Trying to figure out why my child was so traumatized by Montessori
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Anonymous
Amazing. What an ignorant stereotype. You are one of those people seem to think that there is only one right way to do things. I hope that what you feel is the "right" form of education suits your children and the way that they learn. If not, then it makes my heart hurt to think that you believe that your type of school is a good choice for your children when it really isn't. I have twins who thrive in Montessori. We picked the school because one of the twins is extremely focused when he's learning about something. He had issues with the normal play-based daycares that would let them play X amount of time and then all the children had circle time to review Y (letters, shapes, numbers, whatever). But when he wasn't finished looking at the book or toy that he was working on, he had a big problem when he was told to put it away and join circle time. Or when he was working on a puzzle and was told that he had to put it away to eat snack because everyone was eating snack. He's now in Montessori and he gets to pick the projects he works on, how long he spends on it. Yes, he is guided in the key lessons that he is supposed to learn, but contrary to what so many think, he is not told that there is only one way to use the project and that anything else is wrong. In his school, he is allowed to explore the project any way he wants as long as a part of using the project is that he learns the lesson that the Montessori method teaches. If the goals is to move the blue marbles to the bowl with the tongs to develop motor skills, he can still count the marbles and separate them into two piles as long as before he puts it away, he does the part about moving them so that he develops his fine motor skills. He has thrived and learned so much more when he is in control of what he does and how long he works on a project. He has teachers that note his intensity and help him use that to focus on the lessons to be learned, but give him the freedom to be as thorough as he wants. The play-based school was not a good fit for him, but this is. I understand that there is no form of teaching that is a good fit for everyone, but I also understand that the right Montessori school can be wonderful for some students like ours is for our children. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
| Not my experience with Montessori at all - have seen it create a love of learning and inquisitiveness. But our school allows parents to observe. I would shy away from a school that didn't, montessori or otherwise... |
Anonymous
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As others have said, the teachers make a big difference in the experience, and there can be some major variations in how places called "Montessori schools" actually do things. Although there's a general methodology, there's an extremely large amount of variation and no real "governing body" that determines how things are done from one school to the other. So an experience at one Montessori school may be very different from an experience at another (more so even than in some other methodologies like Waldorf, which in my understanding is more standardized if you want to use the name "Waldorf").
I personally went to Montessori preschool and loved it, but it was not a great fit for me socially, as I was a very shy kid. Social skills were not encouraged or "taught," and so I could happily sit on my own and work on my own projects, but I ultimately wasn't learning the social skills I would need in kindergarten. As an only child and someone who preferred to keep to herself, this wasn't ideal for me (even if it was comfortable). Your comments make me wonder if the methodology just wasn't a good fit for your kid, just like it wasn't for me. |
Anonymous
| Montessori isn't for every kid. And all Montessori schools are not the same. We looked into it for our daughter and decided it wasn't right for her--she's thriving at a play-based program. For another kid, it might be just the thing. |
Anonymous
 <3
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Anonymous
Seriously, you AGAIN? Weren't you just all over this in the "parent pet peeves thread" (and every single other thread about preschool, daycare, or pre-K education in general)? Get a life. |
Anonymous
I'm the original PP of the quoted post. The Montessori my daughters attend is billed as the most authentic Montessori in our area - the most true to strict Montessori methods. I love the learning that is available but I hate the "rules". Too formal, too strict in application, too stuffy. No creativity. It just feels like expensive social compliance training. I'd honestly prefer my girls grow up with more spark and less stifling "grace". |
Anonymous
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OP, I find it disturbing that your child had such an extreme reaction to seeing the teacher.
It does seem like a traumatic response, almost along the lines of PTSD. I would suggest that you see a psychologist about this, because the response is so extreme. See someone who specializes in helping children recover from trauma. Ask your school counselor or pediatrician for a recommendation. There's something going on that clearly needs healing. Is there any possibility that he was physically abused in some way? I don't necessarily mean sexual molestation, but also rough handling physically. Is it possible he was shamed or otherwise treated in a way that might not be obvious to anyone else but that he found traumatic? When trauma is processed, it can come back to haunt in very strange ways. I'd want to get to the bottom of this as soon as possible. |
Anonymous
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OP here.
10:18, thank you. I do think I want to get to the bottom of this. I reached out to a therapist friend of mine a few minutes ago, to ask for a local referral. A few people have asked why we left him there all year when it was clearly so bad. I guess that's why we're beating ourselves up over this now. They always told us that he had a great day, even when he seemed sad at pick-up. They chalked that sadness up to him still being sleepy from nap time. They also always told us that he was basically the Montessori poster child, because he has such great focus and perseverance. So we were led to believe he was thriving. I still think the teachers were probably perfectly kind, if maybe not as warm as he would have liked. More than anything, I wish we would have been more welcome to observe, and given more information about whether and how to support his transition. |
Anonymous
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OP, I agree with 10:18 as I was surprised nobody else mentioned his severe reaction. How did the teacher react or did she not see him?
It does seem odd that they called him the "poster child" when he reacted like that. Don't feel guilty. Just do the best you can now with the information you have and go from there. So glad he's happy now. GL! |
Anonymous
| I'm not clear on whether the teacher you ran into was from the old school or the new school. |
Anonymous
+1 This has been our experience too. In particular, for our kid the ability to choose his own work and interests in Montessori -- as opposed to being herded into "art time," "circle time," etc. along with everyone else -- was huge. And despite having had kids in Montessori for years and years, I've never seen a Montessori classroom that is a "shroud of silence." It's not screaming chaos, sure. But kids are talking, working, some working with each other, and happily immersed in their work. Personally it makes MY heart hurt to think someone is willing to condemn an entire educational pedagogy based on some random comment on the internet without say, doing real research into the method. |
Anonymous
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Looking at montessori and worried that we may end up at a cold school. If you are no longer there would you name the school and say if it was cold/strict or if you/your child liked it?
Op, reaction would worry me too (then again I am a worrier) |
Anonymous
| Two is too young, dufus. Don't have kids if you are not going to raise them in their younger years. |