Calling a fatherless boy "son"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What do you think is the appropriate next step?

For your son to learn to control his anger? I mean look, I understand why he doesn't like it and it's rude for teacher to insist, even if he uses 'son' like some people use 'buddy'. But to be trembling with rage? I think your son is having a lot of troubles surrounding his dad and they should be addressed. This is a symptom, not the problem.

I agree.

I agree, too, but who does that, call their student "son"? Is that common? Or is he from another culture?

Calling some "son" is a pretty common way for adult men to address young boys in the African American culture. It's a warm word, that fits with the notion of the black community as extended family, and relates to the use of other family related terms (brother or sister for an adult about your age, calling an older woman Mama or Auntie, young kids referring to each other as "play cousins") in the culture.

If you've grown up using a term in a certain way, it can be hard to stop it. I grew up calling my father and other adult men "sir". It's what was expected in my household. As an adult, living in this area, I've learned that some men don't like it. People tell me "You know me too well to call me that", which makes me laugh because of course I know my father better than any of them. Stopping calling people "sir", and remembering which people to stop with, is actually really hard. I used to slip up all the time. My guess is that your son's teacher feels the same way.

I'll also add as the mother of a fatherless boy, that his reaction is very concerning. Have you considered therapy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What do you think is the appropriate next step?

For your son to learn to control his anger? I mean look, I understand why he doesn't like it and it's rude for teacher to insist, even if he uses 'son' like some people use 'buddy'. But to be trembling with rage? I think your son is having a lot of troubles surrounding his dad and they should be addressed. This is a symptom, not the problem.

I agree.

I agree, too, but who does that, call their student "son"? Is that common? Or is he from another culture?

Calling some "son" is a pretty common way for adult men to address young boys in the African American culture. It's a warm word, that fits with the notion of the black community as extended family, and relates to the use of other family related terms (brother or sister for an adult about your age, calling an older woman Mama or Auntie, young kids referring to each other as "play cousins") in the culture.

If you've grown up using a term in a certain way, it can be hard to stop it. I grew up calling my father and other adult men "sir". It's what was expected in my household. As an adult, living in this area, I've learned that some men don't like it. People tell me "You know me too well to call me that", which makes me laugh because of course I know my father better than any of them. Stopping calling people "sir", and remembering which people to stop with, is actually really hard. I used to slip up all the time. My guess is that your son's teacher feels the same way.

I'll also add as the mother of a fatherless boy, that his reaction is very concerning. Have you considered therapy?

Once someone has told you repeatedly to stop calling them something that offends them do you stop?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What do you think is the appropriate next step?

For your son to learn to control his anger? I mean look, I understand why he doesn't like it and it's rude for teacher to insist, even if he uses 'son' like some people use 'buddy'. But to be trembling with rage? I think your son is having a lot of troubles surrounding his dad and they should be addressed. This is a symptom, not the problem.

I agree.

I agree, too, but who does that, call their student "son"? Is that common? Or is he from another culture?

Calling some "son" is a pretty common way for adult men to address young boys in the African American culture. It's a warm word, that fits with the notion of the black community as extended family, and relates to the use of other family related terms (brother or sister for an adult about your age, calling an older woman Mama or Auntie, young kids referring to each other as "play cousins") in the culture.

If you've grown up using a term in a certain way, it can be hard to stop it. I grew up calling my father and other adult men "sir". It's what was expected in my household. As an adult, living in this area, I've learned that some men don't like it. People tell me "You know me too well to call me that", which makes me laugh because of course I know my father better than any of them. Stopping calling people "sir", and remembering which people to stop with, is actually really hard. I used to slip up all the time. My guess is that your son's teacher feels the same way.

I'll also add as the mother of a fatherless boy, that his reaction is very concerning. Have you considered therapy?

Once someone has told you repeatedly to stop calling them something that offends them do you stop?

The teacher can stop calling him "son" but the real issue is her DS's reaction. Rage over someone referring to you as son? A simple term like "honey"? The child clearly needs therapy stat. I wouldn't waste another day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:13:43 again -- It's worth noting that in some communities, calling someone "son" is equivalent to patronizing them. (There's actually an urban dictionary entry on "sonning" someone.)

But in other communities, its a caring term for young men. Actually in communities where there is "sonning", its used out of care as well. Honestly, the last time I heard sonning was in early 90s rap, the kid won't know about that.

I concur to use both strategies, talk to teach and get kid some help- not either or

This. He probably means it affectionately:

Definition #7. a familiar term of address to a man or boy from an older person, an ecclesiastic, etc.

[Anonymous]

If you tell a teacher something as simple as stop calling my child "son" they should stop. I would have a problem too because that is not your son's name and it bothers him. That teacher is a jerk and I would keep an eye on him and tell the principal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What do you think is the appropriate next step?

For your son to learn to control his anger? I mean look, I understand why he doesn't like it and it's rude for teacher to insist, even if he uses 'son' like some people use 'buddy'. But to be trembling with rage? I think your son is having a lot of troubles surrounding his dad and they should be addressed. This is a symptom, not the problem.

I agree.

I agree, too, but who does that, call their student "son"? Is that common? Or is he from another culture?

Calling some "son" is a pretty common way for adult men to address young boys in the African American culture. It's a warm word, that fits with the notion of the black community as extended family, and relates to the use of other family related terms (brother or sister for an adult about your age, calling an older woman Mama or Auntie, young kids referring to each other as "play cousins") in the culture.

If you've grown up using a term in a certain way, it can be hard to stop it. I grew up calling my father and other adult men "sir". It's what was expected in my household. As an adult, living in this area, I've learned that some men don't like it. People tell me "You know me too well to call me that", which makes me laugh because of course I know my father better than any of them. Stopping calling people "sir", and remembering which people to stop with, is actually really hard. I used to slip up all the time. My guess is that your son's teacher feels the same way.

I'll also add as the mother of a fatherless boy, that his reaction is very concerning. Have you considered therapy?

Once someone has told you repeatedly to stop calling them something that offends them do you stop?

I'd try. As a high school teacher who sees 150 kids a day, if there was a term I was used to using to refer to students, I can see slipping up and forgetting which of the 150 students asked me not to use it. Although, I admit that if I had a kid who was "shaking with rage" because I slipped up like this I'd probably remember, if only because I'd be having a meeting with his counselor that day to discuss his reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What do you think is the appropriate next step?

For your son to learn to control his anger? I mean look, I understand why he doesn't like it and it's rude for teacher to insist, even if he uses 'son' like some people use 'buddy'. But to be trembling with rage? I think your son is having a lot of troubles surrounding his dad and they should be addressed. This is a symptom, not the problem.

I agree.

I agree, too, but who does that, call their student "son"? Is that common? Or is he from another culture?

Calling some "son" is a pretty common way for adult men to address young boys in the African American culture. It's a warm word, that fits with the notion of the black community as extended family, and relates to the use of other family related terms (brother or sister for an adult about your age, calling an older woman Mama or Auntie, young kids referring to each other as "play cousins") in the culture.

If you've grown up using a term in a certain way, it can be hard to stop it. I grew up calling my father and other adult men "sir". It's what was expected in my household. As an adult, living in this area, I've learned that some men don't like it. People tell me "You know me too well to call me that", which makes me laugh because of course I know my father better than any of them. Stopping calling people "sir", and remembering which people to stop with, is actually really hard. I used to slip up all the time. My guess is that your son's teacher feels the same way.

I'll also add as the mother of a fatherless boy, that his reaction is very concerning. Have you considered therapy?

Once someone has told you repeatedly to stop calling them something that offends them do you stop?

The teacher can stop calling him "son" but the real issue is her DS's reaction. Rage over someone referring to you as son? A simple term like "honey"? The child clearly needs therapy stat. I wouldn't waste another day.

No.
The kid asked the teacher to stop and the teacher didn't. Feeling angry at someon who's clearly bullying you because they're a figure of authority is completely normal.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think at this point you should consider talking to the teacher directly. He is an authority over your child and not responding to a very appropriate request. Your child has attempted to correct a form of address that is making him unhappy -- and done the right thing by talking to you about it (yay for that!). As a parent, you have every right to talk to the teacher yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: and a potential pedophile at worst.

You are crazy.

And you've never heard of grooming.

[Anonymous]

OP...I get it. I totally get it. I hate when people do this. I don't care what other people think: Nobody has the right to call anybody son or daughter except for the parents of a child (unless the child agrees of course!). I also disagree with people calling me sweetheart, baby, sweety, honey (many servers do that as we probably all know) and even though I know they mean well I will request people to stop if I am bothered by it.

Your son hasn't been heard or respected by his teacher. Now it's time you talk to the man and tell him "Please do not call my son "son" anymore. He is not your son and has requested several times you call him by his first name." If the teacher still refuses I would absolutely talk to the principal. There is zero need to discuss your family situation - your son has the right to be called by his first name as his teacher is in no way related to him. It is not okay to do this if your son is bothered by it. It shows a clear lack of respect and care if a teacher doesn't honor a child's wish to be called by their first name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What do you think is the appropriate next step?

For your son to learn to control his anger? I mean look, I understand why he doesn't like it and it's rude for teacher to insist, even if he uses 'son' like some people use 'buddy'. But to be trembling with rage? I think your son is having a lot of troubles surrounding his dad and they should be addressed. This is a symptom, not the problem.

I agree.

I agree, too, but who does that, call their student "son"? Is that common? Or is he from another culture?

Calling some "son" is a pretty common way for adult men to address young boys in the African American culture. It's a warm word, that fits with the notion of the black community as extended family, and relates to the use of other family related terms (brother or sister for an adult about your age, calling an older woman Mama or Auntie, young kids referring to each other as "play cousins") in the culture.

If you've grown up using a term in a certain way, it can be hard to stop it. I grew up calling my father and other adult men "sir". It's what was expected in my household. As an adult, living in this area, I've learned that some men don't like it. People tell me "You know me too well to call me that", which makes me laugh because of course I know my father better than any of them. Stopping calling people "sir", and remembering which people to stop with, is actually really hard. I used to slip up all the time. My guess is that your son's teacher feels the same way.

I'll also add as the mother of a fatherless boy, that his reaction is very concerning. Have you considered therapy?

Once someone has told you repeatedly to stop calling them something that offends them do you stop?

The teacher can stop calling him "son" but the real issue is her DS's reaction. Rage over someone referring to you as son? A simple term like "honey"? The child clearly needs therapy stat. I wouldn't waste another day.

No.
The kid asked the teacher to stop and the teacher didn't. Feeling angry at someon who's clearly bullying you because they're a figure of authority is completely normal.

Really? Calling you son or any other pet name is bullying? If you consider this bullying than maybe we all need to have a discussion about what bullying actually is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: and a potential pedophile at worst.

You are crazy.

And you've never heard of grooming.

Well I'm pretty sure that grooming is less effective when you are making the kid tremble with rage from the effort of not hitting you.

[Anonymous]

What did you decide to do OP?

[Anonymous]

I am from the south and its not that uncommon for older folks to refer to young men as "son". Its a term of endearment and usually comes if the older man is in some type of mentoring type position. Or maybe a close neigbhor/frined of the family.
Don't know if its specific to AAs, we are white FWIW. However, if the teacher was told to stop she should have stopped.

[Anonymous]

I am experiencing a total disconnect with some of the posters here who are calling the teacher a bully and advocating that the mother complain to the principal. It does remind me of the nickname thread in which the teacher wasn't using the child's preferred nickname and everyone was so furious at the teacher. I get it, really, that it's annoying when people are not careful, responsive, considerate, etc., but one of the most important lessons we teach our children is how to be resilient and that they cannot control other people, only their response to other people. In this case, the child's response is so unhealthy that it's clear the issue is *not* the inconsiderate/old/patronizing teacher. OP would be far better served by giving her son the tools he needs to cope with a world that is not always going to be respectful of his feelings.