Reply to Confess a Crush??

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I want to put my two cents in. As someone who has been there, I’m not going to judge you for getting emotionally involved like this. I do want to tell you that no good can come from telling this guy how you feel. It’s manipulative. You can convince yourself that it provides closure, or that it’s important to let him know why you’re pulling back… it doesn’t and it isn’t. I say it’s manipulative because I think it’s a play for attention. Maybe you want some reassurance that he still likes you, even if nothing is going to happen. Maybe you think all you need is for him to acknowledge that he has feelings for you, and that will be satisfying enough. It won’t be. If you are attracted to someone and have feelings for them, it never is.

There is no reason for you to contact him to tell him you’re going to be contacting him less. Just back off. Don’t contact him as much. Don’t respond as in depth as you used to. If he asks why, you can honestly say it’s because you don’t want to be a distraction as he works it out with his wife.

The guy I was emotionally involved with, it started off as an innocent and really fun friendship. Turned out we had lots in common that I don’t have with my husband. We worked together, sat next to each other, and started going to lunch out together a lot. We started texting each other. Innocent, friendly at first. After a while it was flirty, and finally drunken professions of love that got pushed under the rug the next day.

I think we manipulated each other when we needed a crutch. We both had our own problems, and having the other person flirt and tell you they care about you, it’s an enormous ego boost. It also prevents you from working on your relationship with your spouse, because you’ve always got this secret hope that something real is going to develop with the EA partner. We’d back off for a while and I’d start to feel less involved, and would vow that I was going to work on my marriage. Then one of us would contact the other, often late at night when feeling lonely, and I’d get sucked back in.

I don’t know how long you’ve been married, but I’ve been married 15 years and have a kid. I get mad at myself thinking about what I almost destroyed. 
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Thank you so much for posting this.  So, so helpful.  Just curious if you two still talk and or work together.  Thanks again for posting this.  It's spot on.[/quote]

We no longer work together. I left. We're still in touch somewhat but we talk about career stuff, mostly.

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