women who attended elite schools...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to MIT and agree with the Oxford grad.

+1

People get a chip on their shoulder, when they realize you are smarter than them.

Certain schools like to ANNOUNCE where they went to school, given the chance. Better schools do not. Unless you are one of them, there is no explaining the situation, as we live it. While it is not a bad problem to have, it is handled in a certain manner, depending on the school. Some alum don't have to toot their own horn. I will leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

I went to Harvard for grad school and I do get a weird or negative or teasing reaction sometimes. Not from everybody, but some of the time. I've said that I went to grad school in Boston to avoid the reaction on occasion.

[Anonymous]

It's been awhile since I've dated but I can't think of why I would be talking about an article by a well known professor on a date. Anyway, I tend not to talk about work or where I went to school in social settings unless asked. To have a conversation there has to be a give and take and I assume mentioning geography allows the other person to comment on seeing the state or not seeing the state, going to school close to home or not, big city experiences or small town. The school name shouldn't really be a critical part of the conversation where you are building common ground IMO unless the school name is part of the story like going to a college reunion or you are talking about sports where it is socially acceptable for the other person to comment how poorly your team did in a recent sporting event or have some sort of opinion on the matter.

[Anonymous]

I would be more impressed by a number-one ranked school or college for the degree program, rather than whether or not you have an undergrad degree from an elite school.

Number one ranked Iowa Writers Workshop is in Iowa, first and best creative writing program in the country, home to Pulitzers. And guess what? It is in fly over country.

[Anonymous]

I think it's pretty ludicrous to do this in DC, NYC, or really any other big city. I went to an Ivy law school and have no problem saying it - but then again, I never really got invested in the concept of it being an Ivy or top 5 or whatever. And also, I think it's perfectly acceptable to brag anyway about this, so I don't really care what people think.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in rural Florida. When the fact you go to an Ivy college comes up in conversation (this was relevant when I was in school and home for summers, not as much as adult obviously), it would be a conversation stopper. "Oh, you must be smart." Sometimes sarcastic, sometimes not, but definitely derails and this is why all elite schools have been trained to refer to "town or the state"

[Anonymous]

Oxford a conversation stopper? Teehee. Do you say "ya" all the time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's just a habit, if they're doing it after they know you know where they went. Don't over-think this.

I do it myself sometimes, because people sometimes say really obnoxious conversation-stopping type things if I say the name of my school. Really there is no solution-- some people hate to hear "in Boston", others will be nasty if you say "Harvard". And you will be accused of "being weird" no matter which you choose. But I find that overall, I get a better reaction from "in Boston". I really am amazed at the nasty things people occasionally say if they hear the name of a fancy school.

BULL F'ing SHIT. I went to Princeton undergrad and Yale law. If people ask where I went to school, I tell them. I don't place a huge amount of significance on it so nobody ever reacts weirdly. If you're getting that much negative feedback, I can promise you that it's you, not your school. I'm guessing people find you annoying and want to take you down a peg, and they would probably say the same about any school you cited.

You sound like a really nice person. Are you, by any chance, a man? Perhaps you haven't noticed, but people sometimes treat well-educated men differently than well-educated women.

This is is f***king idiotic. I'm a woman who went to Columbia undergrad and I can tell you that the only people who are weirded out by my degree are people who already showed their inherent insecurities before they found out where I went to college. Tons of my friends, and my dates, have not batted an eye. In fact I usually get this response:

Me: (say I went to Columbia in course of conversation about funny college tales)
Date (who might have gone to a state university): Oh, what year were you? What major?
Me: [year] [major]
Date: Do you know X? I think he was in your year, definitely your major. He's a close friend of mine from high school.

That is how a normal conversation with a normal person goes when you bring up your elite college degree, regardless of whether you are a man or a woman. If you're not getting these reactions, then you are either an arrogant asshole and everyone can smell it, or you surround yourself with insecure people.

This is how the conversation goes with MIT:

Me: I was in Boston for college.
Him: Where did you do?
Me: MIT
Him: OH wow. That's really impressive. You must be _______ (smartest person in the room, genius, etc)
Me: haha

I then try to change the subject. Those kind of statements come from all kinds of men that also have impressive backgrounds. When it gets more awkward is when they brag to all their friends about my education in front of me. One guy even dumped me saying I was too smart for him. That one hurt.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the situation.

I spent a lot of time in the Midwest, and if I didn't know someone I would avoid saying HYP and just said back east. They were usually trying to steer the conversation to football so it didn't matter anyway. In NYC or DC this isn't an issue.

I always answer truthfully about grad school. If someone knows to ask, they are usually comfortable with the truth.

I never beat around the bush with dates. If they are going to have a problem with it, better to know immediately.

This thread reminds me of the YouTube video made by the Princeton undergrad about a date with an annoying Wharton MBA grad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be more impressed by a number-one ranked school or college for the degree program, rather than whether or not you have an undergrad degree from an elite school.

Number one ranked Iowa Writers Workshop is in Iowa, first and best creative writing program in the country, home to Pulitzers. And guess what? It is in fly over country.

Never heard of it. Have heard of MIT though.

[Anonymous]

You want a conversation stopper..."what do you do?" and reply "computational physicist"....not only do you stop conversation, you create a sex repulsive force that gets a 2 m circle of emptiness around you.

[Anonymous]

I went to law school at Harvard as a single young woman and didn't marry until about 6 years after graduating (so I have some dating experience with respect to your point).

OP, there's no way to say it without, as a PP said, it being a conversation de-railer or creating some other downside. When many people hear "Harvard" they go to that stereotype of "Hahr-vahrd" and make assumptions about the person. This can work for or against you, depending on a few factors.

In school, it was referred to "dropping the H-bomb." It had a dual effect: In general, if you were a guy, it caused women to go starry-eyed. If you were a woman, it caused men to go running.

It's as if people people stop seeing you as an individual and just put you in a stereotypical box (smart, bragging, perhaps spoon-fed as well). Men and women--girl friends, too. I think this may be more of a Harvard thing than a Yale or Colombia thing, because of the way the media portrays Harvard. It's also a bigger deal on the west coast because Harvard grads aren't a dime-a-dozen like in Boston, or to some extent, DC.

Hopefully things have changed since I graduated. I like Mr. Scientist's comments above, but I can tell you, you are (or were) few and far between.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You want a conversation stopper..."what do you do?" and reply "computational physicist"....not only do you stop conversation, you create a sex repulsive force that gets a 2 m circle of emptiness around you.

"God must be a CFD expert, for him to bless you with those curves"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to law school at Harvard as a single young woman and didn't marry until about 6 years after graduating (so I have some dating experience with respect to your point).

OP, there's no way to say it without, as a PP said, it being a conversation de-railer or creating some other downside. When many people hear "Harvard" they go to that stereotype of "Hahr-vahrd" and make assumptions about the person. This can work for or against you, depending on a few factors.

In school, it was referred to "dropping the H-bomb." It had a dual effect: In general, if you were a guy, it caused women to go starry-eyed. If you were a woman, it caused men to go running.

It's as if people people stop seeing you as an individual and just put you in a stereotypical box (smart, bragging, perhaps spoon-fed as well). Men and women--girl friends, too. I think this may be more of a Harvard thing than a Yale or Colombia thing, because of the way the media portrays Harvard. It's also a bigger deal on the west coast because Harvard grads aren't a dime-a-dozen like in Boston, or to some extent, DC.

Hopefully things have changed since I graduated. I like Mr. Scientist's comments above, but I can tell you, you are (or were) few and far between.

I am the PP scientist. I think the thing is we are more common than you think, but we probably move in different circles. I want to be with someone who is my intellectual equal (or superior). I want to be able to talk about more than the superficial crap -- I do not care about the Kardashians, about the Grammys or about the Oscars...

I do care about things like global warming (from a scientific perspective), about global politics, about equality, and about justice. I want to be able to talk to smart educated people. Frankly, that turns me on. So does humor. I am always joking. I do not take myself seriously (but take my work/science very seriously). I do not want to intellectually dominate my partner. That is kind of boring.

Someone who succeeded in a school like Harvard or better yet MIT (technical) should be able to have intelligent conversion, and hold her own.

Also, in my field, salaries cap out at about 140 - 150K. If you can earn more, great!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to law school at Harvard as a single young woman and didn't marry until about 6 years after graduating (so I have some dating experience with respect to your point).

OP, there's no way to say it without, as a PP said, it being a conversation de-railer or creating some other downside. When many people hear "Harvard" they go to that stereotype of "Hahr-vahrd" and make assumptions about the person. This can work for or against you, depending on a few factors.

In school, it was referred to "dropping the H-bomb." It had a dual effect: In general, if you were a guy, it caused women to go starry-eyed. If you were a woman, it caused men to go running.

It's as if people people stop seeing you as an individual and just put you in a stereotypical box (smart, bragging, perhaps spoon-fed as well). Men and women--girl friends, too. I think this may be more of a Harvard thing than a Yale or Colombia thing, because of the way the media portrays Harvard. It's also a bigger deal on the west coast because Harvard grads aren't a dime-a-dozen like in Boston, or to some extent, DC.

Hopefully things have changed since I graduated. I like Mr. Scientist's comments above, but I can tell you, you are (or were) few and far between.

What she said. Also a woman, also went to Harvard undergrad, also have gotten really strong reactions (often negative). With Harvard, in particular, it's less of a "you must be smart" and more of a "you must be rich."