Dating your Ex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uh...Why did someone post a picture of Corey Monteith on here? Am I missing something....??!

I have a question OP. Why did you break up w/him if you do not mind me asking?

Anyway, I think he is being so guarded is because since you broke up w/him before, he is just being "careful" this time around and doesn't want to get his heart broken which is understandable. So he probably won't be in any big rush to jump into anything exclusive for awhile.

However since you both are going away for the weekend, I am assuming you both will be staying in the same room and if that is indeed the case, then it is assumed that you both will be sleeping together finally.

Not necessarily. I've gone away for the wknd with guys and not slept with them.

Plus it sounds like they live in different cities, that's why she's spending the wknd with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- I did love him and still do. I just really had to focus on school, because I was feeling overwhelmed and worried I wasn't going to graduate. I had to put all my attention towards my degree and didn't even date anyone else until I graduated. After that I moved to DC and figured it was too late, so I tried to stay friends. He's very sensitive and loving and I know I hurt him. I've said I'm sorry and have tried to do everything I can to show him that I am sorry. I've been really patient with him, because he said he's really guarded and not willing to let down his walls yet. But I don't know if that's just his say if saying he wants yo casually date others just not that into me? Or maybe he just wants ex-sex? Things have gotten flirty over text... When we dated before he was so into me right away, always calling and texting non stop. Now I just kind of hear from him once a week or other times like 50 texts a day, then nothing for a week. It's like an elastic band!! Anyways I just wanted to know if this is how people really act when they're guarded or if I'm wasting my time?? It's going to be hard to go away for the weekend together and not have anything happen physically, but if that's just going to scare him away then I really don't want to have sex with him. Any other guy I would be so outta here and not put up with his issues, but I feel like maybe the issues are kind of my fault, and I'm trying to be understanding.

If you bailed on him when you were having personal stress issues, why would you still stay with him when you have another stressful event in the future? Let him go so he can fall in live with a woman who can be depended upon through good times and bad.

[Anonymous]

An ex and long-distance? Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- I did love him and still do. I just really had to focus on school, because I was feeling overwhelmed and worried I wasn't going to graduate. I had to put all my attention towards my degree and didn't even date anyone else until I graduated. After that I moved to DC and figured it was too late, so I tried to stay friends. He's very sensitive and loving and I know I hurt him. I've said I'm sorry and have tried to do everything I can to show him that I am sorry. I've been really patient with him, because he said he's really guarded and not willing to let down his walls yet. But I don't know if that's just his say if saying he wants yo casually date others just not that into me? Or maybe he just wants ex-sex? Things have gotten flirty over text... When we dated before he was so into me right away, always calling and texting non stop. Now I just kind of hear from him once a week or other times like 50 texts a day, then nothing for a week. It's like an elastic band!! Anyways I just wanted to know if this is how people really act when they're guarded or if I'm wasting my time?? It's going to be hard to go away for the weekend together and not have anything happen physically, but if that's just going to scare him away then I really don't want to have sex with him. Any other guy I would be so outta here and not put up with his issues, but I feel like maybe the issues are kind of my fault, and I'm trying to be understanding.

I don't think you love him honestly. If you did you would be doing anything and everything you could to "go get your man". And when I say go get your man, I don't mean sleeping with him until the time is right for the both of you. If you love him you would be thinking of him morning noon and night and be willing to do anything to get his trust back.

You say that he is guarded, and frankly you are too. You are both vulnerable right now and both in the same boat. Since you dumped him it's your responsibility to make things right. You need to tell him :
"Look. John. I screwed up on us five years ago. I love you, always have and don't ever want to lose you again. I am crazy about you. I am crazy about us. I want us back and I want us, for forever. Please forgive me." Then kiss him and screw his brains out!

Isn't this what you would want from him? ^^ I would also say this the first night or day that you see him. Don't waste time and wait until Sunday.

If you don't feel like you would drive cross country to try to get your man per say, cancel the weekend as you are just leading him and yourself on.

[Anonymous]

What happened,OP?

FWIW, I can understand him being guarded. What happens if you have/get a super stressful job and close down on him again? I get stress - went to law school and worked in a big law firm doing litigation- but I never dumped my then-boyfriend/now-husband. So, even if it was very difficult for you (which I don't doubt), he might wonder how you would be able to prioritize or at least not terminate a relationship in the future. That can be emotionally scary.

I hope you both end up in a good place, whatever that may entail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What happened,OP?

FWIW, I can understand him being guarded. What happens if you have/get a super stressful job and close down on him again? I get stress - went to law school and worked in a big law firm doing litigation- but I never dumped my then-boyfriend/now-husband. So, even if it was very difficult for you (which I don't doubt), he might wonder how you would be able to prioritize or at least not terminate a relationship in the future. That can be emotionally scary.

I hope you both end up in a good place, whatever that may entail.

+1

Hope it went well, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP here- We went away for the weekend and had the talk (no sex yet!!) and we are going to try things again. We are exclusive. Seeing him next weekend

Thanks for all the advice!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- We went away for the weekend and had the talk (no sex yet!!) and we are going to try things again. We are exclusive. Seeing him next weekend

Thanks for all the advice!!!

OP, was thinking about you and glad you were able to talk some things out. It sounds like you two were a couple that stopped seeing each other but never really broke up. Please understand that this is a very big step for him. You are asking him to take more of a chance than two people ordinarily would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- Yes, Wharton and it was really hard. I pretty much cried my entire last year. I don't want to say anything just yet because I'm worried he's going to be scared away. But I don't sleep around, so obviously a relationship status will have to be discussed before any sex happens. I was just wondering if this is typical behavior for guys who have been hurt? I'm not guarded at all and don't understand why we can't just go back to where we were.

My ex went to Wharton. He never studied. Got the degree. Had a great time and did not cry through it. No one cares about those grades. You're buying membership to an exclusive club, lets be honest. Shell out the hundred thousands to get it. It's not a trade school liked medicine or law, so much of it is having fun and networking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- We went away for the weekend and had the talk (no sex yet!!) and we are going to try things again. We are exclusive. Seeing him next weekend

Thanks for all the advice!!!

I got back together with an ex, 6 years later/. We are making it work. We hurt each other a lot when we broke up in college and though we loved each other, we couldn't make it work out of stubbornness. While we are both still stubborn, we understand that our relationship won't work without sacrifices and that we want to be together.

Happy for you, OP!

[Anonymous]

Good news, OP! Now stick with it!