Boyfriend doesn't like that I make more money that him..

[Anonymous]

What do you love about him? You listed a bunch of very non-love able things that will only get worse with time. He's showing his true colors. Get out now. I hope that you don't live with him.

[Anonymous]

It isn't the money. His behavior is disturbing. I make more money than my husband and always have. My husband likes that I make more than he does. This guy has issues. Cut it off now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My lovely but now dreadful boyfriend of 9 months told me over the weekend that I should " pick another career choice " because he doesn't like the fact that I will " be the bread winner". I'm in grad school and will make double what he does but he still makes great money. Lately in realizing what I thought was cute behavior is now worrying me. I believe he may be a narcissist. He tries to control me, texts/calls constantly, he is very much into himself and he is " special". Literally told me that. He recently decided the timeline of when we will get married and have kids. He started calling me names and demeaning me when he doesn't like what I have to say or doesn't get his way. I'm so ready to end it with him but I love him.

OMG. You sound like me 20 years ago. I wasted far too long with that man. He desperately wanted to marry me, but I dragged my feet, knowing inside that something was wrong. I made myself smaller and smaller, hoping that he would be "OK" when he felt more secure with himself. But, it never ends. I finally left him when he threatened to hit me for the second time. (Yes, it will descend to that if you stay on this path; he is already emotionally abusing you.)

Here is what I would say to myself -- Leave now. The person you think you love does not exist. Even if you do love this person, you do not have to stay with him. There are many people in the course of our lives we will love. But, choosing to stay with someone that you love depends on many more things -- do you have the same values and goals, do you treat each other well, will you take care of each other in ups and downs, will the other person help you to be the best person you can be?

I think you know the answer to these questions. Leave now. This person is taking up space that you could be using to develop yourself and your relationships with other more supportive people.

[Anonymous]

OP please get out - there is something seriously wrong with this guy.

My DH would love it if I made more money than him!

You are so young, and I see no reason for you to waste what could be your best years with such a man.

This coming from a SAHM who hasn't out-earned DH since our newlywed years.

[Anonymous]

beyond being a narcissist, he just doesn't seem very bright. he wants you to switch fields when you have already invested money in grad school? just strange.

[Anonymous]

Get out. Get out now.

[Anonymous]

He will likely also be threatened by your advanced education, thus increasing his insecurity and his "need" to diminish you; you will then diminish yourself as the PP said she did, to survive. Doesn't sound like a good life for you OP. You may feel you love him but you also have to love yourself and do what is best for you and your life first and foremost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you people think OP is real? I am beginning to wonder.

I believe it. I have friends with such low self esteem that they let guys treat them like dirt because they love them.

A woman with high self esteem would have run as soon as he turned into a jerk
A woman with moderate self esteem would wait it out and once the whole salary thing started, she would have dumped him
A woman with low self esteem puts up with all of it then turns to a forum to ask what to do because even though he's an asshole and treats her like crap, she loves him.

It's really, really sad. Unfortunately I'm starting to lose friends because I can't put up with them constantly complaining about their asshole boyfriends and yet always choosing to stay with them!

Please get yourself in therapy OP.

[Anonymous]

I have seen this relationship with a few friends as well as myself.

30+ year guy old dating early 20s woman. Initially the 20 YO is flattered - the older more worldly guy is interested in them. The guy's ego is inflated - see- I still got it, I got the college hottie.

Then he starts getting possessive - you are socializing with his friends only. (An isolation strategy).

Now he sees that he might lose you b/c you will have more power ($$) than he ever will.

He will start getting desperate - showing up at your doorstep and other places where you do not expect him.

Will send flowers and gifts to work and others will think it is sweet so you rethink your relationship.

Please cut him off now! You are witnessing his true colors -there is nothing that is about nuturing you in this relationship.

A relationship is a partnership - you support each other and make each other better. It does not sound like he adds anything to you.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

It's OP. I am very real so stop asking that. The odd thing is I have always had high self-esteem. For some reason recently I haven't. He makes everything seem like its my fault. I literally thought it was and would try everything to fix it. I realize how stupid that was. It was never me. I do believe he has serious issues and I did break it off after a fight yesterday. I have notices he goes after younger wome ( 21-25) and they are usually attractive to very attractive. The older women around (26-29) are less attractive. My friend said its an ego boost to get a " young hottie" and they will generally have less life experience and won't catch onto his tricks right away. The older women are a little less naive but not very attractive so they put up with it. My ex is attractive and so am I ( been scouted to model). He did say he would never date a woman his age or older, possibly because they will pick up on his craziness right away.

He is a lawyer in NY so he has a great degree and money ( to the poster who commented on that).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's OP. I am very real so stop asking that. The odd thing is I have always had high self-esteem. For some reason recently I haven't. He makes everything seem like its my fault. I literally thought it was and would try everything to fix it. I realize how stupid that was. It was never me. I do believe he has serious issues and I did break it off after a fight yesterday. I have notices he goes after younger wome ( 21-25) and they are usually attractive to very attractive. The older women around (26-29) are less attractive. My friend said its an ego boost to get a " young hottie" and they will generally have less life experience and won't catch onto his tricks right away. The older women are a little less naive but not very attractive so they put up with it. My ex is attractive and so am I ( been scouted to model). He did say he would never date a woman his age or older, possibly because they will pick up on his craziness right away.

He is a lawyer in NY so he has a great degree and money ( to the poster who commented on that).

OP, HE IS THE REASON. Don't be embarrassed -- this happens to tons of women, regardless of self-esteem, intellect, SES, whatever. You got roped up with a creep, who lured you in. It happens. Luckily, you found out and got out. Celebrate that -- it's an enormous piece of good luck!

[Anonymous]

"but I love him.."

That sounds like a line abusive women always say as an excuse as to why they stay w/their abusive men.

I am not saying your boyfriend is an abuser per say OP, but his behavior is going in that direction. He does have the potential to become one so I strongly advise you to leave sooner rather than later.

Sure you love him, but love will not help you when he tries to take over your life in a few years and you find yourself isolated from friends and family.

Trust me...You will need more than his love to sustain yourself in life.

[Anonymous]

If you are going to make more than a lawyer who already makes a lot you definitely don't need him to have a nice couple income. Are you in this area or also in NYC? If not int eh same time, I would say great. That will make it easier to break it off and move forward. Look what you are investing in your grad school studies. You're doing it because your life is worth it. So have that same attitude towards relationships. You will find someone else. He has demeaned you enough. Sounds like a total jerk. Best wishes. You deserve better.

[Anonymous]

I am a basement dwelling virgin and I want a girlfriend like you T.T