Boyfriend doesn't like that I make more money that him..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My lovely but now dreadful boyfriend of 9 months told me over the weekend that I should " pick another career choice " because he doesn't like the fact that I will " be the bread winner". I'm in grad school and will make double what he does but he still makes great money. Lately in realizing what I thought was cute behavior is now worrying me. I believe he may be a narcissist. He tries to control me, texts/calls constantly, he is very much into himself and he is " special". Literally told me that. He recently decided the timeline of when we will get married and have kids. He started calling me names and demeaning me when he doesn't like what I have to say or doesn't get his way. I'm so ready to end it with him but I love him.

What a winner. So many red flags, I don't even know where to begin.

Like people have said time and time again. Women are attracted to asshole qualities. They're lucky if they actually see the light.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my defense I am 23 and don't have much dating experience and he is 30. He didnt act like this until a month ago. He was a little needy but besides that he has been really good to me. It's like this other side came out of nowhere. I keep wondering if maybe something is wrong and he will go back to his " normal" self? I've read, from a psychologist, that if a person is nice in the beginning and then sudden changes into a less nice person, that is their true colors. The nice guy act was only to get me. He could only hide his true colors for a little. Is that even true?

LOL, you can't make this up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:actually support an ex wife to some degree, at least for a little while longer (not child support).

What is wrong with you?

I had a self-image built around being the breadwinner.

I know guys like that. They think they're doing the "right thing," then out of nowhere, their broads file for divorce, get custody and the house, and they wonder where they went wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this is why men keep treating good women like shit.

you are a smart woman on the cusp of a successful career. how in the world are you still with this guy (9 months!) after so many crazy red flags??? and how in the world are you still even unsure of what to do??????


- one absolutely befuddled single dad

How do you know she's smart? She could be dumb as bricks for as much as you know.

[Anonymous]

Oh man, my DREAM is to date a naive 23 y/o woman like OP. Would be so, so much fun.

[Anonymous]

Read about marriages in which the woman is the breadwinner. Read the research literature. Male on female abuse is not unheard of in such marriages, probably due exactly to people like your boyfriend. Just get busier and busier with your studies OP and fade the relationship out so he can save face and believe the relationship was just unworkable. What you describes makes me think he could make things difficult if you just dump him. He does not sound like a good match for you OP. There are other people out there for you to love and he will likely find someone else to love him so don't worry about him. It doesn't have to be you. It's not good to be tied down to someone older than you right now when you will be finishing school and wanting to take advantage of all the opportunities available to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish my wife made more money than me.

+1 same here brother.

Amen. Until my last job change where I stepped into a technical supervisory role, my wife made more money than me. I got a significant step up in salary to equal hers. With twins and a double daycare that is almost as much as our mortgage, how I wish she had gotten a similar "raise". We could use the money.

OP--people who just start dating are always on their best behavior trying so hard to please/appeal to the new partner. As time goes on, they relax the best behavior and start to show their true self. Unfortunately, with the facade fading, you are seeing his true colors. And, the problem is that the problems are not going to go away, in fact they will continue in that strain. He is a control-freak and potential abuser. My sister was in a relationship like that. They were matched by an on-line dating service, had a whirlwind romance and after about a year, they were married. An early warning sign was that despite the fact that they had no particular timetable or conflicts, he insisted that they get married (at a justice of the peace no less) on the weekend that I was graduating college and he wouldn't budge. She moved into his house that had wrought iron gates on every door with double barrelled locks. You needed a key that was in the kitchen to get out of the house. He had surveillance cameras on all doors into/out of the house that he could watch from a security screen in his office (he worked from home). After a few years, my niece was born. My sister was not allowed to work (he insisted on a traditional SAH wife/mother) and my sister was only allowed out at certain times of the day for specific amounts of time. After about 8 years, he got more and more controlling. Finally, he started drinking more and more and verbally abusing her, telling her the usual, she's worthless, she would be nothing without him (he figured because he was rich, he was better than her). When she contemplated leaving he told her that she could leave at any time by walking out the door, leaving everything behind including my niece. My sister had no intention of leaving her there, and when she finally tried to leave with my niece, he took my niece away, shoved my sister out the door and tried to slam the door. The problem was she wasn't out the door and was caught in the door. She was black and blue from shoulder to knee. She fought her way back into the house to protect my niece. She managed to contact my sister-in-law (brother's ex-wife) who lived in the same town. My SIL came the next day when he was working and got sister and niece out of the house, when he wasn't paying attention. She took them to a hotel across town and called a friend who the AH didn't know and had that friend come and check my sister and niece into the hotel under that name.

And his behavior started out similar to your BF's. Don't become another statistic. Don't get that close. He's a predator. Don't become his prey. Appreciate that you love him, but that he doesn't love you, he wants to own you like a possession, not partner you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish my wife made more money than me.

My wife is pushing 250. I have no problem with it. We went to college together and never dreamed we would be making this kind of money. Life is good.

[Anonymous]

OP, read 'Crazy Love.' And get out. The very fact you're posting here tells you that you know something's wrong.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't really care about you. He wants someone younger and more vulnerable to make him feel special, powerful, and in control. Your salary is making that difficult and he WILL take it out on you in other ways. He is miserable and he will make sure you are too. GET OUT.

[Anonymous]

How can you even get wet for a man who's so insecure ?

[Anonymous]

He sounds domineering and insecure and very much like the type who will not handle a relationship OR a breakup well. Get rid of him. Unfortunately I know this type - he won't make it easy so don't break up with and then take his calls/let him persuade you to get back together/any of that. Break it off once, nicely but firmly, and then stick to your guns and discontinue contact. The quicker the better. Before the holidays.

[Anonymous]

Op, let us know how the breakup goes.

[Anonymous]

Do you people think OP is real? I am beginning to wonder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:actually support an ex wife to some degree, at least for a little while longer (not child support).

What is wrong with you?

heh..you're funny...nothing is wrong with me, other than having a conscience...

I had a self-image built around being the breadwinner.

I know guys like that. They think they're doing the "right thing," then out of nowhere, their broads file for divorce, get custody and the house, and they wonder where they went wrong.

...and letting her have the house was the price of my conscience. . I was the one who filed for divorce, no kids. If I'd stayed, it would have still been an unhappy and unsatisfying situation for me, continuing to foot the entire bill, not just part, and instead I'm free. Please don't co-opt my story as another case history for the bullshit MRA victimhood parade.