Dating your Ex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I broke up with him because it got too serious and I was in the last year of my MBA. No cheating or anything. I think it was kind of mutual starting to hang out again? We didn't see each other since the break up but always stated in touch on social media. Then 6 months ago we decided to meet for lunch, lunch lasted 6 hours. He kissed me goodnight which I wasn't really expecting but it was nice! Then we had dinner a few weeks later, kiss again. He invited me to stay with him for the weekend (He still lives in Philly, I'm in DC now) and I was really excited to spend time with him again. Then he randomly sent me a text saying he was really guarded and not ready to date and that he was still in a really bad place about the breakup. So I said okay, but I was sad. Then we started talking again recently and he said he really wants to see me, so we are meeting up between our two cities. We have mutual friends so I know he's not dating anyone else right now, but still can't understand why he just disappeared a few months ago. Anyways, he's a really good guy and I've always regretted breaking up with him but had to focus on my last year of school. Plus he still lives in philly so I didn't see him after we broke up (I moved away for my job). I'm just really confused why he wants to see me this weekrnd and if its just ex-sex or what?!! I'm not giving it up, FYI but I just don't understand him. Is he just really guarded now or playing games? Our mutual friends say he's not dating anyone.

Jesus, you are insufferable. And, please, hit the return key every sentence or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- Just to clarify he has dated other people in the past 5 years, he's just not dating anyone right now. After we broke up he got a girlfriend who cheated on him and things ended really badly. So yeah. He's been really hurt, not just by me. I just want to give him a hug whenever I think about how he must have felt.

You sound like you are trying to help a damaged bird. Look, do both of you want to get back together because you feel that some issues have been resolved or not? Do you envision any kind of future with him? An ex and I got back together five years later and it did not work out because the same games she played when we dated resurfaced.

[Anonymous]

I did that once. We dated in HS...things went LD when college started...you know how that ended....5 years later, we were in the same town when I was in grad school. We dated...but we had both changed.

[Anonymous]

OP----

[Anonymous]

If you were in love with him you would not have broken up with him because you were getting an MBA. Who can't be in love and study at the same time. I mean the perfect study break is sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were in love with him you would not have broken up with him because you were getting an MBA. Who can't be in love and study at the same time. I mean the perfect study break is sex.

Speaking of sex, if I were this guy, I would just take her from behind and pull her hair at the same time, then move on. She probably discusses this with her girlfriends while having fufu drinks at some bar.

[Anonymous]

^^

OP Here- I have short hair, sorry...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were in love with him you would not have broken up with him because you were getting an MBA. Who can't be in love and study at the same time. I mean the perfect study break is sex.

PP here and yeah, I never could have broken up with someone I was into and actually loved because I needed to study.
I don't get it, so maybe neither does your ex. Though I do think that timing plays a huge role in relationships, and maybe you wouldn't make that same choice today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were in love with him you would not have broken up with him because you were getting an MBA. Who can't be in love and study at the same time. I mean the perfect study break is sex.

PP here and yeah, I never could have broken up with someone I was into and actually loved because I needed to study.
I don't get it, so maybe neither does your ex. Though I do think that timing plays a huge role in relationships, and maybe you wouldn't make that same choice today.

All that being said, he doesn't get a pass to play mind games with you just because you hurt him badly five years ago.
If he can't be honest and direct with you then you need to move on.
You didn't say what you wanted from the relationship this time around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were in love with him you would not have broken up with him because you were getting an MBA. Who can't be in love and study at the same time. I mean the perfect study break is sex.

Speaking of sex, if I were this guy, I would just take her from behind and pull her hair at the same time, then move on. She probably discusses this with her girlfriends while having fufu drinks at some bar.

That's not even remotely funny, PP.

[Anonymous]

OP here- I say this fully aware that I'll be mocked, but school was really really hard for me. I know lots of people who could just breeze through and it was easy. When my roommates could just study for an hour, it would take me like 5hrs to understand the same subject matter. My last year of school I didn't do anything except study!! It was really hard and honestly I couldn't handle anything else on top of school. Maybe he's just wanting ex-sex and I'm being stupid thinking he wants more. I just really like him, but maybe you're right and that ship has sailed.

[Anonymous]

OP here- I want a relationship with him. I don't want something casual or ex-sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I say this fully aware that I'll be mocked, but school was really really hard for me. I know lots of people who could just breeze through and it was easy. When my roommates could just study for an hour, it would take me like 5hrs to understand the same subject matter. My last year of school I didn't do anything except study!! It was really hard and honestly I couldn't handle anything else on top of school. Maybe he's just wanting ex-sex and I'm being stupid thinking he wants more. I just really like him, but maybe you're right and that ship has sailed.

Just tell him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I say this fully aware that I'll be mocked, but school was really really hard for me. I know lots of people who could just breeze through and it was easy. When my roommates could just study for an hour, it would take me like 5hrs to understand the same subject matter. My last year of school I didn't do anything except study!! It was really hard and honestly I couldn't handle anything else on top of school. Maybe he's just wanting ex-sex and I'm being stupid thinking he wants more. I just really like him, but maybe you're right and that ship has sailed.

Just tell him!

And tell him before you leave. If he is a decent guy and you are a decent woman, it needs to be discussed - why you are getting together, what you expect, etc. There is no such thing as sex without consequences in a situation like this. Let me guess - if it's Philly, you were at Wharton and things got tough. There is a lot of mate searching at business schools, not breaking up because it is a difficult program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I want a relationship with him. I don't want something casual or ex-sex.

That's not up for you to decide.