Having a Sibling is Overrated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Offering a different perspective. I’m a doctor and seeing elderly patients who rely on their siblings in their old age and that bond enduring decades, has made me want to have at least two kids. The bottom line is nothing is guaranteed but the way this country works, usually your family is your support system. Having a sibling *can* mean you have a support system for life. Plus with your siblings comes nieces and nephews, which also serves as a support esp if you don’t have kids of your own. I don’t see as many friends fill that role.

I'm an only. Dealing with my aging parents without any siblings is absolutely horrible. I have three kids and would have liked a fourth. Everyone only I know (and I know several) has 3 or more kids, precisely for this reason. For those of you who had onlies, I'm sorry if it worked out that way. But I really don't want to hear "oh it's so much better!" from anyone other than an only child, because kindly, you have no idea what it's like.

Kindly, maybe it would be easier if you had fewer kids and more bandwidth? My sibling was zero help and made end of life for my parents harder, and DH is an only and his father dying was as easy as possible because his parents planned really well. Point being, many of us with and without siblings know what it’s like to deal with aging parents on their own and the grass is not always greener.

More bandwidth? Do you think having one less kid would make watching a parent die easier? What is wrong with you?

More kids is more stress, more financial pressure, and yes, less bandwidth. This is simply the truth.

So what exactly is the reduction in grief, per child? 30%? 25%? Do you have a formula?

Do you think having a sibling would reduce the grief you feel about your parent passing? I can assure you it would not.

So your point is that by me having three kids, I don't have the "bandwidth" to grieve my parents. But by the same token, having a sibling would have no effect on that grief. Is that right?

Whew. You have a lot of anger.

I am saying that having siblings does not make the difficulty or grief of losing parents easier for many people, including me. I think you are upset and grieving and imagining an idealized scenario better than your own. It does not exist.

And yeah, having more kids increases stress. Every parent knows this. parenting is hard.

Except that that's not what you said, you specifically said that it would be "easier" for me to deal with this if I had less kids. Do you really believe that it would be easier to watch a parent die if someone has two kids instead of three?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Offering a different perspective. I’m a doctor and seeing elderly patients who rely on their siblings in their old age and that bond enduring decades, has made me want to have at least two kids. The bottom line is nothing is guaranteed but the way this country works, usually your family is your support system. Having a sibling *can* mean you have a support system for life. Plus with your siblings comes nieces and nephews, which also serves as a support esp if you don’t have kids of your own. I don’t see as many friends fill that role.

I'm an only. Dealing with my aging parents without any siblings is absolutely horrible. I have three kids and would have liked a fourth. Everyone only I know (and I know several) has 3 or more kids, precisely for this reason. For those of you who had onlies, I'm sorry if it worked out that way. But I really don't want to hear "oh it's so much better!" from anyone other than an only child, because kindly, you have no idea what it's like.

Kindly, maybe it would be easier if you had fewer kids and more bandwidth? My sibling was zero help and made end of life for my parents harder, and DH is an only and his father dying was as easy as possible because his parents planned really well. Point being, many of us with and without siblings know what it’s like to deal with aging parents on their own and the grass is not always greener.

More bandwidth? Do you think having one less kid would make watching a parent die easier? What is wrong with you?

More kids is more stress, more financial pressure, and yes, less bandwidth. This is simply the truth.

So what exactly is the reduction in grief, per child? 30%? 25%? Do you have a formula?

Do you think having a sibling would reduce the grief you feel about your parent passing? I can assure you it would not.

So your point is that by me having three kids, I don't have the "bandwidth" to grieve my parents. But by the same token, having a sibling would have no effect on that grief. Is that right?

You’d have more bandwidth to handle their care and process your emotions. And you’d experience the same grief with or without other people to share it with, who may actually make it harder rather than easier. It sounds like you’re really struggling and I’m sorry for that, but you’re drawing conclusions in your grief just aren’t rational right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Offering a different perspective. I’m a doctor and seeing elderly patients who rely on their siblings in their old age and that bond enduring decades, has made me want to have at least two kids. The bottom line is nothing is guaranteed but the way this country works, usually your family is your support system. Having a sibling *can* mean you have a support system for life. Plus with your siblings comes nieces and nephews, which also serves as a support esp if you don’t have kids of your own. I don’t see as many friends fill that role.

I'm an only. Dealing with my aging parents without any siblings is absolutely horrible. I have three kids and would have liked a fourth. Everyone only I know (and I know several) has 3 or more kids, precisely for this reason. For those of you who had onlies, I'm sorry if it worked out that way. But I really don't want to hear "oh it's so much better!" from anyone other than an only child, because kindly, you have no idea what it's like.

Kindly, maybe it would be easier if you had fewer kids and more bandwidth? My sibling was zero help and made end of life for my parents harder, and DH is an only and his father dying was as easy as possible because his parents planned really well. Point being, many of us with and without siblings know what it’s like to deal with aging parents on their own and the grass is not always greener.

More bandwidth? Do you think having one less kid would make watching a parent die easier? What is wrong with you?

More kids is more stress, more financial pressure, and yes, less bandwidth. This is simply the truth.

So what exactly is the reduction in grief, per child? 30%? 25%? Do you have a formula?

Do you think having a sibling would reduce the grief you feel about your parent passing? I can assure you it would not.

So your point is that by me having three kids, I don't have the "bandwidth" to grieve my parents. But by the same token, having a sibling would have no effect on that grief. Is that right?

You’d have more bandwidth to handle their care and process your emotions. And you’d experience the same grief with or without other people to share it with, who may actually make it harder rather than easier. It sounds like you’re really struggling and I’m sorry for that, but you’re drawing conclusions in your grief just aren’t rational right now.

When in doubt, call a woman irrational.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Offering a different perspective. I’m a doctor and seeing elderly patients who rely on their siblings in their old age and that bond enduring decades, has made me want to have at least two kids. The bottom line is nothing is guaranteed but the way this country works, usually your family is your support system. Having a sibling *can* mean you have a support system for life. Plus with your siblings comes nieces and nephews, which also serves as a support esp if you don’t have kids of your own. I don’t see as many friends fill that role.

I'm an only. Dealing with my aging parents without any siblings is absolutely horrible. I have three kids and would have liked a fourth. Everyone only I know (and I know several) has 3 or more kids, precisely for this reason. For those of you who had onlies, I'm sorry if it worked out that way. But I really don't want to hear "oh it's so much better!" from anyone other than an only child, because kindly, you have no idea what it's like.

Kindly, maybe it would be easier if you had fewer kids and more bandwidth? My sibling was zero help and made end of life for my parents harder, and DH is an only and his father dying was as easy as possible because his parents planned really well. Point being, many of us with and without siblings know what it’s like to deal with aging parents on their own and the grass is not always greener.

More bandwidth? Do you think having one less kid would make watching a parent die easier? What is wrong with you?

More kids is more stress, more financial pressure, and yes, less bandwidth. This is simply the truth.

So what exactly is the reduction in grief, per child? 30%? 25%? Do you have a formula?

Do you think having a sibling would reduce the grief you feel about your parent passing? I can assure you it would not.

So your point is that by me having three kids, I don't have the "bandwidth" to grieve my parents. But by the same token, having a sibling would have no effect on that grief. Is that right?

You’d have more bandwidth to handle their care and process your emotions. And you’d experience the same grief with or without other people to share it with, who may actually make it harder rather than easier. It sounds like you’re really struggling and I’m sorry for that, but you’re drawing conclusions in your grief just aren’t rational right now.

I think that your inability to have more than one kid has made you particularly emotional about this topic and unable to respond rationally. Maybe this is something you should unpack in therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Offering a different perspective. I’m a doctor and seeing elderly patients who rely on their siblings in their old age and that bond enduring decades, has made me want to have at least two kids. The bottom line is nothing is guaranteed but the way this country works, usually your family is your support system. Having a sibling *can* mean you have a support system for life. Plus with your siblings comes nieces and nephews, which also serves as a support esp if you don’t have kids of your own. I don’t see as many friends fill that role.

I'm an only. Dealing with my aging parents without any siblings is absolutely horrible. I have three kids and would have liked a fourth. Everyone only I know (and I know several) has 3 or more kids, precisely for this reason. For those of you who had onlies, I'm sorry if it worked out that way. But I really don't want to hear "oh it's so much better!" from anyone other than an only child, because kindly, you have no idea what it's like.

Kindly, maybe it would be easier if you had fewer kids and more bandwidth? My sibling was zero help and made end of life for my parents harder, and DH is an only and his father dying was as easy as possible because his parents planned really well. Point being, many of us with and without siblings know what it’s like to deal with aging parents on their own and the grass is not always greener.

More bandwidth? Do you think having one less kid would make watching a parent die easier? What is wrong with you?

More kids is more stress, more financial pressure, and yes, less bandwidth. This is simply the truth.

So what exactly is the reduction in grief, per child? 30%? 25%? Do you have a formula?

Do you think having a sibling would reduce the grief you feel about your parent passing? I can assure you it would not.

So your point is that by me having three kids, I don't have the "bandwidth" to grieve my parents. But by the same token, having a sibling would have no effect on that grief. Is that right?

You’d have more bandwidth to handle their care and process your emotions. And you’d experience the same grief with or without other people to share it with, who may actually make it harder rather than easier. It sounds like you’re really struggling and I’m sorry for that, but you’re drawing conclusions in your grief just aren’t rational right now.

I think that your inability to have more than one kid has made you particularly emotional about this topic and unable to respond rationally. Maybe this is something you should unpack in therapy.

Not going to argue on the internet with someone going through a traumatic life event. Be well and I do hope things get easier for you.