Anyone Else Emotionally Lonely and Married

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW here, add me to the list. Married 10 years, 2 kids under 6. I am terribly lonely, zero emotional connection and a basically sexless marriage (and what sex there is happens at my request and is rote). After many years of trying to talk to DH about this with zero results, I am miserable and my self esteem was in the toilet. I recently started an affair with a man in a similar marriage. The affair has helped me realize that my DH has checked out and that we are just co parents and roommates. I am in the process of initiating a separation. I just can't live like this any longer. An affair is just a bandaid covering a big wound, and is not the answer (even though it helps a huge amount in the self esteem department to be really wanted).

Good for you for finding your way out, no matter how you had to do it. Life is too precious to waste being sad and unfulfilled all the time.

PP didn't find her way out. She's having an affair to boost her self esteem. That affair will end and she will be back to square one and still in a bad marriage. Cmon now. Haven't we seen this same story a million times? This is real life, not the movies.

I am the pp about which you are talking. You are totally right. I made a terrible mistake. After years of my DH checking out and me not being able to get through to him, I decided that he was over me and my sense of self worth was in the toilet. I was at the lowest point I have ever been. So I had a two week emotional affair and a one night stand with this over person who saw an opportunity. Stupid stupid mistake on my part. DH and I went to our counseling session yesterday and he is desperate to save the marriage. Now I have to tell him what I did. His could all blow up in my face, even though my indiscretion is what have me the courage to face my marital crisis. Once and for all.

Yes I am a scumbag. Yes I made a horrible mistake. Yes I am terrified to tell DH. But I am a big girl, and I have to face up and accept the consequences.

People, don't do what I did. Just don't.

I was on the other side--very similar thing my DH did. 6 months out and I have to tell you I don't know if I can get over the deception. In counseling and I thought I coukd initially--but I get more disgusted the more time goes by and I guess as the initial shock has worn off. Something I never would have expected.

I have always thought cheaters were some of the most despicable people on the planet---and weak, very weak. It completely changes the way I look at somebody who I used to think was the most honest person I'd ever met. I valued his integrity. With this revelation ---I am thrown way off. Now I look with disgust, mistrust, and lots of pent up passive aggressiveness.

Maybe counseling will work. Willing to try--but still just--yuck.

Pp here. I am impressed that you are willing to try. That is very big if you. I am not sure that my DH will be.

Regarding "cheaters" just be aware that we are human as well. Yes, we made terrible decisions that make us weak. But seriously, if I could cheat, which is a huge shock to my system and something I always sowed up and down that I would not do, then anybody is vulnerable. You may not believe it, but I am here to tell you that it is true. Just something to think about as you move forward. Wishing you luck with whatever you decide.

I have never cheated, and don't think I ever would, but I think people are much too hard on cheaters here sometime. It is a bad and unjustifiable thing to do. But decent people sometimes do bad things, and under sufficient strain I think a lot of people might make that bad choice. Many people who have remained faithful to their spouse have never truly been tested, and should temper their judgment to some extent.

Have you been cheated on in a 15-year marriage with children?

Have you contemplated how somebody would choose to go on dates with other women while at the same time spending but 10 min a night with his own kids? Stay out all night instead of attending an important child's event?

Not sure who was being tested in this situation.

Sorry--but the majority of cheaters are selfish and only thinking of their own needs.

I am not sure what scenario I coikd have sympathy for cheating---esp when there was still sex every week in my own situation.

If the pp- is truly remorseful then she does deserve 1 more chance--but needs to offer total transparency. 2nd time - out.

I don't disagree with that, and didn't mean to suggest otherwise. In most cases cheating is indefensible and it often reveals that the cheater is a crappy person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW here, add me to the list. Married 10 years, 2 kids under 6. I am terribly lonely, zero emotional connection and a basically sexless marriage (and what sex there is happens at my request and is rote). After many years of trying to talk to DH about this with zero results, I am miserable and my self esteem was in the toilet. I recently started an affair with a man in a similar marriage. The affair has helped me realize that my DH has checked out and that we are just co parents and roommates. I am in the process of initiating a separation. I just can't live like this any longer. An affair is just a bandaid covering a big wound, and is not the answer (even though it helps a huge amount in the self esteem department to be really wanted).

Good for you for finding your way out, no matter how you had to do it. Life is too precious to waste being sad and unfulfilled all the time.

PP didn't find her way out. She's having an affair to boost her self esteem. That affair will end and she will be back to square one and still in a bad marriage. Cmon now. Haven't we seen this same story a million times? This is real life, not the movies.

I am the pp about which you are talking. You are totally right. I made a terrible mistake. After years of my DH checking out and me not being able to get through to him, I decided that he was over me and my sense of self worth was in the toilet. I was at the lowest point I have ever been. So I had a two week emotional affair and a one night stand with this over person who saw an opportunity. Stupid stupid mistake on my part. DH and I went to our counseling session yesterday and he is desperate to save the marriage. Now I have to tell him what I did. His could all blow up in my face, even though my indiscretion is what have me the courage to face my marital crisis. Once and for all.

Yes I am a scumbag. Yes I made a horrible mistake. Yes I am terrified to tell DH. But I am a big girl, and I have to face up and accept the consequences.

People, don't do what I did. Just don't.

I was on the other side--very similar thing my DH did. 6 months out and I have to tell you I don't know if I can get over the deception. In counseling and I thought I coukd initially--but I get more disgusted the more time goes by and I guess as the initial shock has worn off. Something I never would have expected.

I have always thought cheaters were some of the most despicable people on the planet---and weak, very weak. It completely changes the way I look at somebody who I used to think was the most honest person I'd ever met. I valued his integrity. With this revelation ---I am thrown way off. Now I look with disgust, mistrust, and lots of pent up passive aggressiveness.

Maybe counseling will work. Willing to try--but still just--yuck.

Pp here. I am impressed that you are willing to try. That is very big if you. I am not sure that my DH will be.

Regarding "cheaters" just be aware that we are human as well. Yes, we made terrible decisions that make us weak. But seriously, if I could cheat, which is a huge shock to my system and something I always sowed up and down that I would not do, then anybody is vulnerable. You may not believe it, but I am here to tell you that it is true. Just something to think about as you move forward. Wishing you luck with whatever you decide.

I have never cheated, and don't think I ever would, but I think people are much too hard on cheaters here sometime. It is a bad and unjustifiable thing to do. But decent people sometimes do bad things, and under sufficient strain I think a lot of people might make that bad choice. Many people who have remained faithful to their spouse have never truly been tested, and should temper their judgment to some extent.

Have you been cheated on in a 15-year marriage with children?

Have you contemplated how somebody would choose to go on dates with other women while at the same time spending but 10 min a night with his own kids? Stay out all night instead of attending an important child's event?

Not sure who was being tested in this situation.

Sorry--but the majority of cheaters are selfish and only thinking of their own needs.

I am not sure what scenario I coikd have sympathy for cheating---esp when there was still sex every week in my own situation.

If the pp- is truly remorseful then she does deserve 1 more chance--but needs to offer total transparency. 2nd time - out.

I don't disagree with that, and didn't mean to suggest otherwise. In most cases cheating is indefensible and it often reveals that the cheater is a crappy person.

Newsflash: most cheaters are crappy people. They look for blame everywhere but inside to justify their actions. No need to lie and cheat. Be a man/woman before you stick it in someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW here, add me to the list. Married 10 years, 2 kids under 6. I am terribly lonely, zero emotional connection and a basically sexless marriage (and what sex there is happens at my request and is rote). After many years of trying to talk to DH about this with zero results, I am miserable and my self esteem was in the toilet. I recently started an affair with a man in a similar marriage. The affair has helped me realize that my DH has checked out and that we are just co parents and roommates. I am in the process of initiating a separation. I just can't live like this any longer. An affair is just a bandaid covering a big wound, and is not the answer (even though it helps a huge amount in the self esteem department to be really wanted).

Good for you for finding your way out, no matter how you had to do it. Life is too precious to waste being sad and unfulfilled all the time.

PP didn't find her way out. She's having an affair to boost her self esteem. That affair will end and she will be back to square one and still in a bad marriage. Cmon now. Haven't we seen this same story a million times? This is real life, not the movies.

I am the pp about which you are talking. You are totally right. I made a terrible mistake. After years of my DH checking out and me not being able to get through to him, I decided that he was over me and my sense of self worth was in the toilet. I was at the lowest point I have ever been. So I had a two week emotional affair and a one night stand with this over person who saw an opportunity. Stupid stupid mistake on my part. DH and I went to our counseling session yesterday and he is desperate to save the marriage. Now I have to tell him what I did. His could all blow up in my face, even though my indiscretion is what have me the courage to face my marital crisis. Once and for all.

Yes I am a scumbag. Yes I made a horrible mistake. Yes I am terrified to tell DH. But I am a big girl, and I have to face up and accept the consequences.

People, don't do what I did. Just don't.

I was on the other side--very similar thing my DH did. 6 months out and I have to tell you I don't know if I can get over the deception. In counseling and I thought I coukd initially--but I get more disgusted the more time goes by and I guess as the initial shock has worn off. Something I never would have expected.

I have always thought cheaters were some of the most despicable people on the planet---and weak, very weak. It completely changes the way I look at somebody who I used to think was the most honest person I'd ever met. I valued his integrity. With this revelation ---I am thrown way off. Now I look with disgust, mistrust, and lots of pent up passive aggressiveness.

Maybe counseling will work. Willing to try--but still just--yuck.

Pp here. I am impressed that you are willing to try. That is very big if you. I am not sure that my DH will be.

Regarding "cheaters" just be aware that we are human as well. Yes, we made terrible decisions that make us weak. But seriously, if I could cheat, which is a huge shock to my system and something I always sowed up and down that I would not do, then anybody is vulnerable. You may not believe it, but I am here to tell you that it is true. Just something to think about as you move forward. Wishing you luck with whatever you decide.

Yes you are human. But sorry - that doesn't give you a pass. It means you are weak and cowardly. Cheaters take the easy way out whether it's to put a bandaid on a bad situation, or make themselves feel better, it doesn't matter. I'm human too, and I moved heaven and earth to save my marriage and keep my family together. I had plenty of opportunities to cheat, but I didn't. It probably would've been a nice ego boost, but I would've felt terrible about it. So I stuck with counseling, giving 110%, and then finally leaving. Once I heal and am ready to move forward, then I will date. It's not the easiest path, but it's the most honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW here, add me to the list. Married 10 years, 2 kids under 6. I am terribly lonely, zero emotional connection and a basically sexless marriage (and what sex there is happens at my request and is rote). After many years of trying to talk to DH about this with zero results, I am miserable and my self esteem was in the toilet. I recently started an affair with a man in a similar marriage. The affair has helped me realize that my DH has checked out and that we are just co parents and roommates. I am in the process of initiating a separation. I just can't live like this any longer. An affair is just a bandaid covering a big wound, and is not the answer (even though it helps a huge amount in the self esteem department to be really wanted).

Good for you for finding your way out, no matter how you had to do it. Life is too precious to waste being sad and unfulfilled all the time.

PP didn't find her way out. She's having an affair to boost her self esteem. That affair will end and she will be back to square one and still in a bad marriage. Cmon now. Haven't we seen this same story a million times? This is real life, not the movies.

I am the pp about which you are talking. You are totally right. I made a terrible mistake. After years of my DH checking out and me not being able to get through to him, I decided that he was over me and my sense of self worth was in the toilet. I was at the lowest point I have ever been. So I had a two week emotional affair and a one night stand with this over person who saw an opportunity. Stupid stupid mistake on my part. DH and I went to our counseling session yesterday and he is desperate to save the marriage. Now I have to tell him what I did. His could all blow up in my face, even though my indiscretion is what have me the courage to face my marital crisis. Once and for all.

Yes I am a scumbag. Yes I made a horrible mistake. Yes I am terrified to tell DH. But I am a big girl, and I have to face up and accept the consequences.

People, don't do what I did. Just don't.

I was on the other side--very similar thing my DH did. 6 months out and I have to tell you I don't know if I can get over the deception. In counseling and I thought I coukd initially--but I get more disgusted the more time goes by and I guess as the initial shock has worn off. Something I never would have expected.

I have always thought cheaters were some of the most despicable people on the planet---and weak, very weak. It completely changes the way I look at somebody who I used to think was the most honest person I'd ever met. I valued his integrity. With this revelation ---I am thrown way off. Now I look with disgust, mistrust, and lots of pent up passive aggressiveness.

Maybe counseling will work. Willing to try--but still just--yuck.

Pp here. I am impressed that you are willing to try. That is very big if you. I am not sure that my DH will be.

Regarding "cheaters" just be aware that we are human as well. Yes, we made terrible decisions that make us weak. But seriously, if I could cheat, which is a huge shock to my system and something I always sowed up and down that I would not do, then anybody is vulnerable. You may not believe it, but I am here to tell you that it is true. Just something to think about as you move forward. Wishing you luck with whatever you decide.

Yes you are human. But sorry - that doesn't give you a pass. It means you are weak and cowardly. Cheaters take the easy way out whether it's to put a bandaid on a bad situation, or make themselves feel better, it doesn't matter. I'm human too, and I moved heaven and earth to save my marriage and keep my family together. I had plenty of opportunities to cheat, but I didn't. It probably would've been a nice ego boost, but I would've felt terrible about it. So I stuck with counseling, giving 110%, and then finally leaving. Once I heal and am ready to move forward, then I will date. It's not the easiest path, but it's the most honest.

Pp here. Yes you took the honest path and you deserve to be commended. Yes I took the wrong path and deserve to be vilified. Not sure what else you would like me to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW here, add me to the list. Married 10 years, 2 kids under 6. I am terribly lonely, zero emotional connection and a basically sexless marriage (and what sex there is happens at my request and is rote). After many years of trying to talk to DH about this with zero results, I am miserable and my self esteem was in the toilet. I recently started an affair with a man in a similar marriage. The affair has helped me realize that my DH has checked out and that we are just co parents and roommates. I am in the process of initiating a separation. I just can't live like this any longer. An affair is just a bandaid covering a big wound, and is not the answer (even though it helps a huge amount in the self esteem department to be really wanted).

Good for you for finding your way out, no matter how you had to do it. Life is too precious to waste being sad and unfulfilled all the time.

PP didn't find her way out. She's having an affair to boost her self esteem. That affair will end and she will be back to square one and still in a bad marriage. Cmon now. Haven't we seen this same story a million times? This is real life, not the movies.

I am the pp about which you are talking. You are totally right. I made a terrible mistake. After years of my DH checking out and me not being able to get through to him, I decided that he was over me and my sense of self worth was in the toilet. I was at the lowest point I have ever been. So I had a two week emotional affair and a one night stand with this over person who saw an opportunity. Stupid stupid mistake on my part. DH and I went to our counseling session yesterday and he is desperate to save the marriage. Now I have to tell him what I did. His could all blow up in my face, even though my indiscretion is what have me the courage to face my marital crisis. Once and for all.

Yes I am a scumbag. Yes I made a horrible mistake. Yes I am terrified to tell DH. But I am a big girl, and I have to face up and accept the consequences.

People, don't do what I did. Just don't.

I was on the other side--very similar thing my DH did. 6 months out and I have to tell you I don't know if I can get over the deception. In counseling and I thought I coukd initially--but I get more disgusted the more time goes by and I guess as the initial shock has worn off. Something I never would have expected.

I have always thought cheaters were some of the most despicable people on the planet---and weak, very weak. It completely changes the way I look at somebody who I used to think was the most honest person I'd ever met. I valued his integrity. With this revelation ---I am thrown way off. Now I look with disgust, mistrust, and lots of pent up passive aggressiveness.

Maybe counseling will work. Willing to try--but still just--yuck.

Pp here. I am impressed that you are willing to try. That is very big if you. I am not sure that my DH will be.

Regarding "cheaters" just be aware that we are human as well. Yes, we made terrible decisions that make us weak. But seriously, if I could cheat, which is a huge shock to my system and something I always sowed up and down that I would not do, then anybody is vulnerable. You may not believe it, but I am here to tell you that it is true. Just something to think about as you move forward. Wishing you luck with whatever you decide.

Yes you are human. But sorry - that doesn't give you a pass. It means you are weak and cowardly. Cheaters take the easy way out whether it's to put a bandaid on a bad situation, or make themselves feel better, it doesn't matter. I'm human too, and I moved heaven and earth to save my marriage and keep my family together. I had plenty of opportunities to cheat, but I didn't. It probably would've been a nice ego boost, but I would've felt terrible about it. So I stuck with counseling, giving 110%, and then finally leaving. Once I heal and am ready to move forward, then I will date. It's not the easiest path, but it's the most honest.

Pp here. Yes you took the honest path and you deserve to be commended. Yes I took the wrong path and deserve to be vilified. Not sure what else you would like me to say.

Pp again. Where did I ask for a pass? Am I hoping that DH gives me one and gives me a second chance? Absolutely. But he may not and I will have to live with the consequences.

[Anonymous]

I was addressing the "we are human" poster. We are all human, and we all make mistakes. But cheating isn't an accident, it take a certain amount of premeditation and planning, and then of course there is the short shrift you are giving your spouse and children during your affair. And the deception. I am not better than you, I just made different choices. Choices that were HARD. I'm still paying for them now by being a single parent (sole custody - and ex dodges child support like an acrobat), taking a huge hit financially, and maybe never having another partner. But I don't feel badly about my decisions, and I can look my kids in the eye and tell them I did everything I could. So I'm not vilifying you, I just don't buy the "I'm human, so sue me" approach. That in essence, is asking for a pass, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW here, add me to the list. Married 10 years, 2 kids under 6. I am terribly lonely, zero emotional connection and a basically sexless marriage (and what sex there is happens at my request and is rote). After many years of trying to talk to DH about this with zero results, I am miserable and my self esteem was in the toilet. I recently started an affair with a man in a similar marriage. The affair has helped me realize that my DH has checked out and that we are just co parents and roommates. I am in the process of initiating a separation. I just can't live like this any longer. An affair is just a bandaid covering a big wound, and is not the answer (even though it helps a huge amount in the self esteem department to be really wanted).

Good for you for finding your way out, no matter how you had to do it. Life is too precious to waste being sad and unfulfilled all the time.

PP didn't find her way out. She's having an affair to boost her self esteem. That affair will end and she will be back to square one and still in a bad marriage. Cmon now. Haven't we seen this same story a million times? This is real life, not the movies.

I am the pp about which you are talking. You are totally right. I made a terrible mistake. After years of my DH checking out and me not being able to get through to him, I decided that he was over me and my sense of self worth was in the toilet. I was at the lowest point I have ever been. So I had a two week emotional affair and a one night stand with this over person who saw an opportunity. Stupid stupid mistake on my part. DH and I went to our counseling session yesterday and he is desperate to save the marriage. Now I have to tell him what I did. His could all blow up in my face, even though my indiscretion is what have me the courage to face my marital crisis. Once and for all.

Yes I am a scumbag. Yes I made a horrible mistake. Yes I am terrified to tell DH. But I am a big girl, and I have to face up and accept the consequences.

People, don't do what I did. Just don't.

I was on the other side--very similar thing my DH did. 6 months out and I have to tell you I don't know if I can get over the deception. In counseling and I thought I coukd initially--but I get more disgusted the more time goes by and I guess as the initial shock has worn off. Something I never would have expected.

I have always thought cheaters were some of the most despicable people on the planet---and weak, very weak. It completely changes the way I look at somebody who I used to think was the most honest person I'd ever met. I valued his integrity. With this revelation ---I am thrown way off. Now I look with disgust, mistrust, and lots of pent up passive aggressiveness.

Maybe counseling will work. Willing to try--but still just--yuck.

Pp here. I am impressed that you are willing to try. That is very big if you. I am not sure that my DH will be.

Regarding "cheaters" just be aware that we are human as well. Yes, we made terrible decisions that make us weak. But seriously, if I could cheat, which is a huge shock to my system and something I always sowed up and down that I would not do, then anybody is vulnerable. You may not believe it, but I am here to tell you that it is true. Just something to think about as you move forward. Wishing you luck with whatever you decide.

Yes you are human. But sorry - that doesn't give you a pass. It means you are weak and cowardly. Cheaters take the easy way out whether it's to put a bandaid on a bad situation, or make themselves feel better, it doesn't matter. I'm human too, and I moved heaven and earth to save my marriage and keep my family together. I had plenty of opportunities to cheat, but I didn't. It probably would've been a nice ego boost, but I would've felt terrible about it. So I stuck with counseling, giving 110%, and then finally leaving. Once I heal and am ready to move forward, then I will date. It's not the easiest path, but it's the most honest.

Pp here. Yes you took the honest path and you deserve to be commended. Yes I took the wrong path and deserve to be vilified. Not sure what else you would like me to say.

Pp again. Where did I ask for a pass? Am I hoping that DH gives me one and gives me a second chance? Absolutely. But he may not and I will have to live with the consequences.

Pp- you sound remorseful. For a lot if us that have been in your DH's shoes-- we have lots of anger, emotion, etc that gets hurled about here.

I would say going forward--it will be a long road for your spouse if he's like me. I am still questioning everything, looking over my shoulder, etc. it sometimes surprises me that it rises up out of nowhere and I just get downright pissed, paranoid and disgusted rolled into one. I've been told if u get through it - it will lessen and get better eventually.

Right now- I feel like he had a weight lifted off his chest by confessing, therapist praised his honesty repeatedly--and I'm left going 'wtf?, seriously'. Let's praise his honesty???

[Anonymous]

well he feels better. Which leads to the question of where do you fall in his list of priorities?

[Anonymous]

Wow.

Well stated and I tend to agree with you. Married 40 something woman in sexless (2- years now) 11 year marriage and two children.

Anonymous wrote:....and I will contribute what I have always contributed to posts like these.

In my view, marriage (specifically the Anglo-American approach we practice) was never designed to sustain love and attraction between two people. Despite all the religious, traditional, and ethical noise that we all grew up with, the philosophical basis of marriage is for family life. In other words, European society needed a way of protecting property rights and estates for new persons coming in (babies), and those going out (through death), so marriage was just an institution designed to structure our lives legally, especially since the separation of Church and State centuries ago. If you think about it, why do we need to establish a legal contract around who we fall in love with and how we need to express ourselves romantically and sexually? As humans we logically do not, but at the same time, if we didn't have a way of structuring this, then social life would be one muddled mess, not to mention the confusion in the legal system. So the fact that you are emotionally lonely and 'checking out' to my mind is human nature.

Knowing what I know, I suppose I am never going to understand why people are in such a rush to fall in love (on the basis of physical features) and sign a marital contract as a way of justifying to the world how they feel about the person. Today we mistakenly use marriage as a way of affirming love for another person, without understanding WHY we practice WHAT we practice. For me, marriage and parenting may or may not go hand-in-hand (and has to be an individual decision), but either way, neither necessarily guarantees the illusion of 'happily ever after' happiness, which we have been socialized into thinking really exists.

Yeah, I am the same early 30s single guy (for those who think it actually matters)...........

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow.

Well stated and I tend to agree with you. Married 40 something woman in sexless (2- years now) 11 year marriage and two children.

Anonymous wrote:....and I will contribute what I have always contributed to posts like these.

In my view, marriage (specifically the Anglo-American approach we practice) was never designed to sustain love and attraction between two people. Despite all the religious, traditional, and ethical noise that we all grew up with, the philosophical basis of marriage is for family life. In other words, European society needed a way of protecting property rights and estates for new persons coming in (babies), and those going out (through death), so marriage was just an institution designed to structure our lives legally, especially since the separation of Church and State centuries ago. If you think about it, why do we need to establish a legal contract around who we fall in love with and how we need to express ourselves romantically and sexually? As humans we logically do not, but at the same time, if we didn't have a way of structuring this, then social life would be one muddled mess, not to mention the confusion in the legal system. So the fact that you are emotionally lonely and 'checking out' to my mind is human nature.

Knowing what I know, I suppose I am never going to understand why people are in such a rush to fall in love (on the basis of physical features) and sign a marital contract as a way of justifying to the world how they feel about the person. Today we mistakenly use marriage as a way of affirming love for another person, without understanding WHY we practice WHAT we practice. For me, marriage and parenting may or may not go hand-in-hand (and has to be an individual decision), but either way, neither necessarily guarantees the illusion of 'happily ever after' happiness, which we have been socialized into thinking really exists.

Yeah, I am the same early 30s single guy (for those who think it actually matters)...........

I'm sorry but not having sex with your wife for 2 years is not the same as this example.

[Anonymous]

Guess I am not alone. Been married for a few years, have a 2 year old daughter. She's always lazy, she only takes care of the daughter after daycare, that's it. I cook and do most of the cleaning. She always seen unhappy even I try to treat her nice. If wasn't the kid, I would have divorced that bitch a long time ago. It's too much child support to pay! Biggest mistake ever made in life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guess I am not alone. Been married for a few years, have a 2 year old daughter. She's always lazy, she only takes care of the daughter after daycare, that's it. I cook and do most of the cleaning. She always seen unhappy even I try to treat her nice. If wasn't the kid, I would have divorced that bitch a long time ago. It's too much child support to pay! Biggest mistake ever made in life!

No worries. I'm sure your daughter will fare much better in a home where you and your wife feel this way towards each other than if you guys were to divorce /sarcasm

She's two, she won't care- save yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guess I am not alone. Been married for a few years, have a 2 year old daughter. She's always lazy, she only takes care of the daughter after daycare, that's it. I cook and do most of the cleaning. She always seen unhappy even I try to treat her nice. If wasn't the kid, I would have divorced that bitch a long time ago. It's too much child support to pay! Biggest mistake ever made in life!

No worries. I'm sure your daughter will fare much better in a home where you and your wife feel this way towards each other than if you guys were to divorce /sarcasm

She's two, she won't care- save yourself!

Is this how you want to model a relationship/husband? You are already paying child support by supporting your wife and child. Get a divorce and then be a good dad on your 50% time. Better than hanging around and openly resenting your wife, and by extension, your child. Would you want your daughter in this marriage? Because I guarantee you that's where she will end up if you stay together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate my husband when we both drink and I get super depressed. It must be because alcohol is a depressant. I feel like he's a drunk fool when he drinks. He lewdly checks out women, say inappropriate things and won't stay off of me. I dread having to babysit him when we get home and watching him stumble around. I also hate how he can't have sex after he has been drinking. It plain stinks!!

I have also discovered how sexist he is. His only comments about women are something sexual, such as her hooking up or how she is DTF. When speaking with his male friends, they typically talk about women in this fashion. His friends are unattractive losers. He does have one friend who is a nice guy. My husband also tends to think his friends are cheating on their SOs. He often makes fun of women on TV and seems to judge women much more than he judges men.

Our sex life is also rather lame. I wish I had been able to marry someone who is kinder towards others and enjoys the company of women, besides just for sex. I feel like he doesn't respect women at all. It makes me incredibly lonesome.

WHY are you staying? You do realize that this behavior will only increase in intensity in time? Do you have kids? Is this the kind of role model you want for them? Would you want your daughter married to someone like him?

Because I am never going to find a perfect spouse. He has a lot of great qualities.

Of course you're not gonna find a perfect spouse. But whatever great qualities he has pale in comparison to what you just described. I used to be married to a man like that and I stayed with him because I convinced myself that he had other "great qualities." I wasted seven years with him, and brought two children into a marriage that should never have happened. I left him and eventually remarried. Is my second husband perfect? Of course not! But does he respect me? Does he respect women? Does he love my children as his own? Hell yeah.

You can find an imperfect man who's respectful and loving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate my husband when we both drink and I get super depressed. It must be because alcohol is a depressant. I feel like he's a drunk fool when he drinks. He lewdly checks out women, say inappropriate things and won't stay off of me. I dread having to babysit him when we get home and watching him stumble around. I also hate how he can't have sex after he has been drinking. It plain stinks!!

I have also discovered how sexist he is. His only comments about women are something sexual, such as her hooking up or how she is DTF. When speaking with his male friends, they typically talk about women in this fashion. His friends are unattractive losers. He does have one friend who is a nice guy. My husband also tends to think his friends are cheating on their SOs. He often makes fun of women on TV and seems to judge women much more than he judges men.

Our sex life is also rather lame. I wish I had been able to marry someone who is kinder towards others and enjoys the company of women, besides just for sex. I feel like he doesn't respect women at all. It makes me incredibly lonesome.

WHY are you staying? You do realize that this behavior will only increase in intensity in time? Do you have kids? Is this the kind of role model you want for them? Would you want your daughter married to someone like him?

Because I am never going to find a perfect spouse. He has a lot of great qualities.

Of course you're not gonna find a perfect spouse. But whatever great qualities he has pale in comparison to what you just described. I used to be married to a man like that and I stayed with him because I convinced myself that he had other "great qualities." I wasted seven years with him, and brought two children into a marriage that should never have happened. I left him and eventually remarried. Is my second husband perfect? Of course not! But does he respect me? Does he respect women? Does he love my children as his own? Hell yeah.

You can find an imperfect man who's respectful and loving.

My wife is a piece of shit. For instance I simply asked what time she will be home tonight, so I can prepare for dinner to which she replied with an attitude. I mean come on, I am not asking you to come home and cook, I have a full time job too! She doesn't even clean except takes care of the child.