Trying to figure out why my child was so traumatized by Montessori
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Anonymous
Not the OP but PP, how about don't have kids if you're going to model inappropriate behavior for them (such as immature name-calling)? |
Anonymous
+1 Montessori was a disaster for my child. Learning how to wash tables, having to be quiet all the time...it sucked. |
Anonymous
| My kiddo seems to be doing well at monteasori now but it would not have been. Good spot to send him all day especially at 2. Just think that the class sizes and less warm demeanor than a play preschool teacher are not a good fit for little ones. |
Anonymous
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OP again.
Poster at 13:02 astutely pointed out that it's not clear whether we ran into his old teacher or his new teacher. Ironically .... the meltdown I described was from running into his old teacher ... And the very next day, we went back to the same spot, and he saw the old teacher again. He still whimpered and cried, but he didn't completely melt down. BUT ... Literally, a few minutes later, the director of his new school just happened to walk up and say hi to him while we were still at the same spot. (Obviously, we live in a smallish town.) He smiled at her a little bit, and then turned away. No tears, no meltdown, probably just some confusion as to why this particular spot had suddenly became SchoolHouse Central. Not an ideal response, but clearly not traumatic. Anyway, we're definitely taking him to a therapist in the next couple of weeks, just to see if she can help him sort out and resolve his feelings/fear/anxiety. (BTW, for what it's worth, nothing about my original post impugned Montessori schools or even his teachers. My question was just whether there's something about the method that is difficult emotionally for a subset of children.) |
Anonymous
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OP,
10:18 again. I'm so glad you're seeing a therapist soon. I'm an Early Child Development specialist, and I find that children's reactions almost always have a reason and logic to them. A child curling up in a fetal position in response to seeing a teacher is frightening to me, because it suggests that whatever your child associates with that teacher affected him deeply. Also, in my last line, I meant to say that when trauma is NOT processed, it can come back to haunt in strange ways. We know so much more about the neuropsychology of trauma than we did even 20 years ago, and are now better at treating it. With regard to your experience with the school telling you everything is fine when your son seemed sad, please don't prioritize an adult's interpretations over what you feel intuitively about your child. I know that can be hard, especially if you are a first-time parent or not used to being assertive with "professionals." The school's interest and perspective is not identical to yours, and you might be surprised at how poorly run schools can still maintain their accreditation. Did your son attend North East Stars by any chance? I've heard a number of negative things about that chain. I would also be suspicious of any school that does not allow observation by parents. The usual reason given for not allowing parents into the classroom is that it's disruptive. That can be the case, especially in the early weeks of school when separation issues are at their highest, but the disruption can be minimized with cooperation between the teacher and parent. I don't know what state you're in, but Viriginia law requires preschools to allow parent access at any time. Of course, you want to be polite and considerate about visiting, as dropping in without notice can be disruptive, but parents absolutely have the right to observe their child's classroom. In fact, all of the best preschools I know keep an open door policy to parents. Your son is lucky to have such an observant, caring mother. I'm sure with your help and loving support, he will recover from whatever he experienced at his former school. |
Anonymous
| Although I agree with much of what the previous poster says, I do not agree about having parents observe in the classroom. Children do not act the same in the classroom when their parents are there. That should come as no surprise to anyone who understands children. Yes, the OP should figure what went on. There are many ways to do that. However, I would not discount a school that discourages parents from observing in the room. They will not see what they hope to see in this way and it can be very upsetting to the rest of the children in the room, especially the younger ones. |
Anonymous
Montessori teacher here again. Sounds more like the teacher was the problem. Not the philosophy. A good Nontessori teacher would redirect to a more interesting age-appropriate work, or adjust the not age-appropriate work to meet the needs of the child. |
Anonymous
| Montessori |
Anonymous
My mom ran her own preschool years ago and her solution to this was to install all hallway-facing doors with two-way mirrors, so parents could observe at any time. Kids definitely do act differently when a parent is in the room, but I would be very uncomfortable with a school that didn't allow parents to drop in (unannounced) to observe. Obviously there need to be safety measures in place, so by "unannounced" I don't mean just wander in off the street, but without setting an appointment time in advance. Also, trust levels are different than they were 20+ years ago, on the whole. But the mirrored doors meant that, in the days before remote observation with cameras, a parent could be observing at any time unbeknownst to the children AND the teachers. As the parent of a preschool-age child, I think this was a really fantastic solution. It might be tougher and more disruptive for schools where a parent would buzz a particular classroom, but I do think an open door (again, with appropriate security) policy is very important. |
Anonymous
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I posted before about my 5 yr old daughter being frustrated at her new Montessori program because she's not permitted to try something new until her teachers "present" it to her.
This week, the only new thing she tried was shelling hardboiled eggs. The classroom snack that day was hardboiled eggs, so the children were introduced to this work. That's it. Otherwise, she continued to our corn into cups. And was banned from the book corner because only one child may use the book corner at a time. And was not allowed to work on puzzles because only two children may work together on a puzzle. She is so frustrated at what she's not allowed to access in the room. For $615/mo plus and awful lot of "extras", I'd sure appreciate if she'd learn more than pouring corn, washing tables, and shelling eggs. |
Anonymous
| My DD did two years of Montessori, at ages 3 and 4. First year was amazing. Second year was at a different school (we moved) and was a complete disaster. |
Anonymous
That's a school/teacher problem, not a Montessori problem. Our son's program is nothing like this. But we are not at an AMI certified school (are you the PP who said yours was the most authentic?). Also, I doubt that two children were using all the puzzles for the entire work cycle. Taking turns and waiting (social skills) are an important part of preschool development -- sounds like your daughter might be expressing frustration that she couldn't do a puzzle exactly when she wanted or read at the moment she decided. |
Anonymous
You should make an appointment with your daughter's teacher, express your concerns, and ask what is going on. That would probably be more helpful and productive than venting on an internet forum. Where are you learning what your daughter did in a given day? From your daughter? Every kid is different but I can tell you that if I relied solely on what my 5YO and 6YO's reports of what they did at school, I'd go ballistic because I get very vague or abbreviated reports. When I actually talk with the teachers -- who keep careful track in a chart of what each kid is working on, what they have already worked on, and what they are due to start soon -- then I find out about all this other stuff my kid is doing. |
Anonymous
Was she "banned" from the book corner or was she told that she had to wait until little Timmy was finished reading before there was room for her? Was she "not allowed" to work on the puzzles, or was she told that it wasn't available right now because suzy and joey are working on it, but she can use it once it is available? Montessori very intentionally doesn't have enough of every material for every child to use it at the same time. This forces kids to explore other work naturally, and encourages learning patience and consideration for others. They don't force kids to "share" the material. When it's your turn at the puzzle, you are allowed to use it and concentrate on it and work with it as long as you want to, without worrying about the new 5 year old in the class who wants to come take over your work. it sounds like you aren't happy with the Montessori method and don't agree with a lot of their most basic ideas. Which is totally fine! No method works for everyone! But it might be time to start looking for a new school. (And all the Montessori ADs out there are thinking "this is why we hesitate to admit 5 year olds with no prior montessori experience...") |