Insensitive or reasonable bahavior by sister in law

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are being a prima donna, OP. You knew that your mother had agreed to watch your nephew all day and you still woke your mother up at 4:30am. There are these new-fangled devices called cell phones. You call your SIL's cell, leave her a message that it's taking you longer than expected to get out of the house and you'll be there 30 minutes after you originally agreed. You'll call her when you enter the airport drive so she can come out to the curb to meet her. Then you sit down, feed your child, burp the child, change the child and put the child in the car seat, then go to the airport.

You are the one responsible for exhausting your mother, not your SIL. Grow up and be a responsible family member. SIL could not change her plans, stay up later, or just be coherent on a 1 hour nap instead of sleeping. You, on the other hand could have been more considerate and mature about the entire thing.

Op here. Bc I can't imagine doing this to someone at 6 am. Maybe a better option would have been to pay for a car service. My parents are from another country though and my dad wouldn't have permitted that-he would have gone himself in order to prevent that (and he's quite old and in poor health).

I'm the PP you are responding to. Yes, I am the child of immigrant parents too. I understand the sentiment, but the 30-45 minutes you need to feed and change the baby to take her with you is significantly better than having your elderly mother get up a couple of hours early, then try to take care of a 2.5 yo toddler for 8-10 hours, or worse making your SIL take care of her child while sleep-deprived. Many, many very dangerous careless mistakes are made by those who go for too long without sleep.

I personally think that the option you chose was selfish and irresponsible. You chose to wake up your mother, the complain about your SIL needing sleep. In your scenario, then the best option might have been to wake your mother up at 4:30, pick up your SIL and nephew at the airport, come home and send both your mother and SIL back to bed and then you watch the infant and toddler by yourself for 4-5 hours so that everyone can get the sleep they need. And, yes, it may not be easy, but it is certainly possible for one person to take care of two children at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to sleep for a few hours so that her brain is clear enough to work. Red eye with no sleeping toddler than eight hours of work?

You do realize that you added to your moms workload by having her help with the baby today, right?

+1 You've had a week of grandma's help with your infant. Maybe dial that back a little now. There is no reason your mother should have gotten up at 4:30 to help you with baby, if she's been doing that all week. Before you went to bed your should have insisted that your mom sleep in and not get up to see you off to the airport. And maybe you should have done a drive through for breakfast. I mean, if your REAL issue here is how to make things easier on your mom, you have things YOU can do too.

+1

[Anonymous]

while she's in my home

Op, it's not your home.

It's your Mom's home.

You don't have the power. You think you can "decide" SILs responsibilities. You can't. This is between them.

[Anonymous]

Also OP, where is YOUR husband? Why wasn't he taking care of your baby, or why didn't he go to the airport?

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound tired, which is reasonable for a FTM of an infant. Go on care.com and hire a babysitter to watch both your infant and your nephew and all of you should go to bed for a while. Your SIL isn't being unreasonable and has made an effort to come to your MILs house, which is a really big trek with a toddler - something you can't quite understand yet because you don't have a toddler. You were nice to pick them up at the airport and your mom was nice to watch your baby so you could do this. Nobody is in the wrong here, it just sounds like you are all stretched too thin caring for kids and working.

This is a situation where you need to throw money at it and buy yourselves some time to sleep and catch up on work. Good luck.

First wise advice. OP, cut everyone a break, including yourself.

Also, jeez DCUM, she's a FTM, only 10 weeks in. Many of us have barely figured out how to get out of the house at that point, much less doing 6 am airport runs.

[Anonymous]

My DH is tdy (military) for three weeks and joining us this weekend.

[Anonymous]

Traveling cross country on a redeye with a 2.5 year old is a nightmare. I think your mother is a saint for offering to care for SILs child for 8 hours a day. But, I think she extended herself too much in her desire to have everyone together. This is a learning experience for everyone - try to get through the week and hire a sitter to help out if possible. I lived through many trips like this - it's best not to say anything.

[Anonymous]

There is Uber for a reason!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your SIL probably doesn't want to be there at all. They asked your mom to come to them and she didn't - probably bc she was there helping you, and then pressure rose for everyone to be together for Easter at MIL's house. SIL could easily have hired a babysitter at her home for less than the cost of the plane tickets. She is the trooper for making this ill-planned trip at all.

No, my mom couldn't come bc she flies overseas several times per year to see HER elderly mom and she has to shut down her business when she travels. She cannot afford to totally shut down. Also she's freaking exhausted and didn't want to fly cross country.

WOW! So you wonder why there are all these "I don't want to visit my ILs or SILs house, etc" threads. OP your hostility towards your SIL taking a 4 HOUR NAP is insane. Jezus, back off. Just wait until you ask your own mom for childcare help. Wait, I think you are!??!!! Just because she is your brother's wife, doesn't mean she isn't coming from a good place with good intentions. Do adult daughters always trump adult sons?????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom & SIL have a relationship.
It's their business. So, MYOB.
Help if you want. Don't help if you will feel, at all, used of resentful.
If you don't want to witness what your SIL is putting your mother through, don't be around. Stay at a hotel. Whatever.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are about 30 mins to airport. I am a FTM so maybe I don't get this, but there's no way I could quickly just feed, burp, and change the baby. The baby eats on his timeline. It can take him 10 min or 40 mins to finish a bottle. He also wakes up on his timeline. Although we are a 30 min drive I wanted to leave an hour early bc I don't know the way that well and it was dark and raining and I was driving my moms car. Also wanted to make sure I was there on time so she wouldn't be waiting w toddler. As it was, her flight was a little delayed so 30 min drive plus 20 min wait, plus 30 min drive means an hour and 20 min of angry uncomfotanle baby. Again maybe there is something I'm missing here as a FTM but I didn't think taking baby with me was reasonable. Yes I am an "only daughter" and maybe that has something to do with it. But also I was here all week last week and I see how darn old my mom looks and feels. She still works almost full time running her own business. And BIL and SIL, when they visit, like to drink wine and get hungover. Before a night of drinking they'd say to my mom-you're waking up with the baby right?" And then they get wasted. So maybe it's a combination of only daughter competition plus I feel they are truly taking advantage of my moms kind heart. I do work ft at a salary job and have a second income producing revenue business of my own as well. I'm currently on maternity leave for the salary job but working the second job.

You're a full-time Mom with a 10-week old and a mom to help you all week. BFD. Your SIL works full-time, flew cross-country solo and is working. All while trying to get much needed sleep. You sound pathetic OP. I'm feel SO sorry for your SIL that she has to add your craziness to her list of things to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound tired, which is reasonable for a FTM of an infant. Go on care.com and hire a babysitter to watch both your infant and your nephew and all of you should go to bed for a while. Your SIL isn't being unreasonable and has made an effort to come to your MILs house, which is a really big trek with a toddler - something you can't quite understand yet because you don't have a toddler. You were nice to pick them up at the airport and your mom was nice to watch your baby so you could do this. Nobody is in the wrong here, it just sounds like you are all stretched too thin caring for kids and working.

This is a situation where you need to throw money at it and buy yourselves some time to sleep and catch up on work. Good luck.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are about 30 mins to airport. I am a FTM so maybe I don't get this, but there's no way I could quickly just feed, burp, and change the baby. The baby eats on his timeline. It can take him 10 min or 40 mins to finish a bottle. He also wakes up on his timeline. Although we are a 30 min drive I wanted to leave an hour early bc I don't know the way that well and it was dark and raining and I was driving my moms car. Also wanted to make sure I was there on time so she wouldn't be waiting w toddler. As it was, her flight was a little delayed so 30 min drive plus 20 min wait, plus 30 min drive means an hour and 20 min of angry uncomfotanle baby. Again maybe there is something I'm missing here as a FTM but I didn't think taking baby with me was reasonable. Yes I am an "only daughter" and maybe that has something to do with it. But also I was here all week last week and I see how darn old my mom looks and feels. She still works almost full time running her own business. And BIL and SIL, when they visit, like to drink wine and get hungover. Before a night of drinking they'd say to my mom-you're waking up with the baby right?" And then they get wasted. So maybe it's a combination of only daughter competition plus I feel they are truly taking advantage of my moms kind heart. I do work ft at a salary job and have a second income producing revenue business of my own as well. I'm currently on maternity leave for the salary job but working the second job.

You're a full-time Mom with a 10-week old and a mom to help you all week. BFD. Your SIL works full-time, flew cross-country solo and is working. All while trying to get much needed sleep. You sound pathetic OP. I'm feel SO sorry for your SIL that she has to add your craziness to her list of things to deal with.

What does she have to deal with? She took the red eye. It's over now. She's basically dumped my nephew on grandma. And guess what I realized today. My mom and I worked all day to take care of the house and babies and both of us worked too. We even had surprise guests and just finished cleaning up after them. Did SIL help? Nope? That fine if you are a guest. But the way I grew up children are not guests. So you can have your pick- be a daughter and help mom out, or be a guest and do your own thing. But please don't be a guest, expect full time day care out of my mom, and expect me not to be pissed off about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are about 30 mins to airport. I am a FTM so maybe I don't get this, but there's no way I could quickly just feed, burp, and change the baby. The baby eats on his timeline. It can take him 10 min or 40 mins to finish a bottle. He also wakes up on his timeline. Although we are a 30 min drive I wanted to leave an hour early bc I don't know the way that well and it was dark and raining and I was driving my moms car. Also wanted to make sure I was there on time so she wouldn't be waiting w toddler. As it was, her flight was a little delayed so 30 min drive plus 20 min wait, plus 30 min drive means an hour and 20 min of angry uncomfotanle baby. Again maybe there is something I'm missing here as a FTM but I didn't think taking baby with me was reasonable. Yes I am an "only daughter" and maybe that has something to do with it. But also I was here all week last week and I see how darn old my mom looks and feels. She still works almost full time running her own business. And BIL and SIL, when they visit, like to drink wine and get hungover. Before a night of drinking they'd say to my mom-you're waking up with the baby right?" And then they get wasted. So maybe it's a combination of only daughter competition plus I feel they are truly taking advantage of my moms kind heart. I do work ft at a salary job and have a second income producing revenue business of my own as well. I'm currently on maternity leave for the salary job but working the second job.

You're a full-time Mom with a 10-week old and a mom to help you all week. BFD. Your SIL works full-time, flew cross-country solo and is working. All while trying to get much needed sleep. You sound pathetic OP. I'm feel SO sorry for your SIL that she has to add your craziness to her list of things to deal with.

What does she have to deal with? She took the red eye. It's over now. She's basically dumped my nephew on grandma. And guess what I realized today. My mom and I worked all day to take care of the house and babies and both of us worked too. We even had surprise guests and just finished cleaning up after them. Did SIL help? Nope? That fine if you are a guest. But the way I grew up children are not guests. So you can have your pick- be a daughter and help mom out, or be a guest and do your own thing. But please don't be a guest, expect full time day care out of my mom, and expect me not to be pissed off about it.

Except the arrangement made was that your mother was going to watch the toddler so SIL could work. If the arrangement no longer works for your mother, she needs to speak up. If you and your mom aren't able to care for both children, hire someone who can. But, don't be irrationally mad at your SIL because she doesn't know that your mother isn't up to a task she said she was.

[Anonymous]

Stop expecting people to read your mind. It will make life better for everyone.