Confess a Crush??

[Anonymous]

OP - Are you married? Is there any reason that you don't invest these emotions in your husband?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like the OP was possibly the cause of turbulence between the married couple to begin with. Guys just like attention, any attention, as we are worse than women! When we actually get the attention we are seeking, it's easy to manipulate us!

I was in an emotional relationship. We didn't have sex. It never went to that extreme. We did go to lunch all of the time. We worked together m-f and were right next to each other all day.

OP find someone else to crush on. This guy is already spoken for. Sorry, but you must move along now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like the OP was possibly the cause of turbulence between the married couple to begin with. Guys just like attention, any attention, as we are worse than women! When we actually get the attention we are seeking, it's easy to manipulate us!

I was in an emotional relationship. We didn't have sex. It never went to that extreme. We did go to lunch all of the time. We worked together m-f and were right next to each other all day.

OP find someone else to crush on. This guy is already spoken for. Sorry, but you must move along now.

How did you end it? When you are right next to someone who is a close friend and you inadvertently find feelings for them, it's not that easy to cut them off. Did you switch jobs?

[Anonymous]

I want to put my two cents in. As someone who has been there, I’m not going to judge you for getting emotionally involved like this. I do want to tell you that no good can come from telling this guy how you feel. It’s manipulative. You can convince yourself that it provides closure, or that it’s important to let him know why you’re pulling back… it doesn’t and it isn’t. I say it’s manipulative because I think it’s a play for attention. Maybe you want some reassurance that he still likes you, even if nothing is going to happen. Maybe you think all you need is for him to acknowledge that he has feelings for you, and that will be satisfying enough. It won’t be. If you are attracted to someone and have feelings for them, it never is.

There is no reason for you to contact him to tell him you’re going to be contacting him less. Just back off. Don’t contact him as much. Don’t respond as in depth as you used to. If he asks why, you can honestly say it’s because you don’t want to be a distraction as he works it out with his wife.

The guy I was emotionally involved with, it started off as an innocent and really fun friendship. Turned out we had lots in common that I don’t have with my husband. We worked together, sat next to each other, and started going to lunch out together a lot. We started texting each other. Innocent, friendly at first. After a while it was flirty, and finally drunken professions of love that got pushed under the rug the next day.

I think we manipulated each other when we needed a crutch. We both had our own problems, and having the other person flirt and tell you they care about you, it’s an enormous ego boost. It also prevents you from working on your relationship with your spouse, because you’ve always got this secret hope that something real is going to develop with the EA partner. We’d back off for a while and I’d start to feel less involved, and would vow that I was going to work on my marriage. Then one of us would contact the other, often late at night when feeling lonely, and I’d get sucked back in.

I don’t know how long you’ve been married, but I’ve been married 15 years and have a kid. I get mad at myself thinking about what I almost destroyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hell, no, you don't do this. Just let it go.

OMG, no. Do not do this.

WTH are you thinking, OP?

[Anonymous]

I've got a crush on my wife. We've been together 14 years and she's everything I could want rolled into one person: wife, girlfriend, best friend, sex partner, business partner, mother, mistress - you name it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to put my two cents in. As someone who has been there, I’m not going to judge you for getting emotionally involved like this. I do want to tell you that no good can come from telling this guy how you feel. It’s manipulative. You can convince yourself that it provides closure, or that it’s important to let him know why you’re pulling back… it doesn’t and it isn’t. I say it’s manipulative because I think it’s a play for attention. Maybe you want some reassurance that he still likes you, even if nothing is going to happen. Maybe you think all you need is for him to acknowledge that he has feelings for you, and that will be satisfying enough. It won’t be. If you are attracted to someone and have feelings for them, it never is.

There is no reason for you to contact him to tell him you’re going to be contacting him less. Just back off. Don’t contact him as much. Don’t respond as in depth as you used to. If he asks why, you can honestly say it’s because you don’t want to be a distraction as he works it out with his wife.

The guy I was emotionally involved with, it started off as an innocent and really fun friendship. Turned out we had lots in common that I don’t have with my husband. We worked together, sat next to each other, and started going to lunch out together a lot. We started texting each other. Innocent, friendly at first. After a while it was flirty, and finally drunken professions of love that got pushed under the rug the next day.

I think we manipulated each other when we needed a crutch. We both had our own problems, and having the other person flirt and tell you they care about you, it’s an enormous ego boost. It also prevents you from working on your relationship with your spouse, because you’ve always got this secret hope that something real is going to develop with the EA partner. We’d back off for a while and I’d start to feel less involved, and would vow that I was going to work on my marriage. Then one of us would contact the other, often late at night when feeling lonely, and I’d get sucked back in.

I don’t know how long you’ve been married, but I’ve been married 15 years and have a kid. I get mad at myself thinking about what I almost destroyed.

Thank you so much for posting this. So, so helpful. Just curious if you two still talk and or work together. Thanks again for posting this. It's spot on.

[Anonymous]

This is in regards to something a pp said, just a question--do guys like attention even from women they are NOT attracted to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to put my two cents in. As someone who has been there, I’m not going to judge you for getting emotionally involved like this. I do want to tell you that no good can come from telling this guy how you feel. It’s manipulative. You can convince yourself that it provides closure, or that it’s important to let him know why you’re pulling back… it doesn’t and it isn’t. I say it’s manipulative because I think it’s a play for attention. Maybe you want some reassurance that he still likes you, even if nothing is going to happen. Maybe you think all you need is for him to acknowledge that he has feelings for you, and that will be satisfying enough. It won’t be. If you are attracted to someone and have feelings for them, it never is.

There is no reason for you to contact him to tell him you’re going to be contacting him less. Just back off. Don’t contact him as much. Don’t respond as in depth as you used to. If he asks why, you can honestly say it’s because you don’t want to be a distraction as he works it out with his wife.

The guy I was emotionally involved with, it started off as an innocent and really fun friendship. Turned out we had lots in common that I don’t have with my husband. We worked together, sat next to each other, and started going to lunch out together a lot. We started texting each other. Innocent, friendly at first. After a while it was flirty, and finally drunken professions of love that got pushed under the rug the next day.

I think we manipulated each other when we needed a crutch. We both had our own problems, and having the other person flirt and tell you they care about you, it’s an enormous ego boost. It also prevents you from working on your relationship with your spouse, because you’ve always got this secret hope that something real is going to develop with the EA partner. We’d back off for a while and I’d start to feel less involved, and would vow that I was going to work on my marriage. Then one of us would contact the other, often late at night when feeling lonely, and I’d get sucked back in.

I don’t know how long you’ve been married, but I’ve been married 15 years and have a kid. I get mad at myself thinking about what I almost destroyed.

Thank you so much for posting this. So, so helpful. Just curious if you two still talk and or work together. Thanks again for posting this. It's spot on.

We no longer work together. I left. We're still in touch somewhat but we talk about career stuff, mostly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to put my two cents in. As someone who has been there, I’m not going to judge you for getting emotionally involved like this. I do want to tell you that no good can come from telling this guy how you feel. It’s manipulative. You can convince yourself that it provides closure, or that it’s important to let him know why you’re pulling back… it doesn’t and it isn’t. I say it’s manipulative because I think it’s a play for attention. Maybe you want some reassurance that he still likes you, even if nothing is going to happen. Maybe you think all you need is for him to acknowledge that he has feelings for you, and that will be satisfying enough. It won’t be. If you are attracted to someone and have feelings for them, it never is.

There is no reason for you to contact him to tell him you’re going to be contacting him less. Just back off. Don’t contact him as much. Don’t respond as in depth as you used to. If he asks why, you can honestly say it’s because you don’t want to be a distraction as he works it out with his wife.

The guy I was emotionally involved with, it started off as an innocent and really fun friendship. Turned out we had lots in common that I don’t have with my husband. We worked together, sat next to each other, and started going to lunch out together a lot. We started texting each other. Innocent, friendly at first. After a while it was flirty, and finally drunken professions of love that got pushed under the rug the next day.

I think we manipulated each other when we needed a crutch. We both had our own problems, and having the other person flirt and tell you they care about you, it’s an enormous ego boost. It also prevents you from working on your relationship with your spouse, because you’ve always got this secret hope that something real is going to develop with the EA partner. We’d back off for a while and I’d start to feel less involved, and would vow that I was going to work on my marriage. Then one of us would contact the other, often late at night when feeling lonely, and I’d get sucked back in.

I don’t know how long you’ve been married, but I’ve been married 15 years and have a kid. I get mad at myself thinking about what I almost destroyed.

Thank you so much for posting this. So, so helpful. Just curious if you two still talk and or work together. Thanks again for posting this. It's spot on.

We no longer work together. I left. We're still in touch somewhat but we talk about career stuff, mostly.

How long did it take you to get over him? Or get out of the habit of using him as a crutch?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to put my two cents in. As someone who has been there, I’m not going to judge you for getting emotionally involved like this. I do want to tell you that no good can come from telling this guy how you feel. It’s manipulative. You can convince yourself that it provides closure, or that it’s important to let him know why you’re pulling back… it doesn’t and it isn’t. I say it’s manipulative because I think it’s a play for attention. Maybe you want some reassurance that he still likes you, even if nothing is going to happen. Maybe you think all you need is for him to acknowledge that he has feelings for you, and that will be satisfying enough. It won’t be. If you are attracted to someone and have feelings for them, it never is.

There is no reason for you to contact him to tell him you’re going to be contacting him less. Just back off. Don’t contact him as much. Don’t respond as in depth as you used to. If he asks why, you can honestly say it’s because you don’t want to be a distraction as he works it out with his wife.

The guy I was emotionally involved with, it started off as an innocent and really fun friendship. Turned out we had lots in common that I don’t have with my husband. We worked together, sat next to each other, and started going to lunch out together a lot. We started texting each other. Innocent, friendly at first. After a while it was flirty, and finally drunken professions of love that got pushed under the rug the next day.

I think we manipulated each other when we needed a crutch. We both had our own problems, and having the other person flirt and tell you they care about you, it’s an enormous ego boost. It also prevents you from working on your relationship with your spouse, because you’ve always got this secret hope that something real is going to develop with the EA partner. We’d back off for a while and I’d start to feel less involved, and would vow that I was going to work on my marriage. Then one of us would contact the other, often late at night when feeling lonely, and I’d get sucked back in.

I don’t know how long you’ve been married, but I’ve been married 15 years and have a kid. I get mad at myself thinking about what I almost destroyed.

Thank you so much for posting this. So, so helpful. Just curious if you two still talk and or work together. Thanks again for posting this. It's spot on.

We no longer work together. I left. We're still in touch somewhat but we talk about career stuff, mostly.

How long did it take you to get over him? Or get out of the habit of using him as a crutch?

A couple months. I stopped responding to texts as often, none late at night. I let him initiate contact. I keep it friendly. I reminded myself all the reasons it was a terrible idea. I picture my future with my husband, growing old with the father of my kid. That's what I want. I'm not going to say it's all easy now. It's not, but I stay focused on the goal. My husband is a good guy. He deserves to be treated well. We still have problems, but I'm actually working on it now instead of looking for an escape. If I left and got together with the other guy, I'm sure we'd eventually have issues, too. I'd rather focus on the guy I've got this history with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to put my two cents in. As someone who has been there, I’m not going to judge you for getting emotionally involved like this. I do want to tell you that no good can come from telling this guy how you feel. It’s manipulative. You can convince yourself that it provides closure, or that it’s important to let him know why you’re pulling back… it doesn’t and it isn’t. I say it’s manipulative because I think it’s a play for attention. Maybe you want some reassurance that he still likes you, even if nothing is going to happen. Maybe you think all you need is for him to acknowledge that he has feelings for you, and that will be satisfying enough. It won’t be. If you are attracted to someone and have feelings for them, it never is.

There is no reason for you to contact him to tell him you’re going to be contacting him less. Just back off. Don’t contact him as much. Don’t respond as in depth as you used to. If he asks why, you can honestly say it’s because you don’t want to be a distraction as he works it out with his wife.

The guy I was emotionally involved with, it started off as an innocent and really fun friendship. Turned out we had lots in common that I don’t have with my husband. We worked together, sat next to each other, and started going to lunch out together a lot. We started texting each other. Innocent, friendly at first. After a while it was flirty, and finally drunken professions of love that got pushed under the rug the next day.

I think we manipulated each other when we needed a crutch. We both had our own problems, and having the other person flirt and tell you they care about you, it’s an enormous ego boost. It also prevents you from working on your relationship with your spouse, because you’ve always got this secret hope that something real is going to develop with the EA partner. We’d back off for a while and I’d start to feel less involved, and would vow that I was going to work on my marriage. Then one of us would contact the other, often late at night when feeling lonely, and I’d get sucked back in.

I don’t know how long you’ve been married, but I’ve been married 15 years and have a kid. I get mad at myself thinking about what I almost destroyed.

Thank you so much for posting this. So, so helpful. Just curious if you two still talk and or work together. Thanks again for posting this. It's spot on.

We no longer work together. I left. We're still in touch somewhat but we talk about career stuff, mostly.

How long did it take you to get over him? Or get out of the habit of using him as a crutch?

A couple months. I stopped responding to texts as often, none late at night. I let him initiate contact. I keep it friendly. I reminded myself all the reasons it was a terrible idea. I picture my future with my husband, growing old with the father of my kid. That's what I want. I'm not going to say it's all easy now. It's not, but I stay focused on the goal. My husband is a good guy. He deserves to be treated well. We still have problems, but I'm actually working on it now instead of looking for an escape. If I left and got together with the other guy, I'm sure we'd eventually have issues, too. I'd rather focus on the guy I've got this history with.

[Anonymous]

It's more difficult when you work together and can't cut it off cold turkey. I'm thinking of going the route of being curt and rude so that it makes us both turned off. Maybe if I fake the negative energy, we will have a better shot at ending this thing for good.

[Anonymous]

He deserves to understand that you have to back off, if not why. Just say you need some space and you think it would be good for both of you.

[Anonymous]

Please, you were never friends. Be professional and civil and he will know what's what unless his rekindling marriage is flickering out.