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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DW here, add me to the list. Married 10 years, 2 kids under 6. I am terribly lonely, zero emotional connection and a basically sexless marriage (and what sex there is happens at my request and is rote). After many years of trying to talk to DH about this with zero results, I am miserable and my self esteem was in the toilet. I recently started an affair with a man in a similar marriage. The affair has helped me realize that my DH has checked out and that we are just co parents and roommates. I am in the process of initiating a separation. I just can't live like this any longer. An affair is just a bandaid covering a big wound, and is not the answer (even though it helps a huge amount in the self esteem department to be really wanted).[/quote]

Good for you for finding your way out, no matter how you had to do it. Life is too precious to waste being sad and unfulfilled all the time.[/quote]
PP didn't find her way out. She's having an affair to boost her self esteem. That affair will end and she will be back to square one and still in a bad marriage. Cmon now. Haven't we seen this same story a million times?  This is real life, not the movies. [/quote]

I am the pp about which you are talking. You are totally right. I made a terrible mistake. After years of my DH checking out and me not being able to get through to him, I decided that he was over me and my sense of self worth was in the toilet. I was at the lowest point I have ever been. So I had a two week emotional affair and a one night stand with this over person who saw an opportunity. Stupid stupid mistake on my part. DH and I went to our counseling session yesterday and he is desperate to save the marriage. Now I have to tell him what I did. His could all blow up in my face, even though my indiscretion is what have me the courage to face my marital crisis. Once and for all.

Yes I am a scumbag. Yes I made a horrible mistake. Yes I am terrified to tell DH. But I am a big girl, and I have to face up and accept the consequences.

People, don't do what I did. Just don't.[/quote]

I was on the other side--very similar thing my DH did. 6 months out and I have to tell you I don't know if I can get over the deception. In counseling and I thought I coukd initially--but I get more disgusted the more time goes by and I guess as the initial shock has worn off.  Something I never would have expected.

I have always thought cheaters were some of the most despicable people on the planet---and weak, very weak. It completely changes the way I look at somebody who I used to think was the most honest person I'd ever met. I valued his integrity.  With this revelation ---I am thrown way off.  Now I look with disgust, mistrust, and lots of pent up passive aggressiveness.

Maybe counseling will work. Willing to try--but still just--yuck.[/quote]

Pp here. I am impressed that you are willing to try. That is very big if you. I am not sure that my DH will be.

Regarding "cheaters" just be aware that we are human as well. Yes, we made terrible decisions that make us weak. But seriously, if I could cheat, which is a huge shock to my system and something I always sowed up and down that I would not do, then anybody is vulnerable. You may not believe it, but I am here to tell you that it is true. Just something to think about as you move forward. Wishing you luck with whatever you decide.[/quote]

I have never cheated, and don't think I ever would, but I think people are much too hard on cheaters here sometime.  It is a bad and unjustifiable thing to do.  But decent people sometimes do bad things, and under sufficient strain I think a lot of people might make that bad choice.  Many people who have remained faithful to their spouse have never truly been tested, and should temper their judgment to some extent.  [/quote]

Have you been cheated on in a 15-year marriage with children?

Have you contemplated how somebody would choose to go on dates with other women while at the same time spending but 10 min a night with his own kids? Stay out all night instead of attending an important child's event?

Not sure who was being tested in this situation.

Sorry--but the majority of cheaters are selfish and only thinking of their own needs.

I am not sure what scenario I coikd have sympathy for cheating---esp when there was still sex every week in my own situation.

If the pp- is truly remorseful then she does deserve 1 more chance--but needs to offer total transparency. 2nd time - out.

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