Confess a Crush??

[Anonymous]

I'm married and good friends with someone from work who was recently separated and now getting back together with his wife. I am so happy for him but also feel sad because I know he won't need me like he used to. I know that them getting back together is what's best for him and me, but can't help somehow feeling a little jealous. I feel like it would be cathartic for me to tell him this, over the phone, no chance of physical contact. Has anyone ever confessed a crush and it cleared the air? I feel like the secrecy of it is burning me up, but I would never act on it and he knows it ( he tried in the past).

[Anonymous]

That would be a horridly selfish thing to do. Please don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm married and good friends with someone from work who was recently separated and now getting back together with his wife. I am so happy for him but also feel sad because I know he won't need me like he used to. I know that them getting back together is what's best for him and me, but can't help somehow feeling a little jealous. I feel like it would be cathartic for me to tell him this, over the phone, no chance of physical contact. Has anyone ever confessed a crush and it cleared the air? I feel like the secrecy of it is burning me up, but I would never act on it and he knows it ( he tried in the past).

\

didn't you say you worked together? so you have this phone conversation and then see each other the next day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm married and good friends with someone from work who was recently separated and now getting back together with his wife. I am so happy for him but also feel sad because I know he won't need me like he used to. I know that them getting back together is what's best for him and me, but can't help somehow feeling a little jealous. I feel like it would be cathartic for me to tell him this, over the phone, no chance of physical contact. Has anyone ever confessed a crush and it cleared the air? I feel like the secrecy of it is burning me up, but I would never act on it and he knows it ( he tried in the past).

\

didn't you say you worked together? so you have this phone conversation and then see each other the next day.

We don't see each other ever day. More like monthly, but keep in contact.

[Anonymous]

Hell, no, you don't do this. Just let it go.

[Anonymous]

so, you want to jeopardize two marriages? nice work.

tell a girlfriend or therapist or journal or DCUM, but not him and not your husband.

[Anonymous]

Thanks. I need a dose of reality. So when I distance myself to get over this and he asks why, what's my excuse? Vague, really busy at work stuff? He will ask. We speak frequently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. I need a dose of reality. So when I distance myself to get over this and he asks why, what's my excuse? Vague, really busy at work stuff? He will ask. We speak frequently.

Do you have to speak frequently for work, or can you just not answer the phone when he calls to chat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. I need a dose of reality. So when I distance myself to get over this and he asks why, what's my excuse? Vague, really busy at work stuff? He will ask. We speak frequently.

Sounds as if you were engaged in an EA with this guy, even if it was only one-sided. I'd guessing that your marriage is not well? Why not look in that direction?

[Anonymous]

OMG don't do it. What do you possibly stand to gain from it? The best case outcome is extreme awkwardness, worst case is blowing up two marriages. DON'T DO IT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. I need a dose of reality. So when I distance myself to get over this and he asks why, what's my excuse? Vague, really busy at work stuff? He will ask. We speak frequently.

Do you have to speak frequently for work, or can you just not answer the phone when he calls to chat?

A little of both. Some electronic talking, as well. I'm nervous that if I come off too curt that it will make him ask what's up. We are pretty good friends and that would be out of character for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. I need a dose of reality. So when I distance myself to get over this and he asks why, what's my excuse? Vague, really busy at work stuff? He will ask. We speak frequently.

Do you have to speak frequently for work, or can you just not answer the phone when he calls to chat?

A little of both. Some electronic talking, as well. I'm nervous that if I come off too curt that it will make him ask what's up. We are pretty good friends and that would be out of character for me.

You can try just fading out a bit, and then if he calls you on it, tell him a version of the truth. That him reconciling with his wife made you realize that your friendship wasn't one you think your husband would be thrilled with if he realized how close you were, and that you're not sure his wife would love it either. In the interest of keeping both marriages healthy, you think you guys should have a little more distance. You don't actually have to tell him you have feelings for him.

[Anonymous]

How recently did you become really good friends? If it's been since his separation, don't be surprised if he disappears now that he's getting back together with his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How recently did you become really good friends? If it's been since his separation, don't be surprised if he disappears now that he's getting back together with his wife.

Sigh, yes. I guess that's the point of why I wanted to confess. Not to block his reunion with his wife, but to express my feelings about the changing dynamics of our friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How recently did you become really good friends? If it's been since his separation, don't be surprised if he disappears now that he's getting back together with his wife.

Sigh, yes. I guess that's the point of why I wanted to confess. Not to block his reunion with his wife, but to express my feelings about the changing dynamics of our friendship.

But what do you think you're going to get out of that? It kind of sounds like you're trying to guilt him into staying close to you because you can feel him pulling away.