Wisdom from Moms of Older Kids- When is the right time?

[Anonymous]

I am a WOHM with 2 kids aged 7 and 4. I am debating quitting my job to be able to spend more time with the kids. I feel like I am missing out so much. In a few years they will grow up and would not need me anymore. I do like my job and the financial stability it brings. I hear people telling me that it is not worth it now as the kids are going to be in school 6 to 7 hours. I should have done it when they were little and at home. I also hear people saying that elementary years are easier and I should wait till they get in middle/ high school to quit as that's when it really matters for the parents to be around after school.

I want to get perspective of parents who have grown up kids. When is it more important for parents to be around- before they start school, elementary age, middle school or high school? If you worked, when do you think it would have made the most sense/ impact to be a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

What will make your life the most sane?

money and security? order and a predictable schedule?

No answer here. I know many family who have had many different scenarios. Most of the families/kids turned out fine.

[Anonymous]

Highly personal. I loved being at home with DS when he was 0-6. Now he is on school property or engaging in an organized activity (at which I am not present) from 8 a.m. to 5:00 pm most days. Soccer, chess, instruments, math club, student council, etc.

Me personally, I don't see the point of "staying at home" while DS is in another building, by law or by his choice, KWIM? What would be the point for me to sit at home while he is not even here?

[Anonymous]

I'm in a similar position. My kids are 6 and 3. I'm probably going to quit in next year or so. As my 6 yr old has gotten more involved in after school sports and the homework load increases, I really have started to have a 2nd job after work. Between getting dinner on the table, driving to activities, and monitoring homework, there's just too much happening between 6-8pm and no one is relaxed.

If I could do the laundry, go grocery shopping, maintain the household, set up appointments, pack lunch for the next day and start dinner all before 3pm, that would free up a lot my time in the evenings. The ability to start activities at 3:30 would also reduce the stress in the household. Then of course, weekends would be free.

I see it starting now and now letting up until college. I'm activity socking money away now in anticipation of going down to one income in the near future.

[Anonymous]

I've stayed at home since my kids were newborns. They are now late elementary/middle school. Every time I think about going back to work, something pops up to make me rethink it - the crazy number of school delays and closings for example. Among other things.

I agree that it is highly personal, no one right answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Highly personal. I loved being at home with DS when he was 0-6. Now he is on school property or engaging in an organized activity (at which I am not present) from 8 a.m. to 5:00 pm most days. Soccer, chess, instruments, math club, student council, etc.

Me personally, I don't see the point of "staying at home" while DS is in another building, by law or by his choice, KWIM? What would be the point for me to sit at home while he is not even here?

To be fair, SAMs don't "sit at home" and wait for DCs to come home. KWIM?

[Anonymous]

I quit 2 years ago, when my kids were 6, 4 and a baby. Totally disagree about it being too late. Honestly, the best part of being home has been the time with my older kids--getting to pick them up at school, help with homework, volunteer at their activities, etc. The baby is fun, but of course much harder work. (Now that he's 2, I really miss day care to help with the potty-training!) Can't speak to what it will be like in junior high, but I sure didn't like to spend much time with my parents during those years!

[Anonymous]

I say quit now and give some women who needs the money an opportunity, instead of leaning out. This is what gives women a bad name, no man would say these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say quit now and give some women who needs the money an opportunity, instead of leaning out. This is what gives women a bad name, no man would say these things.

Please go back to your "circle."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Highly personal. I loved being at home with DS when he was 0-6. Now he is on school property or engaging in an organized activity (at which I am not present) from 8 a.m. to 5:00 pm most days. Soccer, chess, instruments, math club, student council, etc.

Me personally, I don't see the point of "staying at home" while DS is in another building, by law or by his choice, KWIM? What would be the point for me to sit at home while he is not even here?

Very true and I understand. But, if he goes to public ms/hs then he is out at 2:10. I work part-time so I can leave by 3pm. Homework, activities start . It can get a bit hectic from 3-9pm. I just put this out there as some might not realize that ms/hs gets out so early. DS has been able to do a few things because I was off by 3 that he otherwise could not ( schools don't run a late bus everyday.) Anyway, changing for us as I will start staying later 3x week for a great opportunity.....but glad I had it for most of ms/hs.

[Anonymous]

Empty nester here. My advice in a nutshell: stay home as long as you possibly can. Yes, through high school if possible. It matters to the kids ALOT. In subtle and more obvious ways. They won't thank you while they are home, but will thank you later. You don't get those years back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say quit now and give some women who needs the money an opportunity, instead of leaning out. This is what gives women a bad name, no man would say these things.

Please go back to your "circle."

It's true. No man WOULD say that.

PP has a point.

With that said, I was out for 2 1/2 years. not my style, not my choice - But I had a difficult situation that I had to handle. When I returned, I went PT. Even the 2 1/2 years out hurt my pay. PT knocked down my pension. I am now FT with both kids in school. I did like PT can can't really justify it now. When my kids were in preschool, it worked out well. not such a useful option now

It did take about 5 years before I actually felt as though I had received an acceptable salary.

can't imagine giving up any part of my salary now, however!

But yes - men don't work this way. The expectation is that they work and not opt out. hard to hear for many women, as we tend to give in and give up instead of trying to change the workforce for the better

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Empty nester here. My advice in a nutshell: stay home as long as you possibly can. Yes, through high school if possible. It matters to the kids ALOT. In subtle and more obvious ways. They won't thank you while they are home, but will thank you later. You don't get those years back.

lol!

June Cleaver died a long time ago. I do believe Wally's wife has her pearls, however.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Empty nester here. My advice in a nutshell: stay home as long as you possibly can. Yes, through high school if possible. It matters to the kids ALOT. In subtle and more obvious ways. They won't thank you while they are home, but will thank you later. You don't get those years back.

Thank you. My kids are in upper elem., and I can tell it means a lot to them that I'm home. It makes the 4:00pm - 9:00pm times that I see them so much easier since I can get stuff done while they are at school. I really wish there were more flexible work options for women. When I worked, the part time option was practically full time, so it really wasn't very different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Empty nester here. My advice in a nutshell: stay home as long as you possibly can. Yes, through high school if possible. It matters to the kids ALOT. In subtle and more obvious ways. They won't thank you while they are home, but will thank you later. You don't get those years back.

Another mom of older kids here - One graduated from college last year. Three in college. Our youngest is a high school junior. I've been at home since the first one was born 24 years ago. I went back very part-time when my youngest started middle school.

They need you at home at every age, but in some ways those teen age years are the most critical. Mine have expressed many times how much they appreciated having mom at home. One if them mentioned it in a speech a couple of months ago.