Potty training strategies that do not involve bribery or rewards?
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Anonymous
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No criticism if you used these methods, but we are avoiding bribery or rewards (which include M&M's, stickers, bubbles, toys, laying on the praise, etc.) for potty training our 2.5 YO (and behavior in general!). We are also in day care (small home setting) but are not attempting to dictate what they use besides just sharing what's working for us (or not). We are using a diaper for nap and night, but nap is usually dry and night is even dry sometimes now, too. Also trying to keep this positive and not forcing the issue, and with only a couple of exceptions, he has been receptive and not fighting it too much. Sometimes he's a little cranky and doesn't want to sit on the potty, and I guess in those instances I am using reading a book or the Potty Time App as bribery a little.
If you used this method, what worked well for you, and how long did it take before your DS (or DD) seemed to "get" it? We did a 3 day potty weekend at home, although we didn't go pants free this time (tried that once, too early according to DH and daycare). We basically caught 2 in the potty Friday and Sunday, and the rest DS said he needed to potty but had already gone. We wanted to do pants free again, but daycare will not allow either pants or underwear-free because it makes too much of a mess. I basically am taking him to potty every 30 minutes and at transitions (before/after sleep/eat/leaving house) and sometimes, if I know he needs to go, we'll sit there for 20 or 30 minutes until something happens. This usually involves me reading a book, looking at Elmo Potty Time app, or playing with a toy or two on his knees. We are using a small potty right next to his play space, although day care cannot do that because of regulations. When he has an accident I don't punish or say "that's okay" but just reiterate that pee and poop go in the potty. We use lots of "big boy" talk and talking about being like his pal/big brother at day care who is older and PTed already. I'm being patient, but I don't want to have to stop and start a second time so want to make sure we are on the right course. We tried the "Oh Crap" book method the first time, but I think the pants/no pants at daycare/home was confusing for him. Thanks for the advice! |
Anonymous
| I was against bribing too. And then it took 6 months to make no progress. Candy bribes and bam done in a week. |
Anonymous
How old was your DC when you started? |
Anonymous
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We are in the same position. Tried three days pantsless and while he did ok with pee, he held in poop until the moment we put him in a pull up for naptime and bedtime. I felt like we spent the whole long weekend asking and reminding to no avail. I did not get frustrated with him at all - just reminded about where to go poop and pee.
I'm not sure how to proceed and how to help him make the connection. Daycare has assured us they'll follow our lead and use lots of positive reinforcement, but I don't want to send him in underwear/pullups until he's got the hang of it at home. |
Anonymous
| Why are you against stickers etc? I can see not wanting to use food (we didn't either) but it's not so much a bribe as a reward. We did a sticker chart and DS loved it. |
Anonymous
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Our kid mastered peeing within a few weeks at age 25 months, but for poop he'd simply wait for the night diaper. We told him that when he was ready to poop in the potty, he could choose a new train at the store. Then, once he pooped in the potty and got the train, it became his "potty train." It lived on a high shelf on the bathroom. He was allowed to play with it only when he was sitting on the toilet, and if he actually pooped, he got to keep the train the rest of the day. At night it went back on the shelf. It was a nice motivator but it wasn't like he was getting sweets or different toys every single day.
This might be considered bribery to you, so I think it depends on your comfort level. But it worked for us. |
Anonymous
| Omg jesus christ people...stickers are now banned?? Ok fine no candy, ok fine so no food in general, ok fine no bubbles???? but now stickers?? no smiles either! don't want him to think he's too special! |
Anonymous
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Without getting into a higher-level parenting philosophy discussion (which I now feel is unavoidable since I've opened that can of worms)....
Don't worry, my child gets lots of love, hugs, reassurance, positive language, smiles, toys, stickers, goldfish, marshmallows, bubbles, even candy, but to the best of our ability, they are not the result of good or desired behavior. If you've read or heard of Alfie Kohn/Unconditional Parenting, it's along those lines. We don't need to argue the merits of this philosophy, but it is one aspect to the way we parent. |
Anonymous
Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I'll agree it's treading into bribery territory, but I don't think me reading Thomas the Train if he'll stay still (which is implied) on the potty is really ALL that different. I could see using a "potty train" as a special potty-only toy that might be special without making it a "if you do this, then you get that" to get him to sit long enough to void. Boundaries are something he understands quite well, so that could definitely work. DH would agree, too, I'm sure. He's so grossed out by this whole process ("Don't put your hands there! Wash your hands! Don't touch that! Get the giraffe out of your potty!")...if had had been washing diapers for the last 2.5 years like I have, he might not be so grossed out by it. 
Surprisingly, poop has been easier than pee for us! I think it's because he can hold the poop long enough to get to the potty whereas the pee is a little harder to hold. |
Anonymous
| If you don't even want to offer praise, I don't know what to tell you. Our son is super happy with applause and getting to flush the toilet himself. |
Anonymous
Oh, brother. 
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Anonymous
| Awesome |
Anonymous
| Have you tried waiting for him to say he needs to potty. My dad is 2.5 sbe tells me she she needs to pee. She also will only pee when I leave her alone, reading a book to keep her on the potty doesn't work. |
Anonymous
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We trained at about this age with pretty fast success and no bribery. We did basically what you are describing (although I'm at home with my DS, so there wasn't the daycare component to worry about, and we did it over the holidays, so our preschool was closed until he was pretty settled in the new system anyway).
We went with pants but no undies and just took him to the potty fairly regularly. If he didn't go, he didn't go. If he did, great. No big deal either way but offered another potty trip again soon if he didn't. About every hour or two, max. My DS actually prefers to hold it for a long time, so that made it a little hard. Now that he's potty trained, he will refuse to go most of the afternoon until he REALLY needs to, but I know I can trust him based on what he says now, so it's not such a big deal as it was when we were training. Just keep with it and don't do pullups -- always do undies or nothing. I think having on pants or undies (not totally free) is best because they can see the mess in their pants, and it's more uncomfortable than when they just pee on the floor. Make access to the toilet easy and fun. Do you have a small toilet so he can do some of it himself (like at least getting on and off, maybe even pulling down pants)? My DS prefers the little potty over the adult one because he can do more himself. Just keep with it -- it took us a couple of weeks of working at it before all accidents were gone, but after a few days, it was already pretty good. Is daycare on board with no diapers? If so, go with that -- try to keep him out of diapers/pullups there and undies at home. That's confusing to them. |
Anonymous
What is so eye-roll-inducing here? You parent your way, we'll parent ours. I'm just looking for ideas from parents who HAVE done it this way, so if you didn't, feel free to add something constructive to another thread. |