Insensitive or reasonable bahavior by sister in law

[Anonymous]

So op when your brother gets there, are you going to expect him to do housework in someone else's house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again- God no wonder all of your mother in laws hate you people. You just view them as free child care for your exhausted selves- you don't realize what entitled pains you are by dropping off the kids at grandma's house. You don't seem to realize that maybe grandma could use a hand with the dishes after watching your kids all day.

YOUR OWN MOM IS GIVING YOU FREE CHILDCARE

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound tired, which is reasonable for a FTM of an infant. Go on care.com and hire a babysitter to watch both your infant and your nephew and all of you should go to bed for a while. Your SIL isn't being unreasonable and has made an effort to come to your MILs house, which is a really big trek with a toddler - something you can't quite understand yet because you don't have a toddler. You were nice to pick them up at the airport and your mom was nice to watch your baby so you could do this. Nobody is in the wrong here, it just sounds like you are all stretched too thin caring for kids and working.

This is a situation where you need to throw money at it and buy yourselves some time to sleep and catch up on work. Good luck.

http://media.giphy.com/media/WYGWAjHP356x2/giphy.gif

I love this, one of the only times I agreed with Bethany.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. As a FTM, it's possible OP isn't comfortable caring for both children. Think back to when you had your firstborn, in the first few months of their life; it's somehow all-encompassing - remember when you could barely brush your teeth or sit downfor a decent meal? In retrospect, when we get into a groove, our child gets older and particularly when we add another child to the mix, it's hard to remember how and why it felt so hard, and like so much work - but c'mon, we've all been there. I remember sometimes feeding could take up to an hour with my firstborn, then a couple hours I was hearing up to feed him again. So maybe cut OP a bit of slack as a FTM.

If that's the case, then OP is clearly wrong coming here and blaming the SIL for her mother's exhaustion. OP has been there a week, enjoying her mother's hospitality and help and wearing out her mother. SIL has been there one day after taking a redeye with a toddler then getting a few hours of sleep while her MIL watched her son as promised. She came out early to visit because her MIL wanted to spend time with her grandson and agreed to watch the grandson while she worked. So, she took a nap instead of working. OP still is in the wrong blaming SIL for the problems. OP needs to either be an adult and take responsibility for helping her mother cope or admit that she's part of the problem instead of trying to blame it all on the SIL.

Additionally, while I would agree with you for a newborn, but by 7-8 months, it's already starting to get better. At 10 months, yes, it's still a lot of work, but it shouldn't be at the same level as the first couple of months with the sleep deprivation. At that point, most children are sleeping at least 4-6 hours at a stretch instead of 2-3 hours. Plus, she's had her mother helping her for a week.

Right now, OP is just a spoiled entitled child who is getting catty, territorial and won't share her mother with her SIL and nephew.

OP has a 10 week old, not a 10 month old, so OP, as a FTM, is clearly still in the newborn phase with the sleep deprivation.

I sit corrected. One would hope that this would explain why she's being so bitchy, but judging by her subsequent posts, she's really just bitchy and not merely the victim of sleep-deprivation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. As a FTM, it's possible OP isn't comfortable caring for both children. Think back to when you had your firstborn, in the first few months of their life; it's somehow all-encompassing - remember when you could barely brush your teeth or sit downfor a decent meal? In retrospect, when we get into a groove, our child gets older and particularly when we add another child to the mix, it's hard to remember how and why it felt so hard, and like so much work - but c'mon, we've all been there. I remember sometimes feeding could take up to an hour with my firstborn, then a couple hours I was hearing up to feed him again. So maybe cut OP a bit of slack as a FTM.

If that's the case, then OP is clearly wrong coming here and blaming the SIL for her mother's exhaustion. OP has been there a week, enjoying her mother's hospitality and help and wearing out her mother. SIL has been there one day after taking a redeye with a toddler then getting a few hours of sleep while her MIL watched her son as promised. She came out early to visit because her MIL wanted to spend time with her grandson and agreed to watch the grandson while she worked. So, she took a nap instead of working. OP still is in the wrong blaming SIL for the problems. OP needs to either be an adult and take responsibility for helping her mother cope or admit that she's part of the problem instead of trying to blame it all on the SIL.

Additionally, while I would agree with you for a newborn, but by 7-8 months, it's already starting to get better. At 10 months, yes, it's still a lot of work, but it shouldn't be at the same level as the first couple of months with the sleep deprivation. At that point, most children are sleeping at least 4-6 hours at a stretch instead of 2-3 hours. Plus, she's had her mother helping her for a week.

Right now, OP is just a spoiled entitled child who is getting catty, territorial and won't share her mother with her SIL and nephew.

OP has a 10 week old, not a 10 month old, so OP, as a FTM, is clearly still in the newborn phase with the sleep deprivation.

I sit corrected. One would hope that this would explain why she's being so bitchy, but judging by her subsequent posts, she's really just bitchy and not merely the victim of sleep-deprivation.

I'm the PP, and I agree, her later posts will not get OP any sympathy.

[Anonymous]

OK. Here's my take.

Your Mom offered to watch the kid, so it's on her to speak up if she needs help. I have a huge B for a SIL, so I'm typically judgmental when it comes to SIL's. But I need to point a few things out.

Where is your brother?
Are you a bit jealous of SIL's giant nap?
She does need one... but see how she behaves when she awakens AND from here on out. Is she appreciative of the help? Is she showing her appreciation by contributing or doing something nice for your Mom?
She should have used a car service coming from the airport.

And also, you never claimed this child as "your nephew" and didn't seem to acknowledge that this child is your mother's grandchild. You referred to the child as "SIL's." Maybe you need to step back and check yourself. I think you may have some underlying jealousy towards SIL.

But aside from that, she needs to do show her appreciation somehow, some way. Maybe some flowers for your mom or making dinner one night? Something kind is in order, for sure.

[Anonymous]

I think your SIL is naive. She shouldn't have accepted your mom's promise to take care of her kid, think about the situation; that house already has YOU and YOUR KID depending upon your mom for help and something tells me you guys are first in the pecking order. There is no way your mom can take are of both, it was dishonest for her to commit to help. So, when the time came and resources were taken from you and given to her, all hell broke loose. Your SlL should have politely declined the invitation, such a dumb woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your SIL is naive. She shouldn't have accepted your mom's promise to take care of her kid, think about the situation; that house already has YOU and YOUR KID depending upon your mom for help and something tells me you guys are first in the pecking order. There is no way your mom can take are of both, it was dishonest for her to commit to help. So, when the time came and resources were taken from you and given to her, all hell broke loose. Your SlL should have politely declined the invitation, such a dumb woman.

ok, op

[Anonymous]

OP how about you hire a sitter so your mom can bond with the grandkids she never gets to see. OP where is your husband in all of this, enough about the SIL

[Anonymous]

Has it occurred to you that your mom never gets to see her grandson on the west coast and therefore she WANTS to watch him and put him to bed, despite the fact that it tires her out?

You've had a lot of complaints about your SIL, but you've never said that your mom is complaining or upset about how this is playing out. If she isn't upset, then you shouldn't be. And if she is upset, its her responsibility to talk to the SIL, not yours.

Finally, what are you doing to help your mom? You have been ranting and raving about how your SIL has exhausted your mother, but you haven't explained what you are doing to help lighten the load on your mother. And please don't say its not your responsibility to watch your nephew or fix SIL's mess -- if you are so concerned about your mother, you should help her regardless. And yes, you have a 10 week old, but 10 week olds do sleep and they can be put down to sit in their bouncy chair or lie in a pack n play while you give your mom at least a little break.