How did you find a family-oriented husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine comes from a large family that still does everything together as much as possible.
(Right now he is making a birthday card to send to Sunny side up show for his son's 1st birthday).

+ I could tell mine was family oriented by how he interacted with his own family. Very involved and close. He likes to hang out with his guy friends and go out to bars, so those aren't mutually exclusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You attract people like yourself to you.

+2.

[Anonymous]

I went to high school with mine and we reconnected later in life. I told him within a few months that I wanted kids and wanted to make sure he did too so I wouldn't waste his time. He is an amazing dad, I am not the "default" parent for everything. His parents are divorced, he is close with his mom, he sees a lot of bad things about the way he was brought up and wants much better for his son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Met him at Starbucks. We created a beautiful family but I found that as I advanced in my career, he pulled away from the idea of family. He left all household responsibilities to me, including all of the child care, when he had been an incredibly involved father starting out. Night and day, once the resentment set in. Sadly, we divorced when the kids were still very, very young (toddlers). I still don't understand how he went from a family-focused partner to a single guy with very little interest in his much-wanted children.

Being equally yolked is vastly more important than I imagined. I thought shared values was enough. Nope.

You didn't even last until your kids were past toddlerhood...it doesn't sound like there was enough time for there to have been a total transformation. Sounds more like you just saw what you wanted to and then jumped ship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"equally yoked" - what does this mean?

The phrase “unequally yoked” comes from 2 Corinthians 6:14 in the King James Version: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” The New American Standard Version is a little more forthright: “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?”

A yoke is a wooden bar that joins two animals to each other and to the burden they pull, and forces them to work together, simultaneously. It is a laboring harness for oxen, mule, etc. An “unequally yoked” team has two animals that are not necessarily equal in their strength/stamina/etc. A combindation of factors that would impact the effectiveness of the work to be done. For example, a weaker or shorter ox would walk slower than the taller, stronger one, causing the load to go around in circles. When oxen are unequally yoked, they cannot perform the task set before them. Instead of working together, they are at odds with one another.

The scripture of not being unequally yoked is not specific to marriage, but the implied principle is the same. In referring to marriages of believers (in Christ), this scripture emphasizes the importance of working together as one, submitting to each other in love, respecting as individuals. You know the 3-legged race, where they tie two legs together and you both have to walk fast to get to the finish line? The teams that win work together and dont fall, they get in rhythm. It is kind of like that.

It helps for two to be similar in capacity so that they can work together - because there is always work to be done!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At work

At work also.

If you chose a good guy that cares about you, the rest will fall into place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"equally yoked" - what does this mean?

The phrase “unequally yoked” comes from 2 Corinthians 6:14 in the King James Version: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” The New American Standard Version is a little more forthright: “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?”

A yoke is a wooden bar that joins two animals to each other and to the burden they pull, and forces them to work together, simultaneously. It is a laboring harness for oxen, mule, etc. An “unequally yoked” team has two animals that are not necessarily equal in their strength/stamina/etc. A combindation of factors that would impact the effectiveness of the work to be done. For example, a weaker or shorter ox would walk slower than the taller, stronger one, causing the load to go around in circles. When oxen are unequally yoked, they cannot perform the task set before them. Instead of working together, they are at odds with one another.

The scripture of not being unequally yoked is not specific to marriage, but the implied principle is the same. In referring to marriages of believers (in Christ), this scripture emphasizes the importance of working together as one, submitting to each other in love, respecting as individuals. You know the 3-legged race, where they tie two legs together and you both have to walk fast to get to the finish line? The teams that win work together and dont fall, they get in rhythm. It is kind of like that.

It helps for two to be similar in capacity so that they can work together - because there is always work to be done!

Yawn...

[Anonymous]

I met mine at a fundraiser. I knew he was family oriented when he always comfortable being around my family, or his, and would suggest opportunities to involved them. Fast forward 10 years, he is the best father I could have chosen for my children.

[Anonymous]

I'm very family oriented now. My wife and I started making out at a kegger. I was a graduate student who liked to drink a lot. I'm not sure I gave many indications of being family oriented. Certainly, I was not eager to have kids when we met.

But, as a quick and dirty guide, I'd say pay attention to how he treats people weaker than him - both physically and socially. This should give you some indication of how considerate he will be to children when they come along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm very family oriented now. My wife and I started making out at a kegger. I was a graduate student who liked to drink a lot. I'm not sure I gave many indications of being family oriented. Certainly, I was not eager to have kids when we met.

But, as a quick and dirty guide, I'd say pay attention to how he treats people weaker than him - both physically and socially. This should give you some indication of how considerate he will be to children when they come along.

This is good advice. I would also pay attention to how he treats people in less glamorous service-oriented positions. A good man treats everyone with respect, regardless of socioeconomic status. If he's rude or condescending to the waiter, he's not likely family man material.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You attract people like yourself to you.

Is that why divorce rate so high?

[Anonymous]

We met at a party. He was always more committed to having children than I was. I was committed to being a great aunt, because I realized I loved my niece and nephews but I could see how much work children were and I thought, as a woman, that burden would fall mainly on me. However, I felt I could risk having a kid with this guy. And I was right.

However, it helps to be inept at homemaking skills so your partner is not inclined to rely on you for them. That works well for a lot of men, too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could just tell that the man I married would be an excellent father -- sensitive, intelligent and not really into hanging out with the guys. I was right. He's been a great dad to our three kids. On the flip side, he's not as Alpha as I'd sometimes like, but you can't have everything.

what do you mean by not as "Alpha"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could just tell that the man I married would be an excellent father -- sensitive, intelligent and not really into hanging out with the guys. I was right. He's been a great dad to our three kids. On the flip side, he's not as Alpha as I'd sometimes like, but you can't have everything.

what do you mean by not as "Alpha"?

He's great, but he's just not the aggressive, risk-taking type. This tends to present as a problem at times in his career and in our sex life. Don't get me wrong, I love him. But sometimes I wish I wasn't the one making all the first moves and out-earning him. No one is perfect, though. I count my blessings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married a man from India. He is very family oriented and a good provider.

And I married an Egyptian. I didn't set out for that to happen. But it's been the perfect mix for us.