Calling a fatherless boy "son"

[Anonymous]

One of my son's teachers keeps calling him "son." My son's father is not in his life and it's a touchy subject for him. He has asked the teacher "Please call me Jake or Jacob." "Please don't call me that, I really hate it." The teacher keeps doing it. My son has come home basically trembling with rage telling me about this - he said it takes all his self-restraint to not punch him.

What do you think is the appropriate next step?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What do you think is the appropriate next step?

For your son to learn to control his anger? I mean look, I understand why he doesn't like it and it's rude for teacher to insist, even if he uses 'son' like some people use 'buddy'. But to be trembling with rage? I think your son is having a lot of troubles surrounding his dad and they should be addressed. This is a symptom, not the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What do you think is the appropriate next step?

For your son to learn to control his anger? I mean look, I understand why he doesn't like it and it's rude for teacher to insist, even if he uses 'son' like some people use 'buddy'. But to be trembling with rage? I think your son is having a lot of troubles surrounding his dad and they should be addressed. This is a symptom, not the problem.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Is the teacher using that phrase with all the boys? Or just your son?

[Anonymous]

I'm pp, but the words I think your son should say are: Stop saying that. I am not your son.

I think the teacher would stop when put like that.

[Anonymous]

Are you implying that someone can only be a "son" if they have a father? I'm a woman and I call my DS, son. I don't get the issue here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What do you think is the appropriate next step?

For your son to learn to control his anger? I mean look, I understand why he doesn't like it and it's rude for teacher to insist, even if he uses 'son' like some people use 'buddy'. But to be trembling with rage? I think your son is having a lot of troubles surrounding his dad and they should be addressed. This is a symptom, not the problem.

I agree.

I agree, too, but who does that, call their student "son"? Is that common? Or is he from another culture?

[Anonymous]

The teacher probably can't always remember names so just goes with "son."

You need to help your son work on placing his emotions in the right direction/person.

[Anonymous]

The issue is that you are calling YOUR DS 'son', not other people who may be sensitive about the father/son relationship.

[Anonymous]

Contact the teacher. Assume positive intentions--the teacher has meant it in a kind, caring way and didn't hear your son's request.

You don't have to go into great detail about your family. Simply ask the teacher to refer to him as his given name. Thank the teacher for his/her time and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the teacher using that phrase with all the boys? Or just your son?

I asked the same question. He says just him.

[Anonymous]

How old is he? I would consider emailing the teacher that because of his family situation, that Larlo is particularly sensitive to people using that term with him, and you'd appreciate it if he could avoid it in the future.

Though I agree with pp's that some therapy is warranted if that I'd the sort of thing that is setting him off.

[Anonymous]

OP, I mean this in a non-snarky way- if this is causing your son to tremble and to have to actively try not to punch someone, you need to get him in therapy right away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is he? I would consider emailing the teacher that because of his family situation, that Larlo is particularly sensitive to people using that term with him, and you'd appreciate it if he could avoid it in the future.

Though I agree with pp's that some therapy is warranted if that I'd the sort of thing that is setting him off.

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[Anonymous]

While I don't dismiss your child being upset that he is not being called by his name I am unclear on what is particularly offensive about "son". Your son is still a son even with no father in the picture. He is your son. Is it b/c a male authority figure is calling him son? I assume yes b/c you must refer to him as son without him getting angry. As others have said if the teacher calls all the boys son and your child is so upset about it you need to address this with your son. Why does that word bother him so much? As was said by PP this is a symptom of a larger problem.