So how hard is it really to be a single mother (by choice)?

[Anonymous]

I am a single mom not by choice and I would only recommend this if you have a strong support network nearby. When you are sick, when daycare is closed but you have to work, when you have to work late and can't get to pickup on time, when - heaven forbid - you want to go out, you need backup. Preferably a loving, free, grandma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your parents are young enough to help you somewhat during the really time-intensive years. Even if they can't totally babysit on their own, they can at least come over to play with the kid and give you a break, bring you dinner sometimes, etc.

I think $75K is doable if you are a good money manager. Start saving now!

Who are you to volunteer her parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Consider that infant daycare is minimum $1500/month. Can you spare that much for 2 years?

Probably not, but my parents would take the child 2 days/week.

Your parents are in their 60's and you have no guarantee of their continued good health. Do not count on them for free child care. Having children with a committed partner is difficult and having one by yourself is lunacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Consider that infant daycare is minimum $1500/month. Can you spare that much for 2 years?

Probably not, but my parents would take the child 2 days/week.

Your parents are in their 60's and you have no guarantee of their continued good health. Do not count on them for free child care. Having children with a committed partner is difficult and having one by yourself is lunacy.

Lunacy or not - there are MANY people parenting alone either by choice or circumstance. It can be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Consider that infant daycare is minimum $1500/month. Can you spare that much for 2 years?

Probably not, but my parents would take the child 2 days/week.

Your parents are in their 60's and you have no guarantee of their continued good health. Do not count on them for free child care. Having children with a committed partner is difficult and having one by yourself is lunacy.

And yet there are so many of us single moms by choice on this thread who are doing great. Imagine that!

[Anonymous]

OP, this might sound insane but would you be able to move in with your parents for a while if needed. Several of my single mom by choice friends have done this. Priorities shift. This was not an option for me but I had periods when I wished it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this might sound insane but would you be able to move in with your parents for a while if needed. Several of my single mom by choice friends have done this. Priorities shift. This was not an option for me but I had periods when I wished it was.

Yes, I could - and it would financially smart as I could rent my condo out for much more than it costs me to live there. But I also don't want to take advantage of my parents' giving nature. They would offer far more support than I would ever want to take from them. Still, they do have a large house and we would not be too much in each others' way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Consider that infant daycare is minimum $1500/month. Can you spare that much for 2 years?

Probably not, but my parents would take the child 2 days/week.

Your parents are in their 60's and you have no guarantee of their continued good health. Do not count on them for free child care. Having children with a committed partner is difficult and having one by yourself is lunacy.

FWIW, I don't find having children with a committed partner particularly difficult.

[Anonymous]

47 year old here w/ 20 month old. I say "Go for it!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:47 year old here w/ 20 month old. I say "Go for it!"

Forgot to mention I am also single mom by choice.

[Anonymous]

I'm a single mom. I've had a very unpleasant, expensive and trying divorce and I often wonder why I did not have the self-confidence to become a single mother by choice.

On the other hand, I don't have family and one of the reasons for the ongoing expensive litigation is that my ex is constantly change the visitation agreement. This is not easy in terms of the quarrelling, but the fact that there is visitation is a huge relief for me. It gives me time to schedule work meetings that cannot be during 9-5 and gives me time to get to the gym and cook ahead (to save money). So I throw it out there that I think if you have supportive family, it does make a big difference. Even to have someone who can sit while a baby naps makes a huge difference in terms of letting you take a walk, run to the grocery store, etc.

A final consideration: my career is demanding. I'm not some 9-5er, punching it in. I'm the primary breadwinner and I care that I am able to keep my DS insured for health, my retirement funded, etc. To support a working mom with a serious career requires a lot of money: preschool, back up babysitters or nannies, summer camps, and on and on. If you have less demands at work, you make less, but you may not have to spend as much. It's fine for others to say to just accept a "mommy track," but I think your level of comfort with that may vary based on your life/education expectations and you will need to think through this piece for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Consider that infant daycare is minimum $1500/month. Can you spare that much for 2 years?

Probably not, but my parents would take the child 2 days/week.

Your parents are in their 60's and you have no guarantee of their continued good health. Do not count on them for free child care. Having children with a committed partner is difficult and having one by yourself is lunacy.

Not to mention, going part-time won't always save you money, as many daycares (at least in this area) only offer full-time care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your parents are young enough to help you somewhat during the really time-intensive years. Even if they can't totally babysit on their own, they can at least come over to play with the kid and give you a break, bring you dinner sometimes, etc.

I think $75K is doable if you are a good money manager. Start saving now!

Who are you to volunteer her parents?

She said her parents will have her child 2 days a week. No need to be nasty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Consider that infant daycare is minimum $1500/month. Can you spare that much for 2 years?

Probably not, but my parents would take the child 2 days/week.

Your parents are in their 60's and you have no guarantee of their continued good health. Do not count on them for free child care. Having children with a committed partner is difficult and having one by yourself is lunacy.

Not to mention, going part-time won't always save you money, as many daycares (at least in this area) only offer full-time care.

+1 agreed here. Its also better to use their help for breaks for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Consider that infant daycare is minimum $1500/month. Can you spare that much for 2 years?

Probably not, but my parents would take the child 2 days/week.

Your parents are in their 60's and you have no guarantee of their continued good health. Do not count on them for free child care. Having children with a committed partner is difficult and having one by yourself is lunacy.

Lunacy or not - there are MANY people parenting alone either by choice or circumstance. It can be done.

And they have found out that it is lunacy.