women who attended elite schools...

[Anonymous]

Do all of you always do the 'i went to school in *insert geography here*' instead of just saying where you went when it comes up in normal convo on a date? I am one to never ask where a woman went to college unless she brings it up in relation to something she wants to share but in the last month i've gone out with alums of HYP, Brown, and Dartmouth and all of them say 'i went to school in boston (or ct, nj, etc)' - even when they know i know where they went to school because they'll be telling a story and then they'll say something like "oh i saw in my alum mag this article from this prof i had in school..." (and it is a well known professor so i can put 2+2 together).

Also on our dates, it becomes obvious that i'm at said woman's intellectual level so it isn't an issue of 'overawing' me. So why be weird over where you went?

if you do this - please stop. It makes you look silly and foolish.

[Anonymous]

I went to Oxford. It's kind of a conversation stopper. Best just to avoid the subject altogether.

[Anonymous]

Because they are sensitive to seeming like braggarts. It's not you per se, it's learned behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to Oxford. It's kind of a conversation stopper. Best just to avoid the subject altogether.

Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because they are sensitive to seeming like braggarts. It's not you per se, it's learned behavior.

in this town though there are no shortages of overeducated types so it makes them seem like they don't know how to socially adjust for a given surrounding.

I can MAYBE understand it if they were in areas where if you shook a tree HYP grads didn't come tumbling out.

[Anonymous]

It's just a habit, if they're doing it after they know you know where they went. Don't over-think this.

I do it myself sometimes, because people sometimes say really obnoxious conversation-stopping type things if I say the name of my school. Really there is no solution-- some people hate to hear "in Boston", others will be nasty if you say "Harvard". And you will be accused of "being weird" no matter which you choose. But I find that overall, I get a better reaction from "in Boston". I really am amazed at the nasty things people occasionally say if they hear the name of a fancy school.

[Anonymous]

I went to MIT and agree with the Oxford grad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to Oxford. It's kind of a conversation stopper. Best just to avoid the subject altogether.

Actually, YOU are a conversation stopper. I went to Harvard and have no problem telling people if they ask. The conversation usually just goes on from there....because I'm not a smug asshole.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it's to avoid being perceived as a nerd.

[Anonymous]

I don't know. It turns me on when I found out the woman went to a elite school, depending on the school. MIT -- I love you.

-- A male scientist here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to Oxford. It's kind of a conversation stopper. Best just to avoid the subject altogether.

the fact that you think that makes you come off as way more douchey than just saying where you went.

me and you are on a coffee date - You say "i read xyz at oxford." I would respond "oh interesting, what college?" and "did you win the Boat Race more often than not during your time there?"

then go on to other things. it isn't a convo stopper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to MIT and agree with the Oxford grad.

I posted "why" and now I see you have agreed with Oxford. I think this says something about who you socialize with. They sound starstruck by excellent schools. I am not diminishing MIT or Oxford but it doesn't leave me speechless. Lots of smart people go to those schools that end up very ordinary or less than that (aka Oxford was their peak). So, the schools are a social and intellectual marker for me but don't knock me over in amazement.

If you have been to the moon or perhaps invented something amazing that everyone uses, then yes, I would be amazed and speechless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to Oxford. It's kind of a conversation stopper. Best just to avoid the subject altogether.

the fact that you think that makes you come off as way more douchey than just saying where you went.

me and you are on a coffee date - You say "i read xyz at oxford." I would respond "oh interesting, what college?" and "did you win the Boat Race more often than not during your time there?"

then go on to other things. it isn't a convo stopper.

Maybe it isn't for you, but it is for a lot of people. It can be hard to predict how the other person will respond. But I think of it more as a convo-distracter than a stopper. Especially with a foreign university, the whole conversation could get sidetracked into that discussion, and you don't get to talk about whatever you were actually trying to talk about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. It turns me on when I found out the woman went to a elite school, depending on the school. MIT -- I love you.

-- A male scientist here.

OP here - it isn't a question of turning me on or not. intelligence is a huge plus point when i look for a long term relationship - i don't care if you got it as a autodidact or from 8 years at HYP. but if it is from the latter, just be comfortable in where you went as you did spend 4+ years of your life there so it shaped you in some little way into the person that's sitting across from me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's just a habit, if they're doing it after they know you know where they went. Don't over-think this.

I do it myself sometimes, because people sometimes say really obnoxious conversation-stopping type things if I say the name of my school. Really there is no solution-- some people hate to hear "in Boston", others will be nasty if you say "Harvard". And you will be accused of "being weird" no matter which you choose. But I find that overall, I get a better reaction from "in Boston". I really am amazed at the nasty things people occasionally say if they hear the name of a fancy school.

do you do it only for your undergrad?

Because i have noticed that - no issues in saying 'i went to yls' but will then say 'i went to undergrad in boston'....wtf?