How did you find a family-oriented husband?

[Anonymous]

If you always knew you wanted a family and kids how did you find a husband who felt the same? While I have a great career, I really value family and have struggled to find a man that feels the same way. Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

I met mine through small group bible study in college. If you're at all religious, many churches have singles ministries.

[Anonymous]

At work

[Anonymous]

I married a divorced man who had a son from his first marriage. He has 50% custody, so I could tell by his involvement and attention to his son that he was family oriented. I didn't meet his son until we had been dating 6-7 months (my choice--I wanted to make sure we were pretty serious first), so I mainly had to go by what he told me. That said, while he is a great, family-oriented, involved dad, he was almost completely useless as far as nighttime help when dd was a baby. His job is flexible and he works from home, so no excuses there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married a divorced man who had a son from his first marriage. He has 50% custody, so I could tell by his involvement and attention to his son that he was family oriented. I didn't meet his son until we had been dating 6-7 months (my choice--I wanted to make sure we were pretty serious first), so I mainly had to go by what he told me. That said, while he is a great, family-oriented, involved dad, he was almost completely useless as far as nighttime help when dd was a baby. His job is flexible and he works from home, so no excuses there.

PP here--I met him at a pub crawl meetup.

[Anonymous]

You attract people like yourself to you.

[Anonymous]

Met him at Starbucks. We created a beautiful family but I found that as I advanced in my career, he pulled away from the idea of family. He left all household responsibilities to me, including all of the child care, when he had been an incredibly involved father starting out. Night and day, once the resentment set in. Sadly, we divorced when the kids were still very, very young (toddlers). I still don't understand how he went from a family-focused partner to a single guy with very little interest in his much-wanted children.

Being equally yolked is vastly more important than I imagined. I thought shared values was enough. Nope.

[Anonymous]

I married a man from India. He is very family oriented and a good provider.

[Anonymous]

I could just tell that the man I married would be an excellent father -- sensitive, intelligent and not really into hanging out with the guys. I was right. He's been a great dad to our three kids. On the flip side, he's not as Alpha as I'd sometimes like, but you can't have everything.

[Anonymous]

"equally yoked" - what does this mean?

[Anonymous]

We talked. A lot. About what we wanted in our futures, what we were willing to sacrifice to get those things, how we'd deal with roadblocks and difficulties we saw other people go through, etc. we talked. A lot. We didn't just talk about what our future kids might look like, but how we'd divide labor, how we'd discipline, what values would be important to impart in them.

I cook more than I thought I would and have changed fewer diapers than I thought I would.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I met mine online and we didn't know we were both such parental types until we had kids, but for my kids, I will encourage them to mix in their faith community because they really highly value children and family. If they socialize with similar peers at least some of the time, it can only increase the odds.

[Anonymous]

Mine comes from a large family that still does everything together as much as possible.
(Right now he is making a birthday card to send to Sunny side up show for his son's 1st birthday).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"equally yoked" - what does this mean?

2 Corinthians 6:14

Essentially, it means that the cultural differences, the educational disparity, family background, work opportunities, life experience, etc. mattered a LOT more than I thought it would.

[Anonymous]

Online. But like another pp, we talked a lot. About our plans for the future, what we wanted out of life, our goals and even far fetched dreams, our childhood and what we love and what we wished we could have changed, and we talked a lot about our future and different expectations, wants, and needs. Is DH perfect husband/parent? No, but neither am I. But all the best things about him are the most important and all the things that aren't perfect aren't a big deal in the long run.

I think if this is constantly a problem for you, it may help to talk about your wants and wishes on here and we can help figure out if you are looking for a perfection you will likely never find or if your ideas may be a little too far fetched.