Potty training strategies that do not involve bribery or rewards?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Without getting into a higher-level parenting philosophy discussion (which I now feel is unavoidable since I've opened that can of worms)....

Don't worry, my child gets lots of love, hugs, reassurance, positive language, smiles, toys, stickers, goldfish, marshmallows, bubbles, even candy, but to the best of our ability, they are not the result of good or desired behavior. If you've read or heard of Alfie Kohn/Unconditional Parenting, it's along those lines. We don't need to argue the merits of this philosophy, but it is one aspect to the way we parent.

Oh, brother.

Well yes and now you can't potty train your kid with this philosophy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to potty train without all the negotiation, you start at 18 months or so. Not sure how waiting until 2.5 factored into your philosophy, but it was dumb.

I disagree! We waited until 3 and had no need to negotiate or bribe at all--he was ready, motivated, and interested.

+1

+2 and +3 (two kids). We just put our kids in underpants on their third birthdays. A couple accidents on the first day and I can count on one hand the number of daytime accidents between the two of them since day 1 for each (5 and 3.5 now). I can count total accident after day 1, including night and naps on two hands. And there was never any taking them to the bathroom every hour (or half hour! :shock. We remind them to potty before leaving the house but that's it. Otherwise, they go when they need to go, from the beginning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Without getting into a higher-level parenting philosophy discussion (which I now feel is unavoidable since I've opened that can of worms)....

Don't worry, my child gets lots of love, hugs, reassurance, positive language, smiles, toys, stickers, goldfish, marshmallows, bubbles, even candy, but to the best of our ability, they are not the result of good or desired behavior. If you've read or heard of Alfie Kohn/Unconditional Parenting, it's along those lines. We don't need to argue the merits of this philosophy, but it is one aspect to the way we parent.

Your higher level parenting has resulted in a potty training failure, you running to the toilet every 30 minutes in addition to spending 25-30 minutes monitoring a child on the toilet.
How is daycare going to do this high level philosophy?

[Anonymous]

OP here, and surprised this thread hasn't dropped to the 2nd page by now! Sincerely appreciate the thoughtful and even critical responses.

I should clarify that I definitely say "You got pee/poop in the potty! Would you like to flush it now? You're such a big boy." I don't throw a party or anything, but I do acknowledge what he's doing.

Our hope is that if/when he doesn't live up to expectations that he doesn't think we are disappointed in him when he does NOT get the praise. For example, when we have an accident, I say, "You got pee on your pants. Next time let's try and get it into the potty." I try to keep it matter-of-fact without disappointment. DH's parents pushed him really hard, my own dad was MIA and believed in corporal punishment, and my mom is no longer around to help me remember, so we're totally figuring out who we are as parents with every parenting decision. We've made some missteps along the way, but all in all, I feel confident in the way that we parent. And most of the time we are on the same page. I realize that this is *just* potty training, but I also feel each trial like this sets the tone for our relationship.

I'll admit to screen time having become a bit of Achilles heel for me recently, too, especially since DH has been on the road a lot. Good point about that not really being the best alternative, and it's something I've been trying to cut back on anyway.

For the daycare question, I'm not asking her to do it a certain way, but the way the PTed her son is comparable (I think bubbles were possibly involved?). We agree on the basics like not going back to diapers outside of naptime, not punishing, positive talk, etc.

As for this being a potty training failure, I beg to differ. I know that some decisions we make because they're easier on us (hello, screen time and freezer chicken nuggets), but we as parents, you and me, try our hardest to do things that (we believe) are in the best interests of the child as much and as often as we can. And each day seems a little better than the one before it. Four times in the potty today, and when I say "Let's go potty," I get an "OK" and not a fight. It's actually never been a fight, in fact.

Still kind of wishing I hadn't opened the can of worms, but appreciative of the mostly thoughtful discussion it prompted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I give mad praise and applause. DS was day trained for both poop and pee at 23 months. Lost the training pants at night by 2.3.

Generous people praise other people and become very well-liked and respected. This fad of no praise is total crap.

I think there is something to this! We gave tons and tons of praise to DS when he was younger (not blowing smoke up his a**, but more when he did something like pee in the potty for the first time) and we find that he does the same now for his little brother. It's actually pretty cool to watch. I wasn't praised at all as a kid, and have a pretty terrible relationship even now, with my parents. All, FWIW.

I couldn't agree more.