Wisdom from Moms of Older Kids- When is the right time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you wait so late in life to have children then turn them over to someone else to raise? Think about how much time you really spend with your children if you work full time at any age...

Oh and BYW, I have been home since 6 months after my first was born and I wouldn't change a thing. 3children now, elem./middle/ Sometimes I think it would be easier to work full time outside of the home because at home moms work 24 hours a day. If work is your thing maybe you can do some at home work but fair warning - it is tough. If you can swing it financially and you want to be home my advice is stay home. It goes by very fast.

[Anonymous]

What has worked for us is that I work at home full-time which has made things so much easier. I get to pick the kids up from school, I can volunteer during the day and I'm home in the afternoon. This works for us, but its a really a personal issues and uou new to think about it carefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Empty nester here. My advice in a nutshell: stay home as long as you possibly can. Yes, through high school if possible. It matters to the kids ALOT. In subtle and more obvious ways. They won't thank you while they are home, but will thank you later. You don't get those years back.

+1

Middle and high school years are extremely important and difficult. Not a time to abandon them to after school activities and housekeepers.

But giving up your career is a tough decision. Can you go part time, OP? I would have chosen that route were it available to me. I can't go back to work now, since I've been out too long, so my career is over. I'm struggling to start a home-based business that I can do while the kids are in school, and after they go to college. If only I'd been able to keep my foot in the door with part time work. You'll enjoy the freedom for the first year, and then you'll start getting restless, OP, if you're like me and loved your job. The workplace is still basically a man's world, not child or family friendly. Needs to evolve a lot in that respect, but it's too late for me. My kids come first, so I've made my choice and suffered the consequences, but my children have not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a similar position. My kids are 6 and 3. I'm probably going to quit in next year or so. As my 6 yr old has gotten more involved in after school sports and the homework load increases, I really have started to have a 2nd job after work. Between getting dinner on the table, driving to activities, and monitoring homework, there's just too much happening between 6-8pm and no one is relaxed.

If I could do the laundry, go grocery shopping, maintain the household, set up appointments, pack lunch for the next day and start dinner all before 3pm, that would free up a lot my time in the evenings. The ability to start activities at 3:30 would also reduce the stress in the household. Then of course, weekends would be free.

I see it starting now and now letting up until college. I'm activity socking money away now in anticipation of going down to one income in the near future.

This was my experience exactly. Yes the children are in the school building during the day, but they needed a lot of my time and attention the second they got out until well into the evening. So I used the morning hours to relax and have some "me time" and then started "work" early afternoon until at least 8:30 to 9:00 at night. I would have gone insane if I had tried to do that plus work outside the home. I was lucky I didn't have to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Highly personal. I loved being at home with DS when he was 0-6. Now he is on school property or engaging in an organized activity (at which I am not present) from 8 a.m. to 5:00 pm most days. Soccer, chess, instruments, math club, student council, etc.

Me personally, I don't see the point of "staying at home" while DS is in another building, by law or by his choice, KWIM? What would be the point for me to sit at home while he is not even here?

To be fair, SAMs don't "sit at home" and wait for DCs to come home. KWIM?

THIS. Or maybe the PP has a house cleaner, cook, etc.. or doesn't clean the house, laundry, clean up yard, grocery shopping, errands etc... When I was SAHM for a couple of years when DCs were at school, I hardly ever sat down, just to eat (sometimes I ate standing while doing something else) and go to the bathroom. Now PT WFH. House is not as clean as it used to be, but living with it.

OP, go PT if you can. I know it's hard to find PT work these days, esp. if you are a professional.

[Anonymous]

Due to a relocation I'll be transitioning out of the workforce (executive in a non-profit educational setting); it'll be the first time I've not worked in 26 years. DC will be in 3rd grade. It's been a very tough decision but one that I'm anticipating happily. I feel very lucky that we are able to take this step and won't miss the income terribly (COLA is lower in new city, cost of childcare will drop, cost of clothing, dry cleaning, etc.). I have told people that I feel like I'm going to get to know my DC and I really do feel like that. I don't know ultimately how it will go, and a lot of friends and family are convinced I will quickly go crazy with so much time on my hands, but I am excited and in some ways just wish I'd leaned out earlier. Good luck OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you wait so late in life to have children then turn them over to someone else to raise? Think about how much time you really spend with your children if you work full time at any age...

Oh and BYW, I have been home since 6 months after my first was born and I wouldn't change a thing. 3children now, elem./middle/ Sometimes I think it would be easier to work full time outside of the home because at home moms work 24 hours a day. If work is your thing maybe you can do some at home work but fair warning - it is tough. If you can swing it financially and you want to be home my advice is stay home. It goes by very fast.

Try it, then. I assure you it is much, much harder, unless you, too, compress all your housework/cooking/homework help/soccer driving into the post-work hours. Speaking as a former SAHM here, not someone who thinks she knows about a life she hasn't led.

OP, I agree it's a personal decision. Just couldn't let that comment slide.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I raised three with both of working full time. I loved my job and found it fulfilling. Now I am retired and am helping my kids so they can work and raise their kids. My daughters have told me they are glad I worked because I was a role model for them. Beware of the trap of having everything in your life revolve around the kids. its hard to believe but they will grow up and you will need to be on your own. Take a look at the thread about older moms calling their grown kids and annoying them because they have nothing to say but to complain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Empty nester here. My advice in a nutshell: stay home as long as you possibly can. Yes, through high school if possible. It matters to the kids ALOT. In subtle and more obvious ways. They won't thank you while they are home, but will thank you later. You don't get those years back.

Another mom of older kids here - One graduated from college last year. Three in college. Our youngest is a high school junior. I've been at home since the first one was born 24 years ago. I went back very part-time when my youngest started middle school.

They need you at home at every age, but in some ways those teen age years are the most critical. Mine have expressed many times how much they appreciated having mom at home. One if them mentioned it in a speech a couple of months ago.

Are you the military wife living in Florida?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I raised three with both of working full time. I loved my job and found it fulfilling. Now I am retired and am helping my kids so they can work and raise their kids. My daughters have told me they are glad I worked because I was a role model for them. Beware of the trap of having everything in your life revolve around the kids. its hard to believe but they will grow up and you will need to be on your own. Take a look at the thread about older moms calling their grown kids and annoying them because they have nothing to say but to complain.

+1 It is a very individual decision, but be aware a lot of things could change that may make you regret giving up your job: husband could get sick, you could get divorced, or you could find that staying at home is not as fulfilling as you imagined. I personally believe it is preferable for women to have the ability to support themselves and their children. Also working full time means more money for college and retirement. it is very difficult to restart a career after a long absence. My parents help out with my kids a lot, so I am very fortunate, and I definitely don't think my kids feel neglected. They do take care of themselves after school until my husband, parents or I get home to drive them to practice or other activities. They do their home work, watch TV, practice musical instruments or play video-games. One started a snow shoveling/grass cutting business with a friend ( He is in 8th grade) and is saving money for college! I do notice they seem more mature, independent, and self-directed, then some of their friends with SAHMs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you wait so late in life to have children then turn them over to someone else to raise? Think about how much time you really spend with your children if you work full time at any age...

Oh and BYW, I have been home since 6 months after my first was born and I wouldn't change a thing. 3children now, elem./middle/ Sometimes I think it would be easier to work full time outside of the home because at home moms work 24 hours a day. If work is your thing maybe you can do some at home work but fair warning - it is tough. If you can swing it financially and you want to be home my advice is stay home. It goes by very fast.

Try it, then. I assure you it is much, much harder, unless you, too, compress all your housework/cooking/homework help/soccer driving into the post-work hours. Speaking as a former SAHM here, not someone who thinks she knows about a life she hasn't led.

OP, I agree it's a personal decision. Just couldn't let that comment slide.

Having done both too, I think WOH can be easier depending on childcare. If you have daycare, WOH is harder. But if you have a nanny or the equivalent who can drive kids around and do some of household chores (laundry, groceries, etc. . .), WOH is easier than SAH.

[Anonymous]

Would not advise stepping out of the workforce entirely. At least continue to keep up and try to get PT if you can. Many women I know come to regret it because the empty nest is tough. Not to mention, speaking from experience, the teen years for kids are BUSY for them. Yes, they need their parents, and it's great to be able to connect in those rare moments between games/homework/PT jobs they have/friends etc. but you need something too! It's not good for teens to be hanging around for hours after school - they need to be doing sports/school activities/something. Seems strange for people to act as if the kids have this free time to hang out with mom and dad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sah makes you dumb. I am glad my mom worked ft and told me the interesting people she met at work as a doctor.

Actually it is blanket generalizations that make you dumb.

[Anonymous]

Only you can decide, OP.

I would love to find work and make money, but one of my children has special needs and it seems that there will never be a good year for me to work, if I could find it. Unless it's part-time, but then it wouldn't exactly pay very well.

Sigh. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

The years will go by faster and faster. Stay at home if you want to and if you can.