Trying to figure out why my child was so traumatized by Montessori

[Anonymous]

My dd had a weird reaction to a camp when she was 2. Went for the first week, no problem. Next week- absolute meltdown. I still made her go 2x and then realized something had really upset her. She told me she didn't like that a counselor squeezed her knees and changed her diaper. I'm still squee'd by it but dunno what else I could have done. That's to say, your options are pretty limited OP. Trust your kid and be glad he's happy now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this will lead to idle speculation, but it's driving me crazy ....

My son went to a Montessori school (not in D.C. area) last year, when he was 2. He's a very verbal kid, and doesn't really struggle to tell you what he's feeling or what he's experienced.

Anyway, for the entire year, he cried every single day at drop-off, and appeared dejected and isolated every single day at pick-up.

The teachers always insisted he had a great day and was probably just still shaking off his nap. He would never tell us about his day, and the school doesn't allow parents to be in the classroom or observe in any way.

For unrelated reasons, he started at a different school this year. He's like a different kid now. He wakes up early, he's excited to go to school, he talks about his day, and he is NOT eager to leave when I pick him up.

He frequently makes a point of telling us he doesn't want to go back to his old school, although he claims he liked everybody there.

Here's the most disturbing part, though: We just happened to run into one of his teachers around town the other day. As soon as he saw her, he crumpled to the ground in tears, and curled into a fetal position on the floor. I've never even seen him do this before, as a temper tantrum or otherwise. I am beside myself, and have no idea what to think. I also don't know whether this is important to pursue, either for his healing or in order to figure out whether there's something that other parents at that school need to know.

But honestly, most kids there seem very happy, and the teachers seem incredibly gentle and kind. I wonder whether there's something about the Montessori method that just doesn't go over well with some kids???

OP, I don't mean to sound snarky, but if my 2 year old kid was crying "every single day at drop-off, and appeared dejected and isolated every single day at pick-up", that would have only lasted about 30 days at the most. You didn't mention it, but did you ever speak to the director? other parents? With that kind of behavior I would have insisted on observing/ being in the classroom for at least one day. Something was going on there and I would have had to get to the bottom of it. Can you further explain why you let him remain there for a year and he was acting like this? Again, I am sincere, not judging you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had the same experience with a verbal kid who turned out to have Asperger's. We never really got to the bottom of it either, and couldn't figure it out because our neighbor's children seemed to have fun at the same school. So it probably wasn't the teacher or the method specifically -- just a really poor fit with our child. My sense now is that he often didn't understand what the expectations were for the activities for kids there -- He actually could produce a lot more language than he could comprehend, if that makes sense, and I think honestly he didn't understand a lot of what was going on.

Montessori is a terrible method for any child with an ASD. The method depends on a teacher providing guidance and social cues to lead a child to the materials and to guide the child through the materials. Kids with an ASD do not pick up on those social cues or guidance and they tend to flounder in a Montessori setting.

Montessori is also a terrible method for really creative kids. There is one right way to use the materials. If you use them creatively, you will be told that you are "wrong" and guided to doing it "right." That's a very difficult thing for creative kids -- they spend every day of their lives in Montessori being told that they are doing it wrong.

I'm glad that Montessori works for some families, but if your kid is outside the box, it's not the place of them.

+1 I'm not sure if the school I toured was just very rigid as other's stated but I got the impression very quickly that their method would not work for my creative extroverted child.
The director also told me that she thought a lot of wealthy people just send their kids there without understanding their methods, because their friends do it and it sounds good.

[Anonymous]

My older extroverted child did great in Montessori. But our younger child went to a play-based preschool because we thought it was right for her. Nice teachers at both schools so no problem.

The older one was very verbal and able to articulate why she didn't like a teacher in the 2s room at her previous play-based preschool.

[Anonymous]

My 4 yo twins have been in Montessori pre-school for a year. Before that, they were in a play-based daycare from 3 months to almost 3 yo. They have never had any such problems with the Montessori school. We've been to several events, Open House, Show Off Your Classroom Night, the schools's annual picnic and they take us around to introduce us to the various teachers that they have in the preschool (2.5 hours a day) and the ones that they've had in the daycare room (the rest of the day). They know all the teachers and like all of the teachers.

Conversely, in the play-based daycare, they loved the teachers in the infant room (up to 18 months), the teachers in the toddler room (18-24 months) and the 2's room. But there was one teacher in the 3's room that they told us several times that they didn't like, about bad experiences with the teacher when she was filling in for a missing teacher. We discussed with the director of the pre-school and she listened and said she would address the issue, but in talking with other parents at drop-off, there were several others who had problems with this teacher as well, in similar instances (this teacher apparently had a very bad temper, would yell and manhandle children and did not follow center rules). Despite numerous complaints (during reorganization they scheduled director-teacher meetings every 2-4 weeks and this teacher's name came up repeatedly), this teacher remained. Despite the fact that we had really enjoyed this daycare center, we determined that our children were going to leave the center before they were transitioned to the 3's room and we did so. There was no way that this teacher was going to be the primary caregiver for my children.

I would never have blamed our experience on either the school/center or the teaching method just because of the experience of one bad teacher. The rest of the staff were good and professional and our children loved their classes. It's a bad fit. Sounds like OP's child had the same problem, either a bad teacher or a bad fit. Trying to blame either the school or the Montessori method from that description is unfortunate and inappropriate stereotyping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a just turned 3 yr old daughter in Montessori right now. She's been watching her 3 older siblings head off to school her entire life, and always wanted to go to school with her big sister last year. She CRIES AND CRIES every morning, and gets her "very scary" face that comes up only when she's really scared. It's terrible. I'm trying to give it a little more time, but frankly, I think the Montessori environment might not be good for all kids. My youngest loves to talk to herself while she plays or sing while she plays. I think the Montessori shroud of silence is hard. I am also concerned about it squashing the creativity right out of my two girls and instead teaching them that Item A can only be used for Purpose A, not for interesting and creating purpose A-Q-Hybrid. My 5 yr old is completely stressed out that she's not allowed to touch new "work" until the teacher carefully instructs her on how to do it. All this being said - if your kid is an extrovert, I could see Montessori being TOUGH. My oldest, a super extrovert, would have been tossed to the curb in no time as he would never be able to comply with the "wait until I show you how", "work in silence", and "only for its intended purpose" pillars of behavior.

This makes my heart hurt to think that any parent believe that Montessori is a good choice for children =( Probably parents who followed Babywise too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dd had a weird reaction to a camp when she was 2. Went for the first week, no problem. Next week- absolute meltdown. I still made her go 2x and then realized something had really upset her. She told me she didn't like that a counselor squeezed her knees and changed her diaper. I'm still squee'd by it but dunno what else I could have done. That's to say, your options are pretty limited OP. Trust your kid and be glad he's happy now.

Why do parent's call daycare for 2 years "camp" and "school"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a just turned 3 yr old daughter in Montessori right now. She's been watching her 3 older siblings head off to school her entire life, and always wanted to go to school with her big sister last year. She CRIES AND CRIES every morning, and gets her "very scary" face that comes up only when she's really scared. It's terrible. I'm trying to give it a little more time, but frankly, I think the Montessori environment might not be good for all kids. My youngest loves to talk to herself while she plays or sing while she plays. I think the Montessori shroud of silence is hard. I am also concerned about it squashing the creativity right out of my two girls and instead teaching them that Item A can only be used for Purpose A, not for interesting and creating purpose A-Q-Hybrid. My 5 yr old is completely stressed out that she's not allowed to touch new "work" until the teacher carefully instructs her on how to do it. All this being said - if your kid is an extrovert, I could see Montessori being TOUGH. My oldest, a super extrovert, would have been tossed to the curb in no time as he would never be able to comply with the "wait until I show you how", "work in silence", and "only for its intended purpose" pillars of behavior.

This makes my heart hurt to think that any parent believe that Montessori is a good choice for children =( Probably parents who followed Babywise too.

UGH. Leaving aside the sideswipe at an issue that most of us haven't thought about since our kids were 6 months old, OF COURSE not every pedagogy is right for every kid. OF COURSE. There is no magic bullet. For what it's worth, I have a creative and extroverted child who absolutely thrived in Montessori. The self-directed aspect gave her the freedom to pursue her interests, while the use of certain tools gave her the concentration and motor skills she needed to be successful in elementary school. Now she's an amazing kid who writes her own books and songs, but who also has the self control to sit through a full-length ballet or play, not to mention a lesson at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd had a weird reaction to a camp when she was 2. Went for the first week, no problem. Next week- absolute meltdown. I still made her go 2x and then realized something had really upset her. She told me she didn't like that a counselor squeezed her knees and changed her diaper. I'm still squee'd by it but dunno what else I could have done. That's to say, your options are pretty limited OP. Trust your kid and be glad he's happy now.

Why do parent's call daycare for 2 years "camp" and "school"?

Why do people use apostrophes to form plurals? Life is mysterious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a just turned 3 yr old daughter in Montessori right now. She's been watching her 3 older siblings head off to school her entire life, and always wanted to go to school with her big sister last year. She CRIES AND CRIES every morning, and gets her "very scary" face that comes up only when she's really scared. It's terrible. I'm trying to give it a little more time, but frankly, I think the Montessori environment might not be good for all kids. My youngest loves to talk to herself while she plays or sing while she plays. I think the Montessori shroud of silence is hard. I am also concerned about it squashing the creativity right out of my two girls and instead teaching them that Item A can only be used for Purpose A, not for interesting and creating purpose A-Q-Hybrid. My 5 yr old is completely stressed out that she's not allowed to touch new "work" until the teacher carefully instructs her on how to do it. All this being said - if your kid is an extrovert, I could see Montessori being TOUGH. My oldest, a super extrovert, would have been tossed to the curb in no time as he would never be able to comply with the "wait until I show you how", "work in silence", and "only for its intended purpose" pillars of behavior.

This makes my heart hurt to think that any parent believe that Montessori is a good choice for children =( Probably parents who followed Babywise too.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a just turned 3 yr old daughter in Montessori right now. She's been watching her 3 older siblings head off to school her entire life, and always wanted to go to school with her big sister last year. She CRIES AND CRIES every morning, and gets her "very scary" face that comes up only when she's really scared. It's terrible. I'm trying to give it a little more time, but frankly, I think the Montessori environment might not be good for all kids. My youngest loves to talk to herself while she plays or sing while she plays. I think the Montessori shroud of silence is hard. I am also concerned about it squashing the creativity right out of my two girls and instead teaching them that Item A can only be used for Purpose A, not for interesting and creating purpose A-Q-Hybrid. My 5 yr old is completely stressed out that she's not allowed to touch new "work" until the teacher carefully instructs her on how to do it. All this being said - if your kid is an extrovert, I could see Montessori being TOUGH. My oldest, a super extrovert, would have been tossed to the curb in no time as he would never be able to comply with the "wait until I show you how", "work in silence", and "only for its intended purpose" pillars of behavior.

This makes my heart hurt to think that any parent believe that Montessori is a good choice for children =( Probably parents who followed Babywise too.

+1

Then you don't know much about Montessori. It is a wonderful way to foster critical thinking and learning the scientific method. As a scientist, I understand and value that part of the Montessori education. My children loved their Montessori preschool. Again, this bears repeating, the method is only as good as the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a just turned 3 yr old daughter in Montessori right now. She's been watching her 3 older siblings head off to school her entire life, and always wanted to go to school with her big sister last year. She CRIES AND CRIES every morning, and gets her "very scary" face that comes up only when she's really scared. It's terrible. I'm trying to give it a little more time, but frankly, I think the Montessori environment might not be good for all kids. My youngest loves to talk to herself while she plays or sing while she plays. I think the Montessori shroud of silence is hard. I am also concerned about it squashing the creativity right out of my two girls and instead teaching them that Item A can only be used for Purpose A, not for interesting and creating purpose A-Q-Hybrid. My 5 yr old is completely stressed out that she's not allowed to touch new "work" until the teacher carefully instructs her on how to do it. All this being said - if your kid is an extrovert, I could see Montessori being TOUGH. My oldest, a super extrovert, would have been tossed to the curb in no time as he would never be able to comply with the "wait until I show you how", "work in silence", and "only for its intended purpose" pillars of behavior.

This makes my heart hurt to think that any parent believe that Montessori is a good choice for children =( Probably parents who followed Babywise too.

+1

Huh? My child's Montessori classroom was buzzing with activity and talking. In fact, I think there's a lot more opportunity for social interaction in a free-form Montessori classroom than in a traditional K class. My child spent plenty of time at the "drawing table" with his 3 buddies telling all sorts of stories that they drew on a page. There is also plenty of "work" that is done with other kids, where teachers give lessons to more than one child.

I understand that some Montessori classes are very rigid.. my child's was not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd had a weird reaction to a camp when she was 2. Went for the first week, no problem. Next week- absolute meltdown. I still made her go 2x and then realized something had really upset her. She told me she didn't like that a counselor squeezed her knees and changed her diaper. I'm still squee'd by it but dunno what else I could have done. That's to say, your options are pretty limited OP. Trust your kid and be glad he's happy now.

Why do parent's call daycare for 2 years "camp" and "school"?

Why do people use apostrophes to form plurals? Life is mysterious.

Lol pp. Also my 2 yr old, about whom I wrote above, stayed home with a nanny and attended camp during the summer. Shall I call the camp and let them know that in addition to leaving a bad impression on my dd, that certain anonymous posters on DCUM respectfully request they abstain from the use of the word camp in their name?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a just turned 3 yr old daughter in Montessori right now. She's been watching her 3 older siblings head off to school her entire life, and always wanted to go to school with her big sister last year. She CRIES AND CRIES every morning, and gets her "very scary" face that comes up only when she's really scared. It's terrible. I'm trying to give it a little more time, but frankly, I think the Montessori environment might not be good for all kids. My youngest loves to talk to herself while she plays or sing while she plays. I think the Montessori shroud of silence is hard. I am also concerned about it squashing the creativity right out of my two girls and instead teaching them that Item A can only be used for Purpose A, not for interesting and creating purpose A-Q-Hybrid. My 5 yr old is completely stressed out that she's not allowed to touch new "work" until the teacher carefully instructs her on how to do it. All this being said - if your kid is an extrovert, I could see Montessori being TOUGH. My oldest, a super extrovert, would have been tossed to the curb in no time as he would never be able to comply with the "wait until I show you how", "work in silence", and "only for its intended purpose" pillars of behavior.

This makes my heart hurt to think that any parent believe that Montessori is a good choice for children =( Probably parents who followed Babywise too.

+1

Then you don't know much about Montessori. It is a wonderful way to foster critical thinking and learning the scientific method. As a scientist, I understand and value that part of the Montessori education. My children loved their Montessori preschool. Again, this bears repeating, the method is only as good as the teacher.

I love the Montessori math and science curriculum. It's worlds better than anything that regular school does. That said, Montessori was not a good method for my kids. I expected baby engineers and I got baby performance artists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a just turned 3 yr old daughter in Montessori right now. She's been watching her 3 older siblings head off to school her entire life, and always wanted to go to school with her big sister last year. She CRIES AND CRIES every morning, and gets her "very scary" face that comes up only when she's really scared. It's terrible. I'm trying to give it a little more time, but frankly, I think the Montessori environment might not be good for all kids. My youngest loves to talk to herself while she plays or sing while she plays. I think the Montessori shroud of silence is hard. I am also concerned about it squashing the creativity right out of my two girls and instead teaching them that Item A can only be used for Purpose A, not for interesting and creating purpose A-Q-Hybrid. My 5 yr old is completely stressed out that she's not allowed to touch new "work" until the teacher carefully instructs her on how to do it. All this being said - if your kid is an extrovert, I could see Montessori being TOUGH. My oldest, a super extrovert, would have been tossed to the curb in no time as he would never be able to comply with the "wait until I show you how", "work in silence", and "only for its intended purpose" pillars of behavior.

This makes my heart hurt to think that any parent believe that Montessori is a good choice for children =( Probably parents who followed Babywise too.

Visit a real Montessori school. This is a gross over statement.