My 18 yo son is a pothead. What now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Dad - Irrespective of whether DS was drinking a lot or doing pot, it is important to keep a conversation going of what reasonable expectations of behavior are for the college. He is going to have the combined issues of being a heavy pot user from what you indicate AND join the world of the heavy drinker on the usual college scene. I would imagine those two worlds coming together could have some rather negative impact. You might want to at least talk to him about making a choice for one or the other but not both. I saw your reference to moodiness and just trying to get through the day without an explosion which I attribute to DS, and I have to wonder if he does not have a tendency to a mental health issue even here and now of depression. It would be wise to alert his PCP to do a screening on the physical exam for college or talk to the therapist about doing so. Again, if there is an underlying condition, the pot is not helping it, but he may well be using it to mask it. I know you may be very sick of the attitude and moods, but try to step back and look at just who you are sending off to college - 50% bomb out the first year -- try and consider if there are any steps that you could take to prevent this.

Disagree in part. Stoned kids drink less, and alcohol is more harmful.

But his emotional wellness is very important of course and why is he so moody during his sr spring. It's a happy time in life for many.

[Anonymous]

Your therapist sucks. Tell him to quit it or he can pay for his own college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I use to know a pot head named Steve Jobs who did quite well for himself.

Needle in the haystack my friend.

Sir Richard Branson, Aaron Sorkin, Stephen King, Michael Bloomberg ,Barack Obama, Michael Phelps, Rick Steves, Ted Turner, Montel Williams Arnold Schwarzenegger, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Alexander Dumas, Carl Sagan, David Hockney, Francis Ford Coppella, Kary Mullis, Oscar Wilde, Pierre Elliot Trudeau, Richard Feynman, Matt Damon and so many more. There are more needles then hay in the stack, my friend.

You forgot Snoop!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I use to know a pot head named Steve Jobs who did quite well for himself.

Needle in the haystack my friend.

Sir Richard Branson, Aaron Sorkin, Stephen King, Michael Bloomberg ,Barack Obama, Michael Phelps, Rick Steves, Ted Turner, Montel Williams Arnold Schwarzenegger, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Alexander Dumas, Carl Sagan, David Hockney, Francis Ford Coppella, Kary Mullis, Oscar Wilde, Pierre Elliot Trudeau, Richard Feynman, Matt Damon and so many more. There are more needles then hay in the stack, my friend.

You forgot Snoop!

Dave Chapelle
Louis CK
Morgan Freeman
Al Gore

But...Weed also affects MANY people negatively. Let's be real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the point of drug testing him if you know he's smoking weed? Sounds like a waste of hurting the relationship with your son. Get a new therapist though. I disagree with all their advice.

Me too.

[Anonymous]

He is sullen and unpleasant becaus he is separating from his parents.

I would be clear in a calm way that paying for college comes with certain strings attached: you get to see grades, and no surprises. You won't pay if he isn't getting B average.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's 18. That is all

Not really it's fair to have rules if you're paying for college etc

[Anonymous]

Just because "everybody is doing it" is no reason to be so accepting of what has become your teens take on what he can and can't do, but that is your decision. I definitely agree with those who say if you are paying for college that you have every right to expectations on performance as you do have a responsibility to be sure he knows where to go not only for the flu but for a mental health issue should it arise. Although you would like to think of him as "an adult" suddenly at age 18, it sounds like he is performing at more or less the age of a rebellious teen and certainly is not in anything approaching an adult mindset.

Other factors which could impact your family:
1- Your pocketbook should he be driving a family owned and insured car in any setting and have an accident.
2- Younger siblings who are witnessing just how loose DF and DM are with this brother are certainly more apt to try their wings earlier or it will be a lot harder to put any meat into what you say as far as rules go.
3- Unlike the times of those really cool middle aged folks who now are looking fondly back on their pot smoking college years, there is now something called the Internet and if there is any chance that Dear Son has already left an imprint there or others of him or his antics or will likely do so in his college years, this reality alone may have an imprint on his future

Parenting is hard all the way through, but many on this board seem to be "Free Range Parents of Teens"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I use to know a pot head named Steve Jobs who did quite well for himself.

Needle in the haystack my friend.

Sir Richard Branson, Aaron Sorkin, Stephen King, Michael Bloomberg ,Barack Obama, Michael Phelps, Rick Steves, Ted Turner, Montel Williams Arnold Schwarzenegger, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Alexander Dumas, Carl Sagan, David Hockney, Francis Ford Coppella, Kary Mullis, Oscar Wilde, Pierre Elliot Trudeau, Richard Feynman, Matt Damon and so many more. There are more needles then hay in the stack, my friend.

This kid is not any of them, either.

And there is a difference between "tried pot" and "being a pothead". Carl Sagan and Richard Feynman did NOT sit around the house stoned, stupid and surly after they graduated from high school. Has this kid been accepted to Chicago, like Sagan, or MIT, like Feynman? If so, great, no worries, send him to MIT and hope he puts his nose to the grindstone instead of his mouth to the bong. Otherwise, you have different problems.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you sure it is just pot?

I wouldn't drug test if you are sure of that. But if there is any chance it's something more, drug testing will get that. I am a big believer in drug testing if other drugs are in question--when it is positive for marijuana, it's confirmation it's a good test for the other more worrisome drugs.

IME therapists as a class think pot is no big deal, perhaps because they have so many clients who do way more serious stuff.

For me the most concerning part of your post is the moodiness and explosiveness. While pot can do that, it's pretty rare, which is why I'd think long and hard if other drugs are involved. Is it possible to find a calm moment when you express your concerns over his mood changes.

[Anonymous]

One thing to keep in mind--OP said her daughter told them it was a long term habit (so probably a few years) but that DS also got into a great school.

If DS had been smoking long term (a few years), it most likely means the bulk of his strong academic performance--enough to get him into a great school--came while he was smoking.

To each their own, but this sounds like senioritis.

[Anonymous]

Add on to my post above:

Why is he in therapy? Was this something that he's always done or was it a recent development?

I'm just thinking there could be more at play here than "pot is making him lazy, mean and stupid." Maybe his mood is changing because he doesn't want to go to therapy? Or feels like "I've done well enough in school to get into a good college, and now my parents want to search my room and drug test me?" Or somehow feels that he is under some microscope or is treated unfairly, and is rebelling attitude-wise because of that.

[Anonymous]

Why has he been smoking pot for so long? Can his older sister tell you?

[Anonymous]

Stick him in rehab. You can't have a good relationship with him if he's dead.

So sorry, OP. A child doing drugs is one of the worst calamities that can befall a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing to keep in mind--OP said her daughter told them it was a long term habit (so probably a few years) but that DS also got into a great school.

If DS had been smoking long term (a few years), it most likely means the bulk of his strong academic performance--enough to get him into a great school--came while he was smoking.

To each their own, but this sounds like senioritis.

Great point.