Potty training strategies that do not involve bribery or rewards?

[Anonymous]

Honey nut cheerios for pee, m and m for poo, pick out your own Barbie/Spiderman underwear once you've gone awhile with out accidents. Worked very quickly. Kids are teens and fondly laugh about the M and Ms and picking out the underwear.

Best things we also did: take a portable potty, roll of paper towels and extra grocery store bags for liners in our van and start potty training by ALWAYS trying to go before we left the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't even want to offer praise, I don't know what to tell you. Our son is super happy with applause and getting to flush the toilet himself.

+ 1 DS also gets to pull the toilet paper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are probably going to have to wait it out. Kids that age like rewards even if they are just verbal. You either needed to start when they were too little to care or wait until thy are motivated/embarrassed by peers enough to do it alone. So basically 1.5 or 3-4.

Agree

[Anonymous]

I give mad praise and applause. DS was day trained for both poop and pee at 23 months. Lost the training pants at night by 2.3.

Generous people praise other people and become very well-liked and respected. This fad of no praise is total crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't even want to offer praise, I don't know what to tell you. Our son is super happy with applause and getting to flush the toilet himself.

This worked well for us, too. We sing "You did it!" when she pees or poops - or sometimes she'll jump ahead of us and yell "I did it!" with a huge smile on her face. Tearing off toilet paper and flushing are also "rewards" for her, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, your potty time elmo app sounds like screen time. I would think stickers would be a better option than extra staring at the screen.

Having said that, we don't have cell phones that have apps so I just kept with old fashioned consistancy and patience and loosely kept track of kids' water intake so I could better anticipate.
We sang songs, read books, talked, etc in addition to cues. I did stickers for kid #2, but my other 2 kids were successful without stickers or other tangible rewards.

+1.

[Anonymous]

We did it but a bit later. For us, the underpants were the reward. Not sure if you count that as a reward/bribe, but it seemed like the natural reward to us. We let him pick out his favorite three packs at target and he was so proud of them. When he wouldnt try to go, I would say that if he doesn't want to wear underpants he doesn't have to. Then he would go.

[Anonymous]

One thing I believe Alfie Kohn absolutely does get right is this idea that parents need to push their kids to achieve achieve achieve, and that parents themselves feel failure or blame/worry if their child doesn't reach certain milestones early or on time. In the case of potty training, it's definitely important not to shame or get angry at a child for peeing or pooping on themselves. Just treat it matter of factly, and if a child expresses distress or embarrassment, assure them that it's okay, accidents happen, and you love them no matter what.

It's also important that providing a treat as a reward or incentive doesn't actually turn into a mean-spirited punishment, e.g., "Well, you won't get an m&m for that!" or even "No m&m for you!" The best is really when potty successes and accidents happen in an atmosphere of unconditional love, no matter what. Good humor, cuddles, and reassurance go a long way, poop in or out of the pot.

To start, we provided our child an m&m every time they sat on the potty, even if nothing came out, along with lots of encouragement and positive emotion of course. The goal was to just associate potty time with a good time. Then came peeing: one for sitting, two for peeing. Then pooping: two for pooping. Praise for sitting and praise for eliminating.

Accidents were met with consolation and cheerful "Let's clean it up and get back to playing!"

[Anonymous]

Edited

Anonymous wrote:One thing I believe Alfie Kohn absolutely does get right is this idea that parents SHOULDN'T FEEL THE need to push their kids to achieve achieve achieve, and that parents themselves feel failure or blame/worry if their child doesn't reach certain milestones early or on time. In the case of potty training, it's definitely important not to shame or get angry at a child for peeing or pooping on themselves. Just treat it matter of factly, and if a child expresses distress or embarrassment, assure them that it's okay, accidents happen, and you love them no matter what.

It's also important that providing a treat as a reward or incentive doesn't actually turn into a mean-spirited punishment, e.g., "Well, you won't get an m&m for that!" or even "No m&m for you!" The best is really when potty successes and accidents happen in an atmosphere of unconditional love, no matter what. Good humor, cuddles, and reassurance go a long way, poop in or out of the pot.

To start, we provided our child an m&m every time they sat on the potty, even if nothing came out, along with lots of encouragement and positive emotion of course. The goal was to just associate potty time with a good time. Then came peeing: one for sitting, two for peeing. Then pooping: two for pooping. Praise for sitting and praise for eliminating.

Accidents were met with consolation and cheerful "Let's clean it up and get back to playing!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to potty train without all the negotiation, you start at 18 months or so. Not sure how waiting until 2.5 factored into your philosophy, but it was dumb.

I disagree! We waited until 3 and had no need to negotiate or bribe at all--he was ready, motivated, and interested.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Living in a house with a lazy 10 y.o. who got tons of rewards for good behavior and is uninterested if there is no tangible up-side, I am beginning to wonder if OP is on to something.

We're generally not a bribing or rewarding-for-nothing family, but I don't think one M&M for urine in the potty, two for pooping in the potty for about a week did anything to our kiddo back in the day. I don't know - this was such an easy way to knock it out. Three days pantsless, trained (the M&Ms went on a bit longer). Sounds like OP is having some hiccups.

[Anonymous]

We did lots of low key potty opportunities starting about 16 months. When she started to stay dry and was asking to pee in the potty regularly and would announce her poop and scurry off to a corner we talked about how it would soon be time to take away diapers and wear underwear like a big kid. At 29 months the underwear went away. The first two days were tough poopwise but once she experienced pooping in the toilet or potty she was all set. A week later 90 percent of toileting happens in the potty. There is lots of praise and positive response. We don't reward with tangibles yet in other aspects of her development so chose not to for the potty. We've watched a few videos on potty stuff on YouTube but only the first few days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I give mad praise and applause. DS was day trained for both poop and pee at 23 months. Lost the training pants at night by 2.3.

Generous people praise other people and become very well-liked and respected. This fad of no praise is total crap.

I think there is something to this! We gave tons and tons of praise to DS when he was younger (not blowing smoke up his a**, but more when he did something like pee in the potty for the first time) and we find that he does the same now for his little brother. It's actually pretty cool to watch. I wasn't praised at all as a kid, and have a pretty terrible relationship even now, with my parents. All, FWIW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't even want to offer praise, I don't know what to tell you. Our son is super happy with applause and getting to flush the toilet himself.

+ 1 DS also gets to pull the toilet paper.

Being a Big Boy, applause, an I'm proud of you. That's what worked for us.

[Anonymous]

Accidents were treated as accidents. We figured out what the problem was. Not going before leaving home/school, waiting too long before signaling the teacher, whatever. Then praise for figuring it out and a quick reminder to listen to you body.

Never shame or punishment.