what would you do?? In laws sent my child an Ipad mini for his SIXTH birthday without asking

[Anonymous]

Just set guidelines for its use (car, once a year, whatever) and let the kid know. Send in laws thank you. Story over.

Not fair to kid to take his toy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"What a nice gift! Won't it be nice to use the next time we go on a long car ride! We'll put it in my closet until we need it. Now let's write Granny a nice note to thank her."

+1000

Perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The last I heard it is not mandatory to consult on gifts. You are being unreasonable. Do I think the gift was over the top? Yes, but life goes on. Move forward. You can't dictate what other people want to give as gifts. You can be really difficult about and drive a wedge between you and them or you can accept it and work with the gift. Like other people said, you are free to put restrictions on how it is used, etc.

Ehm...actually yes, you can. And you should. A gift should be something you give for someone, something they need or want. Not something YOU THINK they might need or want. You should always consult with the parents before giving children gifts. Always. That's the polite and nice thing to do, instead of just dropping something into a family whose rules and regulations you don't seem to know. Especially if you don't know if your gift is appropriate - ask! The grandparents don't have much contact she said, so clearly they don't know the screen time rules. They have to ask before dropping a screen time gift into a child's life then.

You have a very warped sense of etiquette. From my perspective you have it exactly backwards. No, you should NOT dictate what people give you. That's about as rude a practice as I can imagine. It is ungracious and really frowned upon. This is the attitude of bridezillas who say "No boxed gifts", put out a money tree, or make caustic remarks when people gift something that was not on their overindulgent registry.

Yes, it is polite if the gifters ask the giftee what they would like, but if they don't, it is the height of rudeness to disdain a gift, especially a generous one, that was given otherwise.

Frankly, with your attitude, you don't deserve gifts. I'm sorry that you teach your children such backwards etiquette.

[Anonymous]

Wow, OP, I really don't get these rude responses to you. I completely agree with you on the inappropriateness of the gift. It is way, way overstepping to buy a child that expensive a gift, and especially not a technology gift, since technology requires so much supervision and also touches on your parenting philosophy regarding screen time, etc - certainly it is not something that should be foisted on a family without checking first.

I would have your DH say something like, "Thank you for Joey's birthday gift. It was kind of you to think of him. During his two hours of screen time a week [or whatever your limit is], he will enjoy using it. We appreciate your generosity, but we do feel a little bad that you spent so much money on an expensive gift that he won't get a lot of use out of. We would be happy to talk with you next year about your gift ideas so we can all be on the same page when planning for his birthday!"

Ugh, I would never say anything like that to my in laws, it seems rude. I would limit his use of an ipad, but they don't need to know that. Your note seems really passive aggressive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"What a nice gift! Won't it be nice to use the next time we go on a long car ride! We'll put it in my closet until we need it. Now let's write Granny a nice note to thank her."

+1

[Anonymous]

How come you didn't buy one when he was 3. Don't handicap your kid from technology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The last I heard it is not mandatory to consult on gifts. You are being unreasonable. Do I think the gift was over the top? Yes, but life goes on. Move forward. You can't dictate what other people want to give as gifts. You can be really difficult about and drive a wedge between you and them or you can accept it and work with the gift. Like other people said, you are free to put restrictions on how it is used, etc.

Ehm...actually yes, you can. And you should. A gift should be something you give for someone, something they need or want. Not something YOU THINK they might need or want. You should always consult with the parents before giving children gifts. Always. That's the polite and nice thing to do, instead of just dropping something into a family whose rules and regulations you don't seem to know. Especially if you don't know if your gift is appropriate - ask! The grandparents don't have much contact she said, so clearly they don't know the screen time rules. They have to ask before dropping a screen time gift into a child's life then.

You have a very warped sense of etiquette. From my perspective you have it exactly backwards. No, you should NOT dictate what people give you. That's about as rude a practice as I can imagine. It is ungracious and really frowned upon. This is the attitude of bridezillas who say "No boxed gifts", put out a money tree, or make caustic remarks when people gift something that was not on their overindulgent registry.

Yes, it is polite if the gifters ask the giftee what they would like, but if they don't, it is the height of rudeness to disdain a gift, especially a generous one, that was given otherwise.

Frankly, with your attitude, you don't deserve gifts. I'm sorry that you teach your children such backwards etiquette.

This is not about gifts for myself. This is about gifts for underaged children. There is a difference. Frankly I will not allow people to gift my children inappropriate gifts. I will not allow for knives or guns to be gifted to my 6 year old. I will not allow my six year old to be gifted his own TV. There are gifts that are inappropriate for children.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are the DIL from hell.

Just made me realize even more how fortunate I am to have the DIL that I do.

Seriously, you think that an iPad is going to impact your kids upbringing and values? I'd say it is more likely that your attitude, inability to show empathy as well as your basic lack of grace and good manners will have a greater impact.

Your OP revealed the basic issue ........ you don't like your in-laws and everything else emanates from that fact. I feel sorry for your children, your husband and your in-laws.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'd be annoyed too. I can't believe my 10 year old niece has her own iPhone. It just doesn't seem appropriate to me.

I agree with you that's it's 100% reasonable to want your children to receive age appropriate gifts and to explain to them that they can't have it just yet bc they are too young. But no need to say something to the in-laws unless the disparity between the kids continues. Then you start opening all packages from Gma and Gpa before you kids do to see what's in them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The last I heard it is not mandatory to consult on gifts. You are being unreasonable. Do I think the gift was over the top? Yes, but life goes on. Move forward. You can't dictate what other people want to give as gifts. You can be really difficult about and drive a wedge between you and them or you can accept it and work with the gift. Like other people said, you are free to put restrictions on how it is used, etc.

Ehm...actually yes, you can. And you should. A gift should be something you give for someone, something they need or want. Not something YOU THINK they might need or want. You should always consult with the parents before giving children gifts. Always. That's the polite and nice thing to do, instead of just dropping something into a family whose rules and regulations you don't seem to know. Especially if you don't know if your gift is appropriate - ask! The grandparents don't have much contact she said, so clearly they don't know the screen time rules. They have to ask before dropping a screen time gift into a child's life then.

You have a very warped sense of etiquette. From my perspective you have it exactly backwards. No, you should NOT dictate what people give you. That's about as rude a practice as I can imagine. It is ungracious and really frowned upon. This is the attitude of bridezillas who say "No boxed gifts", put out a money tree, or make caustic remarks when people gift something that was not on their overindulgent registry.

Yes, it is polite if the gifters ask the giftee what they would like, but if they don't, it is the height of rudeness to disdain a gift, especially a generous one, that was given otherwise.

Frankly, with your attitude, you don't deserve gifts. I'm sorry that you teach your children such backwards etiquette.

This is not about gifts for myself. This is about gifts for underaged children. There is a difference. Frankly I will not allow people to gift my children inappropriate gifts. I will not allow for knives or guns to be gifted to my 6 year old. I will not allow my six year old to be gifted his own TV. There are gifts that are inappropriate for children.

I have to agree with others -- you can't control what people give; you CAN control whether your kid has access to the gift or not.

When someone gives your child a gift, even one that is unequivocally inappropriate, you thank them. At home, you can put it away in a closet, sell it on eBay, or do whatever you think is best for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I have to agree with others -- you can't control what people give; you CAN control whether your kid has access to the gift or not.

When someone gives your child a gift, even one that is unequivocally inappropriate, you thank them. At home, you can put it away in a closet, sell it on eBay, or do whatever you think is best for your child.

I am going to disagree. The people I know would never gift our children anything, before talking to us first. Neither would I ever gift a child something without asking their parents. It's normal to me, it's normal to everyone I know. If I never tell someone that their gift was inappropriate, they will never know - you don't think they might WANT TO know? I sure would. If I gave a vegetarian family, of whom I don't know they are vegetarian, a gift card to a steakhouse...I'd sure like to know that that wasn't quite the best idea I've ever had.

But I guess that's just me, actually caring more about the feelings of the people getting gifts, than my own, giving gifts. I always thought giving gifts is about making other people happy - not about not getting my own feelings hurt...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be more upset and the inequality in gifts.

OP, I would confront them. One kid gets basically nothing (shirt that's way too big doesn't count) and the other gets and Ipad mini?

I would likely stop giving the gifts to the kids for a while.

They sound like regifters to be honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I have to agree with others -- you can't control what people give; you CAN control whether your kid has access to the gift or not.

When someone gives your child a gift, even one that is unequivocally inappropriate, you thank them. At home, you can put it away in a closet, sell it on eBay, or do whatever you think is best for your child.

I am going to disagree. The people I know would never gift our children anything, before talking to us first. Neither would I ever gift a child something without asking their parents. It's normal to me, it's normal to everyone I know. If I never tell someone that their gift was inappropriate, they will never know - you don't think they might WANT TO know? I sure would. If I gave a vegetarian family, of whom I don't know they are vegetarian, a gift card to a steakhouse...I'd sure like to know that that wasn't quite the best idea I've ever had.

But I guess that's just me, actually caring more about the feelings of the people getting gifts, than my own, giving gifts. I always thought giving gifts is about making other people happy - not about not getting my own feelings hurt...

It is absolutely kind and thoughtful of a gift-giver to ask first and make an effort to find the right gift, you're right about that.

That doesn't mean a recipient can EXPECT that a gift-giver will do that -- it's not a requirement, it's just a nice thing.

And if someone doesn't do that and gives a gift that misfires, no matter how badly, you say thank you and regift or sell or bury it in your backyard. What you don't do is go back to the giver and express your dissatisfaction with a GIFT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:haha Im a bitvh because I dont want my children to become spoiled brats who own their own expensive Ipads when they've been on this earth for only 6 years???!!! Really?!! What about saving some things to look forward to. My son only wanted a few toy planes from the Disney movie and some outdoor things...all things that were on his Amazon "wish list" he made. They chose to not consult with us and buy him a ridiculously inappropriate gift for his exclusive use. His brother, whose birthday was 3 months ago was given a sweatshirt BTW, but thanks for anticipating there would be fairness haha. Nope. I think I will put it away for a couple of years DONATE it. Great idea!!! Thanks all!

You are incredibly rude and controlling. Why do you have to be consulted about a gift?

[Anonymous]

There's no harm in saying thank you and explaining why that gift wasn't such a good idea - obviously you say thank you first and eventually have a private talk with the gifter later. I find it extremely important to let gift givers know when they are out of line. I am not talking about the wrong book or a wrong color sweater here. I am talking grandpa gifting a knife set for the 6th birthday, auntie gifting a playstation for the 3rd birthday, uncle gifting a laptop for the 8th birthday, cousin gifting a push up bra for the 10th birthday...that kind of stuff needs to be cleared up. It doesn't mean you have to be ungrateful, but those people are your friends and family, they should know and respect certain family rules, ethics, values, morals etc.