My wife attempted suicide last night

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry OP, but glad you wrote here. I have family that has tried, and I once said to my husband that I felt close. He got angry and while understandable, it made me feel even more alone. I had post partum depression, and regular depression undiagnosed for years. I am on an antidepressant now and it has changed my life. Not made things perfect, but enabled me to deal with out going to the depths I know are out there. I say this as she needs love, support, an attempt at understanding. Believe me, she already feels guilty. Other than BPD or something similar, are there things she has done that she feels guilty about (spending, affair, hit your son, etc?) That is a common scenario. She needs unconditional love and help.

[Anonymous]

OMG, how awful OP. I am so sorry =( Many many (((HUGS))) to all three of you.

[Anonymous]

Holy cow, this is horrible to hear, OP. I'm so incredibly sorry for all of you. My mother attempted suicide and almost didn't make it and I was all the things you said - scared, angry, wanted to protect her, all of it. Years removed from it, all of it was valid. Please take care of yourself too. It's going to be difficult for everyone in the coming months.

[Anonymous]

Shepherd Pratt in Ellicott City is good. Start asking questions about a post discharge plan. Hospital will only stabilize her very short term. BTDT. one day at a time. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

My thoughts and prayers.

[Anonymous]

Thank God she survived. 700 pills is an incredible overdose.

[Anonymous]

I'm really sorry OP. My brother did the same thing this past summer. I have gotten counseling for myself to help better deal with the fact he's so unstable and depressed. That might help you too.

[Anonymous]

Thinking of you and your son, OP. My nephew attempted suicide and his father (my BIL) was so angry at him. It's a natural emotion, since you feel trapped by your wife's attempt. Best wishes to you.

[Anonymous]

I'm so glad she survived, OP. I lost my brother to bipolar disorder by suicide, and my mother attempted suicide a number of times when I was a child. I am so glad you are there for your child, and I am so glad that you love your wife and want to support her. It is really okay to be angry, too, and scared and hurt.

Unless you have reason to believe otherwise, please do approach this from the perspective that she was not in her right mind when she made this "choice". I read some really nasty judgmental posts above, and I think it's important to look at this from the knowledge that her brain is very, very broken right now, and not able to function in a way that allows her to see rational options in front of her. Just like kidney disease prevents those organs from functioning correctly, her brain illness is preventing her from seeing how much she is loved and needed and wanted. There's a really good chance that somehow her sick brain convinced her that what she did was best for you. (I had a really close friend who attempted suicide when her girls were young, 100% convinced that she was doing the best thing to ensure their happiness and security. It was completely nuts, but a totally unselfish gesture from the point of her crazy brain.) What she chose, depending on what her brain was telling her, was not necessarily selfish or weak or cruel. She might honestly have thought she was doing you a favor.

It is SO frustrating and heartbreaking when we can't just logic someone or love someone out of a brain illness. But if you think of it as an organ failing, how could love and logic ever be enough? You can't love a person enough to cure their heart disease or convince a liver to work properly by telling it all the reasons why we love it and want it to work properly. She needs medical treatment, but we are sadly still very much in the dark ages when it comes to treating the brain. Please try to forgive her if her brain can't see how much you guys love her and how much she needs treatment, just as you'd forgive her breasts for getting cancer or her intestines for having colitis. She's not choosing this.

And please do take care of yourself. The scary thing is that all the love in the world may not save your wife. Your child desperately needs you to be healthy, to be emotionally available, and to be dependable. I'm rooting for you so much.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry your family is going through this. I can only imagine how hard it must be to be feeling your own pain and feeling like you have to be strong for all three of you by yourself.

I just wanted to comment about the PP who said to avoid social workers. I think PP may be thinking about case workers/case managers. There are many, many excellent social workers who are trained to provide clinical therapy and may even specialize in suicide. I think you should definitely seek out someone to provide ongoing support for you, your son, and your wife (separately, I'd imagine) outside of the hospital social workers who are focused on short-term needs of transitioning the patient back home.

Wishing you strength and comfort for your whole family. You can do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so glad she survived, OP. I lost my brother to bipolar disorder by suicide, and my mother attempted suicide a number of times when I was a child. I am so glad you are there for your child, and I am so glad that you love your wife and want to support her. It is really okay to be angry, too, and scared and hurt.

Unless you have reason to believe otherwise, please do approach this from the perspective that she was not in her right mind when she made this "choice". I read some really nasty judgmental posts above, and I think it's important to look at this from the knowledge that her brain is very, very broken right now, and not able to function in a way that allows her to see rational options in front of her. Just like kidney disease prevents those organs from functioning correctly, her brain illness is preventing her from seeing how much she is loved and needed and wanted. There's a really good chance that somehow her sick brain convinced her that what she did was best for you. (I had a really close friend who attempted suicide when her girls were young, 100% convinced that she was doing the best thing to ensure their happiness and security. It was completely nuts, but a totally unselfish gesture from the point of her crazy brain.) What she chose, depending on what her brain was telling her, was not necessarily selfish or weak or cruel. She might honestly have thought she was doing you a favor.

It is SO frustrating and heartbreaking when we can't just logic someone or love someone out of a brain illness. But if you think of it as an organ failing, how could love and logic ever be enough? You can't love a person enough to cure their heart disease or convince a liver to work properly by telling it all the reasons why we love it and want it to work properly. She needs medical treatment, but we are sadly still very much in the dark ages when it comes to treating the brain. Please try to forgive her if her brain can't see how much you guys love her and how much she needs treatment, just as you'd forgive her breasts for getting cancer or her intestines for having colitis. She's not choosing this.

And please do take care of yourself. The scary thing is that all the love in the world may not save your wife. Your child desperately needs you to be healthy, to be emotionally available, and to be dependable. I'm rooting for you so much.

+1000000
Very wise words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so glad she survived, OP. I lost my brother to bipolar disorder by suicide, and my mother attempted suicide a number of times when I was a child. I am so glad you are there for your child, and I am so glad that you love your wife and want to support her. It is really okay to be angry, too, and scared and hurt.

Unless you have reason to believe otherwise, please do approach this from the perspective that she was not in her right mind when she made this "choice". I read some really nasty judgmental posts above, and I think it's important to look at this from the knowledge that her brain is very, very broken right now, and not able to function in a way that allows her to see rational options in front of her. Just like kidney disease prevents those organs from functioning correctly, her brain illness is preventing her from seeing how much she is loved and needed and wanted. There's a really good chance that somehow her sick brain convinced her that what she did was best for you. (I had a really close friend who attempted suicide when her girls were young, 100% convinced that she was doing the best thing to ensure their happiness and security. It was completely nuts, but a totally unselfish gesture from the point of her crazy brain.) What she chose, depending on what her brain was telling her, was not necessarily selfish or weak or cruel. She might honestly have thought she was doing you a favor.

It is SO frustrating and heartbreaking when we can't just logic someone or love someone out of a brain illness. But if you think of it as an organ failing, how could love and logic ever be enough? You can't love a person enough to cure their heart disease or convince a liver to work properly by telling it all the reasons why we love it and want it to work properly. She needs medical treatment, but we are sadly still very much in the dark ages when it comes to treating the brain. Please try to forgive her if her brain can't see how much you guys love her and how much she needs treatment, just as you'd forgive her breasts for getting cancer or her intestines for having colitis. She's not choosing this.

And please do take care of yourself. The scary thing is that all the love in the world may not save your wife. Your child desperately needs you to be healthy, to be emotionally available, and to be dependable. I'm rooting for you so much.

+1000000
Very wise words.

ITA with all this.

Keeping you and your family in my thoughts OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so sorry you're all going though this awful experience. I lost my best friend to suicide and there are moments when I feel that anger you have described. It is totally normal. As others have said, please take care of yourself. Don't hesitate to reach out for all the support you need. There are kind and gifted souls out there who can and will help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so glad she survived, OP. I lost my brother to bipolar disorder by suicide, and my mother attempted suicide a number of times when I was a child. I am so glad you are there for your child, and I am so glad that you love your wife and want to support her. It is really okay to be angry, too, and scared and hurt.

Unless you have reason to believe otherwise, please do approach this from the perspective that she was not in her right mind when she made this "choice". I read some really nasty judgmental posts above, and I think it's important to look at this from the knowledge that her brain is very, very broken right now, and not able to function in a way that allows her to see rational options in front of her. Just like kidney disease prevents those organs from functioning correctly, her brain illness is preventing her from seeing how much she is loved and needed and wanted. There's a really good chance that somehow her sick brain convinced her that what she did was best for you. (I had a really close friend who attempted suicide when her girls were young, 100% convinced that she was doing the best thing to ensure their happiness and security. It was completely nuts, but a totally unselfish gesture from the point of her crazy brain.) What she chose, depending on what her brain was telling her, was not necessarily selfish or weak or cruel. She might honestly have thought she was doing you a favor.

It is SO frustrating and heartbreaking when we can't just logic someone or love someone out of a brain illness. But if you think of it as an organ failing, how could love and logic ever be enough? You can't love a person enough to cure their heart disease or convince a liver to work properly by telling it all the reasons why we love it and want it to work properly. She needs medical treatment, but we are sadly still very much in the dark ages when it comes to treating the brain. Please try to forgive her if her brain can't see how much you guys love her and how much she needs treatment, just as you'd forgive her breasts for getting cancer or her intestines for having colitis. She's not choosing this.

And please do take care of yourself. The scary thing is that all the love in the world may not save your wife. Your child desperately needs you to be healthy, to be emotionally available, and to be dependable. I'm rooting for you so much.

This is probably the wisest thing I've ever read on DCUM.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, OP. You have a heavy burden to bear right now, but it sounds like you are a strong person and an excellent partner and parent. Don't be afraid to reach out for support whenever you need it, to whomever. Don't be afraid to keep asking until you find someone who will help you. There are excellent professionals out there who know how to help you and your wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so glad she survived, OP. I lost my brother to bipolar disorder by suicide, and my mother attempted suicide a number of times when I was a child. I am so glad you are there for your child, and I am so glad that you love your wife and want to support her. It is really okay to be angry, too, and scared and hurt.

Unless you have reason to believe otherwise, please do approach this from the perspective that she was not in her right mind when she made this "choice". I read some really nasty judgmental posts above, and I think it's important to look at this from the knowledge that her brain is very, very broken right now, and not able to function in a way that allows her to see rational options in front of her. Just like kidney disease prevents those organs from functioning correctly, her brain illness is preventing her from seeing how much she is loved and needed and wanted. There's a really good chance that somehow her sick brain convinced her that what she did was best for you. (I had a really close friend who attempted suicide when her girls were young, 100% convinced that she was doing the best thing to ensure their happiness and security. It was completely nuts, but a totally unselfish gesture from the point of her crazy brain.) What she chose, depending on what her brain was telling her, was not necessarily selfish or weak or cruel. She might honestly have thought she was doing you a favor.

It is SO frustrating and heartbreaking when we can't just logic someone or love someone out of a brain illness. But if you think of it as an organ failing, how could love and logic ever be enough? You can't love a person enough to cure their heart disease or convince a liver to work properly by telling it all the reasons why we love it and want it to work properly. She needs medical treatment, but we are sadly still very much in the dark ages when it comes to treating the brain. Please try to forgive her if her brain can't see how much you guys love her and how much she needs treatment, just as you'd forgive her breasts for getting cancer or her intestines for having colitis. She's not choosing this.

And please do take care of yourself. The scary thing is that all the love in the world may not save your wife. Your child desperately needs you to be healthy, to be emotionally available, and to be dependable. I'm rooting for you so much.

It sounds like you haven't been the primary caretaker of someone with mental illness. This is different than organ failure or heart disease.

The disease itself drives them to refuse treatment, actively rail against it, or grasp at their caretakers to "fix" them. But end of the day, OP, you need to realize the ONLY person who can really help your wife, who can really make her better, is herself. She has to do the work, she has to embrace the treatment; and lots of mental health treatment feels hokey and silly (which is partly why many very smart people with depression have such a difficult time with the therapies).

Your job is to love her, and tell her you want to be there with her to get better, and you have to just wait and see if she will make progress. But always be mindful that you can't cure her, and to look out for the well being of your child and yourself as she tackles her demons.