Anyone Else Emotionally Lonely and Married

[Anonymous]

BTW this is VERY scary and I have NEVER done ANYTHING like this, EVER, don't really know why I am now just don't know where to go or what to do. I want to love someone, really

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a pp DW that raised my hand. I don't begrudge those who have affairs or separate/ divorce, but I can't imagine life would get easier. With 2 little kids and a demanding job I can't even find time for a haircut, let alone time to find emotional connection. Very depressing to not see room for change at least until the kids are more self sufficient (by which time I'll be in my 50s - not a good time for a woman to be on the market).

I completely begrudge those that have affairs. Fucking cop out.

It takes two. Often the reason the other spouse is checked out is stress, being over tasked, etc. it's easy to go out and just find a quick fix.

Turn that energy into your marriage or get the fuck out. Quit blaming your spouse.

Btw--your affair partner just wants to get laid. I'm sure he's feeding you a line...

[Anonymous]

I am confused why OP is getting sympathy for whoring around while in the other post everyone is attacking the other woman in a similar situation but not cheating. Wtf?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW here, add me to the list. Married 10 years, 2 kids under 6. I am terribly lonely, zero emotional connection and a basically sexless marriage (and what sex there is happens at my request and is rote). After many years of trying to talk to DH about this with zero results, I am miserable and my self esteem was in the toilet. I recently started an affair with a man in a similar marriage. The affair has helped me realize that my DH has checked out and that we are just co parents and roommates. I am in the process of initiating a separation. I just can't live like this any longer. An affair is just a bandaid covering a big wound, and is not the answer (even though it helps a huge amount in the self esteem department to be really wanted).

Good for you for finding your way out, no matter how you had to do it. Life is too precious to waste being sad and unfulfilled all the time.

Pp here. Thank you for your support. I have posted my story a couple of times recently here and have been happy to be on the receiving end of good wishes.

PAR FOR THE COURSE
I'm a man in the same boat having an affair to save my sanity. However, my story draws very negative reactions about how much a scum bag I am !!!!!

If it makes you feel better- I think she's a scumbag too.

[Anonymous]

13:18 here

Spouses who have affairs are cowardly and weak. I have zero sympathy. Man (or woman) up and either fix your marriage or get out.

[Anonymous]

The woman having the affair with the poor 'stand-up' guy in the same situation ....uh- he's cheating on his wife. Real winner.

These guys will tell you any sob story to get laid. You two deserve each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW here, add me to the list. Married 10 years, 2 kids under 6. I am terribly lonely, zero emotional connection and a basically sexless marriage (and what sex there is happens at my request and is rote). After many years of trying to talk to DH about this with zero results, I am miserable and my self esteem was in the toilet. I recently started an affair with a man in a similar marriage. The affair has helped me realize that my DH has checked out and that we are just co parents and roommates. I am in the process of initiating a separation. I just can't live like this any longer. An affair is just a bandaid covering a big wound, and is not the answer (even though it helps a huge amount in the self esteem department to be really wanted).

Good for you for finding your way out, no matter how you had to do it. Life is too precious to waste being sad and unfulfilled all the time.

Pp here. Thank you for your support. I have posted my story a couple of times recently here and have been happy to be on the receiving end of good wishes.

It's never only one person's fault. You need to seriously reflect on how you contributed to this so you don't repeat it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a pp DW that raised my hand. I don't begrudge those who have affairs or separate/ divorce, but I can't imagine life would get easier. With 2 little kids and a demanding job I can't even find time for a haircut, let alone time to find emotional connection. Very depressing to not see room for change at least until the kids are more self sufficient (by which time I'll be in my 50s - not a good time for a woman to be on the market).

If you're too busy to find time for an emotional connection, then I see why your marriage is failing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW here, add me to the list. Married 10 years, 2 kids under 6. I am terribly lonely, zero emotional connection and a basically sexless marriage (and what sex there is happens at my request and is rote). After many years of trying to talk to DH about this with zero results, I am miserable and my self esteem was in the toilet. I recently started an affair with a man in a similar marriage. The affair has helped me realize that my DH has checked out and that we are just co parents and roommates. I am in the process of initiating a separation. I just can't live like this any longer. An affair is just a bandaid covering a big wound, and is not the answer (even though it helps a huge amount in the self esteem department to be really wanted).

Good for you for finding your way out, no matter how you had to do it. Life is too precious to waste being sad and unfulfilled all the time.

PP didn't find her way out. She's having an affair to boost her self esteem. That affair will end and she will be back to square one and still in a bad marriage. Cmon now. Haven't we seen this same story a million times? This is real life, not the movies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW here, add me to the list. Married 10 years, 2 kids under 6. I am terribly lonely, zero emotional connection and a basically sexless marriage (and what sex there is happens at my request and is rote). After many years of trying to talk to DH about this with zero results, I am miserable and my self esteem was in the toilet. I recently started an affair with a man in a similar marriage. The affair has helped me realize that my DH has checked out and that we are just co parents and roommates. I am in the process of initiating a separation. I just can't live like this any longer. An affair is just a bandaid covering a big wound, and is not the answer (even though it helps a huge amount in the self esteem department to be really wanted).

Good for you for finding your way out, no matter how you had to do it. Life is too precious to waste being sad and unfulfilled all the time.

PP didn't find her way out. She's having an affair to boost her self esteem. That affair will end and she will be back to square one and still in a bad marriage. Cmon now. Haven't we seen this same story a million times? This is real life, not the movies.

I am the pp about which you are talking. You are totally right. I made a terrible mistake. After years of my DH checking out and me not being able to get through to him, I decided that he was over me and my sense of self worth was in the toilet. I was at the lowest point I have ever been. So I had a two week emotional affair and a one night stand with this over person who saw an opportunity. Stupid stupid mistake on my part. DH and I went to our counseling session yesterday and he is desperate to save the marriage. Now I have to tell him what I did. His could all blow up in my face, even though my indiscretion is what have me the courage to face my marital crisis. Once and for all.

Yes I am a scumbag. Yes I made a horrible mistake. Yes I am terrified to tell DH. But I am a big girl, and I have to face up and accept the consequences.

People, don't do what I did. Just don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW here, add me to the list. Married 10 years, 2 kids under 6. I am terribly lonely, zero emotional connection and a basically sexless marriage (and what sex there is happens at my request and is rote). After many years of trying to talk to DH about this with zero results, I am miserable and my self esteem was in the toilet. I recently started an affair with a man in a similar marriage. The affair has helped me realize that my DH has checked out and that we are just co parents and roommates. I am in the process of initiating a separation. I just can't live like this any longer. An affair is just a bandaid covering a big wound, and is not the answer (even though it helps a huge amount in the self esteem department to be really wanted).

Good for you for finding your way out, no matter how you had to do it. Life is too precious to waste being sad and unfulfilled all the time.

PP didn't find her way out. She's having an affair to boost her self esteem. That affair will end and she will be back to square one and still in a bad marriage. Cmon now. Haven't we seen this same story a million times? This is real life, not the movies.

I am the pp about which you are talking. You are totally right. I made a terrible mistake. After years of my DH checking out and me not being able to get through to him, I decided that he was over me and my sense of self worth was in the toilet. I was at the lowest point I have ever been. So I had a two week emotional affair and a one night stand with this over person who saw an opportunity. Stupid stupid mistake on my part. DH and I went to our counseling session yesterday and he is desperate to save the marriage. Now I have to tell him what I did. His could all blow up in my face, even though my indiscretion is what have me the courage to face my marital crisis. Once and for all.

Yes I am a scumbag. Yes I made a horrible mistake. Yes I am terrified to tell DH. But I am a big girl, and I have to face up and accept the consequences.

People, don't do what I did. Just don't.

I was on the other side--very similar thing my DH did. 6 months out and I have to tell you I don't know if I can get over the deception. In counseling and I thought I coukd initially--but I get more disgusted the more time goes by and I guess as the initial shock has worn off. Something I never would have expected.

I have always thought cheaters were some of the most despicable people on the planet---and weak, very weak. It completely changes the way I look at somebody who I used to think was the most honest person I'd ever met. I valued his integrity. With this revelation ---I am thrown way off. Now I look with disgust, mistrust, and lots of pent up passive aggressiveness.

Maybe counseling will work. Willing to try--but still just--yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW here, add me to the list. Married 10 years, 2 kids under 6. I am terribly lonely, zero emotional connection and a basically sexless marriage (and what sex there is happens at my request and is rote). After many years of trying to talk to DH about this with zero results, I am miserable and my self esteem was in the toilet. I recently started an affair with a man in a similar marriage. The affair has helped me realize that my DH has checked out and that we are just co parents and roommates. I am in the process of initiating a separation. I just can't live like this any longer. An affair is just a bandaid covering a big wound, and is not the answer (even though it helps a huge amount in the self esteem department to be really wanted).

Good for you for finding your way out, no matter how you had to do it. Life is too precious to waste being sad and unfulfilled all the time.

PP didn't find her way out. She's having an affair to boost her self esteem. That affair will end and she will be back to square one and still in a bad marriage. Cmon now. Haven't we seen this same story a million times? This is real life, not the movies.

I am the pp about which you are talking. You are totally right. I made a terrible mistake. After years of my DH checking out and me not being able to get through to him, I decided that he was over me and my sense of self worth was in the toilet. I was at the lowest point I have ever been. So I had a two week emotional affair and a one night stand with this over person who saw an opportunity. Stupid stupid mistake on my part. DH and I went to our counseling session yesterday and he is desperate to save the marriage. Now I have to tell him what I did. His could all blow up in my face, even though my indiscretion is what have me the courage to face my marital crisis. Once and for all.

Yes I am a scumbag. Yes I made a horrible mistake. Yes I am terrified to tell DH. But I am a big girl, and I have to face up and accept the consequences.

People, don't do what I did. Just don't.

I was on the other side--very similar thing my DH did. 6 months out and I have to tell you I don't know if I can get over the deception. In counseling and I thought I coukd initially--but I get more disgusted the more time goes by and I guess as the initial shock has worn off. Something I never would have expected.

I have always thought cheaters were some of the most despicable people on the planet---and weak, very weak. It completely changes the way I look at somebody who I used to think was the most honest person I'd ever met. I valued his integrity. With this revelation ---I am thrown way off. Now I look with disgust, mistrust, and lots of pent up passive aggressiveness.

Maybe counseling will work. Willing to try--but still just--yuck.

Pp here. I am impressed that you are willing to try. That is very big if you. I am not sure that my DH will be.

Regarding "cheaters" just be aware that we are human as well. Yes, we made terrible decisions that make us weak. But seriously, if I could cheat, which is a huge shock to my system and something I always sowed up and down that I would not do, then anybody is vulnerable. You may not believe it, but I am here to tell you that it is true. Just something to think about as you move forward. Wishing you luck with whatever you decide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW here, add me to the list. Married 10 years, 2 kids under 6. I am terribly lonely, zero emotional connection and a basically sexless marriage (and what sex there is happens at my request and is rote). After many years of trying to talk to DH about this with zero results, I am miserable and my self esteem was in the toilet. I recently started an affair with a man in a similar marriage. The affair has helped me realize that my DH has checked out and that we are just co parents and roommates. I am in the process of initiating a separation. I just can't live like this any longer. An affair is just a bandaid covering a big wound, and is not the answer (even though it helps a huge amount in the self esteem department to be really wanted).

Good for you for finding your way out, no matter how you had to do it. Life is too precious to waste being sad and unfulfilled all the time.

PP didn't find her way out. She's having an affair to boost her self esteem. That affair will end and she will be back to square one and still in a bad marriage. Cmon now. Haven't we seen this same story a million times? This is real life, not the movies.

I am the pp about which you are talking. You are totally right. I made a terrible mistake. After years of my DH checking out and me not being able to get through to him, I decided that he was over me and my sense of self worth was in the toilet. I was at the lowest point I have ever been. So I had a two week emotional affair and a one night stand with this over person who saw an opportunity. Stupid stupid mistake on my part. DH and I went to our counseling session yesterday and he is desperate to save the marriage. Now I have to tell him what I did. His could all blow up in my face, even though my indiscretion is what have me the courage to face my marital crisis. Once and for all.

Yes I am a scumbag. Yes I made a horrible mistake. Yes I am terrified to tell DH. But I am a big girl, and I have to face up and accept the consequences.

People, don't do what I did. Just don't.

I was on the other side--very similar thing my DH did. 6 months out and I have to tell you I don't know if I can get over the deception. In counseling and I thought I coukd initially--but I get more disgusted the more time goes by and I guess as the initial shock has worn off. Something I never would have expected.

I have always thought cheaters were some of the most despicable people on the planet---and weak, very weak. It completely changes the way I look at somebody who I used to think was the most honest person I'd ever met. I valued his integrity. With this revelation ---I am thrown way off. Now I look with disgust, mistrust, and lots of pent up passive aggressiveness.

Maybe counseling will work. Willing to try--but still just--yuck.

Pp here. I am impressed that you are willing to try. That is very big if you. I am not sure that my DH will be.

Regarding "cheaters" just be aware that we are human as well. Yes, we made terrible decisions that make us weak. But seriously, if I could cheat, which is a huge shock to my system and something I always sowed up and down that I would not do, then anybody is vulnerable. You may not believe it, but I am here to tell you that it is true. Just something to think about as you move forward. Wishing you luck with whatever you decide.

I have never cheated, and don't think I ever would, but I think people are much too hard on cheaters here sometime. It is a bad and unjustifiable thing to do. But decent people sometimes do bad things, and under sufficient strain I think a lot of people might make that bad choice. Many people who have remained faithful to their spouse have never truly been tested, and should temper their judgment to some extent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW here, add me to the list. Married 10 years, 2 kids under 6. I am terribly lonely, zero emotional connection and a basically sexless marriage (and what sex there is happens at my request and is rote). After many years of trying to talk to DH about this with zero results, I am miserable and my self esteem was in the toilet. I recently started an affair with a man in a similar marriage. The affair has helped me realize that my DH has checked out and that we are just co parents and roommates. I am in the process of initiating a separation. I just can't live like this any longer. An affair is just a bandaid covering a big wound, and is not the answer (even though it helps a huge amount in the self esteem department to be really wanted).

Good for you for finding your way out, no matter how you had to do it. Life is too precious to waste being sad and unfulfilled all the time.

PP didn't find her way out. She's having an affair to boost her self esteem. That affair will end and she will be back to square one and still in a bad marriage. Cmon now. Haven't we seen this same story a million times? This is real life, not the movies.

I am the pp about which you are talking. You are totally right. I made a terrible mistake. After years of my DH checking out and me not being able to get through to him, I decided that he was over me and my sense of self worth was in the toilet. I was at the lowest point I have ever been. So I had a two week emotional affair and a one night stand with this over person who saw an opportunity. Stupid stupid mistake on my part. DH and I went to our counseling session yesterday and he is desperate to save the marriage. Now I have to tell him what I did. His could all blow up in my face, even though my indiscretion is what have me the courage to face my marital crisis. Once and for all.

Yes I am a scumbag. Yes I made a horrible mistake. Yes I am terrified to tell DH. But I am a big girl, and I have to face up and accept the consequences.

People, don't do what I did. Just don't.

I was on the other side--very similar thing my DH did. 6 months out and I have to tell you I don't know if I can get over the deception. In counseling and I thought I coukd initially--but I get more disgusted the more time goes by and I guess as the initial shock has worn off. Something I never would have expected.

I have always thought cheaters were some of the most despicable people on the planet---and weak, very weak. It completely changes the way I look at somebody who I used to think was the most honest person I'd ever met. I valued his integrity. With this revelation ---I am thrown way off. Now I look with disgust, mistrust, and lots of pent up passive aggressiveness.

Maybe counseling will work. Willing to try--but still just--yuck.

Pp here. I am impressed that you are willing to try. That is very big if you. I am not sure that my DH will be.

Regarding "cheaters" just be aware that we are human as well. Yes, we made terrible decisions that make us weak. But seriously, if I could cheat, which is a huge shock to my system and something I always sowed up and down that I would not do, then anybody is vulnerable. You may not believe it, but I am here to tell you that it is true. Just something to think about as you move forward. Wishing you luck with whatever you decide.

I have never cheated, and don't think I ever would, but I think people are much too hard on cheaters here sometime. It is a bad and unjustifiable thing to do. But decent people sometimes do bad things, and under sufficient strain I think a lot of people might make that bad choice. Many people who have remained faithful to their spouse have never truly been tested, and should temper their judgment to some extent.

x2 People get very judgmental about situations they've never found themselves in and choices they haven't really had to face.
PP I wish you the best as you deal with this with your husband. You mad a bad mistake, but you are not just a rotten person. Hold on to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW here, add me to the list. Married 10 years, 2 kids under 6. I am terribly lonely, zero emotional connection and a basically sexless marriage (and what sex there is happens at my request and is rote). After many years of trying to talk to DH about this with zero results, I am miserable and my self esteem was in the toilet. I recently started an affair with a man in a similar marriage. The affair has helped me realize that my DH has checked out and that we are just co parents and roommates. I am in the process of initiating a separation. I just can't live like this any longer. An affair is just a bandaid covering a big wound, and is not the answer (even though it helps a huge amount in the self esteem department to be really wanted).

Good for you for finding your way out, no matter how you had to do it. Life is too precious to waste being sad and unfulfilled all the time.

PP didn't find her way out. She's having an affair to boost her self esteem. That affair will end and she will be back to square one and still in a bad marriage. Cmon now. Haven't we seen this same story a million times? This is real life, not the movies.

I am the pp about which you are talking. You are totally right. I made a terrible mistake. After years of my DH checking out and me not being able to get through to him, I decided that he was over me and my sense of self worth was in the toilet. I was at the lowest point I have ever been. So I had a two week emotional affair and a one night stand with this over person who saw an opportunity. Stupid stupid mistake on my part. DH and I went to our counseling session yesterday and he is desperate to save the marriage. Now I have to tell him what I did. His could all blow up in my face, even though my indiscretion is what have me the courage to face my marital crisis. Once and for all.

Yes I am a scumbag. Yes I made a horrible mistake. Yes I am terrified to tell DH. But I am a big girl, and I have to face up and accept the consequences.

People, don't do what I did. Just don't.

I was on the other side--very similar thing my DH did. 6 months out and I have to tell you I don't know if I can get over the deception. In counseling and I thought I coukd initially--but I get more disgusted the more time goes by and I guess as the initial shock has worn off. Something I never would have expected.

I have always thought cheaters were some of the most despicable people on the planet---and weak, very weak. It completely changes the way I look at somebody who I used to think was the most honest person I'd ever met. I valued his integrity. With this revelation ---I am thrown way off. Now I look with disgust, mistrust, and lots of pent up passive aggressiveness.

Maybe counseling will work. Willing to try--but still just--yuck.

Pp here. I am impressed that you are willing to try. That is very big if you. I am not sure that my DH will be.

Regarding "cheaters" just be aware that we are human as well. Yes, we made terrible decisions that make us weak. But seriously, if I could cheat, which is a huge shock to my system and something I always sowed up and down that I would not do, then anybody is vulnerable. You may not believe it, but I am here to tell you that it is true. Just something to think about as you move forward. Wishing you luck with whatever you decide.

I have never cheated, and don't think I ever would, but I think people are much too hard on cheaters here sometime. It is a bad and unjustifiable thing to do. But decent people sometimes do bad things, and under sufficient strain I think a lot of people might make that bad choice. Many people who have remained faithful to their spouse have never truly been tested, and should temper their judgment to some extent.

Have you been cheated on in a 15-year marriage with children?

Have you contemplated how somebody would choose to go on dates with other women while at the same time spending but 10 min a night with his own kids? Stay out all night instead of attending an important child's event?

Not sure who was being tested in this situation.

Sorry--but the majority of cheaters are selfish and only thinking of their own needs.

I am not sure what scenario I coikd have sympathy for cheating---esp when there was still sex every week in my own situation.

If the pp- is truly remorseful then she does deserve 1 more chance--but needs to offer total transparency. 2nd time - out.