My wife attempted suicide last night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everybody wants me to be strong for her and to be there for her and I'm so fucking scared. I'm scared for her, for me, for my 9yo son who saw her taken away by ambulance last night. 700 pills in 15 minutes. She wasn't expected to make it thru the night but she did. And I'm so, so grateful. I love her more than she can possibly ever know. I want to protect her from everyone, especially herself. So why am I so angry with her?

Anger is normal in these circumstances, even if people are all hush-hush about it because it's "not becoming" and all that kind of crap.

My sincere advice is to start therapy right away. Individual therapy for you so you can process this experience in the shor term and process your feelings with professional support. Then there will be a time for family therapy, but right now you need to put your own oxygen mask on first so you can be there with your wife and son. Oh, and get your son into therapy right away, too. He needs help to process it and he needs to do so with a qualified adult who's not you - he is old enough to worry about adding to Dad's load and trying "to be a man" in the situation and all that. So he's likely to repress his emotions in front of you. He needs a therapist.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry, OP.

I just wanted to say you are not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I just left her room a little while ago. She is breathing on her own, and was able to talk when I was there (they took out the ventilator when she woke up.) I just wanted to crawl into that bed with her and fix her. I've always been able to fix what was broken and now I can't fix the person who is the center of my whole world. There is no logical reason why she survived. This is her 3rd attempt in a year, her first attempt while under psychiatric care/drug regiment. My son, I think, will be ok. I lied to him to keep her secret. I have people who are listening, who are trying to understand, but I find I just tuned them out today. I am crumbling under the weight of this all.

To the 1st bolded section: I can relate. When I see someone whom I love and who's in pain or suffering, I want to fix that and I get mad at myself if I can't. Totally irrational, but that's what it is. That's part of what you need help managing right now.

To the 2nd bolded section: it's commendable that you want to protect your son. You did the right thing in the short term. People will talk and this will leak and get around to him. He needs to know the truth in an age appropriate way, and in a therapeutic setting. Get that boy in therapy, for the love of what's most dear and holy to you. He will NOT be ok otherwise. Sorry to be harsh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so glad she survived, OP. I lost my brother to bipolar disorder by suicide, and my mother attempted suicide a number of times when I was a child. I am so glad you are there for your child, and I am so glad that you love your wife and want to support her. It is really okay to be angry, too, and scared and hurt.

Unless you have reason to believe otherwise, please do approach this from the perspective that she was not in her right mind when she made this "choice". I read some really nasty judgmental posts above, and I think it's important to look at this from the knowledge that her brain is very, very broken right now, and not able to function in a way that allows her to see rational options in front of her. Just like kidney disease prevents those organs from functioning correctly, her brain illness is preventing her from seeing how much she is loved and needed and wanted. There's a really good chance that somehow her sick brain convinced her that what she did was best for you. (I had a really close friend who attempted suicide when her girls were young, 100% convinced that she was doing the best thing to ensure their happiness and security. It was completely nuts, but a totally unselfish gesture from the point of her crazy brain.) What she chose, depending on what her brain was telling her, was not necessarily selfish or weak or cruel. She might honestly have thought she was doing you a favor.

It is SO frustrating and heartbreaking when we can't just logic someone or love someone out of a brain illness. But if you think of it as an organ failing, how could love and logic ever be enough? You can't love a person enough to cure their heart disease or convince a liver to work properly by telling it all the reasons why we love it and want it to work properly. She needs medical treatment, but we are sadly still very much in the dark ages when it comes to treating the brain. Please try to forgive her if her brain can't see how much you guys love her and how much she needs treatment, just as you'd forgive her breasts for getting cancer or her intestines for having colitis. She's not choosing this.

And please do take care of yourself. The scary thing is that all the love in the world may not save your wife. Your child desperately needs you to be healthy, to be emotionally available, and to be dependable. I'm rooting for you so much.

Best piece of advice ever. Seriously. That's what you need to do, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I just left her room a little while ago. She is breathing on her own, and was able to talk when I was there (they took out the ventilator when she woke up.) I just wanted to crawl into that bed with her and fix her. I've always been able to fix what was broken and now I can't fix the person who is the center of my whole world. There is no logical reason why she survived. This is her 3rd attempt in a year, her first attempt while under psychiatric care/drug regiment. My son, I think, will be ok. I lied to him to keep her secret. I have people who are listening, who are trying to understand, but I find I just tuned them out today. I am crumbling under the weight of this all.

Please, please, please. Get it out of your head that *you* can fix her. And you need to make her understand she has want to be better and do it herself. If she won't, don't let her destroy you and your son's life with her acts of violence. Because end of the day, suicide is an act of violence against oneself, and violence of any form is very dangerous for a developing child.

Get lost. This man is dealing with enough without you getting on your high horse and suggesting the miserable, doomed-to-fail tough "love" approach. I'm not in the habit of insulting strangers on the Internet, but I'll make an exception: go fuck yourself with a brick and stop spreading this poison. You sanctimonious ass-wipe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I just left her room a little while ago. She is breathing on her own, and was able to talk when I was there (they took out the ventilator when she woke up.) I just wanted to crawl into that bed with her and fix her. I've always been able to fix what was broken and now I can't fix the person who is the center of my whole world. There is no logical reason why she survived. This is her 3rd attempt in a year, her first attempt while under psychiatric care/drug regiment. My son, I think, will be ok. I lied to him to keep her secret. I have people who are listening, who are trying to understand, but I find I just tuned them out today. I am crumbling under the weight of this all.

Please, please, please. Get it out of your head that *you* can fix her. And you need to make her understand she has want to be better and do it herself. If she won't, don't let her destroy you and your son's life with her acts of violence. Because end of the day, suicide is an act of violence against oneself, and violence of any form is very dangerous for a developing child.

Get lost. This man is dealing with enough without you getting on your high horse and suggesting the miserable, doomed-to-fail tough "love" approach. I'm not in the habit of insulting strangers on the Internet, but I'll make an exception: go fuck yourself with a brick and stop spreading this poison. You sanctimonious ass-wipe.

what? there is nothing about tough love here. it's about setting up appropriate boundaries when dealing with loved ones with personality disorders, and realizing that the responsibility for their care begins and ends with the patient. it is not up to OP to fix her, nor feel like he has failed b/c he can't figure out how. his DW is an adult and will make her own decisions; OP can and should love her through this, but not take on the burden of "fixing" her. he is not a professional and she is not his patient; his relationship is a spouse and father to their child.

not to put too fine a point on it, but you seem a bit high strung yourself, PP. have you had much experience dealing with loved ones with personality disorders? it can fray the nerves to the breaking point, so if you are dealing with something too be sure to help yourself too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I just left her room a little while ago. She is breathing on her own, and was able to talk when I was there (they took out the ventilator when she woke up.) I just wanted to crawl into that bed with her and fix her. I've always been able to fix what was broken and now I can't fix the person who is the center of my whole world. There is no logical reason why she survived. This is her 3rd attempt in a year, her first attempt while under psychiatric care/drug regiment. My son, I think, will be ok. I lied to him to keep her secret. I have people who are listening, who are trying to understand, but I find I just tuned them out today. I am crumbling under the weight of this all.

Please, please, please. Get it out of your head that *you* can fix her. And you need to make her understand she has want to be better and do it herself. If she won't, don't let her destroy you and your son's life with her acts of violence. Because end of the day, suicide is an act of violence against oneself, and violence of any form is very dangerous for a developing child.

Get lost. This man is dealing with enough without you getting on your high horse and suggesting the miserable, doomed-to-fail tough "love" approach. I'm not in the habit of insulting strangers on the Internet, but I'll make an exception: go fuck yourself with a brick and stop spreading this poison. You sanctimonious ass-wipe.

what? there is nothing about tough love here. it's about setting up appropriate boundaries when dealing with loved ones with personality disorders, and realizing that the responsibility for their care begins and ends with the patient. it is not up to OP to fix her, nor feel like he has failed b/c he can't figure out how. his DW is an adult and will make her own decisions; OP can and should love her through this, but not take on the burden of "fixing" her. he is not a professional and she is not his patient; his relationship is a spouse and father to their child.

not to put too fine a point on it, but you seem a bit high strung yourself, PP. have you had much experience dealing with loved ones with personality disorders? it can fray the nerves to the breaking point, so if you are dealing with something too be sure to help yourself too.

More importantly, he is a man in intense pain and suffering right now, bewildered and shell-shocked, expressing himself here and looking for support. Not a dressing down that you gave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I just left her room a little while ago. She is breathing on her own, and was able to talk when I was there (they took out the ventilator when she woke up.) I just wanted to crawl into that bed with her and fix her. I've always been able to fix what was broken and now I can't fix the person who is the center of my whole world. There is no logical reason why she survived. This is her 3rd attempt in a year, her first attempt while under psychiatric care/drug regiment. My son, I think, will be ok. I lied to him to keep her secret. I have people who are listening, who are trying to understand, but I find I just tuned them out today. I am crumbling under the weight of this all.

Please, please, please. Get it out of your head that *you* can fix her. And you need to make her understand she has want to be better and do it herself. If she won't, don't let her destroy you and your son's life with her acts of violence. Because end of the day, suicide is an act of violence against oneself, and violence of any form is very dangerous for a developing child.

Get lost. This man is dealing with enough without you getting on your high horse and suggesting the miserable, doomed-to-fail tough "love" approach. I'm not in the habit of insulting strangers on the Internet, but I'll make an exception: go fuck yourself with a brick and stop spreading this poison. You sanctimonious ass-wipe.

what? there is nothing about tough love here. it's about setting up appropriate boundaries when dealing with loved ones with personality disorders, and realizing that the responsibility for their care begins and ends with the patient. it is not up to OP to fix her, nor feel like he has failed b/c he can't figure out how. his DW is an adult and will make her own decisions; OP can and should love her through this, but not take on the burden of "fixing" her. he is not a professional and she is not his patient; his relationship is a spouse and father to their child.

not to put too fine a point on it, but you seem a bit high strung yourself, PP. have you had much experience dealing with loved ones with personality disorders? it can fray the nerves to the breaking point, so if you are dealing with something too be sure to help yourself too.

More importantly, he is a man in intense pain and suffering right now, bewildered and shell-shocked, expressing himself here and looking for support. Not a dressing down that you gave.

This is her third attempt *this year* and she was diagnosed with bipolar. Every attempt is terrifying and horrible and you wonder if they will make it, but part of what helps the patient get better is not suddenly responding to their attempts by "fixing" them. This creates positive reinforcement for the suicide attempts. I don't know if that is what is in play here, but being clear-eyed now can be more important than even when out of crisis mode and working on recovery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I just left her room a little while ago. She is breathing on her own, and was able to talk when I was there (they took out the ventilator when she woke up.) I just wanted to crawl into that bed with her and fix her. I've always been able to fix what was broken and now I can't fix the person who is the center of my whole world. There is no logical reason why she survived. This is her 3rd attempt in a year, her first attempt while under psychiatric care/drug regiment. My son, I think, will be ok. I lied to him to keep her secret. I have people who are listening, who are trying to understand, but I find I just tuned them out today. I am crumbling under the weight of this all.

Please, please, please. Get it out of your head that *you* can fix her. And you need to make her understand she has want to be better and do it herself. If she won't, don't let her destroy you and your son's life with her acts of violence. Because end of the day, suicide is an act of violence against oneself, and violence of any form is very dangerous for a developing child.

Get lost. This man is dealing with enough without you getting on your high horse and suggesting the miserable, doomed-to-fail tough "love" approach. I'm not in the habit of insulting strangers on the Internet, but I'll make an exception: go fuck yourself with a brick and stop spreading this poison. You sanctimonious ass-wipe.

what? there is nothing about tough love here. it's about setting up appropriate boundaries when dealing with loved ones with personality disorders, and realizing that the responsibility for their care begins and ends with the patient. it is not up to OP to fix her, nor feel like he has failed b/c he can't figure out how. his DW is an adult and will make her own decisions; OP can and should love her through this, but not take on the burden of "fixing" her. he is not a professional and she is not his patient; his relationship is a spouse and father to their child.

not to put too fine a point on it, but you seem a bit high strung yourself, PP. have you had much experience dealing with loved ones with personality disorders? it can fray the nerves to the breaking point, so if you are dealing with something too be sure to help yourself too.

More importantly, he is a man in intense pain and suffering right now, bewildered and shell-shocked, expressing himself here and looking for support. Not a dressing down that you gave.

This is her third attempt *this year* and she was diagnosed with bipolar. Every attempt is terrifying and horrible and you wonder if they will make it, but part of what helps the patient get better is not suddenly responding to their attempts by "fixing" them. This creates positive reinforcement for the suicide attempts. I don't know if that is what is in play here, but being clear-eyed now can be more important than even when out of crisis mode and working on recovery.

My point is that he is shell-shocked, but not bewildered. He has been here before. And I am trying to help him not get back here again, b/c it is a horrible horrible place, I know that from experience.

[Anonymous]

The doctor has just released her to come home tomorrow. I am in utter disbelief. This was by far her worst attempt, and she is just going home. I wanted her in inpatient, she fucking NEEDS inpatient. And they're sending her home. As happy as I am she is alive- and believe me I am deleriously happy- I don't want her at home right now. I am so afraid the next time neither of us will be so lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The doctor has just released her to come home tomorrow. I am in utter disbelief. This was by far her worst attempt, and she is just going home. I wanted her in inpatient, she fucking NEEDS inpatient. And they're sending her home. As happy as I am she is alive- and believe me I am deleriously happy- I don't want her at home right now. I am so afraid the next time neither of us will be so lucky.

Why don't they think she needs to be somewhere? Can you convince her to check herself in somewhere on her own?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The doctor has just released her to come home tomorrow. I am in utter disbelief. This was by far her worst attempt, and she is just going home. I wanted her in inpatient, she fucking NEEDS inpatient. And they're sending her home. As happy as I am she is alive- and believe me I am deleriously happy- I don't want her at home right now. I am so afraid the next time neither of us will be so lucky.

Then have her commited, and not to yoru usual hospital, you have to drive it and advocate on her behalf, just don't try to fix her or her issues, work with her. work on them together,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The doctor has just released her to come home tomorrow. I am in utter disbelief. This was by far her worst attempt, and she is just going home. I wanted her in inpatient, she fucking NEEDS inpatient. And they're sending her home. As happy as I am she is alive- and believe me I am deleriously happy- I don't want her at home right now. I am so afraid the next time neither of us will be so lucky.

Then have her commited, and not to yoru usual hospital, you have to drive it and advocate on her behalf, just don't try to fix her or her issues, work with her. work on them together,

The hospital psych said if she isn't open to inpatient therapy then it doesn't really do much good. So because she is refusing to go on her own they are just (what feels like) pushing her out. If I had of gone to bed like I had planned Tuesday night and not gone out to the LR to chat for a minute, my 9yo would have found her dead the next morning. Knowing that I leave for work at 6am and would have just assumed she fell asleep watching TV. She is sick, I can forgive her, I always do. But to know that my son came so close to an event that would have altered his future forever, that part I can not seem to move past.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am so sorry they are releasing her - that is how pathetic our privatized health care system is right now particularly for mental health needs. You need to FIGHT for inpatient - she tried to kill herself - trying to harm yourself or others is still the act needed. When my sib tried the same thing your wife did, he was in patient for 2 weeks at least following the attempt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am so sorry they are releasing her - that is how pathetic our privatized health care system is right now particularly for mental health needs. You need to FIGHT for inpatient - she tried to kill herself - trying to harm yourself or others is still the act needed. When my sib tried the same thing your wife did, he was in patient for 2 weeks at least following the attempt.

She has those bastards convinced it was an accident and not a suicide attempt. How fucking stupid can they be?!