

Just recently, I have exploded at him for being cheap with gifted coffee. We got these pods you can fill with grounded coffee. Another vendor gave us grounded coffee and he was using it in our Keurig. The coffee grinds somehow were getting into my coffee and I asked him to stop. After being together for over 10 yrs, DH still can't order my drink properly. He says I am too picky.

This guy is your husband. Why don't you point blank ask him what's up and why he is lying?

[Anonymous]

I think people are way too willing to put up with hurtful behavior. We aren't talking about an acquaintance who tells an occasional tall tale, we are talking about someone's life partner. If the llying party won't even admit the lying is a problem, I'm not sure how effective conversations and therapy would be. By all means try but for goodness sake, the standard for a life partner should be pretty damn high and this behavior just isn't acceptable. This isn't a minor issue. No wonder so many people are living in quiet desperation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recognize this behavior in a former colleague. Lying is too strong a word, and I disagree with PPs, this doesn't set off my cheating radar at all.

It is more like procrastination or mild delusion than intentional dishonesty. Or maybe passive aggressive at worst.

I am guessing that you or he, or both, are trying to make coffee at home to save money, and he feels a bit guilty about a daily starbucks habit? If so, I believe he is just procrastinating/passive aggressive about it, he is lazy to make coffee or maybe he likes the ritual of the starbucks run, but in some part of his mind, he is making coffee at home. This is his way of telling you that he doesn't want to make coffee at home, he wants to buy it at starbucks on his way in to work.

Does that ring true, OP? It's hard to say without knowing him but that's what it sounds like. I really don't see any premeditated dishonesty here which is more common when covering up an affair.

This. OP please don't get me wrong, it could be that you ask for so many small details that he gets fed up and resorts to not telling the truth. This is not a case of cheating or something it could be his response to your aggression. Some people are passive aggressive,it looks like your DH is in that category.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand. My DH lies about the dumbest things, and I just can't figure out what the hell he's thinking. It's over stuff I would never in a million years pick a fight over, but now, as they all add up, it makes me wonder why he feels the need to lie and they are taking on a life of their own. Big example that's happening now: I am a vegetarian. I couldn't care less if he eats meat or not, never pressured him, he just said years ago that he wanted to stop eating it because he didn't feel good. Last weekend, we're out of town at a hotel that included breakfast, and I literally watched as he hid a sausage patty under his eggs. And last night, he brought sandwiches home and told me it was tuna when it was turkey, plain as day and on the receipt. So why in the world does he think I give a crap?? I was taken off guard a few times where he's clearly hiding it, and now I'm prepared to ask him why he feels the need to lie about what he's eating. It's beyond strange to me. But also hurtful - he's choosing to lie to me over something so dumb, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter if it's over something dumb or not - he's choosing to lie to me.

You obviously care about it because you've even checked the receipts. He is hiding it from you because he doesn't want to deal with the judgmental bull crap he will get from you. Wives always say "I don't nag" and "it doesn't bother me" when the truth is you are obsessing over every bit of it.

Maybe I am not used to this game. Thank goodness I don't have a DH who checks up on what I eat. I love to snack and enjoy dessert. I don't tell DH that I eat potato chips or a chocolate bar. God forbid, DH would check up on whether I ate this bag of potato chips and then accuse me of lying. That would drive me nuts.

I used to have a $15 Starbucks habit. There was one in my building and I would often get breakfast and coffee in the morning and then get a sweet treat in the afternoon. After we were married, we joined our finances and he started noticing my expensive Starbucks habit. I actually yelled at him for micromanaging my spending.

Maybe he feels the need to lie so that you don't get mad at him. My situation is different but I love to travel. DH not so much. He often agrees and says he wants to go somewhere when he doesn't. When the time comes to go, he doesn't seem enthusiastic and I get upset. I feel like he lied to me about wanting to go somewhere when he clearly does not want to go. Just a different perspective. Your stories don't sound like that big of a deal to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand. My DH lies about the dumbest things, and I just can't figure out what the hell he's thinking. It's over stuff I would never in a million years pick a fight over, but now, as they all add up, it makes me wonder why he feels the need to lie and they are taking on a life of their own. Big example that's happening now: I am a vegetarian. I couldn't care less if he eats meat or not, never pressured him, he just said years ago that he wanted to stop eating it because he didn't feel good. Last weekend, we're out of town at a hotel that included breakfast, and I literally watched as he hid a sausage patty under his eggs. And last night, he brought sandwiches home and told me it was tuna when it was turkey, plain as day and on the receipt. So why in the world does he think I give a crap?? I was taken off guard a few times where he's clearly hiding it, and now I'm prepared to ask him why he feels the need to lie about what he's eating. It's beyond strange to me. But also hurtful - he's choosing to lie to me over something so dumb, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter if it's over something dumb or not - he's choosing to lie to me.

You obviously care about it because you've even checked the receipts. He is hiding it from you because he doesn't want to deal with the judgmental bull crap he will get from you. Wives always say "I don't nag" and "it doesn't bother me" when the truth is you are obsessing over every bit of it.

Maybe I am not used to this game. Thank goodness I don't have a DH who checks up on what I eat. I love to snack and enjoy dessert. I don't tell DH that I eat potato chips or a chocolate bar. God forbid, DH would check up on whether I ate this bag of potato chips and then accuse me of lying. That would drive me nuts.

I used to have a $15 Starbucks habit. There was one in my building and I would often get breakfast and coffee in the morning and then get a sweet treat in the afternoon. After we were married, we joined our finances and he started noticing my expensive Starbucks habit. I actually yelled at him for micromanaging my spending.

Maybe he feels the need to lie so that you don't get mad at him. My situation is different but I love to travel. DH not so much. He often agrees and says he wants to go somewhere when he doesn't. When the time comes to go, he doesn't seem enthusiastic and I get upset. I feel like he lied to me about wanting to go somewhere when he clearly does not want to go. Just a different perspective. Your stories don't sound like that big of a deal to me.

How the hell many times do I have to say that I don't give a flying fuck what he eats? It's the fact that he's lying to me about it that's concerning. It's a dumb lie that has no significance in our lives, and yet he chooses to continue to lie about it. Do you lie to your husband about what you eat? Didn't think so. Then you have nothing to say about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand. My DH lies about the dumbest things, and I just can't figure out what the hell he's thinking. It's over stuff I would never in a million years pick a fight over, but now, as they all add up, it makes me wonder why he feels the need to lie and they are taking on a life of their own. Big example that's happening now: I am a vegetarian. I couldn't care less if he eats meat or not, never pressured him, he just said years ago that he wanted to stop eating it because he didn't feel good. Last weekend, we're out of town at a hotel that included breakfast, and I literally watched as he hid a sausage patty under his eggs. And last night, he brought sandwiches home and told me it was tuna when it was turkey, plain as day and on the receipt. So why in the world does he think I give a crap?? I was taken off guard a few times where he's clearly hiding it, and now I'm prepared to ask him why he feels the need to lie about what he's eating. It's beyond strange to me. But also hurtful - he's choosing to lie to me over something so dumb, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter if it's over something dumb or not - he's choosing to lie to me.

You obviously care about it because you've even checked the receipts. He is hiding it from you because he doesn't want to deal with the judgmental bull crap he will get from you. Wives always say "I don't nag" and "it doesn't bother me" when the truth is you are obsessing over every bit of it.

Maybe I am not used to this game. Thank goodness I don't have a DH who checks up on what I eat. I love to snack and enjoy dessert. I don't tell DH that I eat potato chips or a chocolate bar. God forbid, DH would check up on whether I ate this bag of potato chips and then accuse me of lying. That would drive me nuts.

I used to have a $15 Starbucks habit. There was one in my building and I would often get breakfast and coffee in the morning and then get a sweet treat in the afternoon. After we were married, we joined our finances and he started noticing my expensive Starbucks habit. I actually yelled at him for micromanaging my spending.

Maybe he feels the need to lie so that you don't get mad at him. My situation is different but I love to travel. DH not so much. He often agrees and says he wants to go somewhere when he doesn't. When the time comes to go, he doesn't seem enthusiastic and I get upset. I feel like he lied to me about wanting to go somewhere when he clearly does not want to go. Just a different perspective. Your stories don't sound like that big of a deal to me.

How the hell many times do I have to say that I don't give a flying fuck what he eats? It's the fact that he's lying to me about it that's concerning. It's a dumb lie that has no significance in our lives, and yet he chooses to continue to lie about it. Do you lie to your husband about what you eat? Didn't think so. Then you have nothing to say about this.

Don't worry, some of us hear you and understanding exactly what you are saying. Others are too willing to put up with anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand. My DH lies about the dumbest things, and I just can't figure out what the hell he's thinking. It's over stuff I would never in a million years pick a fight over, but now, as they all add up, it makes me wonder why he feels the need to lie and they are taking on a life of their own. Big example that's happening now: I am a vegetarian. I couldn't care less if he eats meat or not, never pressured him, he just said years ago that he wanted to stop eating it because he didn't feel good. Last weekend, we're out of town at a hotel that included breakfast, and I literally watched as he hid a sausage patty under his eggs. And last night, he brought sandwiches home and told me it was tuna when it was turkey, plain as day and on the receipt. So why in the world does he think I give a crap?? I was taken off guard a few times where he's clearly hiding it, and now I'm prepared to ask him why he feels the need to lie about what he's eating. It's beyond strange to me. But also hurtful - he's choosing to lie to me over something so dumb, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter if it's over something dumb or not - he's choosing to lie to me.

You obviously care about it because you've even checked the receipts. He is hiding it from you because he doesn't want to deal with the judgmental bull crap he will get from you. Wives always say "I don't nag" and "it doesn't bother me" when the truth is you are obsessing over every bit of it.

Maybe I am not used to this game. Thank goodness I don't have a DH who checks up on what I eat. I love to snack and enjoy dessert. I don't tell DH that I eat potato chips or a chocolate bar. God forbid, DH would check up on whether I ate this bag of potato chips and then accuse me of lying. That would drive me nuts.

I used to have a $15 Starbucks habit. There was one in my building and I would often get breakfast and coffee in the morning and then get a sweet treat in the afternoon. After we were married, we joined our finances and he started noticing my expensive Starbucks habit. I actually yelled at him for micromanaging my spending.

Maybe he feels the need to lie so that you don't get mad at him. My situation is different but I love to travel. DH not so much. He often agrees and says he wants to go somewhere when he doesn't. When the time comes to go, he doesn't seem enthusiastic and I get upset. I feel like he lied to me about wanting to go somewhere when he clearly does not want to go. Just a different perspective. Your stories don't sound like that big of a deal to me.

How the hell many times do I have to say that I don't give a flying fuck what he eats? It's the fact that he's lying to me about it that's concerning. It's a dumb lie that has no significance in our lives, and yet he chooses to continue to lie about it. Do you lie to your husband about what you eat? Didn't think so. Then you have nothing to say about this.

Sorry, I just can't relate. I can't imagine being married to someone who lies for no reason.

Did he always lie or is this new?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand. My DH lies about the dumbest things, and I just can't figure out what the hell he's thinking. It's over stuff I would never in a million years pick a fight over, but now, as they all add up, it makes me wonder why he feels the need to lie and they are taking on a life of their own. Big example that's happening now: I am a vegetarian. I couldn't care less if he eats meat or not, never pressured him, he just said years ago that he wanted to stop eating it because he didn't feel good. Last weekend, we're out of town at a hotel that included breakfast, and I literally watched as he hid a sausage patty under his eggs. And last night, he brought sandwiches home and told me it was tuna when it was turkey, plain as day and on the receipt. So why in the world does he think I give a crap?? I was taken off guard a few times where he's clearly hiding it, and now I'm prepared to ask him why he feels the need to lie about what he's eating. It's beyond strange to me. But also hurtful - he's choosing to lie to me over something so dumb, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter if it's over something dumb or not - he's choosing to lie to me.

You obviously care about it because you've even checked the receipts. He is hiding it from you because he doesn't want to deal with the judgmental bull crap he will get from you. Wives always say "I don't nag" and "it doesn't bother me" when the truth is you are obsessing over every bit of it.

Maybe I am not used to this game. Thank goodness I don't have a DH who checks up on what I eat. I love to snack and enjoy dessert. I don't tell DH that I eat potato chips or a chocolate bar. God forbid, DH would check up on whether I ate this bag of potato chips and then accuse me of lying. That would drive me nuts.

I used to have a $15 Starbucks habit. There was one in my building and I would often get breakfast and coffee in the morning and then get a sweet treat in the afternoon. After we were married, we joined our finances and he started noticing my expensive Starbucks habit. I actually yelled at him for micromanaging my spending.

Maybe he feels the need to lie so that you don't get mad at him. My situation is different but I love to travel. DH not so much. He often agrees and says he wants to go somewhere when he doesn't. When the time comes to go, he doesn't seem enthusiastic and I get upset. I feel like he lied to me about wanting to go somewhere when he clearly does not want to go. Just a different perspective. Your stories don't sound like that big of a deal to me.

How the hell many times do I have to say that I don't give a flying fuck what he eats? It's the fact that he's lying to me about it that's concerning. It's a dumb lie that has no significance in our lives, and yet he chooses to continue to lie about it. Do you lie to your husband about what you eat? Didn't think so. Then you have nothing to say about this.

Don't worry, some of us hear you and understanding exactly what you are saying. Others are too willing to put up with anything.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand. My DH lies about the dumbest things, and I just can't figure out what the hell he's thinking. It's over stuff I would never in a million years pick a fight over, but now, as they all add up, it makes me wonder why he feels the need to lie and they are taking on a life of their own. Big example that's happening now: I am a vegetarian. I couldn't care less if he eats meat or not, never pressured him, he just said years ago that he wanted to stop eating it because he didn't feel good. Last weekend, we're out of town at a hotel that included breakfast, and I literally watched as he hid a sausage patty under his eggs. And last night, he brought sandwiches home and told me it was tuna when it was turkey, plain as day and on the receipt. So why in the world does he think I give a crap?? I was taken off guard a few times where he's clearly hiding it, and now I'm prepared to ask him why he feels the need to lie about what he's eating. It's beyond strange to me. But also hurtful - he's choosing to lie to me over something so dumb, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter if it's over something dumb or not - he's choosing to lie to me.

You obviously care about it because you've even checked the receipts. He is hiding it from you because he doesn't want to deal with the judgmental bull crap he will get from you. Wives always say "I don't nag" and "it doesn't bother me" when the truth is you are obsessing over every bit of it.

Maybe I am not used to this game. Thank goodness I don't have a DH who checks up on what I eat. I love to snack and enjoy dessert. I don't tell DH that I eat potato chips or a chocolate bar. God forbid, DH would check up on whether I ate this bag of potato chips and then accuse me of lying. That would drive me nuts.

I used to have a $15 Starbucks habit. There was one in my building and I would often get breakfast and coffee in the morning and then get a sweet treat in the afternoon. After we were married, we joined our finances and he started noticing my expensive Starbucks habit. I actually yelled at him for micromanaging my spending.

Maybe he feels the need to lie so that you don't get mad at him. My situation is different but I love to travel. DH not so much. He often agrees and says he wants to go somewhere when he doesn't. When the time comes to go, he doesn't seem enthusiastic and I get upset. I feel like he lied to me about wanting to go somewhere when he clearly does not want to go. Just a different perspective. Your stories don't sound like that big of a deal to me.

How the hell many times do I have to say that I don't give a flying fuck what he eats? It's the fact that he's lying to me about it that's concerning. It's a dumb lie that has no significance in our lives, and yet he chooses to continue to lie about it. Do you lie to your husband about what you eat? Didn't think so. Then you have nothing to say about this.

Don't worry, some of us hear you and understanding exactly what you are saying. Others are too willing to put up with anything.

I don't know if it's because it is late or if you have a typo or two that are throwing it off but I can't understand what you are saying. Are you saying that others would not put up with anything and therefore cannot understand what OP is saying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand. My DH lies about the dumbest things, and I just can't figure out what the hell he's thinking. It's over stuff I would never in a million years pick a fight over, but now, as they all add up, it makes me wonder why he feels the need to lie and they are taking on a life of their own. Big example that's happening now: I am a vegetarian. I couldn't care less if he eats meat or not, never pressured him, he just said years ago that he wanted to stop eating it because he didn't feel good. Last weekend, we're out of town at a hotel that included breakfast, and I literally watched as he hid a sausage patty under his eggs. And last night, he brought sandwiches home and told me it was tuna when it was turkey, plain as day and on the receipt. So why in the world does he think I give a crap?? I was taken off guard a few times where he's clearly hiding it, and now I'm prepared to ask him why he feels the need to lie about what he's eating. It's beyond strange to me. But also hurtful - he's choosing to lie to me over something so dumb, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter if it's over something dumb or not - he's choosing to lie to me.

You obviously care about it because you've even checked the receipts. He is hiding it from you because he doesn't want to deal with the judgmental bull crap he will get from you. Wives always say "I don't nag" and "it doesn't bother me" when the truth is you are obsessing over every bit of it.

Maybe I am not used to this game. Thank goodness I don't have a DH who checks up on what I eat. I love to snack and enjoy dessert. I don't tell DH that I eat potato chips or a chocolate bar. God forbid, DH would check up on whether I ate this bag of potato chips and then accuse me of lying. That would drive me nuts.

I used to have a $15 Starbucks habit. There was one in my building and I would often get breakfast and coffee in the morning and then get a sweet treat in the afternoon. After we were married, we joined our finances and he started noticing my expensive Starbucks habit. I actually yelled at him for micromanaging my spending.

Maybe he feels the need to lie so that you don't get mad at him. My situation is different but I love to travel. DH not so much. He often agrees and says he wants to go somewhere when he doesn't. When the time comes to go, he doesn't seem enthusiastic and I get upset. I feel like he lied to me about wanting to go somewhere when he clearly does not want to go. Just a different perspective. Your stories don't sound like that big of a deal to me.

How the hell many times do I have to say that I don't give a flying fuck what he eats? It's the fact that he's lying to me about it that's concerning. It's a dumb lie that has no significance in our lives, and yet he chooses to continue to lie about it. Do you lie to your husband about what you eat? Didn't think so. Then you have nothing to say about this.

Don't worry, some of us hear you and understanding exactly what you are saying. Others are too willing to put up with anything.

I don't know if it's because it is late or if you have a typo or two that are throwing it off but I can't understand what you are saying. Are you saying that others would not put up with anything and therefore cannot understand what OP is saying?

You are right I do have typos in there! I'm saying that the posters who are trying to make the PP feel wrong or crazy for being upset about her husband's lies are incorrect. The people who are diminishing it or acting as if she is causing his behavior are willing to put up with too much and claim it's normal but it's really not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand. My DH lies about the dumbest things, and I just can't figure out what the hell he's thinking. It's over stuff I would never in a million years pick a fight over, but now, as they all add up, it makes me wonder why he feels the need to lie and they are taking on a life of their own. Big example that's happening now: I am a vegetarian. I couldn't care less if he eats meat or not, never pressured him, he just said years ago that he wanted to stop eating it because he didn't feel good. Last weekend, we're out of town at a hotel that included breakfast, and I literally watched as he hid a sausage patty under his eggs. And last night, he brought sandwiches home and told me it was tuna when it was turkey, plain as day and on the receipt. So why in the world does he think I give a crap?? I was taken off guard a few times where he's clearly hiding it, and now I'm prepared to ask him why he feels the need to lie about what he's eating. It's beyond strange to me. But also hurtful - he's choosing to lie to me over something so dumb, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter if it's over something dumb or not - he's choosing to lie to me.

You obviously care about it because you've even checked the receipts. He is hiding it from you because he doesn't want to deal with the judgmental bull crap he will get from you. Wives always say "I don't nag" and "it doesn't bother me" when the truth is you are obsessing over every bit of it.

Maybe I am not used to this game. Thank goodness I don't have a DH who checks up on what I eat. I love to snack and enjoy dessert. I don't tell DH that I eat potato chips or a chocolate bar. God forbid, DH would check up on whether I ate this bag of potato chips and then accuse me of lying. That would drive me nuts.

I used to have a $15 Starbucks habit. There was one in my building and I would often get breakfast and coffee in the morning and then get a sweet treat in the afternoon. After we were married, we joined our finances and he started noticing my expensive Starbucks habit. I actually yelled at him for micromanaging my spending.

Maybe he feels the need to lie so that you don't get mad at him. My situation is different but I love to travel. DH not so much. He often agrees and says he wants to go somewhere when he doesn't. When the time comes to go, he doesn't seem enthusiastic and I get upset. I feel like he lied to me about wanting to go somewhere when he clearly does not want to go. Just a different perspective. Your stories don't sound like that big of a deal to me.

How the hell many times do I have to say that I don't give a flying fuck what he eats? It's the fact that he's lying to me about it that's concerning. It's a dumb lie that has no significance in our lives, and yet he chooses to continue to lie about it. Do you lie to your husband about what you eat? Didn't think so. Then you have nothing to say about this.

Don't worry, some of us hear you and understanding exactly what you are saying. Others are too willing to put up with anything.

I don't know if it's because it is late or if you have a typo or two that are throwing it off but I can't understand what you are saying. Are you saying that others would not put up with anything and therefore cannot understand what OP is saying?

You are right I do have typos in there! I'm saying that the posters who are trying to make the PP feel wrong or crazy for being upset about her husband's lies are incorrect. The people who are diminishing it or acting as if she is causing his behavior are willing to put up with too much and claim it's normal but it's really not.

LOL OK, I understand what you are saying now.

I was trying to relate but my husband doesn't really lie to me. I do think he gets confused because he is very busy and makes mistakes. Like when he thinks he booked a car for our upcoming florida trip but didn't. He thinks he did but he is remembering our last trip. Don't think he is deliberately trying to lie to me in any sort of way. still very annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand. My DH lies about the dumbest things, and I just can't figure out what the hell he's thinking. It's over stuff I would never in a million years pick a fight over, but now, as they all add up, it makes me wonder why he feels the need to lie and they are taking on a life of their own. Big example that's happening now: I am a vegetarian. I couldn't care less if he eats meat or not, never pressured him, he just said years ago that he wanted to stop eating it because he didn't feel good. Last weekend, we're out of town at a hotel that included breakfast, and I literally watched as he hid a sausage patty under his eggs. And last night, he brought sandwiches home and told me it was tuna when it was turkey, plain as day and on the receipt. So why in the world does he think I give a crap?? I was taken off guard a few times where he's clearly hiding it, and now I'm prepared to ask him why he feels the need to lie about what he's eating. It's beyond strange to me. But also hurtful - he's choosing to lie to me over something so dumb, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter if it's over something dumb or not - he's choosing to lie to me.

You obviously care about it because you've even checked the receipts. He is hiding it from you because he doesn't want to deal with the judgmental bull crap he will get from you. Wives always say "I don't nag" and "it doesn't bother me" when the truth is you are obsessing over every bit of it.

Maybe I am not used to this game. Thank goodness I don't have a DH who checks up on what I eat. I love to snack and enjoy dessert. I don't tell DH that I eat potato chips or a chocolate bar. God forbid, DH would check up on whether I ate this bag of potato chips and then accuse me of lying. That would drive me nuts.

I used to have a $15 Starbucks habit. There was one in my building and I would often get breakfast and coffee in the morning and then get a sweet treat in the afternoon. After we were married, we joined our finances and he started noticing my expensive Starbucks habit. I actually yelled at him for micromanaging my spending.

Maybe he feels the need to lie so that you don't get mad at him. My situation is different but I love to travel. DH not so much. He often agrees and says he wants to go somewhere when he doesn't. When the time comes to go, he doesn't seem enthusiastic and I get upset. I feel like he lied to me about wanting to go somewhere when he clearly does not want to go. Just a different perspective. Your stories don't sound like that big of a deal to me.

How the hell many times do I have to say that I don't give a flying fuck what he eats? It's the fact that he's lying to me about it that's concerning. It's a dumb lie that has no significance in our lives, and yet he chooses to continue to lie about it. Do you lie to your husband about what you eat? Didn't think so. Then you have nothing to say about this.

Don't worry, some of us hear you and understanding exactly what you are saying. Others are too willing to put up with anything.

I don't know if it's because it is late or if you have a typo or two that are throwing it off but I can't understand what you are saying. Are you saying that others would not put up with anything and therefore cannot understand what OP is saying?

You are right I do have typos in there! I'm saying that the posters who are trying to make the PP feel wrong or crazy for being upset about her husband's lies are incorrect. The people who are diminishing it or acting as if she is causing his behavior are willing to put up with too much and claim it's normal but it's really not.

LOL OK, I understand what you are saying now.

I was trying to relate but my husband doesn't really lie to me. I do think he gets confused because he is very busy and makes mistakes. Like when he thinks he booked a car for our upcoming florida trip but didn't. He thinks he did but he is remembering our last trip. Don't think he is deliberately trying to lie to me in any sort of way. still very annoying.

I totally get what you are saying. I think PP would be happy if confusion was the extent of her issue with her husband!

[Anonymous]

To the OP - I would be frustrated and very angry if DH constantly lied to me. A marriage really needs to have trust. If he is lying about the little things, who knows what else he is lying about?