College parent helicoptering!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the posts I've seen on my kid's class page are along the lines of, "Any Disney movie fans here? Movie marathon in my dorm?" or "anyone planning to do intramurals?"

What would a parent even ASK? Very weird.

"My son will be in X dorm. Who cleans the bathrooms? It has been a heated debate in our house about whether or not to bring cleaning supplies!"

Is your son going to an area where cleaning supplies aren't available for purchase. Seriously, this is what you're debating? Your kid must think you're psycho.

OP here. Those are the kind of questions I saw. I didn't ask them! The funny thing is the college in question is in Philly. Very isolated, no Walgreens/Targets anywhere apparently!

[Anonymous]

It is not the norm, parents being overly involved! My son is entering college in the fall ... I drop him off in two weeks. I have never seen his Facebook Class of 2018 page. I have asked him to look out for a few things (I forget what!) and ask about bring an older computer. Students were discuss the latter. I am also letting him choose his major. We let him handle forms, including medical through his doctor. DS has a job, gets around on public transportation. (Not driving yet. It's DC. Doesn't need to.)

[Anonymous]

Mom of three college kids here. Our oldest graduated from college last year. I couldn't tell you if there even is a Facebook page for their dorms. I vaguely know what classes they are taking. I have no idea when their classes take place. I have no idea what time they are in class. I have no idea where they are or what they are doing during their free time. I couldn't email their professors even if I wanted to because I don't know the specific courses they are taking. I don't know the balance of their checking accounts. I know there grades are good because they tell me they are. They could be lying.

In other words, after they left for college, I allowed them to learn to function as adults. I simply cannot fathom the way some parents continue to infanalize their adult children. After they graduate, are you going to call the interviewer to help them get a job? Are you going to call their boss when they are late for work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom of three college kids here. Our oldest graduated from college last year. I couldn't tell you if there even is a Facebook page for their dorms. I vaguely know what classes they are taking. I have no idea when their classes take place. I have no idea what time they are in class. I have no idea where they are or what they are doing during their free time. I couldn't email their professors even if I wanted to because I don't know the specific courses they are taking. I don't know the balance of their checking accounts. I know there grades are good because they tell me they are. They could be lying.

In other words, after they left for college, I allowed them to learn to function as adults. I simply cannot fathom the way some parents continue to infanalize their adult children. After they graduate, are you going to call the interviewer to help them get a job? Are you going to call their boss when they are late for work?

Yes they will because they want to make sure they are getting a good ROI apparently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now that some on this thread have acknowledged a family history of social interaction disorders, I think it is best to let this thread end. Nuff said.

I'm PP, mother of DS with Aspergers, and I don't get your point.

First PP was being horrifically insensitive and disparaging towards such students and families. Shame on you!!!

After working for some years at a state university, I have observed two kinds of parents who helicopter:

1. The overachiever parent whose child is perfectly capable of handling most things (with a few omissions here and there, but that's how they learn) and who embarrasses his/her own child. That type usually is trying to satisfy his own curiosity/insecurities about university life and tries to hide some of his most egregious activities from his offspring, knowing very well they are a source of shame for their child. If caught by their child, they try to brazen things out.

2. The parent of a special needs child who is merely doing his duty in making doubly sure his child has correctly interpreted a given situation. Since needs vary widely, there is no set type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now that some on this thread have acknowledged a family history of social interaction disorders, I think it is best to let this thread end. Nuff said.

I'm PP, mother of DS with Aspergers, and I don't get your point.

First PP was being horrifically insensitive and disparaging towards such students and families. Shame on you!!!

After working for some years at a state university, I have observed two kinds of parents who helicopter:

1. The overachiever parent whose child is perfectly capable of handling most things (with a few omissions here and there, but that's how they learn) and who embarrasses his/her own child. That type usually is trying to satisfy his own curiosity/insecurities about university life and tries to hide some of his most egregious activities from his offspring, knowing very well they are a source of shame for their child. If caught by their child, they try to brazen things out.

2. The parent of a special needs child who is merely doing his duty in making doubly sure his child has correctly interpreted a given situation. Since needs vary widely, there is no set type.

OK, but I'm PP (mother of child with Aspergers) and my previous post said I would NEVER interfere and post in the student facebook page, and I don't think its an excuse. To the contrary, stepping in like that would him seem like a loser. Which is why I don't understand what this other poster meant. I'm the one who "acknowledged" my DS' diagnosis. Since I was arguing against the helicoptering, I don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Agreed. I have a socially awkward, shy kid and would never post on a student's page. That would make him stand out even more - why would that be a good thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the posts I've seen on my kid's class page are along the lines of, "Any Disney movie fans here? Movie marathon in my dorm?" or "anyone planning to do intramurals?"

What would a parent even ASK? Very weird.

"My son will be in X dorm. Who cleans the bathrooms? It has been a heated debate in our house about whether or not to bring cleaning supplies!"

Bwahahahaha!

Good one rotor mom!

I just snorted wine out of my nose. Please tell me this post was in jest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the posts I've seen on my kid's class page are along the lines of, "Any Disney movie fans here? Movie marathon in my dorm?" or "anyone planning to do intramurals?"

What would a parent even ASK? Very weird.

"My son will be in X dorm. Who cleans the bathrooms? It has been a heated debate in our house about whether or not to bring cleaning supplies!"

Bwahahahaha!

Good one rotor mom!

I just snorted wine out of my nose. Please tell me this post was in jest

I don't get why this is funny? Every dorm tour I've been on with kids the tour guided tells you whether the bathroom is cleaned by a service or by the room occupants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the posts I've seen on my kid's class page are along the lines of, "Any Disney movie fans here? Movie marathon in my dorm?" or "anyone planning to do intramurals?"

What would a parent even ASK? Very weird.

"My son will be in X dorm. Who cleans the bathrooms? It has been a heated debate in our house about whether or not to bring cleaning supplies!"

Bwahahahaha!

Good one rotor mom!

I just snorted wine out of my nose. Please tell me this post was in jest

I don't get why this is funny? Every dorm tour I've been on with kids the tour guided tells you whether the bathroom is cleaned by a service or by the room occupants.

You don't see the humor of posting something like this on your son's college facebook page?

Really and truly?

My amazement doesn't even take into account that you have raised a child to nearly adulthood who is incapable of figuring out if he needs to Clorox wipe his toilet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the posts I've seen on my kid's class page are along the lines of, "Any Disney movie fans here? Movie marathon in my dorm?" or "anyone planning to do intramurals?"

What would a parent even ASK? Very weird.

"My son will be in X dorm. Who cleans the bathrooms? It has been a heated debate in our house about whether or not to bring cleaning supplies!"

Bwahahahaha!

Good one rotor mom!

I just snorted wine out of my nose. Please tell me this post was in jest

OP here who posted the bathroom comment. I didn't post that - it was one of the posts I saw and thought it was ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

"My son will be in X dorm. Who cleans the bathrooms? It has been a heated debate in our house about whether or not to bring cleaning supplies!"

I wonder if Snowflake even knows how to clean a bathroom.

I spent the second week of college teaching other kids how to operate washing machines and dryers. I had been responsible for my own laundry since I was 11, and I was shocked that a parent would send their kid to college without teaching them such a basic skill. I wondered how someone could get to be 18 and not know this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

"My son will be in X dorm. Who cleans the bathrooms? It has been a heated debate in our house about whether or not to bring cleaning supplies!"

I wonder if Snowflake even knows how to clean a bathroom.

I spent the second week of college teaching other kids how to operate washing machines and dryers. I had been responsible for my own laundry since I was 11, and I was shocked that a parent would send their kid to college without teaching them such a basic skill. I wondered how someone could get to be 18 and not know this.

The housekeeper always does the laundry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:College prof here --- Parents who help with college papers are preventing their kids from learning. Parents who contact professors or administrators on their child's behalf get a reputation as nutbags. When we have to write a letter of recommendation for your child for grad school or a job, we are not inclined to describe them as mature, self-starters, energetic go-getters, etc.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom of three college kids here. Our oldest graduated from college last year. I couldn't tell you if there even is a Facebook page for their dorms. I vaguely know what classes they are taking. I have no idea when their classes take place. I have no idea what time they are in class. I have no idea where they are or what they are doing during their free time. I couldn't email their professors even if I wanted to because I don't know the specific courses they are taking. I don't know the balance of their checking accounts. I know there grades are good because they tell me they are. They could be lying.

In other words, after they left for college, I allowed them to learn to function as adults. I simply cannot fathom the way some parents continue to infanalize their adult children. After they graduate, are you going to call the interviewer to help them get a job? Are you going to call their boss when they are late for work?

That's what I was thinking, reading this thread. Did my parents even have any idea what classes I was taking? I don't think so. Freshman year we registered for classes after we got to campus---it was part of orientation. Then you registered at the end of each semester for the next one, while on campus. I don't remember even discussing (the choices) with my parents. They knew generally what I was taking because I would say stuff like "I'm working on a history paper due next Friday" but would not have been able to track down a prof, even if they had been nutty enough to want to do so.

I think the big difference in the "ROI" question is that my parents felt that I was responsible for getting a quality education. If they had concerns, they would not have asked my professors about it, they would have told me to.