Dating your Ex

[Anonymous]

We weren't married, just a serious relationship 5 years ago. We remained friends, and started casually dating again. How long is it reasonable to 'date' your Ex before having sex? Asking to be exclusive? It's really hard not to have sex with him because 1) it was really really good and 2) we know each other so well. He's really guarded this time around (I broke up with him) and doesn't act like he used to around me. We used to talk for hours and he would text me every day, now I can go over a week without hearing from him. We are going away together this weekend, but I really have no idea if this is just breakup sex or if he actually likes me? Yes I realize by asking him I could find out, but he's so guarded I don't want to scare him away.

[Anonymous]

Guy here

You make my head spin.

[Anonymous]

You dumped him. Was it you who asked him to rekindle this arrangement?

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Why did you break up with him 5 years ago?
And how did he take it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We weren't married, just a serious relationship 5 years ago. We remained friends, and started casually dating again. How long is it reasonable to 'date' your Ex before having sex? Asking to be exclusive? It's really hard not to have sex with him because 1) it was really really good and 2) we know each other so well. He's really guarded this time around (I broke up with him) and doesn't act like he used to around me. We used to talk for hours and he would text me every day, now I can go over a week without hearing from him. We are going away together this weekend, but I really have no idea if this is just breakup sex or if he actually likes me? Yes I realize by asking him I could find out, but he's so guarded I don't want to scare him away.

A man who would seriously again date a woman who broke up with him is an idiot. When women leaves a guy, she has thought about it for a long time and already left the room. He probably is looking to get some sex, which is a major mistake if he still has feelings for you.

[Anonymous]

I did this. We broke up because he cheated on me. Then he wanted to get back together, so I was dumb and said okay. Then he cheated on me again. At least he married the girl he cheated on me with the second time. Don't date your ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did this. We broke up because he cheated on me. Then he wanted to get back together, so I was dumb and said okay. Then he cheated on me again. At least he married the girl he cheated on me with the second time. Don't date your ex.

More evidence of women rewarding bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

I have an ex I occasionally fantasize about getting together with again, but really: you know how that story ends, and the odds are usually very good the same issues will re-appear. I can't blame him for being cautious - I was dumped by my ex and I'd be very cautious around her again too. She dumped me kind of out of the blue, but I'm with PP @15:40, when women end it, it's usually been over for a while...at least as far as she's concerned...why are you getting back together with him and why did you end it the first time?

[Anonymous]

I broke up with him because it got too serious and I was in the last year of my MBA. No cheating or anything. I think it was kind of mutual starting to hang out again? We didn't see each other since the break up but always stated in touch on social media. Then 6 months ago we decided to meet for lunch, lunch lasted 6 hours. He kissed me goodnight which I wasn't really expecting but it was nice! Then we had dinner a few weeks later, kiss again. He invited me to stay with him for the weekend (He still lives in Philly, I'm in DC now) and I was really excited to spend time with him again. Then he randomly sent me a text saying he was really guarded and not ready to date and that he was still in a really bad place about the breakup. So I said okay, but I was sad. Then we started talking again recently and he said he really wants to see me, so we are meeting up between our two cities. We have mutual friends so I know he's not dating anyone else right now, but still can't understand why he just disappeared a few months ago. Anyways, he's a really good guy and I've always regretted breaking up with him but had to focus on my last year of school. Plus he still lives in philly so I didn't see him after we broke up (I moved away for my job). I'm just really confused why he wants to see me this weekrnd and if its just ex-sex or what?!! I'm not giving it up, FYI but I just don't understand him. Is he just really guarded now or playing games? Our mutual friends say he's not dating anyone.

[Anonymous]

I always thought that breaking up due to "being busy with school", etc was code for just not being all that into the person. You weren't in love with him...but it sounds like his feelings for you at the time went deeper. What do you want from him this time around - are you open to a real relationship?

[Anonymous]

Op here- I did love him and still do. I just really had to focus on school, because I was feeling overwhelmed and worried I wasn't going to graduate. I had to put all my attention towards my degree and didn't even date anyone else until I graduated. After that I moved to DC and figured it was too late, so I tried to stay friends. He's very sensitive and loving and I know I hurt him. I've said I'm sorry and have tried to do everything I can to show him that I am sorry. I've been really patient with him, because he said he's really guarded and not willing to let down his walls yet. But I don't know if that's just his say if saying he wants yo casually date others just not that into me? Or maybe he just wants ex-sex? Things have gotten flirty over text... When we dated before he was so into me right away, always calling and texting non stop. Now I just kind of hear from him once a week or other times like 50 texts a day, then nothing for a week. It's like an elastic band!! Anyways I just wanted to know if this is how people really act when they're guarded or if I'm wasting my time?? It's going to be hard to go away for the weekend together and not have anything happen physically, but if that's just going to scare him away then I really don't want to have sex with him. Any other guy I would be so outta here and not put up with his issues, but I feel like maybe the issues are kind of my fault, and I'm trying to be understanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I broke up with him because it got too serious and I was in the last year of my MBA. No cheating or anything. I think it was kind of mutual starting to hang out again? We didn't see each other since the break up but always stated in touch on social media. Then 6 months ago we decided to meet for lunch, lunch lasted 6 hours. He kissed me goodnight which I wasn't really expecting but it was nice! Then we had dinner a few weeks later, kiss again. He invited me to stay with him for the weekend (He still lives in Philly, I'm in DC now) and I was really excited to spend time with him again. Then he randomly sent me a text saying he was really guarded and not ready to date and that he was still in a really bad place about the breakup. So I said okay, but I was sad. Then we started talking again recently and he said he really wants to see me, so we are meeting up between our two cities. We have mutual friends so I know he's not dating anyone else right now, but still can't understand why he just disappeared a few months ago. Anyways, he's a really good guy and I've always regretted breaking up with him but had to focus on my last year of school. Plus he still lives in philly so I didn't see him after we broke up (I moved away for my job). I'm just really confused why he wants to see me this weekrnd and if its just ex-sex or what?!! I'm not giving it up, FYI but I just don't understand him. Is he just really guarded now or playing games? Our mutual friends say he's not dating anyone.

Five years later and he is not dating anyone and still in a bad place regarding the breakup? That is nuts. I am a guy and hate hearing about a fellow man feeling this way. He should have moved on eons ago. Personally, I think you should call it off if he doesn't. This doesn't sound like it is going to lead to a good ending.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for all the typos

[Anonymous]

OP- Just to clarify he has dated other people in the past 5 years, he's just not dating anyone right now. After we broke up he got a girlfriend who cheated on him and things ended really badly. So yeah. He's been really hurt, not just by me. I just want to give him a hug whenever I think about how he must have felt.