what would you do?? In laws sent my child an Ipad mini for his SIXTH birthday without asking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's no harm in saying thank you and explaining why that gift wasn't such a good idea - obviously you say thank you first and eventually have a private talk with the gifter later. I find it extremely important to let gift givers know when they are out of line. I am not talking about the wrong book or a wrong color sweater here. I am talking grandpa gifting a knife set for the 6th birthday, auntie gifting a playstation for the 3rd birthday, uncle gifting a laptop for the 8th birthday, cousin gifting a push up bra for the 10th birthday...that kind of stuff needs to be cleared up. It doesn't mean you have to be ungrateful, but those people are your friends and family, they should know and respect certain family rules, ethics, values, morals etc.

Please ,,,,,,,, let us not rationalize OP's crass and uncouth behavior. Her kids have access to an iPad. So what is the big deal about them using the gifted iPad with restrictions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Please ,,,,,,,, let us not rationalize OP's crass and uncouth behavior. Her kids have access to an iPad. So what is the big deal about them using the gifted iPad with restrictions?

It's a lot harder to explain to a 6 year old why he can not use something that was given to him specifically in any way he wants...than it is to explain that the family iPad can only be used under XYZ limitations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Please ,,,,,,,, let us not rationalize OP's crass and uncouth behavior. Her kids have access to an iPad. So what is the big deal about them using the gifted iPad with restrictions?

It's a lot harder to explain to a 6 year old why he can not use something that was given to him specifically in any way he wants...than it is to explain that the family iPad can only be used under XYZ limitations.

There is nothing that needs to be explained to a 6 year old as to why his use of a gifted iPad cannot be used without restrictions. All one needs to do is to tell the kid that is the way it is going to be. Also, I would tell the child who got the gift that he needs to share the use of the iPad with his sibling.

Why do we need to make everything more complicated than it should be? We place lots of restrictions on what kids are allowed to do and not allowed to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no harm in saying thank you and explaining why that gift wasn't such a good idea - obviously you say thank you first and eventually have a private talk with the gifter later. I find it extremely important to let gift givers know when they are out of line. I am not talking about the wrong book or a wrong color sweater here. I am talking grandpa gifting a knife set for the 6th birthday, auntie gifting a playstation for the 3rd birthday, uncle gifting a laptop for the 8th birthday, cousin gifting a push up bra for the 10th birthday...that kind of stuff needs to be cleared up. It doesn't mean you have to be ungrateful, but those people are your friends and family, they should know and respect certain family rules, ethics, values, morals etc.

Please ,,,,,,,, let us not rationalize OP's crass and uncouth behavior. Her kids have access to an iPad. So what is the big deal about them using the gifted iPad with restrictions?

whats not to understand here? OP is not saying she doesn't think a child should have access to an Ipad. OP is saying that OWNERSHIP of an electronic device is not something she wants for her children. Period. Compare that to a parent who allows a child to watch the family room TV but doesnt want that same child to have a TV in their room. Or, a teenager who is allowed to use their parent's car but does not get their OWN car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Please ,,,,,,,, let us not rationalize OP's crass and uncouth behavior. Her kids have access to an iPad. So what is the big deal about them using the gifted iPad with restrictions?

It's a lot harder to explain to a 6 year old why he can not use something that was given to him specifically in any way he wants...than it is to explain that the family iPad can only be used under XYZ limitations.

Really, it's not that hard. We're a 1 child, 1 parent family, which means that things that would, in other households, be "family" things sometimes end up being "his" things because there's no one to share it with.

I don't have any trouble telling him "here are the rules" for using something.

If the OP is worried about her child becoming a spoiled brat, she should probably think about the fact that she seems hesitant to set limits and that it's OK for kids to have wishlists and expect people to stick to them. Those things are going to be a far bigger predictor of "brat" behavior than the fact that her child is living in a 3 ipad house instead of a 2 ipad house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no harm in saying thank you and explaining why that gift wasn't such a good idea - obviously you say thank you first and eventually have a private talk with the gifter later. I find it extremely important to let gift givers know when they are out of line. I am not talking about the wrong book or a wrong color sweater here. I am talking grandpa gifting a knife set for the 6th birthday, auntie gifting a playstation for the 3rd birthday, uncle gifting a laptop for the 8th birthday, cousin gifting a push up bra for the 10th birthday...that kind of stuff needs to be cleared up. It doesn't mean you have to be ungrateful, but those people are your friends and family, they should know and respect certain family rules, ethics, values, morals etc.

Please ,,,,,,,, let us not rationalize OP's crass and uncouth behavior. Her kids have access to an iPad. So what is the big deal about them using the gifted iPad with restrictions?

whats not to understand here? OP is not saying she doesn't think a child should have access to an Ipad. OP is saying that OWNERSHIP of an electronic device is not something she wants for her children. Period. Compare that to a parent who allows a child to watch the family room TV but doesnt want that same child to have a TV in their room. Or, a teenager who is allowed to use their parent's car but does not get their OWN car.

Do you realize what you are saying? The child has "ownership" of something that the parent can withhold or restrict use anytime the parent things is appropriate. A parent can tell a teenager that he/she is not allowed to use his car - or use it with restrictions - which was probably bought for him by his parents.

Children don't have free rein over things they own especially at the age of six years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Please ,,,,,,,, let us not rationalize OP's crass and uncouth behavior. Her kids have access to an iPad. So what is the big deal about them using the gifted iPad with restrictions?

It's a lot harder to explain to a 6 year old why he can not use something that was given to him specifically in any way he wants...than it is to explain that the family iPad can only be used under XYZ limitations.

Why? Both my kids have iPads since they were 5. Our rules are: no iPad, TV or video games during the school week. On the weekends they have 2 hours to use any of those. They have received video games, an iPad mini, and their uncle gave them an XBox. The rules still apply and that's it. We've had no issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Please ,,,,,,,, let us not rationalize OP's crass and uncouth behavior. Her kids have access to an iPad. So what is the big deal about them using the gifted iPad with restrictions?

It's a lot harder to explain to a 6 year old why he can not use something that was given to him specifically in any way he wants...than it is to explain that the family iPad can only be used under XYZ limitations.

Why? Both my kids have iPads since they were 5. Our rules are: no iPad, TV or video games during the school week. On the weekends they have 2 hours to use any of those. They have received video games, an iPad mini, and their uncle gave them an XBox. The rules still apply and that's it. We've had no issues.

you have no issues now but what are they going to want next? Sounds like they have a lot of technology IMO. I think the OP and the PP are thinking of the bigger picture ---there are some things children would be better off owning when they are a little older. You know...when they can truly appreciate that special something being theirs

[Anonymous]

Why? Both my kids have iPads since they were 5. Our rules are: no iPad, TV or video games during the school week. On the weekends they have 2 hours to use any of those. They have received video games, an iPad mini, and their uncle gave them an XBox. The rules still apply and that's it. We've had no issues.


10 years from now what will they wish for---car, boat, horse, 4 wheeler, plane..

[Anonymous]

Put the mini away until the other child is gifted one, even if that takes several years. Then simply replace the new device with the old. Otherwise, you are going to have fighting in your car/house over it. DH should tell his parents that this is the best solution for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put the mini away until the other child is gifted one, even if that takes several years. Then simply replace the new device with the old. Otherwise, you are going to have fighting in your car/house over it. DH should tell his parents that this is the best solution for your family.

*replace the old with the new

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Please ,,,,,,,, let us not rationalize OP's crass and uncouth behavior. Her kids have access to an iPad. So what is the big deal about them using the gifted iPad with restrictions?

It's a lot harder to explain to a 6 year old why he can not use something that was given to him specifically in any way he wants...than it is to explain that the family iPad can only be used under XYZ limitations.

Why? Both my kids have iPads since they were 5. Our rules are: no iPad, TV or video games during the school week. On the weekends they have 2 hours to use any of those. They have received video games, an iPad mini, and their uncle gave them an XBox. The rules still apply and that's it. We've had no issues.

you have no issues now but what are they going to want next? Sounds like they have a lot of technology IMO. I think the OP and the PP are thinking of the bigger picture ---there are some things children would be better off owning when they are a little older. You know...when they can truly appreciate that special something being theirs

Which is fine -- say thank you to the in-laws, and then explain to your kid that it's not appropriate for them to have the mini right now, and you're going to set it aside for when they're a little older.


The issue for me isn't whether or not an iPad is an appropriate gift -- that's completely going to vary from family to family, and OP is well within her rights to make whatever decision works for her & her kids.

The issue for me is whether or not she should say anything to the in-laws, and I come down firmly on the no side.

[Anonymous]

You know what...there isn't going to be an agreement on this. People handle themselves too differently.

OP. If YOU feel this needs to be addressed with your in-laws so they know for the future: Go for it.
OP. If YOU want to donate the iPad, set rules, give it back, whatever: Go for it.

This is a clear "Different people, different opinions" matter so let's just stop arguing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know what...there isn't going to be an agreement on this. People handle themselves too differently.

OP. If YOU feel this needs to be addressed with your in-laws so they know for the future: Go for it.
OP. If YOU want to donate the iPad, set rules, give it back, whatever: Go for it.

This is a clear "Different people, different opinions" matter so let's just stop arguing.

DH should be on the same page and tell his parents what your joint decision/family policy is. Whenever I see one of these posts, I know a passive husband is to responsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know what...there isn't going to be an agreement on this. People handle themselves too differently.

OP. If YOU feel this needs to be addressed with your in-laws so they know for the future: Go for it.
OP. If YOU want to donate the iPad, set rules, give it back, whatever: Go for it.

This is a clear "Different people, different opinions" matter so let's just stop arguing.

DH should be on the same page and tell his parents what your joint decision/family policy is. Whenever I see one of these posts, I know a passive husband is to responsible.

Whenever I see one of these posts, I know we are dealing with a domineering wife who has issues with her in-laws and looks to find fault with everything they do.