Having a Sibling is Overrated

[Anonymous]

OP - I think your example can be used to support why people have multiple kids. If your parents only had 1 of their kids (not you) they would not have anyone to care for them. By having multiple children they increased the odds that 1 (or more) would be there for them.

I am one of three, while my siblings are unique in many ways we have all relied on each other along the way at certain points to varying degrees. My spouse is an only, and can't rely on anyone other than my family (parents are useless, disinterested, hurtful, manipulative, etc).

There is always a chance a child will not turn into the adult you hope, but that chance is there regardless of the number of children you have.

[Anonymous]

OP. Sometimes siblings have good reasons for not being able to help as much. Maybe they work FT (and btw, volunteer work counts). Maybe they are too busy helping others who have a greater need. Maybe they have their own kids to raise who are a handful? Maybe your parent seeks too much attention and comes up with excuses to see the siblings who can't drop things to take them to the store? Perhaps they can take a senior bus? Also, how often did your parents help their parents?

[Anonymous]

I think parents on this thread tend to overrate their kids' undying love for each other. Adult siblings' perspectives seem a lot closer to reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Sometimes siblings have good reasons for not being able to help as much. Maybe they work FT (and btw, volunteer work counts). Maybe they are too busy helping others who have a greater need. Maybe they have their own kids to raise who are a handful? Maybe your parent seeks too much attention and comes up with excuses to see the siblings who can't drop things to take them to the store? Perhaps they can take a senior bus? Also, how often did your parents help their parents?

This is OP. Both of my parents have disabilities and as such, they both have mobility issues. As far as my siblings go - one does not work, her husband makes very good money, has two kids that are in elementary school that she puts in after care everyday even though she is home. She does not work out, cook or clean. I know this sounds extreme but it is true and also shows how much free time she has to help out if she wants to. My second sibling works full time from home. This sibling and spouse also make good money. So both siblings have annual income of at least $250k a year. I work full time and have a daily round trip commute of about 2 hours and a bit everyday. Really, there are no excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - you're right that there's no guarantee. However, if you don't have a sibling, it's guaranteed that you will not have the positive aspects of having a sibling.

My best friend is like a sibling to me. In fact, we have a better relationship than my biological sibling and I have. So I don't agree with you. You can get the positive aspects of having a sibling from people who are not, in fact, your biological sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - you're right that there's no guarantee. However, if you don't have a sibling, it's guaranteed that you will not have the positive aspects of having a sibling.

My best friend is like a sibling to me. In fact, we have a better relationship than my biological sibling and I have. So I don't agree with you. You can get the positive aspects of having a sibling from people who are not, in fact, your biological sibling.

Cousins and close friends aren't siblings. They are wonderful and you very well might have better relationships with them than you do with a sibling. But they're not the same as a person who grew up in your home with you and shared a set of parents and life experiences with you.

Is your best friend going to be an equal partner with you in making end of care life decisions about your parents? Does a cousin remember family traditions and stories (both good and bad)?

My parents are no longer alive and I would say my sibling and I aren't super close. But she is the one person in the world who has been with me from the beginning. The shared history can't be replaced by other relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - you're right that there's no guarantee. However, if you don't have a sibling, it's guaranteed that you will not have the positive aspects of having a sibling.

My best friend is like a sibling to me. In fact, we have a better relationship than my biological sibling and I have. So I don't agree with you. You can get the positive aspects of having a sibling from people who are not, in fact, your biological sibling.

Cousins and close friends aren't siblings. They are wonderful and you very well might have better relationships with them than you do with a sibling. But they're not the same as a person who grew up in your home with you and shared a set of parents and life experiences with you.

Is your best friend going to be an equal partner with you in making end of care life decisions about your parents? Does a cousin remember family traditions and stories (both good and bad)?

My parents are no longer alive and I would say my sibling and I aren't super close. But she is the one person in the world who has been with me from the beginning. The shared history can't be replaced by other relationships.

Well, that's your perspective but it isn't mine. As a person with siblings I'm not close to, I have to say the shared history isn't that meaningful to me except in a very abstract, sentimental way.

I get what you're saying, OP. I can't even begin to talk about some of the things my siblings did when our parents were alive.

[Anonymous]

I have one sibling and we are very close. Even if we weren't though, I feel that there are so many other disadvantages of being an only child. Not only do you not have a sibling, but

1. You don't have anyone in your life who has a shared history with you as a sibling would

2. You don't have anyone to help with the burden of taking care of older parents.

3. You will never be someone's aunt or uncle

4. You will never have nieces or nephews

All of those things are definates. So I am personally going to take a chance and have at least 2 kids. At least there is a decent chance that they will get along and if not, at least they will also have all of the benefits that I listed above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have one sibling and we are very close. Even if we weren't though, I feel that there are so many other disadvantages of being an only child. Not only do you not have a sibling, but

1. You don't have anyone in your life who has a shared history with you as a sibling would

2. You don't have anyone to help with the burden of taking care of older parents.

3. You will never be someone's aunt or uncle

4. You will never have nieces or nephews

All of those things are definates. So I am personally going to take a chance and have at least 2 kids. At least there is a decent chance that they will get along and if not, at least they will also have all of the benefits that I listed above.

15:36 here. I guess what I'm trying to express is that people derive different meaning and benefits from all of the things you listed (plus 3 and 4 are the same thing). I think it's important to acknowledge that these experiences vary widely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - you're right that there's no guarantee. However, if you don't have a sibling, it's guaranteed that you will not have the positive aspects of having a sibling.

My best friend is like a sibling to me. In fact, we have a better relationship than my biological sibling and I have. So I don't agree with you. You can get the positive aspects of having a sibling from people who are not, in fact, your biological sibling.

Cousins and close friends aren't siblings. They are wonderful and you very well might have better relationships with them than you do with a sibling. But they're not the same as a person who grew up in your home with you and shared a set of parents and life experiences with you.

Is your best friend going to be an equal partner with you in making end of care life decisions about your parents? Does a cousin remember family traditions and stories (both good and bad)?

My parents are no longer alive and I would say my sibling and I aren't super close. But she is the one person in the world who has been with me from the beginning. The shared history can't be replaced by other relationships.

Well, that's your perspective but it isn't mine. As a person with siblings I'm not close to, I have to say the shared history isn't that meaningful to me except in a very abstract, sentimental way.

I get what you're saying, OP. I can't even begin to talk about some of the things my siblings did when our parents were alive.

I don't know how old you are, but this may change the older you get. It has become more meaningful to me the older I get and now that my parents are no longer alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - you're right that there's no guarantee. However, if you don't have a sibling, it's guaranteed that you will not have the positive aspects of having a sibling.

My best friend is like a sibling to me. In fact, we have a better relationship than my biological sibling and I have. So I don't agree with you. You can get the positive aspects of having a sibling from people who are not, in fact, your biological sibling.

Still not the same. Like I said, it's not a guarantee you will have a great relationship with your sibling, but sibling relationship is still different than a BF relationship, even if you are like sisters. You don't have the same history. While clearly, some siblings don't help their elderly parents, you can't expect a BF to help your elderly parents one day. It's just different.

[Anonymous]

I'm not close to all of my siblings, but I'm still grateful they exist. Why? They're people who automatically know and *get* my background.

My spouse is my best friend, but will never just intrinsically understand my complicated relationship with my parents like even the sibling I have the least contact with does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - you're right that there's no guarantee. However, if you don't have a sibling, it's guaranteed that you will not have the positive aspects of having a sibling.

My best friend is like a sibling to me. In fact, we have a better relationship than my biological sibling and I have. So I don't agree with you. You can get the positive aspects of having a sibling from people who are not, in fact, your biological sibling.

Cousins and close friends aren't siblings. They are wonderful and you very well might have better relationships with them than you do with a sibling. But they're not the same as a person who grew up in your home with you and shared a set of parents and life experiences with you.

Is your best friend going to be an equal partner with you in making end of care life decisions about your parents? Does a cousin remember family traditions and stories (both good and bad)?

My parents are no longer alive and I would say my sibling and I aren't super close. But she is the one person in the world who has been with me from the beginning. The shared history can't be replaced by other relationships.

Agreed. Unless you grew up in the same home as that cousin or close friend, there's just no comparison, no matter how weak the relationship with your sibling or close the relationship with your cousin/friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - you're right that there's no guarantee. However, if you don't have a sibling, it's guaranteed that you will not have the positive aspects of having a sibling.

My best friend is like a sibling to me. In fact, we have a better relationship than my biological sibling and I have. So I don't agree with you. You can get the positive aspects of having a sibling from people who are not, in fact, your biological sibling.

Cousins and close friends aren't siblings. They are wonderful and you very well might have better relationships with them than you do with a sibling. But they're not the same as a person who grew up in your home with you and shared a set of parents and life experiences with you.

Is your best friend going to be an equal partner with you in making end of care life decisions about your parents? Does a cousin remember family traditions and stories (both good and bad)?

My parents are no longer alive and I would say my sibling and I aren't super close. But she is the one person in the world who has been with me from the beginning. The shared history can't be replaced by other relationships.

Well, that's your perspective but it isn't mine. As a person with siblings I'm not close to, I have to say the shared history isn't that meaningful to me except in a very abstract, sentimental way.

I get what you're saying, OP. I can't even begin to talk about some of the things my siblings did when our parents were alive.

I don't know how old you are, but this may change the older you get. It has become more meaningful to me the older I get and now that my parents are no longer alive.

I'm the PP you quoted. I'm well into middle age, my parents are also dead, and I simply don't feel the way you do. There are many reasons for this, none of which I want to share here, so I'll just point out once again that everyone's experience is different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have one sibling and we are very close. Even if we weren't though, I feel that there are so many other disadvantages of being an only child. Not only do you not have a sibling, but

1. You don't have anyone in your life who has a shared history with you as a sibling would

2. You don't have anyone to help with the burden of taking care of older parents.

3. You will never be someone's aunt or uncle

4. You will never have nieces or nephews

All of those things are definates. So I am personally going to take a chance and have at least 2 kids. At least there is a decent chance that they will get along and if not, at least they will also have all of the benefits that I listed above.

No. I am an Aunt to my husband's sister's children. I love them deeply. Yes, you can be an aunt or uncle and not have siblings.