women who attended elite schools...

[Anonymous]

As has been pointed out, it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't issue.

At my age, where I went to college doesn't come up that often. But if it does, what I say depends on the context and who I'm talking to. If it seems to me I'm likely to get a bad reaction based on the tone of the conversation and who I'm talking to, I'll do the "school in Boston" thing.

And, yeah, whatever the reality of the situation in terms of which schools are better at what, Harvard and MIT are more recognizable to more people and evoke more reactions than other elite schools.

[Anonymous]

Here is my stereotypes for the "Elite" schools:

MIT: Smart...Nerd...Someone I would like
Harvard: Smart...Preppy
Yale: Family Connections
Princeton: Smart, Well Rounded
Cornell: Could not get into HYP or MIT
RPI: MIT wannabe
Caltech: So smart, it is wonderful...but mostly a grad school
Stanford: Not as smart as they think they are
Virginia Tech (or other state Universities): Smart, but middle class. If they graduated, they are good. Survivor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to law school at Harvard as a single young woman and didn't marry until about 6 years after graduating (so I have some dating experience with respect to your point).

OP, there's no way to say it without, as a PP said, it being a conversation de-railer or creating some other downside. When many people hear "Harvard" they go to that stereotype of "Hahr-vahrd" and make assumptions about the person. This can work for or against you, depending on a few factors.

In school, it was referred to "dropping the H-bomb." It had a dual effect: In general, if you were a guy, it caused women to go starry-eyed. If you were a woman, it caused men to go running.

It's as if people people stop seeing you as an individual and just put you in a stereotypical box (smart, bragging, perhaps spoon-fed as well). Men and women--girl friends, too. I think this may be more of a Harvard thing than a Yale or Colombia thing, because of the way the media portrays Harvard. It's also a bigger deal on the west coast because Harvard grads aren't a dime-a-dozen like in Boston, or to some extent, DC.

Hopefully things have changed since I graduated. I like Mr. Scientist's comments above, but I can tell you, you are (or were) few and far between.

What she said. Also a woman, also went to Harvard undergrad, also have gotten really strong reactions (often negative). With Harvard, in particular, it's less of a "you must be smart" and more of a "you must be rich."

I guess I'm surprised. I think men are more focused on what you look like and if you're good company. Maybe it is because I grew up in a highly educated part of the country but I just don't think anyone cares. I think graduates of these schools care because they kind of drill it into you at school about how great your school is and how smart you are. It reminds me of what I used to hear at my private grade school. I switched to public school and later on would be amazed as to how special my private school friends thought they were. They still talk about private school at the age of 35. No one cares and no, men are not intimidated by you or think you're rich because you went to a private high school they have never even heard of. Really you're single at 35 because you're unattractive and kind of a bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to law school at Harvard as a single young woman and didn't marry until about 6 years after graduating (so I have some dating experience with respect to your point).

OP, there's no way to say it without, as a PP said, it being a conversation de-railer or creating some other downside. When many people hear "Harvard" they go to that stereotype of "Hahr-vahrd" and make assumptions about the person. This can work for or against you, depending on a few factors.

In school, it was referred to "dropping the H-bomb." It had a dual effect: In general, if you were a guy, it caused women to go starry-eyed. If you were a woman, it caused men to go running.

It's as if people people stop seeing you as an individual and just put you in a stereotypical box (smart, bragging, perhaps spoon-fed as well). Men and women--girl friends, too. I think this may be more of a Harvard thing than a Yale or Colombia thing, because of the way the media portrays Harvard. It's also a bigger deal on the west coast because Harvard grads aren't a dime-a-dozen like in Boston, or to some extent, DC.

Hopefully things have changed since I graduated. I like Mr. Scientist's comments above, but I can tell you, you are (or were) few and far between.

What she said. Also a woman, also went to Harvard undergrad, also have gotten really strong reactions (often negative). With Harvard, in particular, it's less of a "you must be smart" and more of a "you must be rich."

I guess I'm surprised. I think men are more focused on what you look like and if you're good company. Maybe it is because I grew up in a highly educated part of the country but I just don't think anyone cares. I think graduates of these schools care because they kind of drill it into you at school about how great your school is and how smart you are. It reminds me of what I used to hear at my private grade school. I switched to public school and later on would be amazed as to how special my private school friends thought they were. They still talk about private school at the age of 35. No one cares and no, men are not intimidated by you or think you're rich because you went to a private high school they have never even heard of. Really you're single at 35 because you're unattractive and kind of a bitch.

I'm not talking just about men & dating. I've had professional colleagues who just can't get over it -- they find a reason to mention it Every Time they're talking with me. There was a woman (part of a larger group of friends) who never cared for me to begin with but REALLY hated that I went to Harvard. (She either never went to college or dropped out, which didn't matter to me, but I think she was sensitive about it.

The negative reactions are by no means universal -- it's probably one in 50 or fewer? -- so I don't think it's me; I think it's other people's preconceptions. But it's still happened enough to make me wary of mentioning it when it's not really relevant.

[Anonymous]

And this is in DC pp, really? I would think someone who tried to conceal going to Harvard was pretentious in the extreme to assume that anyone cared around here. Rhodes Scholar or supreme court clerk, maybe. But Harvard is a dime a dozen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to MIT and agree with the Oxford grad.

+1

People get a chip on their shoulder, when they realize you are smarter than them.

Certain schools like to ANNOUNCE where they went to school, given the chance. Better schools do not. Unless you are one of them, there is no explaining the situation, as we live it. While it is not a bad problem to have, it is handled in a certain manner, depending on the school. Some alum don't have to toot their own horn. I will leave it at that.

Omg you sound insufferable. We really do not care that you went to Yale, muffy.

[Anonymous]

A neighbor recently told us he went to school in Cambridge, MA. We googled him and it turned out that he went to Leslie University.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because they are sensitive to seeming like braggarts. It's not you per se, it's learned behavior.

Exactly. Not everyone went to an elite college or went to college at all. So I'm usually careful about mentioning my alma mater by name. Trying to be considerate to the other party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because they are sensitive to seeming like braggarts. It's not you per se, it's learned behavior.

Exactly. Not everyone went to an elite college or went to college at all. So I'm usually careful about mentioning my alma mater by name. Trying to be considerate to the other party.

Pp here. I wrote that before I read through this thread. I forgot that the OP raised this in the context of dating. I was answering in the context of everyday life. And yes there are people who would be intimidated by where I went to school and I'd prefer not to intimidate them. But if I were dating, I think my alma mater would come out eventually. After all, getting to know another person means sharing details like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because they are sensitive to seeming like braggarts. It's not you per se, it's learned behavior.

Exactly. Not everyone went to an elite college or went to college at all. So I'm usually careful about mentioning my alma mater by name. Trying to be considerate to the other party.

Pp here. I wrote that before I read through this thread. I forgot that the OP raised this in the context of dating. I was answering in the context of everyday life. And yes there are people who would be intimidated by where I went to school and I'd prefer not to intimidate them. But if I were dating, I think my alma mater would come out eventually. After all, getting to know another person means sharing details like that.

If a guy is intimidated by your school, it's better to get it out there and let him get gone. He isn't going to be less intimidated in a few weeks, and you really don't want to date a guy like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to MIT and agree with the Oxford grad.

+1

People get a chip on their shoulder, when they realize you are smarter than them.

Certain schools like to ANNOUNCE where they went to school, given the chance. Better schools do not. Unless you are one of them, there is no explaining the situation, as we live it. While it is not a bad problem to have, it is handled in a certain manner, depending on the school. Some alum don't have to toot their own horn. I will leave it at that.

+1

There are certain grads who only hang out with each other, it's easier that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is my stereotypes for the "Elite" schools:

MIT: Smart...Nerd...Someone I would like
Harvard: Smart...Preppy
Yale: Family Connections
Princeton: Smart, Well Rounded
Cornell: Could not get into HYP or MIT
RPI: MIT wannabe
Caltech: So smart, it is wonderful...but mostly a grad school
Stanford: Not as smart as they think they are
Virginia Tech (or other state Universities): Smart, but middle class. If they graduated, they are good. Survivor.

Not quite, almost.

[Anonymous]

OP, how old are you and how old are your dates? I'm 40 and I could give two shits where someone went to school. I also never run across people who bring that up although I know many people who have attended these schools. Over the years these things eventually come up but not inmediately upon meeting someone. I don't think it is that important for mature types with established careers and full lives. Are you dating recent grads?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to MIT and agree with the Oxford grad.

+1

People get a chip on their shoulder, when they realize you are smarter than them.

Certain schools like to ANNOUNCE where they went to school, given the chance. Better schools do not. Unless you are one of them, there is no explaining the situation, as we live it. While it is not a bad problem to have, it is handled in a certain manner, depending on the school. Some alum don't have to toot their own horn. I will leave it at that.

Omg you sound insufferable. We really do not care that you went to Yale, muffy.

See what I mean?

[Anonymous]

Male view - I attended a state u honors program at a school with almost no Greek life. I believe most of the women above are missing the point. Attending an elite college years ago was very much a sign of relative wealth / socio-economic status, on addition to academic ability. For people who attended state colleges, had working class families, etc., there was a cultural gap. Harvard and any top 25 private college were more alike than different to the State u kids. I always wanted to date smart women, but found it often harder to relate to undergraduates of such schools because of wealth and relative privilege in their backgrounds, and when I was in law school the undergrads from elite schools gravitated toward one another and most showed little interest in me. Of course, many years later
none of this seems to matter, but in my 20s it was palpable. And I don't necessarily view it as snobbishness now and certainly not academic elitism among those young women -- although perhaps back then there was some element of that at play - but mostlynjust socio-economic comfort.