How did you find a family-oriented husband?

[Anonymous]

He wanted to be a dad. He is older than I am and told me he wanted to have kids as we were getting serious. I really didn't want to have kids, but this was a deal breaker for him. I agreed to have one child (or whomever came out of one pregnancy) the old fashioned way. He agreed to no IF treatment beyond basic medical check ups and non-invasive changes and he also agreed that we would not adopt if we could not have our own child. So we have our one and have been happily married for nearly 20 years. He is a great dad and has been since minute one. He has changed, fed, bathed, rocked to sleep, gotten up in the middle of the night, been barfed on, pooped on, and hugged and kissed and disciplined just as much as me.

[Anonymous]

Well, I met him through a friend. I knew he had a lot of resentment toward how he was raised and wanted to be different. He wanted children. He wanted a stable life. On one of our early dates asked a lot of questions about what he wanted out of life and then I rolled the die. "In real life" things are a little different than I had hoped, but overall things are good. We are both stretched and I get it. He does still talk about all the questions I asked him and we get a giggle out of it.

[Anonymous]

Man who says that he wants kids not necessary will become a good father. I would look at the guy's ability to work under the pressure, how he handles the stress, how much he is investing himself into relationship. Parenting on a daily basis is a lot of work and a lot of stress. If he generally learned this skills earlier in life, more likely he will be capable to handle it. Man generally is not familiar with how to raise kids, unless they had much younger sibling or nieces and nephews nearby. And naturally, they don't feel connected immediately with a newborn, like mom does. So, it will take a time for him to learn and for you to teach him how to handle a baby on a daily basis. Look for his ability and wiliness to learn this things. And I agree with PP about alpha male: I don't think you can have all in one (or maybe I wasn't so lucky). You just can sense that some of this strong guys with six packs who live in gym not strong enough to handle one evening with a newborn.

[Anonymous]

Online. Very family oriented honest nice guy. But you know family oriented men tend not to be alpha males or high earners right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Online. Very family oriented honest nice guy. But you know family oriented men tend not to be alpha males or high earners right?

This is kind of a great point. Why don't you pursue a teacher? The two best dads I know are teachers...

[Anonymous]

What a crock, my family oriented man is an alpha male...military, six pack, 2 masters degrees. Stop stereotyping people!

[Anonymous]

Man here. You look for a family-oriented husband. Not a studly rich man that you want to one day turn into a family-oriented husband. Sometimes you can get an all-in-one package deal.

As with anything, you need to think about the end result when you begin looking. We men usually don't change much from who we were when you met us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here. You look for a family-oriented husband. Not a studly rich man that you want to one day turn into a family-oriented husband. Sometimes you can get an all-in-one package deal.

As with anything, you need to think about the end result when you begin looking. We men usually don't change much from who we were when you met us.

Love this. So true!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Online. Very family oriented honest nice guy. But you know family oriented men tend not to be alpha males or high earners right?

That's pretty much bullshit. I'm sorry that someone fed you this lie but I guess that just leaves more family oriented alpha male/high earners for others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man who says that he wants kids not necessary will become a good father. I would look at the guy's ability to work under the pressure, how he handles the stress, how much he is investing himself into relationship. Parenting on a daily basis is a lot of work and a lot of stress. If he generally learned this skills earlier in life, more likely he will be capable to handle it. Man generally is not familiar with how to raise kids, unless they had much younger sibling or nieces and nephews nearby. And naturally, they don't feel connected immediately with a newborn, like mom does. So, it will take a time for him to learn and for you to teach him how to handle a baby on a daily basis. Look for his ability and wiliness to learn this things. And I agree with PP about alpha male: I don't think you can have all in one (or maybe I wasn't so lucky). You just can sense that some of this strong guys with six packs who live in gym not strong enough to handle one evening with a newborn.

Well... I had no idea how to raise a kid, either. I'm a woman. I read some books and did what needed to be done. *shrug*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the flip side, he's not as Alpha as I'd sometimes like, but you can't have everything.

Go fuck yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man who says that he wants kids not necessary will become a good father. I would look at the guy's ability to work under the pressure, how he handles the stress, how much he is investing himself into relationship. Parenting on a daily basis is a lot of work and a lot of stress. If he generally learned this skills earlier in life, more likely he will be capable to handle it. Man generally is not familiar with how to raise kids, unless they had much younger sibling or nieces and nephews nearby. And naturally, they don't feel connected immediately with a newborn, like mom does. So, it will take a time for him to learn and for you to teach him how to handle a baby on a daily basis. Look for his ability and wiliness to learn this things. And I agree with PP about alpha male: I don't think you can have all in one (or maybe I wasn't so lucky). You just can sense that some of this strong guys with six packs who live in gym not strong enough to handle one evening with a newborn.

PP, it's really not that hard. You are totally overthinking it. This is probably one of the dumbest things I've read about fatherhood. Please disregard this post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

what do you mean by not as "Alpha"?

Simple: He's not as much of a "man" as she would like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: But sometimes I wish I wasn't the one making all the first moves and out-earning him.

Poor fucking baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man who says that he wants kids not necessary will become a good father. I would look at the guy's ability to work under the pressure, how he handles the stress, how much he is investing himself into relationship. Parenting on a daily basis is a lot of work and a lot of stress. If he generally learned this skills earlier in life, more likely he will be capable to handle it. Man generally is not familiar with how to raise kids, unless they had much younger sibling or nieces and nephews nearby. And naturally, they don't feel connected immediately with a newborn, like mom does. So, it will take a time for him to learn and for you to teach him how to handle a baby on a daily basis. Look for his ability and wiliness to learn this things. And I agree with PP about alpha male: I don't think you can have all in one (or maybe I wasn't so lucky). You just can sense that some of this strong guys with six packs who live in gym not strong enough to handle one evening with a newborn.

Wonderful advice!