Calling a fatherless boy "son"

[Anonymous]

Wow...Your son is already showing signs of a Type A personality here.

The teacher is not trying to be offensive...He is just treating your son in a kind manner.

He should be so blessed to have such a kind and caring adult in his adult.

I would encourage him to look at things from another perspective here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:13:43 again -- It's worth noting that in some communities, calling someone "son" is equivalent to patronizing them. (There's actually an urban dictionary entry on "sonning" someone.)

But in other communities, its a caring term for young men. Actually in communities where there is "sonning", its used out of care as well. Honestly, the last time I heard sonning was in early 90s rap, the kid won't know about that.

I concur to use both strategies, talk to teach and get kid some help- not either or

+1000

[Anonymous]

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What do you think is the appropriate next step?

For your son to learn to control his anger? I mean look, I understand why he doesn't like it and it's rude for teacher to insist, even if he uses 'son' like some people use 'buddy'. But to be trembling with rage? I think your son is having a lot of troubles surrounding his dad and they should be addressed. This is a symptom, not the problem.

I agree.

I agree, too, but who does that, call their student "son"? Is that common? Or is he from another culture?

Calling some "son" is a pretty common way for adult men to address young boys in the African American culture. It's a warm word, that fits with the notion of the black community as extended family, and relates to the use of other family related terms (brother or sister for an adult about your age, calling an older woman Mama or Auntie, young kids referring to each other as "play cousins") in the culture.

If you've grown up using a term in a certain way, it can be hard to stop it. I grew up calling my father and other adult men "sir". It's what was expected in my household. As an adult, living in this area, I've learned that some men don't like it. People tell me "You know me too well to call me that", which makes me laugh because of course I know my father better than any of them. Stopping calling people "sir", and remembering which people to stop with, is actually really hard. I used to slip up all the time. My guess is that your son's teacher feels the same way.

I'll also add as the mother of a fatherless boy, that his reaction is very concerning. Have you considered therapy?

Once someone has told you repeatedly to stop calling them something that offends them do you stop?

The teacher can stop calling him "son" but the real issue is her DS's reaction. Rage over someone referring to you as son? A simple term like "honey"? The child clearly needs therapy stat. I wouldn't waste another day.

No.
The kid asked the teacher to stop and the teacher didn't. Feeling angry at someon who's clearly bullying you because they're a figure of authority is completely normal.

Really? Calling you son or any other pet name is bullying? If you consider this bullying than maybe we all need to have a discussion about what bullying actually is.

You're not that smart are you?
Bullying is calling someone anything they already told you not to call them. And use your authority over this person to humiliate and shame them.

[Anonymous]

Is your son going to punch a cop in the face who pulls him over when he's sixteen and happens to call him "son"? I would be very worried about his mental health, OP.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry this annoys your son, OP, but just because he doesn't have a father doesn't mean people aren't going to use this term. He has a mother, clearly.

This is one of those times I sit down, hug my sensitive boy and in the nicest way possible have a "toughen up, cupcake, life is hard" talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow...Your son is already showing signs of a Type A personality here.

The teacher is not trying to be offensive...He is just treating your son in a kind manner.

He should be so blessed to have such a kind and caring adult in his adult.

I would encourage him to look at things from another perspective here.

Wow. You should come back and say this after your boss keeps calling you -and only you- sweetie. In front of your colleagues and peers.

People defending the teacher should keep in mind that the teacher is singling this boy out. He's not calling all boys son. Those that say its a southern thing or polite or say he does it when he forgets names would have a point if the teacher called all male students son. But he is singling out the OPs son.

And its happening repeatedly. For the pp tha thinks OPs son will rage against a cop that pulls him over, it wouldn't happen because it would be a one time thing.

And for those that think OPs son has anger issues? You guys are crazy. The boy handles it great. He is managing his anger. He dealt with it the first and second and third and probably 100th time, and comes home and talks to his mom about how it makes him feel. That is appropriate. Folks, it's normal to get angry. He has every right to his feel I GS. And he's addressing those feelings appropriately.

I agree with others who say that because the teacher is singling out OPs son, is an authority figure and does it over and over and over and over again despite repeated requests to stop. The teacher is a jerk, bullying this boy, or something else.

[Anonymous]

You are just making shit up, last PP. The OP did not say that the teacher singled her son out and only called him "son." She said that her son didn't like it, not that he was the only one.

You can't just change the story to fit your notions of persecution, and neither should OP's kid. This sounds like something the teacher does as a habit to young boys, and OP's son needs to get a compassionate hug from Mom and some coping techniques. Because he is making a mountain out of a molehill.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the teacher using that phrase with all the boys? Or just your son?

I asked the same question. He says just him.

Seems like he's grooming him. This would worry me a lot.

If it really is just OPs son who is being called "son" I would be very concerned about this, too. I think it is possible, though, that he may not notice the teacher doing it to others. When something annoys you, it is going to jump out at you and you will notice it more than other things that are happening.

[Anonymous]

I'll bet that the teacher calls other kids the same thing. The kid in question is too busy being offended to notice.

[Anonymous]

Bigger problem with your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are just making shit up, last PP. The OP did not say that the teacher singled her son out and only called him "son." She said that her son didn't like it, not that he was the only one.

You can't just change the story to fit your notions of persecution, and neither should OP's kid. This sounds like something the teacher does as a habit to young boys, and OP's son needs to get a compassionate hug from Mom and some coping techniques. Because he is making a mountain out of a molehill.

Not the PP you are lecturing, but you missed OP's post where she said that her son reports only he is being called "son". Save your condescending tone until you've read the thread carefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are just making shit up, last PP. The OP did not say that the teacher singled her son out and only called him "son." She said that her son didn't like it, not that he was the only one.

You can't just change the story to fit your notions of persecution, and neither should OP's kid. This sounds like something the teacher does as a habit to young boys, and OP's son needs to get a compassionate hug from Mom and some coping techniques. Because he is making a mountain out of a molehill.

I'm the pp you're quoting and the OP specifically said she asked her son if teacher calls everyone that and he said no, just him. You must have missed that post.

[Anonymous]

your child has a chip on hisnshoulder he needs to work out. that said, he is a kid so you and the school should help him get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the teacher using that phrase with all the boys? Or just your son?

I asked the same question. He says just him.

Seems like he's grooming him. This would worry me a lot.

If it really is just OPs son who is being called "son" I would be very concerned about this, too. I think it is possible, though, that he may not notice the teacher doing it to others. When something annoys you, it is going to jump out at you and you will notice it more than other things that are happening.

+1. How would he know unless he was there for every encounter the teacher had with every other student. Highly improbable.

[Anonymous]

The teacher needs to can it. It's disrespectful and rude to call someone a name they don't wish to be addressed by. Also, it's overstepping a boundary. He's not his son.

Advocate for your child and never mind those who say that your son is wrong for feeling annoyed. He has every right to.