Help Me Not Lose My Cool w/ DS's Teacher -- rant

[Anonymous]

OP, you are on the right track. The teacher is probably lazy and doesn't want to kick off the special education intervention machinery. Easier to pass him on, but write notes like the comments she made to your doctor (to cover her ass when your child inevitable gets the assistance he needs or god forbid has more serious issues).

There is a great value to the special needs boards. You might want to check it out for support.

GL, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are on the right track. The teacher is probably lazy and doesn't want to kick off the special education intervention machinery. Easier to pass him on, but write notes like the comments she made to your doctor (to cover her ass when your child inevitable gets the assistance he needs or god forbid has more serious issues).

I would not assume the teacher is lazy. She probably felt she was handling it in the classroom. Lots of parents do not want to hear the bad. You'd be amazed at how many people challenge a teacher at every turn.

Again, she may have had a bad day when she filled out the form. The child may have had a bad day on that occasion. She may have been harsh with the criticism on the form because she knew the child would be more likely to get help if she responded in the way she did.

Did she handle it correctly? I don't know. But, I sure wouldn't be so quick to blame it on racism or laziness.

[Anonymous]

One part of the process was getting his teacher to fill out a questionnaire. I just met with the doctor who went over the teacher's responses with me and the doc said the teacher seems to have a very negative opinion of DS, more so than any of the people surveyed. Even though I haven't heard from the teacher in MONTHS -- not since I initiated that meeting in the Fall -- the teacher described DS as "oppositional, resentful, and angry" -- and she rated his "aggression" at a level that is more than double the statistical average for a 7 year old. WTF -- why did she not tell me she felt this way?

1. What public school do you attend that has not had at least one parent-teacher conference prior to this point? How were you not more involved in how your child was behaving at school, and how the teacher viewed the behavior, prior to this psychological assessment that you initiated?

2. I had my son tested for psychological issues three years ago because his teacher indicated that he was having behavior issues. We never saw them at home. We also got an assessment from the teacher that was far more negative than from any other source. The psychologist that provided the assessment raised two possibilities: (1) the teacher disliked DS, or (2) DS's behavior at school was worse than any place else. It turned out to be a combination of the two - DS acted out, causing the teacher to dislike DS, which caused him to act out more. The next year, we had a different teacher, and there have never been problems again. I don't know why you would automatically jump to the conclusion that the school isn't for you. I also don't know why the psychologist would jump to the conclusions that he or she did. It may be that the teacher or school is racist, but you don't have sufficient information to assume that at this point, and any psychologist who would tell you that you should proceed on that assumption based on the limited information provided is questionable.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are on the right track. The teacher is probably lazy and doesn't want to kick off the special education intervention machinery. Easier to pass him on, but write notes like the comments she made to your doctor (to cover her ass when your child inevitable gets the assistance he needs or god forbid has more serious issues).


I would not assume the teacher is lazy. She probably felt she was handling it in the classroom. Lots of parents do not want to hear the bad. You'd be amazed at how many people challenge a teacher at every turn.

Again, she may have had a bad day when she filled out the form. The child may have had a bad day on that occasion. She may have been harsh with the criticism on the form because she knew the child would be more likely to get help if she responded in the way she did.

Did she handle it correctly? I don't know. But, I sure wouldn't be so quick to blame it on racism or laziness.

But it is laziness. I'm a retired teacher. This seems like a reasonable parent and it doesn't seem like the teacher wanted to do much more work than document an issue for someone else to solve. That's literally lazy (I am not touching the race issue because that is a whole other thing). I can say without a doubt that if I had a student who was two times more aggressive or two times beyond the standard for any developmental behavior, I would have reached out to the parents and quietly recommended intervention. This teacher didn't want to do that because it's a pain in the ass (mounds of work) and she thought the kid could pass and be someone else's problem (but not without a "oh, yes. He's been an issue for years, Darlene" ass covering memo.).

OP, good luck sorting everything out and God Bless you for taking care of that child's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with your assessment of the teacher, OP. However, I do have to ask if at any time during your adoption process (which from Haiti I know is lengthy), did anyone mention that an all white class and all white school might not be the best place for a Haitian adoptee? This is exactly the kind of thing that happens when adoptees are put in situations of being the odd man out.

Nevermind the adoption issue, as a black mother, I would never do this to my black child. Did this never occur to you when you decided to do a trans-racial adoption???
SMDH!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with your assessment of the teacher, OP. However, I do have to ask if at any time during your adoption process (which from Haiti I know is lengthy), did anyone mention that an all white class and all white school might not be the best place for a Haitian adoptee? This is exactly the kind of thing that happens when adoptees are put in situations of being the odd man out.

Nevermind the adoption issue, as a black mother, I would never do this to my black child. Did this never occur to you when you decided to do a trans-racial adoption???
SMDH!

OP has said several times that she is black. So, this is not a transracial adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- first of all, it's not a transracial adoption. Thanks for assuming.

Second, I'm reeling from just finding out about this issue with my son's teacher.

Third, I researched international adoption for years. My adoption itself took almost 2 years. My DS has overcome incredible odds and is really happy -- he just has some slow learning.
I'm absolutely 10000% committed to getting him into a more diverse, supportive school environment. But I can't change the racial demographics of the county, and I can't move.

Should have taken that into account when you adopted the child. Being the only black kid around, yea, that is causing psychological damage to that child.
Not seeing other kids, adult role models that look like him, yes, that is psychological damage. Yes, you may love your child, but you cannot love away his race and everyone needs to see someone that looks like him/her in their environment.

[Anonymous]

I call troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- first of all, it's not a transracial adoption. Thanks for assuming.

Second, I'm reeling from just finding out about this issue with my son's teacher.

Third, I researched international adoption for years. My adoption itself took almost 2 years. My DS has overcome incredible odds and is really happy -- he just has some slow learning.
I'm absolutely 10000% committed to getting him into a more diverse, supportive school environment. But I can't change the racial demographics of the county, and I can't move.

Should have taken that into account when you adopted the child. Being the only black kid around, yea, that is causing psychological damage to that child.
Not seeing other kids, adult role models that look like him, yes, that is psychological damage. Yes, you may love your child, but you cannot love away his race and everyone needs to see someone that looks like him/her in their environment.

I'm a transracial adoptive parent, and I would agree with you 100% if this were a transracially adoptive family, but it's not. This child has a parent, siblings, and presumably other extended family members who are black. That's going to go a long way towards protecting him. Your implication that his mom is trying to "love away his race" is absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- first of all, it's not a transracial adoption. Thanks for assuming.

Second, I'm reeling from just finding out about this issue with my son's teacher.

Third, I researched international adoption for years. My adoption itself took almost 2 years. My DS has overcome incredible odds and is really happy -- he just has some slow learning.
I'm absolutely 10000% committed to getting him into a more diverse, supportive school environment. But I can't change the racial demographics of the county, and I can't move.

Should have taken that into account when you adopted the child. Being the only black kid around, yea, that is causing psychological damage to that child.
Not seeing other kids, adult role models that look like him, yes, that is psychological damage. Yes, you may love your child, but you cannot love away his race and everyone needs to see someone that looks like him/her in their environment.

I'm a transracial adoptive parent, and I would agree with you 100% if this were a transracially adoptive family, but it's not. This child has a parent, siblings, and presumably other extended family members who are black. That's going to go a long way towards protecting him. Your implication that his mom is trying to "love away his race" is absurd.

Honestly, as a black person with a whole lot of black people in my family, I sure would not put my kid into this kind of school, where he is the "only". Even more ridiculous than if this were a transracial adoption, she should know better.
At this point, I think OP is a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I call troll

+1

[Anonymous]

I thought she said it was not an all white school. Frankly, I'm having trouble with that concept. Is it that her son is darker than the others?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with your assessment of the teacher, OP. However, I do have to ask if at any time during your adoption process (which from Haiti I know is lengthy), did anyone mention that an all white class and all white school might not be the best place for a Haitian adoptee? This is exactly the kind of thing that happens when adoptees are put in situations of being the odd man out.

Nevermind the adoption issue, as a black mother, I would never do this to my black child. Did this never occur to you when you decided to do a trans-racial adoption???
SMDH!

OP has said several times that she is black. So, this is not a transracial adoption.

Did she say she was black? she said her bio kids are biracial. That doesn't mean that the OP is black. Her spouse may be black.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, as a black person with a whole lot of black people in my family, I sure would not put my kid into this kind of school, where he is the "only". Even more ridiculous than if this were a transracial adoption, she should know better.
At this point, I think OP is a troll.

Regardless of her race or her son's race, the fact that she has allegedly had no contact with her son's teacher since the fall and that the teacher allegedly told her not to ask the son "too many questions" about his school day leads me to conclude that this post is fabricated. So unrealistic.

[Anonymous]

Regardless of her race or her son's race, the fact that she has allegedly had no contact with her son's teacher since the fall and that the teacher allegedly told her not to ask the son "too many questions" about his school day leads me to conclude that this post is fabricated. So unrealistic.

Unless.....OP is known to be a helicopter mom who is too involved. Perhaps, the teacher had earlier experience with her. I taught a child who was struggling in class. I had a conference with her dad and the next day she came in with welts on her legs. (I posted this earlier on another thread.) This was many years ago, but, you can be sure I never told her dad about problems after that. I do not mean to imply that OP was abusive in any way--perhaps, just the opposite. Just throwing out some possibilities there. NOne of us really know what happened. We only know what has been posted.