I can't handle the competition at K

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So DD started K this year and she ended up in a class with her friend and our good friends' daughter. The other girl is pretty bright, she's also very competitive and has a people-pleaser personality. So she tries extra hard. She became teacher's pet. The teacher is an older country woman who likes the proper manners and "nice" girls.

My DD isn't competitive at all. My DD is a little quirky and shy, and although grasps things quickly, she's not as verbal.

I've just read that the other girl got into the special honors club already and ouch, that hurts that my DD didn't. Despite the fact that I supplement an hour a day with her at home and she's making good progress.

Is this a joke?

[Anonymous]

Methinks you have no life, OP.

[Anonymous]

I don't even know any kids in my child's class.
Your child is going to school, not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What the hell IS an "honors club?" I've been a public school teacher for 14 years and an administrator for 10 years (always at the elementary level). I've taught in 3 different states and have never heard of an "honors club."

I've heard of the Natiional Honor Society but nothing at the elementary level. Please explain this honors club and what exactly it entails.

Principal Ambassador’s Club. They spend special time with the principal and get special accolades and treats. They're being distinguished from other students.

Gross and phony. What kind of school does this to five year olds? Some weird British thing?

I'm British. Please don't blame this on Brits. Certainly never anything I ever encountered in Britain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What the hell IS an "honors club?" I've been a public school teacher for 14 years and an administrator for 10 years (always at the elementary level). I've taught in 3 different states and have never heard of an "honors club."

I've heard of the Natiional Honor Society but nothing at the elementary level. Please explain this honors club and what exactly it entails.

Principal Ambassador’s Club. They spend special time with the principal and get special accolades and treats. They're being distinguished from other students.

Gross and phony. What kind of school does this to five year olds? Some weird British thing?

I'm British. Please don't blame this on Brits. Certainly never anything I ever encountered in Britain.

+1. Not British, but lived there for a long time. If anything, Brits are much more diffident about awards etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Then I don't understand at all. Your daughter's friend get an award for something you don't value anyway. Why does this upset you? Why are you being competitive about this?

I guess I'm upset because it seems that introverts and non-cookie cutter kids don't get as much attention at school. My DD is pretty well-behaved and is at a good level academically. But she's not the one to yell "Me! Me! I know the answer!". She's also shy so she knows a lot more than she'll volunteer to disclose. She doesn't actively seek approval from others. And I worry that she is not valued by the teacher and the school as much as extroverted kids.

I also think that all this focus on compliance and good behavior (which is what K is really about) is mostly for teacher's convenience so that the class is manageable, but doesn't benefit the children as much. I'm starting to sympathize with complaints of boys' parents.

PS

From my personal observations I think I know the recipe of how to raise over-achieving kids, but that's not how I'm raising DD: Treat your kids like crap, criticize them and they'll spend an entire life trying to secure approval and praise from others and over-achieve to prove that they're actually good enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That club sounds insipid and sucky. Can you tell us the school?

I'd rather not. It'll be very easy to find out who I'm and I'd like to remain anonymous. But thank you all for feedback, it's been helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Then I don't understand at all. Your daughter's friend get an award for something you don't value anyway. Why does this upset you? Why are you being competitive about this?

I guess I'm upset because it seems that introverts and non-cookie cutter kids don't get as much attention at school. My DD is pretty well-behaved and is at a good level academically. But she's not the one to yell "Me! Me! I know the answer!". She's also shy so she knows a lot more than she'll volunteer to disclose. She doesn't actively seek approval from others. And I worry that she is not valued by the teacher and the school as much as extroverted kids.

I also think that all this focus on compliance and good behavior (which is what K is really about) is mostly for teacher's convenience so that the class is manageable, but doesn't benefit the children as much. I'm starting to sympathize with complaints of boys' parents.

PS

From my personal observations I think I know the recipe of how to raise over-achieving kids, but that's not how I'm raising DD: Treat your kids like crap, criticize them and they'll spend an entire life trying to secure approval and praise from others and over-achieve to prove that they're actually good enough.

I think your feelings are normal. I have a son who doesn't behave well at school, but is exceptionally curious, bright, and passionate about his interests. He's a really cool kid- but not easy to manage in the classroom. We.listen to teachers and try to help our son modify his behavior, but occasionally it does get to me that teachers seem to marginalize his good qualities and complain about his difficult qualities. I've learned over the years that I know my kid best and we have to have a thick skin when it comes to this stuff.

[Anonymous]

I think that at the kindergarten level that is as it should be, OP. That's really the most important thing to success in the early years. I say this as a mom of a kid who is very advanced academically despite us doing nothing at home for DC in this regard. A previous poster in a different thread said that some kids in K need to work on their academics and some on their social skills and that the latter are more important. My DC is one of those who needs to work on good behavior and obedience.

I'm saying this in the nicest possible way because I completely agree with you about how much this situation stinks for your daughter. No school should be putting that kind of pressure on kids at that age. I don't think our school does this but if they did you can bet I'd be as upset as you about it. It sounds like your child has nice manners and does well academically but just doesn't kiss up to the teacher and therefore doesn't get recognized. I think there's nothing wrong with you or your child. You just had the bad luck to have a bad teacher.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So what I'm seeing is that the elementary school system values good behavior and obedience above all. That's sad.

[Anonymous]

From my personal observations I think I know the recipe of how to raise over-achieving kids, but that's not how I'm raising DD: Treat your kids like crap, criticize them and they'll spend an entire life trying to secure approval and praise from others and over-achieve to prove that they're actually good enough.

OP, you are sadly mistaken if you think that teaching your child good behavior is "treating them like crap." On the contrary, you are helping your child get along in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Then I don't understand at all. Your daughter's friend get an award for something you don't value anyway. Why does this upset you? Why are you being competitive about this?

I guess I'm upset because it seems that introverts and non-cookie cutter kids don't get as much attention at school. My DD is pretty well-behaved and is at a good level academically. But she's not the one to yell "Me! Me! I know the answer!". She's also shy so she knows a lot more than she'll volunteer to disclose. She doesn't actively seek approval from others. And I worry that she is not valued by the teacher and the school as much as extroverted kids.

I also think that all this focus on compliance and good behavior (which is what K is really about) is mostly for teacher's convenience so that the class is manageable, but doesn't benefit the children as much. I'm starting to sympathize with complaints of boys' parents.

PS

From my personal observations I think I know the recipe of how to raise over-achieving kids, but that's not how I'm raising DD: Treat your kids like crap, criticize them and they'll spend an entire life trying to secure approval and praise from others and over-achieve to prove that they're actually good enough.

How doesn't it benefit a Kindergartner to learn to follow rules and show good behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Then I don't understand at all. Your daughter's friend get an award for something you don't value anyway. Why does this upset you? Why are you being competitive about this?

I guess I'm upset because it seems that introverts and non-cookie cutter kids don't get as much attention at school. My DD is pretty well-behaved and is at a good level academically. But she's not the one to yell "Me! Me! I know the answer!". She's also shy so she knows a lot more than she'll volunteer to disclose. She doesn't actively seek approval from others. And I worry that she is not valued by the teacher and the school as much as extroverted kids.

I also think that all this focus on compliance and good behavior (which is what K is really about) is mostly for teacher's convenience so that the class is manageable, but doesn't benefit the children as much. I'm starting to sympathize with complaints of boys' parents.

PS

From my personal observations I think I know the recipe of how to raise over-achieving kids, but that's not how I'm raising DD: Treat your kids like crap, criticize them and they'll spend an entire life trying to secure approval and praise from others and over-achieve to prove that they're actually good enough.

How doesn't it benefit a Kindergartner to learn to follow rules and show good behavior?

If they don't have that part down then the academics aren't going to help them be successful in school.

[Anonymous]

Wonder how OP thinks it would work if none of the kids in K were "treated like crap" and taught good manners?

[Anonymous]

Is this school in another country?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I guess I'm upset because it seems that introverts and non-cookie cutter kids don't get as much attention at school. My DD is pretty well-behaved and is at a good level academically. But she's not the one to yell "Me! Me! I know the answer!". She's also shy so she knows a lot more than she'll volunteer to disclose. She doesn't actively seek approval from others. And I worry that she is not valued by the teacher and the school as much as extroverted kids.

I also think that all this focus on compliance and good behavior (which is what K is really about) is mostly for teacher's convenience so that the class is manageable, but doesn't benefit the children as much. I'm starting to sympathize with complaints of boys' parents.

I think you are making a broad generalization from your six week school experience. My experience with three kids, two of whom are boys, who are now high school and middle school ages is that teachers are not more attracted to kids who vie for attention than to kids who beat to their own drum. Also, your issue is nothing like the experience of parents who have boys. You really should try not to look for things to be upset about. Be happy for your friend and her child and appreciate yours for who she is, which is a child who is shy, quirky, not as verbal as others in her class and not eligible for the special honors program.