Having a Sibling is Overrated

[Anonymous]

I am closer to my nieces and nephews through DH's siblings than the ones through my own siblings. But I get the pp's point - DH and I are the legsl guardians of one of his sibling's kids, and I adore those kids, but if DH and I were to divorce, I am sure I would be removed as guardian. So the relationship is not necessarily as "permanent" as with one's own siblings' families.
Anyway, to op's point, I do agree with you, op. I am not close eith my own siblings and frankly I resent my sister very much (and I think she does not like me very much either). We grew up in a "typical" home where we "should" have been close to one another, but I just think we annoy one another too much even as adults. There can be positives and negatives to having siblings and you can't predict which way it will play out in your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am kind of surprised at how many people feel the need to contradict OP on this. I wouldn't think it's that hard to recognize that people have different experiences and no one can really predict what their kids will be like, much less what their kids' relationship will be like.

I was one of the PPs who likes my siblings. My responses are not defensive, just another perspective.

The OP gave a rather inflammatory title to her post. The posters with happy sibling relationships are simply saying, no, it's not over-rated when it's good. When it's good it's awesome. We recognize that a positive relationship is not a given for everyone, but there's no need to act like its a given that sibling relationships are always crappy, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one sibling and we are very close. Even if we weren't though, I feel that there are so many other disadvantages of being an only child. Not only do you not have a sibling, but

1. You don't have anyone in your life who has a shared history with you as a sibling would

2. You don't have anyone to help with the burden of taking care of older parents.

3. You will never be someone's aunt or uncle

4. You will never have nieces or nephews

All of those things are definates. So I am personally going to take a chance and have at least 2 kids. At least there is a decent chance that they will get along and if not, at least they will also have all of the benefits that I listed above.

No. I am an Aunt to my husband's sister's children. I love them deeply. Yes, you can be an aunt or uncle and not have siblings.

You divorce your husband, will you still be aunt, or replaced by another?

Of course I would still be their aunt! I am their aunt! I don't plan on getting divorced, but if I did and my husband married another, I suppose the kids would have an extra aunt, not a replacement. Good lord, you must have terrible family dynamics.

Well, that's what you think now and hopefully it would be true. But in reality, you don't know until it happens to you.

No, I know for a fact that I AM THEIR AUNT. Get over it.

Well, if we're speaking strictly in facts, you are their aunt by marriage. Nothing for me to get over.

[Anonymous]

I grew up with a pretty good relationship with my sister, but still think that at the end of the day, the sibling relationship is in and of itself completely overrated. I would say about half the people I know do not get along with their sibling, or estranged from them. Just because you got along as kids, doesn't mean they will as adults and visa versa. Many factors play into this, and parents especially have no control over it. My sister lives overseas, and I would say we see each other once a year, talk maybe a few times a year, mostly because it feels like an obligation. If there is an emergency, my friends who live close and who I've never taken for granted in terms of being there for me, are the ones whom I rely upon. And, over time, they have become more like family to me in the practical sense.

Good families are good families, and good relationships are good relationships because of what people in them make of them. Also, sometimes personalities and values of individuals do not mesh, and that can tear people apart. Larger families that appear cohesive actually have this too - there is always one or two who don't get along; it's just that they can hide it better because of the sheer number of people. I have seen it over and over again. It's unfortunate but true. There can be many lovely moments in a sibling relationship --- but there many lovely moments in any good relationship -- not sure why people herald that relationship over others.

Also very amusing to me that people who don't get along with their siblings try to "fix" that by having multiples or spacing them a specific distance apart (lile close if the sister they didn't get along with was far apart in age, etc.) and trying to control the situation, when there are so many variables at play, including personality and gender. In my experience, I know so many friends who have sisters far apart in age who are so sure they didn't get along with their sibling because of the large age difference, when I know a whole other set who swear they didn't get along with their sisters because they were too close in age and there was too much competition. Throw in the possibility of one parent possibly favoring one over another and all the age spacing stuff goes to squat and the dynamic really changes.

I think if people want to have lots of kids, do it because you are invested in raising good, solid citizens of the world and stop focusing on trying to impose relationships on people who may not care for them.

[Anonymous]

I'm with you, OP. I have a drug addict sibling, and my husband has a disabled sibling. We absolutely love them, but we are sticking with 1. Very happy so many pp's have had better luck.

[Anonymous]

There are things parents can do to help or hinder sibling relationships but much of this falls to chance and mix of temperments and personality and tolerance for others etc. Parents can shape and encourage - control, not so much.

[Anonymous]

I agree that siblings are overrated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am kind of surprised at how many people feel the need to contradict OP on this. I wouldn't think it's that hard to recognize that people have different experiences and no one can really predict what their kids will be like, much less what their kids' relationship will be like.

I was one of the PPs who likes my siblings. My responses are not defensive, just another perspective.

The OP gave a rather inflammatory title to her post. The posters with happy sibling relationships are simply saying, no, it's not over-rated when it's good. When it's good it's awesome. We recognize that a positive relationship is not a given for everyone, but there's no need to act like its a given that sibling relationships are always crappy, either.

No. You are rather defensive. Siblings are, indeed, overrated and not needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another benefit of having siblings as a young child is learning to share your parents, learning that you are not the most important family member, learning how to negotiate, fight, play nicely and dirty.

That's not a benefit. Everyone does not have to "learn" to share parents. And there is nothing wrong with being the most important family member. You sound jealous. And you don't need siblings to learn to negotiate, fight and play nice and dirty. Plenty of siblings do not negotiate, fight and play nice and dirty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - you're right that there's no guarantee. However, if you don't have a sibling, it's guaranteed that you will not have the positive aspects of having a sibling.

And if you have siblings, you will not have the positive aspects of being an only child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - you're right that there's no guarantee. However, if you don't have a sibling, it's guaranteed that you will not have the positive aspects of having a sibling.

And if you have siblings, you will not have the positive aspects of being an only child.

There are no positive aspects of being an only child

-only child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - you're right that there's no guarantee. However, if you don't have a sibling, it's guaranteed that you will not have the positive aspects of having a sibling.

And if you have siblings, you will not have the positive aspects of being an only child.

There are no positive aspects of being an only child

-only child

There are plenty of positive aspects of being an only child.

only child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - you're right that there's no guarantee. However, if you don't have a sibling, it's guaranteed that you will not have the positive aspects of having a sibling.

And if you have siblings, you will not have the positive aspects of being an only child.

There are no positive aspects of being an only child

-only child

There are plenty of positive aspects of being an only child.

only child.

Such as?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree. This is OP. Am surprised people are so defensive.

Am surprised you started this defensive thread in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am kind of surprised at how many people feel the need to contradict OP on this. I wouldn't think it's that hard to recognize that people have different experiences and no one can really predict what their kids will be like, much less what their kids' relationship will be like.

I was one of the PPs who likes my siblings. My responses are not defensive, just another perspective.

The OP gave a rather inflammatory title to her post. The posters with happy sibling relationships are simply saying, no, it's not over-rated when it's good. When it's good it's awesome. We recognize that a positive relationship is not a given for everyone, but there's no need to act like its a given that sibling relationships are always crappy, either.

No. You are rather defensive. Siblings are, indeed, overrated and not needed.

Lol, sorry you could only have 1 kid.