Insensitive or reasonable bahavior by sister in law

[Anonymous]

At first, I thought OP was being unreasonable, but from her follow up post, it does seem like her SIL is taking advantage of the mom. I totally understand the SIL needing a nap after the red eye with no sleep, and there was an agreement that the mom would care for the kid while SIL was working. But if the SIL has not taken back parenting duties after her working hours, that does seem to overreach.

That said, this is between SIL and your mom. I think no good can come of you getting involved. (Also, you have a little baby to take care of, try to relax and focus on your little one. Also, as a mom of a 9-month old a four-year old, I personally think that a 10-week old can be way harder to manage than a 2.5-year old if the baby is a difficult one like my first one was, so I don't get the posters who are acting like having a 10-week old is a walk in the park, unless you happen to have a very easy baby.)

[Anonymous]

Op, did you ever try to have some empathy and envision what SIL might be thinking.

"I am so tired. I can't believe I allowed my husband to somehow talk me into flying across the country, alone, with our toddler, to visit HIS family and HE isn't even here. I have to work, I can't afford the time off, and speaking of money the only flight we could afford was a red eye. It's awful. And we can't stay in a hotel, we have to stay with my SIL who always makes me feel like I have to walk on egg shells around her. I wish she were nicer to me, I thought we would have some much in common, especially now that we are both mothers, but after all these years I still feel like I am intruding and she makes me feel like an outside. Maybe I am just paranoid. So after that LONG flight, during which my son refused to cooperate or nap or even sit still, I am jet lagged and just dead tired and have to work 8 hours. My MIL is so nice to agree to watch my son, I really appreciate it, otherwise there is no way I could telecommute, no way at all. And like I mentioned, I don't have leave, I can't not work. I wish my DH was here. I can't believe I am here an entire week in advance before easter and he isn't coming for several days. I miss my own family, my parents, my sisters/brothers. I kind of wish I could have spent the holidays with them, but I'm glad my son gets to see his grandparents. I just wish my SIL would make me feel like a member of the family, ask how I was doing, actually smile at me with some warmth. Every time I sip some water, walk into a room, even breath I feel like I am doing it wrong. I wish she understood how hard it was for us to even get here. I need a real vacation. Happy Easter.

[Anonymous]

NP here. As a FTM, it's possible OP isn't comfortable caring for both children. Think back to when you had your firstborn, in the first few months of their life; it's somehow all-encompassing - remember when you could barely brush your teeth or sit downfor a decent meal? In retrospect, when we get into a groove, our child gets older and particularly when we add another child to the mix, it's hard to remember how and why it felt so hard, and like so much work - but c'mon, we've all been there. I remember sometimes feeding could take up to an hour with my firstborn, then a couple hours I was hearing up to feed him again. So maybe cut OP a bit of slack as a FTM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. As a FTM, it's possible OP isn't comfortable caring for both children. Think back to when you had your firstborn, in the first few months of their life; it's somehow all-encompassing - remember when you could barely brush your teeth or sit downfor a decent meal? In retrospect, when we get into a groove, our child gets older and particularly when we add another child to the mix, it's hard to remember how and why it felt so hard, and like so much work - but c'mon, we've all been there. I remember sometimes feeding could take up to an hour with my firstborn, then a couple hours I was hearing up to feed him again. So maybe cut OP a bit of slack as a FTM.

**^^ a couple hours later I was gearing up to feed him again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So to clarify, it's not the 8 hours of childcare I have an issue with. It's the TWENTY FOUR hour childcare I have an issue with. SIL flew in, napped until it was time for her to work, and after her work hours didn't care to help my mom with any of the housework, AND my mom put nephew to bed.

It's her first day, give her a break. If your mom offered this help, sil should take it!

Did your sil work the day before? If so, she was up at say, 6am. Worked 8 hours. Took care of packing, etc; hopped on red eye flight, where she likely got little to no sleep with her child; arrived at your mom's after 6am. That's a possible 24 hours straight with little to no sleep. Then she got up, worked her 8 hours...and you expect her to do housework? That's nuts. Give her a break!

First, I think you need to stay out of it anyway. But if your mom needs help with some housework, she NEEDS to tell the sil clearly and plainly what needs to be done. I don't know about your family, but in ours, my inlaws just say "Hey son and DIL, before you go to bed tonight, I need you to put the leaves in the table, bring up the extra chairs, and brush the dog so that everything's ready for tomorrow..." Or whatever. Point is, your mom just needs to communicate her needs.

But seriously, I know I'm piling on, but jeez. Give your sil a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. As a FTM, it's possible OP isn't comfortable caring for both children. Think back to when you had your firstborn, in the first few months of their life; it's somehow all-encompassing - remember when you could barely brush your teeth or sit downfor a decent meal? In retrospect, when we get into a groove, our child gets older and particularly when we add another child to the mix, it's hard to remember how and why it felt so hard, and like so much work - but c'mon, we've all been there. I remember sometimes feeding could take up to an hour with my firstborn, then a couple hours I was hearing up to feed him again. So maybe cut OP a bit of slack as a FTM.

If that's the case, then OP is clearly wrong coming here and blaming the SIL for her mother's exhaustion. OP has been there a week, enjoying her mother's hospitality and help and wearing out her mother. SIL has been there one day after taking a redeye with a toddler then getting a few hours of sleep while her MIL watched her son as promised. She came out early to visit because her MIL wanted to spend time with her grandson and agreed to watch the grandson while she worked. So, she took a nap instead of working. OP still is in the wrong blaming SIL for the problems. OP needs to either be an adult and take responsibility for helping her mother cope or admit that she's part of the problem instead of trying to blame it all on the SIL.

Additionally, while I would agree with you for a newborn, but by 7-8 months, it's already starting to get better. At 10 months, yes, it's still a lot of work, but it shouldn't be at the same level as the first couple of months with the sleep deprivation. At that point, most children are sleeping at least 4-6 hours at a stretch instead of 2-3 hours. Plus, she's had her mother helping her for a week.

Right now, OP is just a spoiled entitled child who is getting catty, territorial and won't share her mother with her SIL and nephew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. As a FTM, it's possible OP isn't comfortable caring for both children. Think back to when you had your firstborn, in the first few months of their life; it's somehow all-encompassing - remember when you could barely brush your teeth or sit downfor a decent meal? In retrospect, when we get into a groove, our child gets older and particularly when we add another child to the mix, it's hard to remember how and why it felt so hard, and like so much work - but c'mon, we've all been there. I remember sometimes feeding could take up to an hour with my firstborn, then a couple hours I was hearing up to feed him again. So maybe cut OP a bit of slack as a FTM.

If that's the case, then OP is clearly wrong coming here and blaming the SIL for her mother's exhaustion. OP has been there a week, enjoying her mother's hospitality and help and wearing out her mother. SIL has been there one day after taking a redeye with a toddler then getting a few hours of sleep while her MIL watched her son as promised. She came out early to visit because her MIL wanted to spend time with her grandson and agreed to watch the grandson while she worked. So, she took a nap instead of working. OP still is in the wrong blaming SIL for the problems. OP needs to either be an adult and take responsibility for helping her mother cope or admit that she's part of the problem instead of trying to blame it all on the SIL.

Additionally, while I would agree with you for a newborn, but by 7-8 months, it's already starting to get better. At 10 months, yes, it's still a lot of work, but it shouldn't be at the same level as the first couple of months with the sleep deprivation. At that point, most children are sleeping at least 4-6 hours at a stretch instead of 2-3 hours. Plus, she's had her mother helping her for a week.

Right now, OP is just a spoiled entitled child who is getting catty, territorial and won't share her mother with her SIL and nephew.

OP has a 10 week old, not a 10 month old, so OP, as a FTM, is clearly still in the newborn phase with the sleep deprivation.

[Anonymous]

Op, you sound like the SIL from hell. Suck it up and put on a smile otherwise you will probably see very little of SIL and brother in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At first, I thought OP was being unreasonable, but from her follow up post, it does seem like her SIL is taking advantage of the mom. I totally understand the SIL needing a nap after the red eye with no sleep, and there was an agreement that the mom would care for the kid while SIL was working. But if the SIL has not taken back parenting duties after her working hours, that does seem to overreach.

That said, this is between SIL and your mom. I think no good can come of you getting involved. (Also, you have a little baby to take care of, try to relax and focus on your little one. Also, as a mom of a 9-month old a four-year old, I personally think that a 10-week old can be way harder to manage than a 2.5-year old if the baby is a difficult one like my first one was, so I don't get the posters who are acting like having a 10-week old is a walk in the park, unless you happen to have a very easy baby.)

+1

[Anonymous]

Is your mom complaining, OP? Maybe she WANTS to spend some time with her grandchild who lives far away. You and your child are not the center of the universe!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound tired, which is reasonable for a FTM of an infant. Go on care.com and hire a babysitter to watch both your infant and your nephew and all of you should go to bed for a while. Your SIL isn't being unreasonable and has made an effort to come to your MILs house, which is a really big trek with a toddler - something you can't quite understand yet because you don't have a toddler. You were nice to pick them up at the airport and your mom was nice to watch your baby so you could do this. Nobody is in the wrong here, it just sounds like you are all stretched too thin caring for kids and working.

This is a situation where you need to throw money at it and buy yourselves some time to sleep and catch up on work. Good luck.

http://media.giphy.com/media/WYGWAjHP356x2/giphy.gif

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are about 30 mins to airport. I am a FTM so maybe I don't get this, but there's no way I could quickly just feed, burp, and change the baby. The baby eats on his timeline. It can take him 10 min or 40 mins to finish a bottle. He also wakes up on his timeline. Although we are a 30 min drive I wanted to leave an hour early bc I don't know the way that well and it was dark and raining and I was driving my moms car. Also wanted to make sure I was there on time so she wouldn't be waiting w toddler. As it was, her flight was a little delayed so 30 min drive plus 20 min wait, plus 30 min drive means an hour and 20 min of angry uncomfotanle baby. Again maybe there is something I'm missing here as a FTM but I didn't think taking baby with me was reasonable. Yes I am an "only daughter" and maybe that has something to do with it. But also I was here all week last week and I see how darn old my mom looks and feels. She still works almost full time running her own business. And BIL and SIL, when they visit, like to drink wine and get hungover. Before a night of drinking they'd say to my mom-you're waking up with the baby right?" And then they get wasted. So maybe it's a combination of only daughter competition plus I feel they are truly taking advantage of my moms kind heart. I do work ft at a salary job and have a second income producing revenue business of my own as well. I'm currently on maternity leave for the salary job but working the second job.

You're a full-time Mom with a 10-week old and a mom to help you all week. BFD. Your SIL works full-time, flew cross-country solo and is working. All while trying to get much needed sleep. You sound pathetic OP. I'm feel SO sorry for your SIL that she has to add your craziness to her list of things to deal with.

What does she have to deal with? She took the red eye. It's over now. She's basically dumped my nephew on grandma. And guess what I realized today. My mom and I worked all day to take care of the house and babies and both of us worked too. We even had surprise guests and just finished cleaning up after them. Did SIL help? Nope? That fine if you are a guest. But the way I grew up children are not guests. So you can have your pick- be a daughter and help mom out, or be a guest and do your own thing. But please don't be a guest, expect full time day care out of my mom, and expect me not to be pissed off about it.

honestly, i was willing to give you a break for being tired and overwhelmed by being a new mom. but now i realize you are just a bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So to clarify, it's not the 8 hours of childcare I have an issue with. It's the TWENTY FOUR hour childcare I have an issue with. SIL flew in, napped until it was time for her to work, and after her work hours didn't care to help my mom with any of the housework, AND my mom put nephew to bed.

holy shit you are a bigger and bigger bitch with every post you write!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So to clarify, it's not the 8 hours of childcare I have an issue with. It's the TWENTY FOUR hour childcare I have an issue with. SIL flew in, napped until it was time for her to work, and after her work hours didn't care to help my mom with any of the housework, AND my mom put nephew to bed.

I pray you are a troll. Because you are one of the most unreasonable people I've read a post from on here.

TWENTY FOUR hour childcare doesnt = helping your mom with housework. Are you crazy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry DEAR but...what? I honestly don't understand the point of your post. Hurrah you've had a bunch of kids and your life is hard and you know other people with kids. What does that have to do with MY mom being tired?

I'm almost looking forward to every new post you write - because just when I think you can't be more TERRIBLE, you are. WOW.