Can you find love after your looks have faded?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13:12 - some women just genuinely don't care as much about their looks. I can relate. Most days, I just don't see the point of getting myself all dolled up. I'll put on clothes that fit and aren't too frumpy, but I typically pull my hair up into a ponytail and wear very minimal makeup. I don't really do my nails. I've been like this since college. I only have so much time in the day and I'd rather spend an hour working out and 15 minutes getting ready than an hour getting ready.

I'll put on makeup and blow-dry my hair and dress up a bit if I'm going somewhere nice or have a big meeting at work, but otherwise, why do I need to be fancy? If I'm just going to the grocery store or leaving the gym or watching my kid's soccer game, who cares what I wear?

There's a wide gulf between "fancy" and "frumpy." Nobody expects June Cleaver in pearls to make the kids' lunch. I'm talking no effort at all to maintain the base, in that even when "fancied" up they're still frumpy.

[Anonymous]

13:38, how's your sex life?

[Anonymous]

This is in line with other questions: Can blind people find love? Can people who were never physically attractive find love? These are the questions of someone either very young or very shallow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13:12 - some women just genuinely don't care as much about their looks. I can relate. Most days, I just don't see the point of getting myself all dolled up. I'll put on clothes that fit and aren't too frumpy, but I typically pull my hair up into a ponytail and wear very minimal makeup. I don't really do my nails. I've been like this since college. I only have so much time in the day and I'd rather spend an hour working out and 15 minutes getting ready than an hour getting ready.

I'll put on makeup and blow-dry my hair and dress up a bit if I'm going somewhere nice or have a big meeting at work, but otherwise, why do I need to be fancy? If I'm just going to the grocery store or leaving the gym or watching my kid's soccer game, who cares what I wear?

I am the 12.26 PP, by elegant and not frumpy I don't mean dolled up. It is more of an attitude: clean white ironed not stained flattering shirt and jeans with a pair of shoes that are not running shoes and clean brushed hair can be enough.. I love my wife in jeans, sandals and a cute shirt.

But something I notice here is that in the US women seem to go for very comfy during the day and very dressed up to "go out", maybe it is just a cultural difference and I am not used to it. In France (city) women tend to stick in the middle: never super comfy except to exercise, and just adding accessories and more make up to transition to evening style

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:13:12 - some women just genuinely don't care as much about their looks. I can relate. Most days, I just don't see the point of getting myself all dolled up. I'll put on clothes that fit and aren't too frumpy, but I typically pull my hair up into a ponytail and wear very minimal makeup. I don't really do my nails. I've been like this since college. I only have so much time in the day and I'd rather spend an hour working out and 15 minutes getting ready than an hour getting ready.

I'll put on makeup and blow-dry my hair and dress up a bit if I'm going somewhere nice or have a big meeting at work, but otherwise, why do I need to be fancy? If I'm just going to the grocery store or leaving the gym or watching my kid's soccer game, who cares what I wear?

I am the 12.26 PP, by elegant and not frumpy I don't mean dolled up. It is more of an attitude: clean white ironed not stained flattering shirt and jeans with a pair of shoes that are not running shoes and clean brushed hair can be enough.. I love my wife in jeans, sandals and a cute shirt.

But something I notice here is that in the US women seem to go for very comfy during the day and very dressed up to "go out", maybe it is just a cultural difference and I am not used to it. In France (city) women tend to stick in the middle: never super comfy except to exercise, and just adding accessories and more make up to transition to evening style

It's a cultural difference so you might just as well get used to it, pp. American women are more independent-minded and don't need to dress to please anyone else but themselves.

[Anonymous]

I don't wear ironed white shirts. They make me feel that I am wearing a uniform. How old are you, French pp? Your ideas sound really dated to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:13:12 - some women just genuinely don't care as much about their looks. I can relate. Most days, I just don't see the point of getting myself all dolled up. I'll put on clothes that fit and aren't too frumpy, but I typically pull my hair up into a ponytail and wear very minimal makeup. I don't really do my nails. I've been like this since college. I only have so much time in the day and I'd rather spend an hour working out and 15 minutes getting ready than an hour getting ready.

I'll put on makeup and blow-dry my hair and dress up a bit if I'm going somewhere nice or have a big meeting at work, but otherwise, why do I need to be fancy? If I'm just going to the grocery store or leaving the gym or watching my kid's soccer game, who cares what I wear?

I am the 12.26 PP, by elegant and not frumpy I don't mean dolled up. It is more of an attitude: clean white ironed not stained flattering shirt and jeans with a pair of shoes that are not running shoes and clean brushed hair can be enough.. I love my wife in jeans, sandals and a cute shirt.

But something I notice here is that in the US women seem to go for very comfy during the day and very dressed up to "go out", maybe it is just a cultural difference and I am not used to it. In France (city) women tend to stick in the middle: never super comfy except to exercise, and just adding accessories and more make up to transition to evening style

It's a cultural difference so you might just as well get used to it, pp. American women are more independent-minded and don't need to dress to please anyone else but themselves.

Drops mic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is probably a troll not asking a real question, but I will try to answer anyway:
- I think women in their 30s are beautiful, they have more confidence independence, maturity, they let their true personality and style shine more instead of following trends or trying to fit in a group of friends
- Mothers do something for me. Good looking playful moms with their young kids in tow. True beauty

Full disclosure: I am a 38 yo French (it may matter) man married to a 36 yo woman.

What I love and find in my wife: simple elegance, natural looks (no heavy make up, bold colors, loud jewelry), I don't notice really grey hair and small wrinkles, as long as someone looks healthy and happy.

But I'll admit that there are a few things I dislike even more from a woman in her 30s than in her 20s (it shows more):
- someone who gave up on her personal appearance, not everyone can be thin (some women actually look better when significantly curvy) but I feel like I see too many mothers taking motherhood or age as an excuse to let themselves go: walking around in tracksuits, dirty hair, lack of elegance, a general air of frumpiness, no efforts to keep a healthy figure.. I know I will get stones thrown at me but seriously past the first 6 months after birth I don't think anyone should use kids as an excuse to look like they just rolled out of bed.
- someone who lacks class: a beautiful 20yo can wear loud makeup and tacky clothes and still convey some sort of class. women in their 30s,40s,50s and above not so much

Obviously this can cross gender lines but since we're talking about women, I agree. I know a few women who simply never bother to try and look nice. I realize everyone doesn't always look their best but I'm talking women who never bother wearing nice clothes, getting a flattering haircut, wearing even a smidge of makeup, etc. And these aren't harried mothers with little babies and zero time. They just don't seem to care. And some of them are married to pretty well put together professional men, if I do say so. It's as if they feel like they've already won the game so why try anymore.

And yes, this can apply to men as well.

It's my experience that it's the men that go to shit, not the women. I'm fitness minded as is my DH. We exercise together and have done a few triathlons together. We are the same size as the day we married, but probably stronger. My DH is one of the ONLY men I know who is still fit and who doesn't have a dad bod, but instead sports ripped abs and a nice strong built upper body. Many of my fgirlfriends are in amazing shape after having 3-4 kids even and the husbands look like bridge trolls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do 30-something women find love? Once past their prime, they give men little physical incentive to want to get to know them.
Thoughts?

Sweetheart, 30-something women have not even hit their prime yet.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'd learn to be happy on your own, and then if a guy comes along, he'll be gravy.

I belonged to a volunteer group in my 30s. It was mostly made up of single people and was about evenly split between men and women. The people in it were well educated and civic minded. The women who were conventionally good looking received a lot of attention, and often ended up married to a member of the group. The women who were plain Janes or somewhat overweight remain singleto this day, despitetheir intelligence, wit , and good character. Sure, there are men who aren'tshallow, but not enough of them to go around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:13:12 - some women just genuinely don't care as much about their looks. I can relate. Most days, I just don't see the point of getting myself all dolled up. I'll put on clothes that fit and aren't too frumpy, but I typically pull my hair up into a ponytail and wear very minimal makeup. I don't really do my nails. I've been like this since college. I only have so much time in the day and I'd rather spend an hour working out and 15 minutes getting ready than an hour getting ready.

I'll put on makeup and blow-dry my hair and dress up a bit if I'm going somewhere nice or have a big meeting at work, but otherwise, why do I need to be fancy? If I'm just going to the grocery store or leaving the gym or watching my kid's soccer game, who cares what I wear?

I am the 12.26 PP, by elegant and not frumpy I don't mean dolled up. It is more of an attitude: clean white ironed not stained flattering shirt and jeans with a pair of shoes that are not running shoes and clean brushed hair can be enough.. I love my wife in jeans, sandals and a cute shirt.

But something I notice here is that in the US women seem to go for very comfy during the day and very dressed up to "go out", maybe it is just a cultural difference and I am not used to it. In France (city) women tend to stick in the middle: never super comfy except to exercise, and just adding accessories and more make up to transition to evening style

It's a cultural difference so you might just as well get used to it, pp. American women are more independent-minded and don't need to dress to please anyone else but themselves.

You certainly are free to look like shit, independent girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'd learn to be happy on your own, and then if a guy comes along, he'll be gravy.

I belonged to a volunteer group in my 30s. It was mostly made up of single people and was about evenly split between men and women. The people in it were well educated and civic minded. The women who were conventionally good looking received a lot of attention, and often ended up married to a member of the group. The women who were plain Janes or somewhat overweight remain singleto this day, despitetheir intelligence, wit , and good character. Sure, there are men who aren'tshallow, but not enough of them to go around.

Good point. OP, I understand where you're coming from, as I have "lost my looks" I'm married, but not particularly happy. I know if I were single my chances of finding a partner are extremely low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'd learn to be happy on your own, and then if a guy comes along, he'll be gravy.

I belonged to a volunteer group in my 30s. It was mostly made up of single people and was about evenly split between men and women. The people in it were well educated and civic minded. The women who were conventionally good looking received a lot of attention, and often ended up married to a member of the group. The women who were plain Janes or somewhat overweight remain singleto this day, despitetheir intelligence, wit , and good character. Sure, there are men who aren'tshallow, but not enough of them to go around.

Yeah it's super hard when you're one of the uglies.

[Anonymous]

Remember OP, looks fading is a very subjective context.

Jennifer Lopez is turning 46 this month and on a personal level, I think she looks much hotter than she did twenty yrs ago.

Same goes for her nemesis Mariah.

So do not discount the number of birthdays you have celebrated. One can be in their prime even at fifty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a cultural difference so you might just as well get used to it, pp. American women are more independent-minded and don't need to dress to please anyone else but themselves.

How does being "independent-minded" relate to not caring how you look? Can't individuals independently choose not to look frumpy? Laziness isn't akin to independence.